I was sitting behind a young mom at church the other day who was holding a large 2 1/2 year old in her lap for an hour and a half. The little girl in her lap seemed sweet natured but wiggly, giggly, active and talkative–in a normal tone of voice. I admired the mom holding her, but know that she was worn out after the service.
When my children were various ages, we often found ourselves in places–not just church, where they needed to be quiet or sit still–in the car when I was talking to friends, at doctor’s offices and church and concerts and restaurants. I found that if I prepared them ahead of time and told them what to expect and how long it would take it helped them immensely to be able to be quieter.
I wanted them to learn that church was a holy place–where out of honor to God, we would use a quiet voice, very gentle actions and that they were such “big” girls and “boys” for being able to sit still to show God honor. Training, training, training all the time before they were in a place where I had expectations of them.
I also traveled with a bag of tricks, to so speak, that was never used for any other occasion. Depending on the age of the child, there would be a boxed juice and little container of cheerios or gold fish or small fruit leather–only to be used at the later part of their patience. Colored pencils when they were older, puzzle books, I spy books, finger toys for babies, as well as soft blankies to comfort. Joel was my car man and he loved, loved drawing and or just holding toy cars. He drew a million jeeps in his growing up years. I had a sketch pad for each one. All were quiet toys to be used when they needed to be quiet or sit still. The food and drink were only used in appropriate places and appropriate times. But I always kept this bag loaded in the car and looked at the dollar store for new stickers or little quiet things to add so there would always be something new.
At Christmas, Clay once ordered each of the kids a Land’s end travel bag with their name on it–in different colors for each child. The he spent a couple of months filling each bag with paper airplane books, books on tape with a small cd player, challenges, mysteries, little toys, coloring books and quiz books and all sorts of treasures.
We kept each child’s brief case in the car and it gave them hours and hours of pleasure over the years when we were on trips and when they were waiting on us. We never used dvds in the car as we didn’t want media to become a habit when there were so many creative things to do. When the family culture is to listen to long books on tape in the car, all learn to improve their listening skills and it feeds their brains with great literature and exciting stories. You can accomplish a lot when you keep books on tape or other creative entertainment for the cd player. Teaching children to listen is all a part of shaping their appetites. If they are used to too much tv or movie entertainment, they will complain when they have to listen to a book or draw or stare out the window and imagine life. It is the moms and dads who build the habits for their children. All kids can learn to give up media if they are provided alternatives and if you hold to your decision. Never in the history of mankind did children have movies in the car till now.
I do not want to create guilt for anyone. We are all free to make the best decisions for our family. ( a strategic Winnie the Pooh saved us through many ear infections at home), In the car, there are so many things to see that offer food for thought and creativity and it is a great place to disciple your children with great conversation and great music. Especially during the junior high and high school ages. We reserve the right to say all ipods off when we want to talk or listen to something as a family. Because it is an expectation, our kids never questioned it.
It also taught our children that there were places to be quiet and to sit still and exercise self-control. We had lots of fun and to this day, they all travel with fun stuff to use on long trips and places where they will have to wait. (on the plane or a long car trip, my older children all download books on tape on their ipods, bring books, journals to write in and snacks.) Fun to see the habit stuck in their own adult lives.
Touch and back scratching can soothe a child that is ready to blow. My mom also taught me a trick when I was a little girl–she would take one of my hands and pull slowly on each finger until she had covered all ten and then she might do it again if needed.
The happiest children are those who are kept engaged by planning on the part of the parent and it trains children to learn to entertain themselves and to listen.
I was “blessed” two years ago to have both the CD player and DVD player in our van broken by a child who shall remain nameless
In the time since, we have traveled cross-country and on smaller road trips with almost no entertainment save books, drawing pads, and card games. The benefit has been that all three of my still-young children can ride for hours with nothing to do but look out the window or be read to by their brother! We’re due for a newer car, but that DVD player will stay silent–there are too many great habits being trained to turn it on! (And when the trips get really long, I use my iPod to play Adventures in Odyssey dramas–a huge treat when you’re not used to music in the car anymore!!)
Thank you for these helpful hints, Sally!! Off to look at Lands’ End for Christmas bags . . .
I remember when my ex husband bought 2 of the kids their first gameboys for the car. It did change the way we acted on our road trips. I liked it better when my husband would read to them while I was driving or just play silly games or something with them. It wasn’t long until each of them (6) had different personal electronic devices and we were constantly telling them to “turn it down, I shouldn’t hear your cd above the van stereo, especially if you are in the back seat.” Even when Dad read, only some of them would shut off the games, cd’s or things to listen. It’s definitaley one thing I would love to have done differently. Hindsight is always 20/20, but having a mentor or a great friend who will help you see these things before you go down the wrong path is good. I may not be able to undo what has already been done with my children, but I can encourage others by sharing my stories as you do here, Sally. Thank you for sharing your heart and your family with all of us.
yes, special bags are a mom’s best friend sometimes.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom…
We call them “car bags” (original, I know) and they have been a lifesaver! My kids, ages 14, 10 and 8, still use them. We keep them filled up and ready to grab when we leave the house. They fill their own bags because they are older now, but I still love to surprise them with new things. Mad Libs has been the new craze, as well as Sudoku puzzles and, for my daughter, plastic canvas cross stitch projects. One thing that’s helped is that they are only allowed to play with these activities in the car. I never hear any moans or groans when we have to run errands!
Sally, I am so grateful for your happy approach to this topic. Sometimes, I get discouraged by the task of restocking that bag over and over again. You reminded me that it’s a pleasure… An avenue of peace and growth for our family! A little perspective can improve a situation by a mile.
To give back a little, I wanted to tag on two things that have worked well for us. First, when we attend a church with folding chairs, we bring our girls’ booster seats. (We noticed they were sliding through the wide-open backs; slipping around uncomfortably, etc.) They sit comfortably and quietly through the service!
Also, for both baby girls, I’d fill an empty plastic spice container with colorful puffballs. They LOVED dumping them out, and putting them back in, one at a time, over and over again. When they got a little older, I’d add a handful of toothpicks (not for the faint in heart; or for the adventurous child!). Our toddlers loved to poke the toothpicks through the holes in the lid, unscrew the lid, empty them out, poke them through again… A wonderful quiet activity that fits easily in a purse, hardly costs a cent, and provides hours of entertainment.
Sally, after years of reading blogs/forums/sites that promoted a rigid and legalistic approach to Christian mothering, yours is a breath of fresh air. Thanks for pointing moms to Christ! You encourage me!
I would add to this, that you can’t expect them to do in public what you haven’t trained at home. Training them to sit and be quiet (initially with little rewards and timers) for periods of time and building up really helps when you need them to do this in public.
We used plastic shoe boxes with snap-on lids when our children were young and called them “busy boxes.” They loved them and had something to do with their hands while listening to “Adventures in Odyssey” and “Story Hour” tapes. Our children are older now and we have graduated to larger books on CD, but they still like to bring along something to do with their hands while they listen. Thanks for all your great ideas. We learned about the Story Hour tapes from you and enjoyed them all. Our 11-year old twin daughters still pull them out from time to time while they fold towels at home or just want to relax.
Thank you! Such a timely reminder after a wiggly night at church last night. It is training, training, training. I appreciated what you said about the children learning self-control. Thank you for these encouragements!
Oh, we just love audiobooks. We’ve been known to drive for an hour on the way home from school when we only live 2 miles away, just because the kids want to sit in the car and listen to the story.
On road trips we always have a couple audiobooks and a few episodes of Adventures in Odessey. We also would find toys they haven’t played with in awhile or stop by the dollar store and pick up a few items. Then we’d wrap them like gifts and every hour or two (if they’d been kind and patient) they could unwrap one. They LOVED it.
We live in the town where we went to college and we go to all the football games. Those 4 hour games have been another great way to teach our children how to entertain themselves and play together nicely. The bonus for them is they can scream and yell whenever they want to.
I usually do stuff like this for car trips, but I’ve never thought to keep my car stocked for the ‘just in case’. That is a wonderful idea. We have a portable DVD player that we use on plane trips, but I’ve never wanted to try it on car trips. I have such wonderful memories of our road trips as a girl when we would listen to books on tape or make up stories involving the terrain we were driving through.
I always keep a few items in my diaper bag – one or two books, three little tubs of playdough (which has saved us more than once in a restaurant) and a few crayons… Now that my kids are a little bit older and we don’t cart around the diaper bag anymore, I think it is definitely time for car bags.
Thanks for the inspiration!