I Take Joy

Cultivating Civility

September 16, 2011 by Sally 13 Comments

Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil.
C. S. Lewis

As I pursue the idea of building foundations of truth and beauty and loveliness into the souls of our children, I have to say that we cannot pass on what is not a part of our own lives. A mom is the CEO of her home, the one who determines and cultivates the life, activities, values and soul, she must be working from the depth of her own soul. This is a long term call–a long distance run, and so pacing ourselves, making sure our own emotional cups are full, seeing that we are growing in grace and beauty is essential to modeling that to our children. I will be more intent on writing about how to build foundations in little ones, but first I would suggest that a mom must define, “What kind of a woman do I want to be? How can I become more excellent? How I am doing on growing more in grace and civility each day?” I suggest that each year, moms who want to grow in wisdom, must take a morning or afternoon away to think through personal goals for themselves and the plan in time to make those goals happen. I will be writing more about that after I finish writing about how to establish values that build children into strong, godly leaders. But, first, you must define who you want to be, so that the influence you give to your children will come from your own soul-set values and convictions. Below I share a story of my own life from a few years ago–and I see that my children love it when I am a picture of civility–it draws them to their finer selves! Enjoy.

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Excitement bubbled up inside as I considered the day I had charted for myself. A morning away as a real, live friend, around my own age! Carefully applying my make up, smoothing my hair to its most beautiful style and dressing up in something a bit more sophisticated than my regular jeans marked an adult day out with a beloved friend. Time away from my work-a-day world of children, dishes, teaching, writing and then doing it all over again, is rare. I am one who sometimes likes the predictable on such days–depending on those places I know will bring pleasure and comfort. Meeting my friend in a favorite cafe promised to provide a spot for catching up and sharing dreams and ideas. Now the reason I am telling you this is that I was looking for a day off–a day without conflict, a day of rest before the “busy-ness” of the year starts again!

High-backed, overstuffed chairs provided privacy from the other customers and just the settling in we needed for our morning together. A steamy pot of tea, warm apple-caramel coffee cake all went down easily. Times like this help me to find my center. A busy and passed-too-fast summer had left me a bit fragmented and out of breath. I was storing up this pleasure and goodness and relaxation against the very busy next few months of a new school year, which is upon me!

After an hour and a half of conversation, we were ready to proceed on to our next pleasure–a stop at a lovely gift shop, filled to the brim with china tea cups and pots, delectable bits of jams and jellies and tea; a beautiful array of cook books and biographies and children’s books, feminine clothing and an array of other girl-pleasing artifacts. We hoped to exchange some ideas with the owner about books and art and other future projects.

Just walking in was a pleasant sensate experience, because of all the pretty and fine gifts scattered around the shop. As we chatted with the store owner about our day and some of the books and one of my new projects, she engaged with us in lively conversation. I looked at my watch and realized that I needed to be home to take Joy to a choir practice and so I tried to savor my few minutes as of quiet heart-sharing with my friend. We left the shop and I drove home. Much to my pleasure, the traffic was much less than usual and I found myself home with a half-hour to spare.

I chose not to glance in the kitchen to see what messes were there, but instead, made myself a cup of hot tea. I knew the messes would be there to tame when we all got back home later. I walked over the backpack and a small stack of books on my stairs to my bedroom. They could be cleaned up before dinner. I walked in, lit my candles, turned on my cd with the soothing piano melodies rising and flowing from my Pride and Prejudice cd (very beautiful, by the way!). Joy, who had been in her room reading, heard me and gently knocked on my door.

“Come in, sweetness!” I responded. “Here, have a few sips of tea with me before we have to leave.”

She sat down, and began to bubble all over me with thoughts and ideas and incidences that had happened in her morning. I intentionally took a deep breath and observed with thanksgiving at my child who has so much become my delightful friend. We had fifteen minutes together in peace and pleasure.

“Mom, I am so glad you take time for civility–it makes me feel special, and most of all, it really makes me feel like you like listening to me and just celebrating life together.” (Has she been around Sarah lately? And now, she regularly lights candles, sips tea and reads–hummmm–where did she get the habit?)

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I taught my monthly mom’s group and we were discussing chapter 8 in Mission of Motherhood. Our topic was becoming the gardener of your children’s souls. Even as you would not expect a garden to emerge from throwing a handful of seeds into the wind into your back yard, so we cannot expect our children to have excellence in their own personal lives by just hoping it happens. Though education is important, it is mostly the way we invest in the other moments of life when our children’s souls, manners, habits, skills will determine who they really become. When we become the gardener of their souls, we plant beauty, memories, confidence, and winsome ways of living that will capture their own imaginations. (Mission of Motherhood)

First, we must take time to be civilized. I know that my soul dries out if I don’t plan in time that fills my own emotional cup. Getting away from my home (where all the chores cry out my name!), to a lovely place where I can think or read or share time with a friend is something I try to plan into my schedule. It doesn’t happen as often as I like, but I need it so that I can get back to my center and fill the cups of all those who are in my life to take from my own heart–children, husband, friends, and ministry. I will have nothing to give if I don’t take care of myself first. So each year as I plan my children’s needs and schedules and activities, I take time to get alone and evaluate, “How am I doing–physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally? How can I simplify my responsibilities so that I can make it with grace through the next months.

Next, though, I make sure to plan in civilizing times with my family–traditions like family dinners or deserts that we will share with our friends, special Sunday afternoon tea times–the first Apple Pie time with a story book. (Giving my children the responsibility of decorating the dining table, writing little notes of encouragement to their guests who will come, lighting the candles, making the meal.) We plan a time for making cookies or bread or flower baskets to share with those we know who are in need of encouragement or love. (We found cute pumpkin baskets and filled them with dried flowers–Joy sold a few to raise money for a dog she hopes to purchase and then we chose two for special family friends who need to know they are appreciated.)

Plan civility into the moments of your life this fall. Make time for you to have your own experience, however small, that will remind you that you are royalty–as a child of the king. And then, make time for your family, to have peace and beauty and manners and elegance in your home, however small. It will produce a soul that values taking the time to celebrate the importance and intimacy of friendship and fellowship. Happy weekend!

Filed Under: Education, Food, Mothering, Music, My Books, Tea, Traditions

Filling Your Soul With Love and Grace Divine

March 23, 2011 by Sally 26 Comments

Claude Monet, Woman in the Garden

“I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3

I have received thousands of responses to my blogs on child discipline lately. I see how many sweet ones there are who truly want to do the best and be the best for their children. But before I do one more post on child discipline, I just felt I wanted to tell you how very precious you are and how much your own personal life matters.

I awakened this morning with you on my heart. I know there must be many precious moms out there who are reading these articles and are feeling inadequate or guilty or condemned–or just worn out! I have been praying for you all morning.

Motherhood is very precious to the Lord. As a matter of fact, the more I mothered, the more I came to understand Him, His love, His sacrifice, His forgiveness, His patience. Motherhood is not an easy journey. I kept feeling that I needed to have more children so I could do it right at least once!

And yet motherhood is a long journey, a hard and challenging journey, that will require much endurance with grace, much forgiveness, much patience and just a whole lot of energy expended.

You are truly important to God in the midst of it all. He sees you and cares for your dreams and desires. And so I wanted to write a little post just for you.

When I had my first baby, I had never even changed a diaper. I did not know how to hold a baby. I was unprepared for the task. I also did not know how selfish and self-absorbed I was. And I have to admit that over the years, there were many times when I did not feel loving or feel like a good mother or even feel like I wanted to *be* a mother. I was always committed to my children and always committed to loving them, because I knew God wanted me to. But I did not always like them and sometimes that made me feel guilty.

I just put one foot in front of the other because I thought that is what God wanted me to do.

So if you feel that you are not a “natural” mother, or you enjoy doing things outside your home, or you have other ambitions, please do not condemn yourself. I felt all of those feelings and had to learn how to balance the different pulls on my life. But God has loved me and led me through it all.

I know that there are so many of you precious ones with deep scars. Perhaps you came from an angry family, where you were criticized or rejected. Or maybe you were ignored and you still wish someone would notice you and love you deep inside in those places that only you can feel.

Many of you made some bad choices morally that have deeply injured your own heart. Or you have a passive and indifferent or mean and abusive husband.

You are not defined by any of these things–not by what people have said to you, not by your flaws (we all have them), and not by your past failures or present difficulties. God loves you so very much. God is with you. God is your champion.

We read that when He looked out on the multitudes, He had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd. Jesus sees our needs. He loves us. He cares for how each of you feel deep in your heart.

You are so very precious to God. He is on your side. He will be your warrior God in all the battles in your home. He will help you and defend you and pour out His unconditional love on you. He is the source of your strength and joy. Nothing can separate you from His love. Romans 8

There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

The only way we can truly make it in this life productively is to tend to the garden of our own souls. The only way you can be a loving mother or friend is to have your soul filled with the deep, unchanging, unconditional love of God.

I love the picture above. I picture my soul as a garden that must be tended and cultivated and watered. If my own soul is healthy, then all who draw from my soul, will receive true nurture and strength. However, I do not know of any great women who have not been very intentional about cultivating and building themselves into godly women. They invested purposefully to become who they are.

A wise woman builds her house, but it starts with a plan!

You may find criticism from the world. But in Christ, you will find love, deep, abiding, unconditional love and all that you need for your task. But you must choose to invest your time wisely.

So what are some ways to fill your own soul so that you may have strength and love to give?

1. Surround yourself with good and godly friends.

I once heard a speaker say that he will do anything to put himself in the company of people who make Him want to love God more, who make Him want to be a better person–who inspire Him. But that he would avoid all of those who spread poison or gossip or discouragement as much as possible.

I have a friend, Phyllis, who I know will always point me to God. Just being with her is like being in the presence of the Lord’s encouragement, because she walks with Him and points me to him. Gwen is such a friend, and Deb, Shelley, Lynn, Beth and Sarah and Joy, ……….I gather these friends over the years and invest in them because they invest in me.

Find those friends, challenge a friend to be a prayer partner, to study a book together, to meet with you on a regular basis.

2. Spend time every day with the Lord. Find books, resources, people who can help you with this. (Go though the Psalms and circle or underline every promise or character quality of God. Read one chapter of John or Matthew a day and write down one lesson you have learned. Read through Philippians and note all the ways Paul tells us to follow Jesus.)

3. Clean out your soul on a regular basis–get rid of the rubbish that has kept you from experiencing God’s love. (If we confess our sin, he is faithful and just to forgive us from our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.) Don’t hang on to bitterness or condemnation–it will poison you. I have a friend, Sarah Mae, who is dear to me as though she were a daughter. She has recently published an ebook called Core Lies, that she is offering for free. We must rid our hearts from lies that would keep us from experiencing the generous love of God.

4. Surround yourself with books, blogs, people who feed your mind on truth, who draw you to become a better self. There are many, many women in my life who do that to me. But I wanted to point you to three of my favorites.

I love these women because they have chosen to have integrity in their lives when no one was looking. They have invested thousands of hours in the presence of God. They have chosen to love and serve Him, to always turn in the direction of faith. I know they are not perfect, but they hold fast to a Faithful God who carries them. They are also seasoned women who have chosen to faithfully love and serve their children, and husbands, even amidst challenging times. They have weathered life and from that weathering, have garnered stories of His faithfulness. Feed on their life-giving words. I do so love these women.

Brenda Nuland– a mother of two grown children, who cultivates life, beauty, goodness and faithfulness in her home.Brenda always encourages me, feeds my soul and gives me loyal friendship.

Elizabeth Foss–a sweet mother of 9 children, whose devotion to God, gentle mothering of her children, and great thoughts always challenge me. She is humble and loyal as a friend and has learned to persevere with grace.

Ann Voskamp-an artist with words and photography, who deeply cherishes her precious Lord and wants to sing his messages into the lives of those in her pathway. Her gentle, humble words are always filled with grace that she found from walking closely with Him.

5. Spend time in nature–his workshop. When I see the artistry of God, and rest in the glory of the canopy of His beauty, I find great peace. Creation was made for us. He designed the stars for us to understand His vastness–His strength and ability to be bigger than us, to show us His power. He designed color, flowers, mountains, waterfalls, snow, rain, to show us His design. When I invest time in His works of art, I am inspired to reflect His art and beauty in my home as a picture of His reality in an otherwise dark world. Creation nurtures my soul when I take time to observe it.

6. Restore, relax, recreate. Young moms need a break.(and old moms and moms of teens, and……..) They need sleep. Sometimes grumpiness or depression goes away with just a couple of good nights of sleep or time away with a friend. Moms need to have a friend who understands them and still loves them! They need to laugh and lighten up. Cultivate times of breaks in your life, times of just getting away. Don’t always be serious–it is exhausting.

Our bodies need a sabbath rest. I take my tea time every day with a candle, book or magazine. I collect videos and movies and series of stories that delight my soul. I surround myself with music everywhere–at home, in the car, at dinner, when I am in a plane. I love rhythms and movement. I make time for cherished friends. I make fun for myself with my children so that we can just laugh and play and store up humor–everyone needs a break. (Read my daughter, Sarah’s blog post from a couple of days ago–Christians need to learn how to lighten up and have fun.)

These precious ones are not just public figures to me, but in the privacy of friendship, offer such grace, humility, love and always make me want to love Him more.

This blog is way too long, but the point is, you are important. Your emotional, spiritual and physical health matters to God. If you cherish your soul and become a good steward of your needs, you will be stronger for your journey of life and more ready to meet its demands. But you are the one who must plan how to endure with grace and beauty. You must create a plan that best suits your puzzle of life. Grace and beauty and peace in the midst of it all.

Filed Under: Art, Beauty, Friends, Home, Joyful Life, Lifegiver, Mothering, Music, Nature, People, Ponderings, Relationships, Simplicity, Tea, Trust in God

Sunday Tea Time

January 16, 2011 by Sally 6 Comments

Ostfriesische Rose ~ Stefan Scheer

Tea, though ridiculed by those who are naturally coarse in their nervous sensibilities will always be the favorite beverage of the intellectual. ~Thomas de Quincey 1785-1859

Don’t you think Sunday afternoons are just the right time for a steaming cup of tea, hot, fresh cream scones straight from the oven, clotted cream, Blackberry jam, classical music, candles and a soothing memory made? Sounds so very civilized, doesn’t it? Happy Sunday afternoon tea time to all!

Filed Under: Ponderings, Tea

The Perfect Cuppa

January 7, 2011 by Sally 7 Comments

I almost blew a gasket yesterday. Somehow eventually got off on the wrong foot, got irritated at a silly thing, ranted and raved about it, rushed around too much, griped and complained, got lost going to a new place for piano lessons and offended one of my children sort of day. Do you ever have that kind of day?

I know people have asked if I just sit around and drink tea and read and have all my ducks in a row–but that isn’t real life for me. But it is why (and I learned it when I lived in Europe for 6 years), having a cuppa tea in the middle of the afternoon, is a sort of anchor. It brings a few minutes of quiet, sitting still, trying to catch my breath, centering again.

But if you make it in a real china cup, turn on some soothing music, light a candle–all which takes about 30 seconds, then it is not just a serge of caffeine, but it becomes an experience, an event in your day. And of course I have passed this habit on to all of my children. An aaaaahhhhhhhhh moment to save the day.

There is actually a “right” way to brewing this cup of tea. My favorite tea has been Yorkshire Gold for several years, but now I like regular Yorkshire and Barry’s Gold, too. And sometimes in a pot, I use 3 bags of one of the above and one of Earl Grey. It gives it a little zing of a taste to a whole pot. I ever travel with my own china tea cup and bags just to make sure I stop sometime to have my little moment, even when I travel. Saves my attitude many a day.

I have a fun link for you about making the perfect cuppa. Click here to learn the secrets of tea brewing bliss from Yorkshire Gold, my favorite tea! Just like the perfect cup of tea, this website takes a while to load.

Enjoy!

Filed Under: Tea

Discipleship by the tray–serving up grace and love

July 13, 2010 by Sally 10 Comments

Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances.

Proverbs 25: 11

Stomp, bang, slam, stomp again, slam again. ”Everyone in this family is always losing things. And if they would just be responsible, we wouldn’t waste so much time looking for them all the time. Why can’t people just be responsible?!!!!!!”

My 16 year old child was getting ready to take the car to run over to a friend’s house and then go to the store for me. But we couldn’t find the one set of car keys that we still had or at least had before we lost this set. Our family of 6 now had 4 drivers and 2 cars. It seemed we could never figure out who had driven the car last or where they had put the keys. “I haven’t had them!” was what everyone said, so it must have been a little house demon that just stole them and hid them to frustrate us. We did find them behind the refridgerater, which we had to move away from an enclosed wall to find! How in the world had they gotten there!

But the bigger issue was the yelling, stomping, banging around the house. Somehow, in my heart, I knew it was a time for grace.

I went to the kitchen and loaded up my tray–made some hot tea, put some chocolate chip cookies on a plate, lit the candle. Then I took the tray into my little tiny personal place, back of my bedroom, turned on some instrumental music–and the scene was ready.

I told this child that I wanted to speak to him, “in my room—-now!”

The dread filled his eyes. When we sat down on my couch, I poured tea, offered cookies and began,

“I just wanted to tell you how much I have come to appreciate you lately. You are responsible, you help me so much, you are creative and I love your songs you have been writing. You are so diligent academically. You are growing in your faith. You are such a friend and blessing to me. I know it is hard to live in this crazy family sometimes and we do lose things, but we are all so very glad you are in our family. I wanted you to know I understand the frustration and I love you.”

Relief just seemed to melt away from his face and he began to relax. “Wow, I thought I was going to get a lecture or something. (apparently he had had a few of those before!) I don’t mean to be disagreeable. I have even had great quiet times lately. But sometimes when I walk out the door of my bedroom, it is only minutes until someone irritates me. It just comes over me. Have you ever felt like that?”

We ended up having a great time of friendship together. He felt understood. I had a chance to speak into his life and the Lord worked in our midst.

Discipleship, devotions, advice, teaching is so much more effective over something delectable to eat, something hot to drink and soothe, and a pleasant setting to enjoy with a loving relationship extended, than when spirituality is just dosed out in a utilitarian sort of way.

I have found that when, on occasion, I take the time to do a tray-time, it just sets the stage for my saying, “I thought about you. I care for you. I want to make time for you–or spend time with you.”

I learned many years ago to serve my children with trays. Surprise breakfast trays in bed early in the morning to say, “I love you just because.”

A tray and hot chocolate and cinnamon toast in a private corner of the house which says, “I know you are sad or mad or depressed or whatever, I just wanted to let you know you are special and valued.”

Trays for children when they have been sick–with a special little book or treat or puzzle or something to do to make staying in bed easier. Our trays have come to mean love and comfort to our children.

I started this when Sarah was very young. My boys learned to love these “Get away with mom times–all by yourself!”I could see that even as a little girl, sometimes the tray made what would be normal conversation into an event. I have also seen that when I set the stage, the Holy Spirit seems to show up in a special way.

Now, I make trays when I meet with friends–a tea time tray on the porch, in the living room–always a candle, something to drink, something to eat or munch–like giving a cup of cold water to a soul–beauty, serving, an environment where the word is shared, friendship is kept, hearts are opened and the art of life is celebrated–and the Holy Spirit shows up.

Even Jesus used this kind of methodology. He washed the disciples feet and then talked to them about servant leadership. He fed them fish on the shore and then gracefully said, “Tend my lambs, shepherd my sheep.”

The gospel is a powerful message. It is redemptive, but the reality of Christ with the strength of His message can sometimes be more perceived as life-changing, when we use all the art, beauty, tastes, smells, pleasures that God gave us as resources to use. So go set a try and have a tea-moment this afternoon.

Filed Under: Beauty, Children, Family, Home, Homemaking, Mothering, Our Family, People, Relationships, Tea

Delinquent, I know!

June 10, 2010 by Sally 8 Comments

Hi, to all of my wonderful blog friends. I have received such great emails and facebook comments telling me you are praying for us at Whole Heart and just plain encouragement from you. Thanks so much. Your emails and comments have really been keeping me going.

I have not been writing regularly for almost a month, and plan to get back to it soon. But, I have been living life and spending my time on things that are important to my own family during this time. (Planting flowers and a garden, having birthday parties and several luncheons and personal tea time with a few friends, and sleeping and cooking) so my life and need for rest have just not allowed me to write–though I have lots of new ideas brewing in my mind and lots to share from the last couple of months. So stay tuned!

But I did want to connect you to a few good articles that I thought might encourage you and or give you some pleasure and insight.

First, I am always so glad when research validates what I have always been doing and says that it is good. This one is about the healthy impact of black tea–how good it is for you–even with caffeine! So, of course I had to share that with you! Drinking Tea as good as drinking water! You do not have to agree with the article–but you do have to let me be happy about my 2-3 cups of English tea a day!

Now, I am garnering all sorts of research about how far-reaching the physiological effects and emotional and physical effects a mother’s love can have on a child and finding new evidence all the time. This is a great article about how the voice and or hug of a mom can lower a child’s cortisol and be a calming influence–even into adulthood. You will love this article. Maybe this is why I miss my mom so much–I need her voice and hug.

I will be writing more soon! Blessings and lots of gratefulness for my sweet online friends.

Grace and Peace,

Sally

Filed Under: Beauty, Lifegiver, Tea

A Breakfast Celebration…..just because

April 22, 2010 by Sally 4 Comments

Scrambled, cheese eggs, homemade toast and Yorkshire Gold tea.

Thick purple and black clouds, sparkling crystal drops dangling from tree limbs, and mist dancing in the shadows of the trees met me this morning as I had my quiet time in the wee morning hours–it was a visual feast as is reputed here in the Colorado mountains.

I was thinking about how this kind of beauty sometimes calls to a deep longing in my soul for more–more of God, more of love, more of purpose and adventure and life. I think that these longings are here because we were created by God to experience deep intimacy, profound beauty, heartfelt satisfaction. Yet, Paul tells us that in this world we see as through a mirror dimly. These shadows of reality here are but a taste of what is to come. Our longings are there because God made us to have them fulfilled–and so they will be in His new heavens and new earth.

And so I told the Lord how very grateful I was for such beauty and goodness and love. My heart was full. Clay and Sarah are are in Nashville, so it is just sweet Joy and me to hold the fort down this week. Even though I knew Joy had to go to work by 8:40, I wanted to share a moment of beauty, love and delight as God had shared it with me. So, before I awakened her, I lit the candles, prepared the food and tea and put on an old Celtic album that we love so that my little princess could come down the stairs to a few moments of civility and delight, devotion and prayer.

I have seen that when the atmosphere and table are set, as God had done for me in the beauty around me this morning, God shows up in special ways for my children, too, and allows us to have great moments of conversation and devotion together.

As an aside, Joy has been a child care worker for 3 years at our local mops program. Our children have always had to work for extra cash. On a ministry salary, life has demanded that all of our children have had to work a bit. Last summer, Joy and a friend hosted Explorer Camp for younger children, where they read books, made crafts, dressed up as explorers and this is how they made money for the summer. This year, we will have some Princess camps with tea times and stories and crafts–(Thanks to Beth Martinez for the idea!) And they will also host, Mom’s Day out camps with great adventures, stories and crafts to earn money for a trip in the fall.

I used to feel “bad” that we could not provide our children with all the things they needed in their lives, on our salary and with our limited resources. But now I see, that God’s way has been great for my children. By them having to learn to work and make money, it has made them more responsible, thankful, humble and more prepared to enter into adulthood with a realistic understanding of money and work. So, I am thankful for His ways in my life, even though I may not have known to ask for them earlier! Some pressure and hardship is the very building block of our children’s souls, so I learned as I was pondering all of this while writing Dancing with my Father, that His ways are to build His character in our lives. Ultimately, these paths give our souls satisfaction and freedom and peace.

On to my day! Grace and peace to yours!

PS. I HAVE HAD SEVERAL EMAILS FROM MOMS ASKING IF I KNOW OF ANY OTHER AUSTRALIAN AND NEW ZEALAND MOMS WHO ARE INTERESTED IN HOSTING A MOM HEART CONFERENCE THERE OR IN ATTENDING A TRAINING TO START THIS MINISTRY THERE–I WILL COLLECT NAMES AND EMAILS AND SEND THEM TO YOU AS A GROUP, SO YOU CAN KNOW EACH OTHER! (SALLY@WHOLEHEART.ORG)

Filed Under: Beauty, Children, Food, Home, Homemaking, Joyful Life, Mothering, Nature, Ponderings, Table Settings, Tea

Taking time for normal life, and enjoying it

April 16, 2010 by Sally 5 Comments

Taking a break from blogging to live real life. In bed with colds the beginning of the week, and staying in my jammies for a whole day, watching movies, drinking tea.

Meeting with one of my favorite friends over tea and homemade toast, talking a million miles a minute since we get so few together.

Spending lots of time with my two princesses at home and covering every subject and so enjoying a new English series at night (Larkrise to Candleford–produced in England, in the second year as a tv show–like the Avonlea series only English–delightful characters, beautiful music and wonderful cinematography)

Red a Victorian novel about an old fashioned family and romance.

Now, having fun getting my princess all ready and dolled up for an end of the year event tonight. In a close family like ours, everything is shared ground–we have all had opinions about all the issues that come our way over the years—from haircuts to favorite music to who my old and young children are enjoying to who my boys and Sarah have had relationships with, to all of us having advice on how I should raise Joy–she has 5 parents, what kind of man Sarah should marry and , what dress Joy should wear to her banquet, what kind of clothes I should wear when I speak to not look too frumpy, if we like Clay’s beard or not, and no one gets to have their own privacy–everything is a family affair and these things are a part of the hysterical and whimsical strokes of family life.

Having tea with Sarah, staying in bed longer than usual, meeting with friends I dearly enjoy and haven’t had a real long visit with for a while. I may never write another blog! There’s just too much life going on.

Filed Under: Family, Home, Homemaking, Our Family, Tea

Snowy day vacation party and celebration

March 19, 2010 by Sally 7 Comments

View from my bedroom window (tree house in background)

Many years ago, we determined that all the days when we were snowed in would become some kind of a vacation day for us. I am still getting back to normal anyway, and was in the mood to celebrate home, and to spoil my girls for working so hard, and traveling so much the last couple of months. I believe in helping children to learn to work hard and then we always play hard–a sort of reward for work well done. I have seen so many children over the years who grow up resenting ministry or missions or their mother’s careers–so I have a filter in my heart that seeks to notice when I see any burn out coming from having too much of an outreaching or public life as a family or too many activities and then I draw my family in and refresh them and also myself, before we give of ourselves to the point of total burn out or exhaustion.

Sarah, Joy and I, pajama’d and fresh from long sleep, squatted in front of the fireplace, with shawls to keep warm. Since it was closer to lunch than breakfast, I looked in the fridge to see what was available. A sweet friend had brought a meal to spoil us the night before, and I had a small bag of pasta, left, so I cut it into small pieces with scissors. It became a pasta salad–tuna, English peas, chopped onions with a small amount of ranch dressing and mayonnaise mixed. Yumm–think I will do that again. fruit salad, cherry scones, (in my heart shaped pans–acquired at a sale after Valentine’s day years ago), also, (I keep a stash of Sticky Fingers in my cupboard for easy scones when I do not feel like following a recipe) apricot raspberry jam and real clotted cream from the cupboard recently acquired; egg salad sandwiches on a whole grain baguette from the afore mentioned dinner; and maple ham sandwiches on my own loaf of homemade bread.

Passionately discussing amidst munchings and “this is great, let’s do it again–can I have this for my girls at our picnic next week” covered such subjects as:

*why homes, beauty, love, relationships, friendship traditions speak to unanchored, wounded who long to see the touch of God but have never felt it in their own homes–and preaching will not help until they have felt the real love and compassion of God from a real person so they can understand, by experiencing what God is really like.”

*how excellence cannot be passed on to children and youth unless they have seen it and had it intentionally been trained by it over and over again from parents. How different the very souls are of those who have not tasted the reality of discipleship as a way of life.

*I hope I marry a man who wants to have a life-giving home so we can reach out to those who have never experienced this kind of life–I want to marry someone who wants to have a little land for gardens and roaming for our millions of children and places to play for hours. Me, too. Wonder where we will find such men?!”

*education, and intelligence are not really acquired unless ideas are discussed, mulled around, digested in the mind, and owned by the one hearing such ideas–that education is a way of life and being–not just a curriculum to be followed”

*we should start a cooking club

*we should have a party for all of the dancers in my section of The Thorne (Easter production) so we can reach out to some of them.

*And then, reading out loud 2 picture books that celebrate Ireland–one by each girl and all done with an Irish lilt

And all of this as I sat and quietly drank my tea, allowing the princesses to pontificate to each other and the world–saying all those “Clarkson things” that have become a part of their own souls, watching them have fun, think, build bridges to each other’s hearts, and rest. I do think more education has taken place at our tea parties and dinners than through almost anything else we have done. We set the stage and the Holy Spirit and life and fun seem to show up.

Then, all princesses had to help me clean the kitchen–to loud music, of course as we danced around the kitchen singing at the top of our lungs. a good time was had by all…….

Filed Under: Beauty, Family, Food, Our Family, Table Settings, Tea

What does your soul reveal about you?

February 24, 2010 by Sally 4 Comments

“That which we elect to surround ourselves with becomes the museum of our soul and the archive of our experience.” Thomas Jefferson

A few weeks ago, after a couple of trips and some wearying legs on an airplane, I had the privilege of attending a tea that one of my friends was holding in her home. The tables for 30 people around her living area in a modest home had been set with care. Flowers, candles, centerpieces with small art pieces placed here and there.

The fare was simple but elegant–fresh fruit–grapes, tangerines, strawberries served on a crystal dish with 3 kinds of cheese and multi-grain crackers. A scone and jam course. Finger sandwiches–cucumber, egg salad, ham and onion cream cheese and finally chocolates with petit fours.

Classical music wafted through the air as all the women present (including me and my two daughters) talked quietly–it was as if the atmosphere drew out an elegance and refined manners from all of us because we were tasting of beauty.

Between each course, our hostess showed us different Pre-Raphaelite prints from England, beautiful prints of feminine women, knights, heroes and saints who were depicted by artists in the early 1900′s who wanted to bring back the elegance and beauty into art. Alfred Lord Tennyson’s life was told in between the prints as the foundation of many of the pictures being painted to reflect his poetry–in memoriam, being one of the best. The love story of his life, his struggle to prove himself, and his faithful love throughout his lifetime.

Our souls were elevated to higher thoughts. Our femininity was cultivated and refined and we were called upon to become more intellectually adept as we pondered how a movement of idealists had in influence on their culture because of their commitment to exalt marriage, and Biblical design of men and women reflecting excellence and beauty in character.

I could see Joy sitting straighter, listening to inspiration, desiring to become more ideal. And all because a woman, who is herself always learning and studying, wanted to pass on civility and beauty to her friends. I know it was a great amount of work, but her labor exalted our souls.

And so it is, we cannot pass on civility, beauty, intelligence, excellence of mind and heart, if we do not ourselves make these virtues a goal of our lives. Whatever we pursue and cultivate will determine what we are also able to pass on to all who we encounter. As stewards of our souls, we must seek to cultivate a garden of beauty–it must be a regular habit, a discipline, to expose ourselves to great minds, the best musicians, fine artists, great theologians, wonderful biographies–so that our souls will indeed reflect a museum of His great character and nobility–that of our great king.

On to Dallas this morning and excited to pass on that which has been recently invested in my own soul.