“In the absence of Biblical conviction, people will go the way of culture.” SBCLast night, a friend sent me a 3 minute video tape from a prominent Christian speaker. This was a small, personal video and so I am keeping the details private so that no one can guess who it is.
To protect this woman’s reputation, I will not write the part of what she said that began to eat at me. But, basically, what I heard was, “It’s a hard culture for teens. It is normal for teens to rebel. Don’t be too hard on yourself. God is still in control.”
I do not want to be critical of those in the body who are also being used by God. So forgive me if I am reacting too much.
Now, I know that some will rebel–it happened even to Jesus with His disciples–(but He did after all reach the hearts of 11)–but she said, it is normal, you can expect it. She was saying that we are all subject to circumstances and that we have no power over the pull of culture on our children’s lives. “Just keep walking with the Lord, even though your children will probably rebel!”
I am not saying that if you are a good parent, you will have perfect children. But if I have a minute to speak about this nationally, I am going to encourage parents to engage, hold on, instruct, love, win, and keep seeking God and His ways, no matter what else the cultural norm is.
Some may ask why I am reacting to this, after all, we cannot say everything we want to in just a few seconds when we are put on the spot.
But perhaps for me, it hit a nerve, because of all the criticism I have received over the years for staying at home with my children–for choosing to give up my time to disciple them, to love and teach them, to put up with the messes, to correct one more attitude, to stay up late, get up early. On interviews, I have been challenged. With publishers, I have been questioned. With church leaders, I have been called extreme. As far as my children are concerned, every battle won in their lives, close relationships with them, were hard fought every step of the way—but it was worth the investment.
So many in the professional world said, “Don’t give up your ministry to stay home with children.” or “You could write so many more books and do so much more speaking if you would just not expect so much of yourself in your home with your children.”
I just want to come out on the side of championing the cause of those moms who are giving up their lives for their children because they think it will make a difference. Some, working at odd jobs at night or giving up a large salary, working 1 or 2 days a week in order to be more engaged with their children. Some living on very limited salaries and with small homes and old cars, because of choosing to seek to spend time with their children at home in order to reach their hearts for Christ.
Some of my best friends, who are wonderful parents, have had children who have gone down he wrong path. But, we are not to take it passively–Jesus told Peter, “Satan has desired to sift you like wheat. But I have prayed for you that when you return you will strengthen the brethren.” Engaged, instructing, involved, encouraging–not just passive.
Now it is true that we are in difficult times and the culture pulls at our children’s hearts and some may go astray. But that doesn’t mean all will-and it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fight for their hearts, give them a reason to be faithful, seek to make our home the best place they will ever be, so that they will want to be with us and love the God we love and serve.
Has she ever heard of Daniel? Has she ever understood that Biblical principles don’t just apply to a woman for her quiet time, but that our God wants to use moms, normal moms, to civilize the world through their homes, though their children–what about Proverbs 8, 9, 31, Titus 2, and on and on.
Has she met some of these wonderful 20 somethings that came from our homes and love God and love His kingdom work, who, though tested, came out passionate for His kingdom? But these results were not accidental–they were by God’s design.
Here, this national figure, who is known to be a Bible study leader, had a perfect opportunity to talk about God’s plan of discipleship–of passing on righteousness in every generation. That we are stewards of their hearts, minds, emotions, morals and lives, regardless of the educational option we choose. That God’s design was to pass on His purposes and a love for Him in every generation through the home–a mom and dad, responsible for their spiritual and moral instruction.
So, it is not just that she didn’t say something more meaningful–but that so many leaders don’t say anything meaningful to spur moms on to this high calling.
Yet, again, I saw, that in the absence of Biblical training, instruction, understanding of the word, especially if women are hearing this from Christian “leaders” or not hearing the message of “Do the hard thing.” , then they will naturally go the way of culture–give up the responsibility of their children to others to raise, not worry about television, culture, media, peer pressure. It is just the norm for teens to rebel.
Then, this happened this morning.
A sweet mom who is a friend of Clay and my secretary Jennice, asked me to speak for 5-8 minutes today to a very small group of moms–a local mom’s club, in our area, who are considering different schooling options for their children. I was a little pressed, not because I didn’t want to encourage these moms, but I am leaving for Michigan tomorrow, will be home for 3 days and then leave again for California. I have so much to do. So many things to prepare–packing, arranging for Joy’s retreat this weekend; leaving good food for Clay and Joy; getting my notes together and reviewing my talks for this weekend, emails, wash clothes, etc. You know the piles we moms have every day! And so I did not feel like I had the time…….
But, I knew that the Lord wanted me to do this–felt convicted in my heart. I was the homeschooling mom–the homeschooling option–tell about it in 5 minutes or less. Then there was the public school option, classical academy, arts, pre-school, kindergarten, etc. About 10 speakers all together.
The moms who attended were very sweet and open and responsive to the speakers.
However, I was struck by what ignorance or misleading amongst the women who presented–all very concerned women and sincere–but still, from all that I read and research, were misleading. ”You can leave your preschoolers here at the high school at 7 and come back and 6 and not have to worry about them all day.”
Another, “Look at this big curriculum on math and science. We will give your 3 year old an educational advantage that will serve them the rest of their lives–starting them at 3 in this public arena is the most important foundation for their future.”
No, I hate to say I disagree. Science and math at 3 is not the most important thing.
These are some of the personal comments I heard after the talks:
“For those of you who are tired of your children bothering you all day, let us give you a break. We will make sure these children learn to stay on their mats, but we won’t interfere with them too much.”
“Some moms are just not children types and are not gifted to be able to teach or discipline their children.”
“I am just not the type to stay home and spend time with children. My gifts are better used with adults. I wouldn’t know what to do anyway.”
Hogwash! (I am sorry, I know this is too strong a word and someone reading this will get mad at me for th
is.)
I was not a “natural” mom–I had never even changed a diaper. I am allergic to housework. Didn’t know what to do all day with my children–but then I kept reading the Bible and knew that the Holy Spirit was telling me that I was responsible to whisper the secrets of the Kingdom of God into the lives, minds hearts of my children.
Now I am not talking about educational choices, as I trust God to work in a number of different ways, according to each family and each area of the world. Each country and each family and region has a different puzzle to solve. (Though, it was my own personal Biblical convictions that led me to homeschool and I love it and am passionate about it to anyone who wants to hear!)
But, I am talking about responsibility—we are responsible to direct our children’s lives. We are called to give up our lives, as Jesus gave up His life for us, for the well being of training, loving and preparing our children for life–eternal life. Nothing great was ever accomplished without great sacrifice!”
Has anyone ever read the verse, “Woe to the one who causes the least of these little ones to stumble. It would be worse for him than if a millstone was hung around his neck and he was thrown into the deepest part of the sea.”
Jesus had a pretty strong opinion about what we would face if we willingly put our children in harm’s way–he said that little children were what the kingdom was made of–we cannot be a mature Christian and get rid of the “burden” of having children by giving the training of them to others–can’t be spiritual and ignore the responsibility of our children’s souls.
But, in the end, I was refreshed or maybe re-educated as to what was going on out there in the world. Women are not hearing that choices have consequences--that their children’s hearts, minds, morals and future is dependent on the vision and faithfulness of mothers in this generation.
“What does it profit a mom to gain the whole world, and lose their children’s soul?” (paraphrase, mine.)
They are not hearing that if mother’s do not take initiative now to be personally responsible for their children, there will not be a future generation of adults with excellent character, Biblical convictions, leadership qualities–and children who will have learned that family is important, marriage is of great value to God and that we are responsible for the world hearing the truth in our generation.
As God said to Isaiah, “Who will I send.” Let the response be, “Send me.”
Every year about this time, I begin to pray about and consider, “Lord, when do you think Clay and I should retire from these mom’s conferences? I am a little tired and getting older and traveling is not as easy as it used to be. I would like to stay home more–keep my children home with me. Maybe women have heard these messages and know your Biblical design.”
And then something like this happens to wake me up! How can I go to heaven and look Jesus in the face unless I take responsibility for what I know? How can I leave these sweet moms to the wolves of culture? I must redouble my efforts to speak, write, teach, train, and give everything I have, for the sake of Christ’s cause and for the sake of the next generation.
And so I gave away almost all the books I brought–even though very few women came by my table. I want to get these messages in the hands of everyone I can.
Will you help me?
Invite moms to the mom’s conferences where they will hear and be refreshed in their divine call as a mom. mom Heart Conferences 2010
Give away our books to moms, to leaders, to moms of babies. Help us get the word out in whatever ways the Holy Spirit brings to your mind. Connect your friends in some way to our website, blogs, and those other blogs and websites that promote a Biblical, gracious, purposeful, intentional instruction for Mom’s to live a grace-filled, but spiritually purposeful life.
Pray for God to raise up women leaders who have a heart in the grand arena of the world who will represent these views. Encourage and pray for bloggers, writers, leaders who lead groups along the lines of these Biblical beliefs. Support the ministries and organizations financially that seek to get these messages out.
It is not God’s will for us to be consumers of great books, messages, blogs. It is His will that we become producers, and give back what we ourselves have been given.
I will do my share to keep writing and speaking and giving out books as long as He opens doors for me to do so.
What will you do?
If you know these Biblical secrets, He will hold you responsible for doing what you can to help, to encourage, to instruct and pray for other moms, whose children need to be trained for His kingdom.
So now, I am “fired up” to go into the rest of these conferences boldly, enthusiastically, with the truth–to teach Biblical principles–until I go to see Him face to face. He has children on His mind. I want Him to be pleased with my life, because I have children on my mind, too.
Please pray for our health, protection, guidance, strength and wisdom, as we seek to help as many families and moms in the months ahead.
Thanks for letting me vent! Forgive me if I have offended anyone–it is not my heart to do so unnecessarily. God’s grace and peace to you.
You are a true blessing. Jesus was called a lion and a lamb, let it be the same for us moms when it comes to our children and family.
Thank you for standing on the front lines of this battle and fighting for Godly moms everywhere! Your passion leads and strengthens us! Thank you!!
Much Love,
Courtney
http://www.womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com
Bravo!!! Exhort and preach it, friend!! We need the truth is plain, simple speech like this. You are right – many women are falling for the world’s ways and idea and man’s wisdom. Hogwash is not too strong a word at all…that’s what it is! I praise God for stirring up a fire and renewing your passion and fevor. God’s using you. Be encouraged and of good cheer!!!
Thank you, Sally, and amen to your words! It is amazing the things that Christians of today have been brainwashed into thinking–or rather, into not thinking about at all! I find that as a homeschooling mom, we tend to surround ourselves with those who believe as we do, and it comes as a real shock sometimes when we are thrust into the “real world” with all these moms who don’t think that way! It is heartbreaking indeed to see how many mothers are forfeiting their divine right and responsibility for the education–spiritual and otherwise–of their children.
And hogwash is a perfectly acceptable word for me!
In His grace,
Heather
http://www.growninhisgrace.blogspot.com
Yeah! Thank you for this post!! I say that all the time but this time I really really really mean it! I passed this along to my small group moms and some women who are considering homeschooling. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Righteous anger is a good thing Sally! We should be angry at the way Satan has tricked mums of our day in and out of the church to believe that this high calling to motherhood is second rate, that loving our husbands and children is not a priority and that we should have the ‘right’ to want to have them ‘taken off our hands’.
year old daughter was in her room after having completed her chores, singing, “Here I am to worship” at the top of her lungs, arms flung heavenward in worship. “Mum”, she came to me when it was finished, “Do you think today we can just all gather in my room and sing worship to Jesus?”
Yes, every person must make their own choice to follow the Lord but I want our children to be given the best fighting chance they can have at finding the WAY, the TRUTH and the LIFE! I want them to have the best chance they can to form a loving relationship with their Maker and Saviour from the earliest of times (just as Paul’s young friend Timothy knew the scriptures from ”infancy’).
I praise the Lord for women like you, dear Sally, who have helped me to see what treasure I have here in my home right now! What joy I have even in the midst of trials! What grace is mine, what wisdom too – all gifted to me by my Heavenly Father who wants me to love His children that He has blessed us with in HIS WAYS, for HIS GLORY, for HIS KINDGOM!!!!
I stand with you Sally! I am crying as I write this friend, because I feel I have this exact calling upon my life – to share with other mums the high calling of motherhood for His name’s sake!
This morning, my 7 (nearly
“Yes! Of course we can darling!!!”
What a joy and privilege is mine; mine that I once may never even have known I was missing out on.
I just wanted to encourage you today loving sister, to keep fighting this wonderful fight and trumpeting the cause of mother’s who want to continually surrender their hearts to Jesus and who ask Him to come and raise up Godly generations to come.
“One generation will declare your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts, they will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty” (psalm 145).
That is what we (my hubby and I) desire for our 4 children. That He will help us sow NOW into our children in the hope of raising up generations TO COME; precious ones that we may never even meet here, who will reap a harvest of rightesousness for His glory’s sake!
Loads and loads of love,
Lusi x
Sally,
I speak and write on this topic frequently. You have a lovely ministry.
I just have to say I love your ministry and I love what God has done in your life. Thank you so much! You have no idea what your words of encouragement mean to so many of us. I will absolutely share your ministry with other moms in my life and I look forward to growing and learning as I seek Christ and look to women like you that He has place in my life.
Amen Sally! Oh I can’t tell you what a blessing to me you are! I am so struggling in the church we are in now to get this message out to the moms and women. I am making plans on coming to your conference in NC and can not wait to be among like minded women. It gets hard at times to be the only one trying to live this out! Praying for you and your family, may you be blessed as you continue to encourage and spread these biblical truths!! I hope to be able to hook into your leadership training at some point!
Blessings Alisa
See, you are always right there with encouragement when I’m feeling overwhelmed in a certain area! I’ve been so hard on myself lately for not being one of those moms who loves to sit on the floor and play with my kids or finds it easy to listen to their childish chatter (though I know I’m called to it!), yet knowing that this battle I fight to be home with them during the day and teach them and shape them is so worth it! But it certainly is a battle! Rarely a sweet, placid scene from a Victorian print going on over here.
Stephanie
However, David (6) read me a poem by John Bunyan today and then kissed my cheek, and we talked about how a person can be like a mole when they consider “stuff of earth” to be their greatest treasure! These things don’t happen to me everyday, but such precious conversations make the tough times so worth it!
Keep up the great writing and encouraging!
Dear Sally,
THANK YOU for the encouraging words! I am always lifted up buy you and the timing is always perfect! Selfishly praying you don’t retire for a few more years…..I haven’t made it to a conference yet!!! I am also hoping you might post more sometime (you may have already and I may have missed it) on homeschooling the jr. and highschool years. I have used Educating the Wholehearted Child for years, but wonder (as we are approaching these)if you did anything different into the upper grades?!?! THANK YOU again for the wonderful post and for once again blessing me.
In Him,
Katrina
I am a young mom and by the grace of the LORD Jesus have been surrounded by women, young and old, that have pointed me to His ways. Sally, you are such a warrior for Christ and for the children and moms of this world. I am so excited to be going to Texas for the conference! I pray that you and your family will get the support you need spiritually and financially to keep fighting the good fight!
God bless you!
Dear, dear Sally . . . thank you! How many times can I say it, LOL! This post brought tears to my eyes. I was just talking about this very thing tonight with another mom . . . the feeling that this road is so sparsely traveled, we can go for miles without seeing another face. I don’t know what I’d do without your encouragement; it always comes at the exact right time. (Especially since you’re right on my shelf.
) Much love to you!~Misty
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/MistyKrasawski
I wanted to stand up and cheer during the entire post, Sally. Thank you for continuing to be a strong voice for moms in this culture. We were just talking about that quote (the one by SBC
) ) yesterday. It is probably the most-often recalled to mind quote from my readings of your books. My ‘Dancing With My Father’ is on its way and I can’t wait. I’m sharing this post on my Facebook page for all my friends. I so wish I could attend the Irvine conference, but am excited at the possibility of a ‘Mominar’ in my area soon. 
)
Sally,
Bless you, bless you for your stand for what is right. I am in wholehearted agreement with you and you are such an encouragement to me. I feel the same frustration and desire to influence other moms to be sold-out moms. I teach young moms at our church and use a lot of your books as my resources. I write a blog to encourage other moms and often get discouraged and want to give up…and then God sends me His encouragement through someone who read my words and was encouraged in some small way. And then, even though I am weary or frustrated, I know that this is what He would have me do…encourage others to pour themselves into their children for the future of God’s kingdom. Thanks for encouraging me, so I can encourage them. You’re a blessing to me!
I was unable to attend your conference in Denver this past weekend and was SO disappointed. Maybe next time…
Blessings,
Wendy
http://www.adivinecalling.blogspot.com
Thank you, Sally! I am also in wholehearted agreement with the sentiments you express. (And gave up a law career to live them out!) I was hoping to attend Raleigh but I think it’s beyond our budget–am still praying God will make a way! Please come back to the Mid-Atlantic again so I can see you!! I can’t say how much of a blessing your words, thoughts and ideals are to me personally, and how often I read and re-read tidbits of your books to feel more encouraged and focused on my life at home–a life I passionately love. Thank you for all you do. You are spot on.
Thank you Ms. Sally! I so agree with you, and feel very, very alone as a mom striving against culture. I get discouraged, distracted and lose my way often.
I was signed up to go to the Dallas conference, and so excited, but then my house sold and we will be in the midst of moving. Canceled my registration, but now you’ve made me hungrier than ever for the encouragement I know I could get there. I’m praying for some miraculous path to come open so I can still go!
Please don’t quit. Your message is far too rare, even among Christian leaders. I’m a youth minister’s wife, and i get so frustrated with parents who so readily hand their children over to the world, heartbroken at the results of that decision.
I’m going to add you to my daily prayers during this season. God bless you, dear woman of faith!
I,too, wanted to stand up and cheer several times as I was reading. I needed the reminder of what moms around us are being told by well-meaning, but misguided, leaders. Thank you for taking a firm and courageous stand on training moms from Scripture. And, thank you for traveling and sharing the message again this year.
Looking forward to seeing you in Irvine, and praying for you every day during this season!
Sally,
I confess that I was concerned when you announced a change in vision for the ministry at the Irving conference last year, but after reading this post I feel greatly encouraged.
Let me start by saying that I am a homeschool mother and admittedly have strong convictions. So, please forgive me for getting on my homeschool soapbox here.
I did not begin homeschooling solely for religious reasons, but that is ultimately where I have arrived. In the beginning, I was simply saddened by the idea of being away from my child. Of course, I was also concerned about the potential influence that others with differing values and worldviews would have on my child (be it teacher or peer).
Through a set of very difficult circumstances, I began sorting through my thoughts and feelings about my parental responsibilities, understanding different “parenting styles,” and why I feel so strongly about the benefits of homeschooling.
Homeschooling is a tool to reinstate God as the rightful focus of our home and our daily lives. It is a wonderful way to saturate my children’s hearts AND minds with the things of God with the ultimate goal of leading them to a meaningful, personal relationship with Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Homeschooling is a way for our family to reclaim a tiny piece of the world for Jesus! Spending this time with our children teaches them what it means to abide in Him and walk in Him, raising loyal disciples that are ready (and hopefully willing) to be used by Him for His glory and honor.
It bothers me to know that mothers are being led to believe that they are inadequate to teach/train their children when God has ordained them to do so.
God bless you!
HERE, HERE! ~Praying as well.~ (((((HUGS))))) sandi~who NEEDS you as I walk through this journey!!!! *THANK YOU, LORD, FOR THE CLARKSONS!*
Huzzah! Huzzah!!! Sally, God bless you and your sweet family for all you do to carry the torch for Christ! Thank you for persevering and continuing to share God’s truth about His best for Moms and their families! I am praying for you! It is very disheartening to see and hear the flagrant lies moms are told about their calling. I am so thankful you were there at that meeting and that you are speaking out when you hear those with much influence (maybe unintentionally) lead others astray. I am praying for God to show me how He he wants to me to encourage moms. Thank you for writing BUT i am so glad that it is not at the expense of your family! What a blessing the integrity of your testimony is! ((hugs))jen in al
Oh how I wish a Pastor would preach this Truth from the Pulpit! Well written Sally and well said. When we feel time is ‘short’ and are hurried by its passing so quickly, we become passionate. Thanks for sharing your Biblical Wisdom as Passion for a Loving Savior!
KellieC
Just one more comment. I tend to get things on my heart and feel the need to search through my thoughts for clarity. Sorry!
There is the way of culture and then there is THE WAY. Jesus said to him (Thomas), I am THE WAY, and the TRUTH, and THE life. No one comes to the father except through me.” John 14:6 (ESV) My emphasis added:)
with grace and truth and much love!
Keep fighting the good fight!
Thank you for taking a stand and sharing it with us! I too get shocked by the passive attitude parents have towards their children. Thank you for reminding me through your books and blog I’m not alone in this walk.
God Bless you and your family!
Thank you so much for taking the time to blog. Today’s topic was especially comforting to me. As a stay at home mom, who has chosen not to seek employment, and who spends most of her days in the home instead of “getting out or getting away”, I often feel like I am in the minority among Christian friends. It is so encouraging to be reminded why I choose to not work and why my day is filled with the needs, guiding, messiness, and loving on my four young children. It is such an uphill battle when culture comes a knocking and tells me I am not into “me” enough. I am so thankful to be reminded that Christ taught a different way, and appointed moms as guardians of our children. Love it! Thank you.
I assume you are referring to the 3 minute video that I saw on another blog, and so you really should view it again and see that you greatly misunderstood her. She said teens will ‘make mistakes’…she did not say they will all rebel! There is quite a difference. We all make mistakes, and all she is saying is that we learn from them and so will our kids. Your critique of that video was not accurate at all (and I am thankful you did not mention names, although I knew right away who you were referring to – it is not hard to guess when you say ‘nationally known Bible teacher’)!
If you really listen again to what she said, she is very encouraging regarding parenting.
Interestingly, the very blog that video was posted on had a post 2 days ago that linked to YOUR blog with a nice compliment. I wonder if she saw how you came against her interview with that nationally known Bible teacher, but I suspect if she did that she would extend much grace and realize we are to have grace towards others with opinions that differ from our own.
Thanks for all the comments. I think that the video that I received is not the same as the one two people think that I saw, as mine was of a more personal nature and involves some personal information shared, and I do not want to disparage any leader’s name–but actually, I hear this all the time from many different places–”it is normal for kids to rebel”.
My desire is to be gracious to all those in full time ministry as when put on the spot, we can all regret that we could not have said more or regret what we did say and so forgive me if I offended anyone.
However, for those who feel that often, they are marginalized in the Christian community for staying at home with their children, or not validated in their churches or in culture at large, It can be very lonely.
I will be writing an article soon about the grace that all of us need in these areas of ideals to which we have been called. No two puzzles are the same. But, I can see from the responses that many women have felt over the years, at times, as I have felt–standing against a cultural tide in making the decision to stay at home. And often very alone with these ideals.
My point was not to misunderstand the speaker, but to wish that more speakers would stand up for the traditional, Biblical role that mothers have played for centuries in being those who through their home, are civilizing the next generation.
It is a volatile topic and I would desire to unify and not separate, yet, I do want to affirm those who have made this decision.
I do think that sometimes, in the name of maybe offending a few.
I am not very perfect in my writing. And I certainly want to allow for my judgment to be wrong. But I do wish that there were more speakers who were validating this role instead of ignoring it.
And, the blog that connected to mine was not the blog that the video was on. I am sorry if I offended you, Anonymous. Please forgive me.
Awesome post Sally….I REALLY needed to be reminded of all this as I have been struggling lately with what I am doing…you always have the words I need right when I need them…you have been a wonderful mentor for me all these years…there has never been anyone else…don’t ever stop speaking or writing…so many of us need what God has called you to ….your who we can look to to give us encouragement and advice….I think of you as a gift from God to us…
Love you!!
Heather B.
Thank you of reminding me of my responsibility to speak the truth in love.
Supporting you in prayer and encouraged to continue to use the avenues that God has given to me.
Hello (:. I wrote on my blog after some many months of inactivity today and I rec’d your article on the end. I don’t blog enough (or read blogs enough) to know the ropes well. I hope that’s all right? If you would prefer me not to link to your article, please let me know. Thanks for this article, and your book (M.o.M.) which a friend raved about to me earlier this year which I have already read, given, and suggested to encourage some new moms. Blessings!
Hi Sally,
Thanks for the words of wisdom you shared in this post. What would you suggest I say to my Christian friend who recently said to me “It just doesn’t come naturally for me to stay home all the time with my son. I was a single child so I need my alone time”.