Nathan–my dreamer son
My heart is mixed this morning. I just drove Nathan to the airport to return to Hollywood, where he is seeking employment and ultimately a platform where He may take light, ideals and values that can inspire others to follow Him and His kingdom ideals. I will miss him, but on the other hand, I believe in his dreams and want him to be out there, so he can move ahead on his adventure, on the road that God has prepared for him.
Someone recently wrote me and said, “You know, Sally, you should address legalism. There are people who come to your conferences who come just because you are “Sally Clarkson”, who would probably, behind your back, disapprove of your children being in Hollywood seeking a career, or your daughter traveling all over the world instead of staying home, and tending to your kitchen duties, or a myriad of other ways in which you fall short of their rules.”
I learned long ago, not to pay attention to what I call, “Job’s friends.” (Those people who are free to give an opinion about your life and what you are doing wrong, and about not following all the “rules”, when all along, God is at work in great ways.”)
But, my audience is the Lord. And He put on our hearts to raise children who would take His kingdom messages into the world to bring light to dark places. So, we sought God, not formulas, or the approval of groups of people. And oh I pray we will seek Him and His ways the rest of our lives.
Now, back to Nathan
His time home was very wonderful with lots of great memories made and lots of stress in seeking to help him. I now know better what the term starving-artist means–he has even lost 40 pounds trying to save money by not buying too much food, and to become more disciplined in his health!
And now, he is a perfect height and weight to pursue some modeling jobs to help make ends meet. And so he needed a photographer.
Imagine me, a frumpy, getting older mama, pulling pictures off our walls to give him a blank wall; buying outfits at sales, taking almost a hundred pictures with my little camera all over the house; telling him to put his head up, down, pulling his jacket down and up, to help him get a few new “fashion” shots. All for the hopes of helping him to get into the market. All stores need models–Walmart, Kohls, Foleys, and thousands of other clothing stores, etc., and it could be a way to pay his bills as he waits for God to open the doors for His life, calling, future.
Meanwhile, he is writing and recording songs, working at his church with the college students, writing a book to reach his generation, working, working every day–hoping that His God will open impossible doors. I believe God is going to use this passionate, faithful, dreaming young man to influence his generation. I know the road will be uphill, but I would rather him attempt it than to succumb only to those things he can accomplish in his own efforts.
As a child, he was very challenging–just like me, my mother tells me! Threw fits as a young baby–tantrums–just like I did, so my mother says. I spent hours on my knees pondering the “answers” to parenting because of him! He has provided most of my parenting examples, and almost everyone says, “Oh, I have a Nathan!” And if they have one, they are most blessed.
Sarah once said, “It is a shame Nathan gets punished for saying the things the rest of us are thinking.”
He was verbal and very outspoken, wiggly, funny, darling and captivating and infuriating all at the same time–always challenging us and making us keep a tight rein on our integrity. He was adhd, ocd, odd–another way of saying that God made him an artist–one for His glory, who moved to the beat of a different drum.
I believe it now and wish I had exhibited more patience and grace with my “out of the box” child. God had a plan for him and gave him a passionate heart from the moment he came out of the womb. When he was 15, I realized that he was so multitalented–a performer, a spokesman, musician, photographer, actor–not made for the normal academics–but for a bigger world. He was just like me–:)
And so I began supporting his dreams–for who God had made him to be, not necessarily who I thought he should be.
And so I send Nathan back to Hollywood, because it is where God has begun to open doors for him. I don’t have the right to tell my children to stay home and be near me, afterall, I gave them over to Him, to use for His glory.
And so I stay at home, “warrioring” for him before the throne of heaven every day, sending emails and texts of scripture and encouragement, and waiting hopefully for my Father to show Him His faithfulness to him as his very own loving, listening, faithful, generous heavenly Father.
I would so appreciate it if you would whisper a prayer for him today, that God would bring favor, encouragement and the courage to hold on to his ideals and convictions! And that God would also see fit to pay his monthly bills! 
If anyone is looking to employ a great, idealistic, talented, spiritually passionate, “out of the box” young man in Southern California, I just might know where to find one!
Our home farewell!
Out of the box, part 2 in a couple of days………
Thanks for sharing these thoughts. I have a couple of out of the box kids and am learnin gto appreciate their unique giftings and perspective. Look forward to reading part 2.
What a good mama you are! I love my mother more than words could say, but I was made to feel incredibly guilty for even getting married to a good, Christian boy because it took me out of the house. Well, we’ve been married almost 12 years and have 3 children and it’s been a great road we’ve traveled. There were and still are things my mother says and does to make us feel guilty As a mother now, I understand (kind of…) how hard it would be to send my children off into the world. I WILL do it, though. No matter how much it may hurt me. As you said, they are His. My prayer is that I can remember that clearly when the time inevitably comes.
Thank you for your ministry.
I have a ‘Nathan’, only mine is called Benjamin. He is only eleven but often says to me, ‘Mom, I don’t want to work in an office where all you can hear is the buzzing of computers and all you can see are whitewashed walls and tiny window’.
Praying for your dear son (and you too!)
Susan
Oh Sally…I have been on the same path with my children as I watch them each begin to leave the nest. I have 3 out of the box children. Gone are the days of picnicking along the river while reading”The Wind in the Willows” and completing our singapore math lessons. This is it, the moment of truth. As they are now being released into their destinies, we pray for them and trust that our loving Father has them right where he needs them.
Loved this post! Just what I needed today.
Sally, if Nathan needs some professional shots still, let me know. I’d love to bless the Clarksons.
It has been whispered, Sally. From one mama-heart for another. I just came in from shooting some pictures of my little renaissance man and his lastest guitar… perched on an old stump. I gazed at those images and realize once again he’s grown up far too quickly. Blessings to Nathan and the whole Clarkson family.
Sally, You have such faith. My heart fears for Nathan because of the Hollywood/modeling culture and the pressure he will be under to compromise in order to do what God has called him to do. Your faith in God’s calling on his life and “letting him go” – in the sense of trusting God knows what He is doing – is walking the talk and I believe God will bless in unimaginable ways.
I have an “out of the box” daughter but in a different way. She has Asperger’s Syndrome and is so out of the “normal” box that she has never experienced having a friend and is just now, at 26 years old, experiencing a modicum of success in having a job for longer than three weeks. I have heard the same admonishments but for very different reasons. According to some family members I should have made her move out a long time ago. I will take heart from your words here and continue to support her however I can and take heart from your experiences, which are not very different from my own. God knows what he has planned for her life and mine can only be the richer for waiting for his plan to be fulfilled
God’s blessings on you, and thank you for being a spiritual and mothering mentor to me!
Jeni
Praying for Nathan, and for you and Clay, too:)
Thank you so much for this encouraging post. I’m still in the earlier years of parenting my “challenging” child, and there are times I worry so much about what these difficulties will turn into as he grows to be a teenager and adult. Yet I know, and you’ve stated it also, that God made my boy this way for a unique purpose, and even more, he entrusted him to me to help prepare for this purpose. And so I will trust Him, that His plan for my boy must require some of these ‘quirks’ that make him such a challenge at times. Today was one of those days where that trust was harder to come by, and so I’m so grateful you posted this today.
I so appreciate all of your comments. Life is a challenge, for sure. And following the Lord is a stretch–it seems that as we look at scripture, the stories of those He chose, are mostly beyond what we would have imagined–Daniel in a lion’s den, Joseph running away from Potiphor’s wife, Esther being groomed to be a concubine in the house of a pagan king, and so many more. I am a wimp at heart and would have life be normal and predictable, and all of my children be near me and getting married and sticking around–but that is not what He has provided. Should I require Him to do my will? Of course not! But it is not easy and I told Him I would follow Him anywhere and do anything for His glory–and so it is that I must also follow Him as He leads my children–and I must trust Him in their lives if I am going to see them mature into healthy adults. It is all a faith walk.
I have “a Nathan” as well, and I have so valued your honest insights over the years on how to parent such a unique child. Very often, in those moments of exasperation, I am reminded of the story you tell of the forgotten jacket on the cold walk and the sympathetic response that God put in your heart. My son would thank you too, if he only knew how many times he has been saved from an emotional tirade! For me, the most difficult aspect of having a unique child like this is dealing with the critical attitudes of others. I think witnessing my own child being misunderstood or wrongly criticised is more painful than being judged myself!
Saying a prayer for your precious Nathan tonight!
Praying for Nathan and believing that God is already at work, opening doors and placing him exactly where he needs to be!
Sally, Wow! Thank you, Lord for Sally and the Clarkson clan. You have used them mightily in the lives of so many, including mine. Lord, you never saw it fit to allow me to be close to my family or to even remain in a location long enough to establish those truly dear and deep friendships that every women needs to be sustained throughout the seasons of womanhood and motherhood. Yet, Lord, I am amazed how you place women in my life, like Sally, who share from your Word and from their life experiences with You. May You place an enormous hedge around Nathan that the fiery darts from the enemy cannot penetrate. I pray Isaiah 58:11 for Nathan today…”And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.” Lord, may you continue to encourage the rest of the Clarkson family in their different ministries and may they continue to faithfully do Your will in Your strength. Amen.
Hi! I’ve just recently found your blog. I like it. And I think I was or am a Nathan too.
My mom said I was always so challenging. {ha! not compared to SOME kids today…I was a piece of cake} Mom said I was just like her mother-in-law..my grandma..straight to the point, didn’t think of others feelings, and often said or did the wrong thing. In fact, I recently received an email from my sister who is 7 years younger than me for saying the wrong things to my mom. {too long of a story but they were not bad things I assure you}
I personally called myself the black sheep but I LOVE the way you put your thoughts and words together to describe your son. Your Nathan. It sure makes me feel a WHOLE lot better!
Thanks for this post…more than you realize.
I have a Silas (who I am realizing is more and more like his mommy) and this post is perfect for me as I try to reach his “out-of-the-box” heart, but it is a heart of passion that loves the Lord.
Prayed for Nathan at your request. I worked several years in entertainment and know how hard it is to hold to your ideals and convictions. But, he has the benefit of a mama who “trained him up” from birth. So, be encouraged!
Much love. See you in a month! Woot woot!
So grateful for this post. I have a very out of the box child. He has brought me to the end of myself on many a day. I have despaired, worried, and cried and worried over this boy who is only 7. He has offical labels (cause they get some help where I live) and reall has some struggles but ya know. I am begginging to see, ever so slowly, that God is at work and that there is hope and He has a plan for this child. This boy is the main means of me really starting to grasp grace and that in itself is a blessing. He has taught me that formaulas and methods don’t work. I am slowly learning to accept him where he is and for who he is…though he doean’t fall under typical in most ways.
Looking forward to part 2
I so wish I could spell better when I am typing at warp speed.
)
Adding my voice to the chorus of “thank you’s” for this post. My “Nathan” is a 4-year-old girl, our middle child. She definitely fits the description of charming and delightful, yet challenging and befuddling — driving me to my knees, as you said. I’ve been asking God to help me “get” her, since she is so very different from me (and from our other two kids), and I believe this post is part of His answer to that prayer. Bless you for sharing these thoughts!
I WILL say a prayer for Nathan, tonight and whenever God brings his name to my heart.
i can’t say much because i’m not a mother – but this post was very encouraging.
i think it is absolutely wonderful that you are encouraging him in the right directions. the way you think the way you do is a blessing.
Reading this post took me right back to some things you said in August that really helped shift my perspective on my Caleb. I remember my eyes welling up as you spoke and God opened up a new part of my mama-heart that is helping me to survive parenting such a challenging child. Hearing from you in this post and knowing you are much further down the road with Nathan (and that you share an awesome relationship too!) is tremendously encouraging to the many of us with still-young-ones. Thank you so much for sharing!
My husband and I are praying for Nathan as well. We love that you are sending him out to bless the Media/Entertainment industry with God’s light. A few people from our church (way up in Vancouver, Canada) feel called to this path as well, so if we end up going, we’ll be sure to connect. Bless you all!! Thank you for being an ‘online role model’ for me. I hope to make it to one of your conferences one day.
That’s funny….my brother is a Nathan……and my Mom was definitely on her knees for that one! My sister’s name is Sarah too….you didnt happen to have a Ruth and Jon as well……..
I love this quotation:
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
Henry David Thoreau
A great reminder in dealing with my Dumpling.
praise God for the Nathan’s of this world!!
i was recently introduced to your blog from a friend and i love it here!!
thank you for your encouragement in the journey, Sally.