I Take Joy | Bible Studies

When will they stop fussing? Love must be trained, to grow! Way # 5

March 25, 2013 by Sally 12 Comments

joel and joy piano

Joel and Joy, playing and singing again.

There was a time, actually some years, when I wondered if Joy and Joel could go for a day without chafing each other. Whatever personality issues lay between them, add a little sin nature and age difference, and life would find them often correcting each other’s opinion or thoughts or heating toward high friction.

Some of my best memories the past two years, though, have been seeing them come to the piano again and again–playing, singing, harmonizing for literally hours–as they are both singer-songwriter types; seeing Joel coach her as she practiced her speeches and then spending hours judging at her speech and debate tournaments; coaching and encouraging each other through life, loves, thoughts, and becoming real, down deep friends.

Same with Sarah and Nate, or Joy and Sarah or Joel and Nate, …, you get the picture!

Moms often say to me, “When are they ever going to stop fussing? Will they ever be friends?”

It does take longer than any of us would want, but training is the key to training the heart’s response.

But, as I have paraphrased in other principles–love is not natural, it is supernatural. Love is a choice, an obedience. It grows when self is put away again and again. Love is a choice practiced over and over again–in order to build a strong “love muscle.”

And yet, Jesus says that love is the very reality that will separate us from the world, because love is such an exceptional light in a sea of dark relationships–that we would actually show love for one another is the way He said we would win the world.

As he said, “They, (the world), will know you are my disciples by your love for one another.”

The reason people would know that something was different about believers in Christ is that love is not natural to normal people–love is not normal in this world where divorce, law suits, violence in homes, separation of friendships, petty fussing and fighting, church splits, this is the norm.

That is why this week’s “way” is so very important.

“We love one another, treating others with kindness, gentleness and respect.” Way #5

Memory Verse:

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

I John 4:11-12

Love must become a trained habit. Living by feelings is not a choice, we must help our children to “become strong inside” by choosing what is right, beyond negative feelings. Living in submission to the power of the Holy Spirit, and choosing to practice love, is what is at stake here. Obedience to practicing love and learning to forgive is a pathway to maturity and a choice where God will provide strength in the midst of such a choice of obedience.

What we sow, we reap. And if we sow seeds of love, seeds of choosing to be kind, learning to be gentle and showing respect, we will empower our children to have strong relationships. All of this must be taught, modelled, and then corrected and trained again and again.

The practice of learning to love goes on at home:

Is that the way to be kind, gentle and respectful to your sister? How could you have said that differently? What is our Family way about how we treat one another? Now, I want you to apologize and tell your sister that you love her.

weakly's clarksons church fun

Some of our besties–even friends offend each other.

Friends must also become a place of practicing loving.

I know you feel like your friend irritated you and was unjust–but our verse says, “Since God loved us, we also ought to love one another. So, could you find it in your heart to forgive your friend? Mama has quarreled with her friends before, too. I know it hurts your feelings. But since God forgave me, I knew He wanted me to forgive my friend. Can I pray for you and your friend? ……….Now, let’s surprise her and write her a nice note about how glad you are that she is your friend and maybe we could take her a plate of cookies?”

If we separate from our friends just because of quarrels, then we are teaching our children that we don’t have to love everyone–we only have to love the people who we feel like loving–and then your training of this verse and family way becomes null and void.

What we model as adults is the integrity of our teaching them to follow our ways.

(And even in those irrational relationships with family, believers and others who will not speak to you anymore or who have decided to be at enmity to you, you must model restraint–show respect because you are a child of Jesus. Show your children what it looks like to respect even those who have offended you and sinned against you. When you model unconditional love in front of your children, they know deep in their hearts that you are choosing to control your feelings in order to sow love–and guess what, that is exactly how they will behave when they are tested as adults–because they learned integrity from you!)

loving Clay

Oh no, you mean I even have to model this way in marriage?

All marriages have stress and ups and downs. This is the training grounds for parents to practice unconditional love in front of their children. Way 5, loving because He first loved us- is not something that just the children are required to follow–even we must follow our Family ways, especially in marriage–sowing love and grace, kindness, gentleness and respect with our spouse, even when our feelings disagree. This is the training grounds for greatness for our children.

When they hear the truth of the way and learn the verse, then when they see that in their home, forgiveness is practiced over and over again; saying your sorry and giving respect and restoring the relationship; choosing to act and speak in respectful ways, prepares your children to:

Stay loving and faithful and forgiving in marriage

to be a loyal and faithful friend

to get along and learn how to honor and handle others at work

In short, training a child to choose to love by showing kindness, gentleness and respect will prepare them to go before kings or paupers and to become leaders in their generation. This is one of the most important areas of training, so that our children can learn how to influence people with the messages of Christ–it starts with an attitude that says, “God has designed me to love people, to be humble like He was, to show respect and kindness.”

Did fussing irritate me? Of course–drove me crazy!

Did I ever wonder if my children would get along? Thousands of times.

Did I wonder what I was doing wrong? Of course I did.

But training is a matter of process and maturity. And it really is going in deep in their hearts.

But training them to love is not about forcing them and yelling at them–but training, correcting, loving, modeling and doing it all over again, until this is a true value of their soul.

But it does work and God will knit together your family, because it is deeply in their souls–His way and design for them.

I am not quite sure when the “magic” of my children really loving each other and enjoying each other and really loving to be together happened, but it is a gift and a result of the seeds we planted and watered over many years.

Even last night, Nathan rang us at 10:30 and we had a 20 minute, face time–me on the couch, showing the dog, getting 3 of us in camera site at once–just to be together and “jaw.” We giggled, shared, talked and loved once again as a community of Clarkson’s. The fruit was sweet to my mama heart.

This training is an over and over and over again issue, but I must say now, fighting hard for this way to become the “way” of their hearts is one of the sweetest harvests of training, because now we have all become best friends.

Filed Under: Bible Studies, Child Training, Children, Joyful Life, Mothering, Parenting

Playing the part of provider to bring life and beauty!

November 16, 2012 by Sally 11 Comments

Wisdom has built her house, She has hewn out her seven pillars,
She has prepared her food, she has mixed her wine,
She has set her table, …,
“Come eat of my food. And drink of my wine I have mixed.
For sake your folly and live,
And proceed in the way of understanding.” Proverbs 9:1-6

I am getting mommy excited about next Tuesday. My youngest, precious one, Joy, will come home from her first semester at college. She has sustained the 3 months alone without one visit and we have been constantly chatting and planning and sharing hearts so much that it feels like the last few days before you give birth–just biding your time until the momentous occasion comes. As a result, I have been looking at some old pictures and drawing up old memories and here is one of them–our fall apple picking and putting away for the winter. We missed it this year with Joy gone and us traveling too much.

But I had so much fun remembering, I thought I would share our memory with you! Getting into the mood for cooking a feast for all of my children and special others who will be with us!

Below a story of life from 4 years ago–hard to believe the time flew!

Yesterday we had a great sermon–one of four–which addressed the reality of heaven. I loved hearing that in heaven we will eat and drink and feast and have gardens and rivers and beauty and celebration and singing–only it will be in a perfect and wonderful place–called paradise–even more wonderful than anything we can see or imagine here.

I like knowing these things. It makes me think that when I prepare these thousands of meals that I am providing a little heaven on earth–an imperfect picture here of what real celebration and living will be there! I think that one of my delights over the years, which has grown as I have become better at it, is providing life-giving meals and memories for my family. Wisdom (I love it that wisdom is personified as a woman!) sets her table and provides wonderful food and in the midst of serving, calls those she serves to wisdom, understanding, love and righteousness. I am convinced that we have done more discipleship over meals than any other way!

As the old saying goes, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, but I think there is some truth to it, only applying to all people! Even Wisdom knew as much. Though there are so many things that reach and touch our hearts, I do think that the dining table can become the place of so much spirituality. At least it has for our family. Clay and I talk to our sons Joel and Nathan several times a week. Though both are thriving where they are, both have mentioned often missing our family. And when I asked them what they missed the most, it is as Joel and Nate said, “It’s the great food and the meal time discussions that I miss the most–just being together like that as a family.”

I would have to agree that these moments (and there are thousands of them) have held celebrations, devotions, discussions, funny stories, jokes, laughter, songs, correction (How many times have I told you–use a fork–not your fingers!) and sharing our hearts together.

God designed us to eat, but the time spent eating in warm fellowship, giving words of love and affirmation, challenging ideas with a meaningful quote to discuss or bringing and insightful article to the table to read together makes the moments that we spend in delightful fellowship feasting, a discipleship moment!

Just thought I would include a recipe from a most recent Sunday breakfast meal. Though we try to have devotions as a family, as our children became older and had their own cars, jobs and activities, we could barely get everyone together at once, but we could almost always get everyone together on Sunday morning. So many years ago, even when they were young, I got up early to make a great Sunday morning breakfast. Some of our favorites include home made whole wheat cinnamon rolls–(and yes, someday I will provide the recipe–but it is not perfected yet and I am afraid of misleading all of you! I am so used to throwing it all together–my own recipe–that I don’t exactly know how to put it down as it is different every time!)

Now onto more–scrambled cheese eggs–I do it a certain Clarkson way with bacon bits, cheese and sour cream; Polish eggs–the same only with hash browns mixed into the eggs-omelette’s with green peppers, onions, ham, bacon, avocado as the favorite items and of course cheese; muffins–our favorite being oatmeal and also blueberry or pumpkin; also, apple coffee cake; cottage cheese pancakes with strawberry or blueberry topping.

But one of the family favorites, which I do when I run out of time or get up late, is Whole Wheat Pancakes. I use this recipe below. The great thing about this recipe is that you can change it by adding just a few items. The ones pictured below are my regular ones–pancakes with grated apple, pecans and cinnamon.

Sometimes I add chocolate chips and have made a smiley face with them; or blueberries, one to two squished bananas with chopped nuts; hot peach sauce on top, hot apples on top and whip cream on all of it if desired. The girls in our family prefer real maple syrup and the boys prefer Aunt Jemima or log cabin light.

Of course we always light candles and put on some kind of music.

Somehow our table looks sparse now that we only have 4!

Whole Wheat Pancakes
2 eggs
2 cups whole wheat (or white) flour
1 1/2 cups milk or yoghurt
2 -4 tablespoons honey, sugar or maple syrup-depending on your taste
6 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
Beat eggs with beater until fluffy. Add remaining ingredients until smooth. You can add up to 1/4 cup of milk if you prefer thinner cakes, but we like them fluffy and thick. They do spread out on your griddle–though sometimes I give them a little help when I put them on the griddle by spreading them out a little with my spatula. Let them cook until there are lots of bubbles showing on the surface of the cakes, and they are beginning to dry out on the edges. This makes enough to feed all 6 of us. You can halve the recipe and feed 4 if they are not big eaters!

*as an aside, I always grate apples to put in the pancakes. I also add pecans to some of them. You can also fold in blueberries. Yumm–a great way to add whatever you happen to like! (Once a woman told me that she followed this recipe and her pancakes turned out really heavy. I grind my own flour and don’t add more flour if the batter looks wrong–I add a little more milk. They are pretty light for us–hope it works for you!)

Next, I like to decorate for each season. I keep lidded plastic boxes with the season’s decor and it just takes me a small amount of time to decorate my whole house. (autumn, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine’s, Easter, Spring and summer) I like, also, these tall glass cannisters that hold whatever you want in the bottom and candles on the top part as pictured below. You can get them in all sorts of sizes–expensive designer ones or Walmart or Target. The reason I like them is that you can just put different things in the bottom of them, place a candle on top and it is an instant centerpiece on a table or coffee table. In autumn, leaves are on the bottom. At Christmas, I put tiny red and green Christmas tree balls in one and pine cones in another I have; small hearts at valentines with a red strand of beads during January and early February, etc.

Providing can also be designing traditions just for your family that take on a life of its own. Every year for a few years, we took a trip to the local apple farm and picked our own apples, ate a picnic out in the fields. Then, some weekend, we would all peel apples, slice and cut them and freeze them for applesauce and or warm apples to have with our soups in the winter. This year, our apple farm had a freeze and so we bought 3 boxes of organic apple to use for our recipes. We always watch the Anne of Green Gables series while doing it and I think we have every line memorized. This year, since our family is ridding itself of lots of our plastic, we decided to put our recipes in jars. I must say we missed the boys as they always did a lot of work with us on these!

The final outcome so far: 17 jars of homemade applesauce and 12 jars of apple butter (minus the jars eaten!)

Now, tonight we will do the last box–apple pie filling!

We so enjoyed praying for all of you today. It was such a good time of fellowship with my girls–I should do this more. Have a great day tomorrow and know we are in His loving and wonderful hands.

Grace, peace and an abundance of His love to all of you today!

Sally

Filed Under: Bible Studies, Child Training, Family, Food, Home, Hospitality, Joyful Life, Lifegiver, Mothering, Our Family, Recipes, Table Settings, Traditions

Training my princess

January 23, 2012 by Sally 14 Comments

Carl Larsson

Celebrating last weekend with over 300 moms was quite soul-filling for me. Vibrant conversations, beautiful singing, inspiring speakers–I was so very humbled and blessed to be a part.

Yet, one of the issues that came to mind over and over again as I talked to these women was the issue of training, I want to pass on the picture of training and filling the souls and hearts of children with kingdom principles and truth so that they come alive. It is not a procedure but a relationship. Passing on spirituality is not so much getting the right curriculum, or being “holier” than thou, but it is passing on a life of love, passion for Christ, and goodness that overflows from your own heart. I am reposting an older blog article that gets to the heart of training our “Princesses and Princes” for the role of ruling in their own world someday. Happy Monday.

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Thursday morning was the first day, I think, in a whole year when I had Joy all to myself with everyone else out of the house for a whole day! (Sarah is in Kentucky with a dear friend of mine, Nathan in California, Joel and Clay at work!) We lit candles and sipped our own hot mug of brew in the quiet of my bedroom where no one could find us.

I then had the most wonderful time of reading to her and then teaching her about Abraham and Isaac. We spent almost an hour and half looking at different scripture about him–God calling him to leave his home to follow Him; the promise of a nation outnumbering the sand on the seashore coming from His line–becoming a Father of a nation; his waiting period for the promised son; the birth of Isaac; the sacrifice of Isaac; the passages in Hebrews of him and Sarah living by faith.

“Indeed, If they had been thinking of that country from which they went out (their home!), they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desired a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.” Hebrews 11:15

We talked and talked about how we are here temporarily and will some day go to a heavenly country. We talked about Abraham giving up his treasure into God’s hands, knowing that He could trust God to hold and keep all that was important to Him–and how indeed God provided the lamb stuck in the bushes–he had already planned to provide for Abraham, but gave Abraham the chance to worship by yielding his treasure and showing God his heart of trust. We talked about how great a nation, throughout history, the Jews became–how God multiplies the work of faith and service we do to make it beyond what we can imagine–just like he did for Abraham. We ended on Romans 12:1-2–the need for us to yield ourselves as a living and holy sacrifice to God which is our spiritual service of worship–just like Abraham did and to be willing to go anywhere, do anything for the privilege of serving God and doing His work on the earth!

I could almost see her little heart swell to the greatness of His calling on her life–I wonder how God will use you? I wonder what it will look like for you to live by faith. Look at how God has blessed and led our family as we have served Him. She then said, “You know, Mom, I used to sometimes worry about the possibility of us moving somewhere for our ministry and wondering if I would be willing to give up my friends, but I gave that to Him last week, knowing that I would rather serve Him and watch Him do great things, than to hold on to my little world and fears.”

I realized again why I love homeschooling–I have the time to have access to my sweet princess’s brain and heart and time to discuss really important things and to love her and nurture her without the hurry and worry that the imposition of a regular schedule might bring. I cherish the times I can train her for the realm in which she will some day rule and bring His light. I love knowing that she and I are such close soul companions because of all the focused time spent without the competition of so many others that she would have if she was in the company of hundreds and hundreds of kids every day. I am preparing to send my children out, and probably away from me, but they will go with hearts and minds filled with stories of heroes who lived differently–boldly, bravely, intentionally for Christ’s purposes–to bring light and beauty and truth to their world.

Joy’s concluding thought was, “I hope I have 12 kids so I can really have a lot of leaders to send from my home. I can’t wait to have my own domain so I can make a place where greatness can live and be made every day as I teach my kids.”

It is all about loving God and passing on the baton of His love to our children. Enjoy your day of training your own royalty to rule over the kingdoms God will give to them. And be sure to enjoy the moment–it will pass more quickly than you know!

Grace and peace!

Sally

Filed Under: Bible Studies, Education, Family, Joyful Life, Mothering, Our Family, Relationships, Trust in God

De-Cluttering your Soul—the Secret to Peace and Rest

December 29, 2011 by Sally 43 Comments

My Home Town

There is something uniquely good about January 1. It marks a new year, a new beginning, a new possibility. It also marks, for me, the reentry into simplicity. I don’t know if there is a more satisfying feeling for me during the year than when we put all of our Christmas things away, the decorations, the remnant of cookies, the clutter. We did that in my home, today. I have also been revisiting an article that I rework every January 1, as it is a pattern I seem to keep needing to learn.

Every year for the past few years, I have pondered and written about de-cluttering my soul. I hope you will be blessed by these thoughts. I am pulling away for a few days, once again, to see what needs to stay and what needs to be cut. I am sending Sarah off to Oxford tomorrow and Nathan back to Hollywood and then we will get back to normal. And so I am deliciously excited to take time alone to get back to my soul.

I love the celebration of life and the traditions and the fun and the beauty of special times spent with my children, husband and friends. But, there is something deeply satisfying to me about getting it all put away and getting back to normal.

Perhaps it is because my normal responsibilities of caring for my family’s needs demand so much of me—cooking nutritious meals, organizing our schedules, cleaning and organizing on a daily basis, homeschooling and add to that ministry—these are enough, but holidays put on that extra load. Routines go by the wayside and so the clutter and demolishing of the house, slowly takes over.

I am not a person gifted in handling details—too much mail, too many catalogues, too many emails, too many options, too many things. The more there is, the more I become responsible for, the more work there is to be done, and so, the more anxious I become. Same with activities. The more I commit to, the more I say yes, the more I have to drive, the more my house gets into a mess, and the more anxious I become, the more hurried we feel, and the more weary I become. When I am not at peace, nothing in our home is at peace.

We can all see how too much clutter and too many piles causes us to feel overwhelmed with life. Consequently, slowly, I have learned to declutter as often as I can—throw away unnecessary stuff. Clay is really the master at this. He helps me get rid of things, organize things and put away things. Yesterday, he decluttered our pantry—threw away chip bags that held little but took up space, cleared out empty water bottles, bad, junky Christmas candy that had been given to us, but would never eaten; baskets that had fallen off of their nails, groceries that had never been put in their place. Now, if someone came into my pantry, they would mistakenly think that I am an organized person. (Thank goodness for Clay!) It made me feel good just to open the door and to see that all was manageable again.

But, I have also come to realize that my brain and heart can be the same way—cluttered with worries, responsibilities, duties, children’s future, finances, time constraints, expectations, disappointments, critical attitudes, resentment. All of these added together, can tend to create soul piles and mind clutter. If I don’t take the time to sort the piles of mind clutter, my spirit becomes a mess and my heart becomes overwhelmed and weary.

It is what awakened me at 4:00 a.m. this morning-soul clutter and worry. It is another reason I like January. It gives me an opportunity to make a new plan, to simplify the mind messes and to start off a whole new year well. In the same way that throwing away stuff and clearing out closets brings me relief, even more, soul and mind cleaning and decluttering brings me rest.

So, as I begin a new year, and head into my conference season, a very busy time for our family, I resolve to deal with my soul-clutter, so that I may have strength to face each day in peace. I come to the place where I know I will find the help that I need. I come to my Father and ask Him to help me, His child, to show me how to make get rid of the junk that is unnecessary, and to help me clean out and organize my soul.

He speaks to me gently.

It was in writing my new book, Dancing with My Father, that I have learned so much about finding joy–and peace. In Him, with Him, by Him all the moments of my busy day. His voice leads me to what I long for–but I must get rid of all that causes me to fret, worry, criticize, control. There is a way….

“In quietness and rest shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15
You need to come to me and give me all those things that are weighing on your heart. Resolve to seek rest and peace.

“Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

I listed all of my issues this morning in my journal (and there seem to be multitudes of clutter piles in my soul–worries, attitudes, bitterness, weariness, fear, sin and a few more!) These are issues that will suck me dry and my energy dry if I do not notice them in order to clean out my soul!

The Lord prompted, “List all of your issues, give them over to me, don’t hold on to them. I am capable of taking them from you and being responsible so that you will not be weary or carry what you are not capable of carrying.

“Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. “ Psalm 37:7

Focus on resting in me—sit in my lap, so to speak, rest in my arms. Let me carry you. I love you.. Wait for my timing. Don’t force things or beg me to hurry up. I am in control.

“Be still (cease striving) and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
“Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother;
Like a weaned child is my soul within me.” Psalm 131:2

Give me your attention and get control of your spirit. Be quiet. Be still. Recognize my sovereignty and transcendence. Remember what Jesus said, “Our Father who art in heaven, holy is your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Jesus modeled his understanding that my will is what you need to rest in. I am in heaven and I see all things—the future, the past, your children, your relationships, –all your clutter. Give them to me. Quiet your soul and rest in my strength and power.

“Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one little child like this receives me.” Matthew 18:3-5

Come to me as a child—even as your children, in their innocence and sweetness of heart, know that you will care for them and meet their needs because you are a loving parent who cares for them, so I am your Father who will take care of you. Leave the burdens to your father and take your rightful place as a child. Humble yourself and trust me. Enjoy me. Delight in the beautiful moments of this day. Notice the little miracles. Live as an unfettered child. Accept your little and big children and receive them as a gift from me, and your will indeed receive me inot your midst.

“ … a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” I Peter 3:4

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about so many things. But really one is needed and Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” Luke 10 41-42

Don’t worry and fret and stew and stir up unnecessary dust. Choose simplicity—just one thing I require—that you give it all to me and love me. I will take over. Even as I gave and provided a Sabbath in which all of my children should have rest from their work, so I want you to live in my Sabbath rest for your soul. Rest from your striving and labor. Take time for naps, for pleasure, for joy. This day you have to receive as a gift–I can’t promise what tomorrow will hold. But today you can love, give peace, speak kind and wise words, dance in your soul with my secret pleasure that comes from knowing that I love you.Simplify your life, don’t make choices that will complicate or add unnecessary pressure or cause you to sin or grumble. “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life,” as Paul said.

So, as I yielded my lists into God’s hands and decluttered my troubled soul, I left feeling that even as my house has been coming to order, after we cleaned and straightened it yesterday, now my soul is moving in the direction of order.

Rest, rest, rest—in quietness and rest will be your strength every day, every year, until you see me face to face. I love you, my sweet girl. Don’t forget that I am with you each moment of today.
Your doting and loving Father.

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May all of you dear friends indeed have a happy and fulfilling new year with your days filled with the blessing of His company! Thanks for so many who have taken the time to write. Each note, Christmas card, picture, email and comment has given me strength and joy. I am sorry I have not responded to each of you as you really mean so much to me and keep me going.I appreciate your words of life so much! Keep writing me as I love to hear from you.

Filed Under: Beauty, Bible Studies, Family, Joyful Life, My Books, Our Family, Ponderings, Simplicity

Is the lamp of your soul filled?

December 30, 2010 by Sally 3 Comments

January is usually a challenging time in the lives of many people. The anticipation of the holidays is over, there are messes to be cleaned, and lots of cold weather and dark days ahead. From times past, I know that it helps me every year to refocus and get a new perspective in order to make it through the long winter months with more grace.

I wish you were here today, the flurries of snow are so lovely as it peacefully dances through the air and falls softly. It is so white, so pure, so wonderful. It reminds me of the gentleness of God’s word and the beauty of it as it fills our soul. That is exactly the way I feel now as I ponder our morning devotions where we discussed the virgins that didn’t bring enough oil for their lamps.

¹ “At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. ² Five of them were foolish and five were wise. 3 The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. (Mathew 25: 1-3)

Some of the virgins were called wise and some were called foolish. Why?

Because they had oil? Well, partially but more because they had thought ahead to the priorities in life. They didn’t let things in life distract them from the truly pressing, the truly important, the true priorities. The wise virgins took the time to put oil in their lamps–to be ready to meet the bridegroom.

What does it mean for us to be ready to meet Him? To see Him face to face? How does that play itself out in the warp and woof of our home life? There are times in our lives when we definitely get distracted by dirty rooms, meals to prepare and oh yes, definitely laundry! But, are these the things that put oil into our souls? Likely not.

However, focusing on the Savior that is in the manger and on the cross will definitely fill our soul and guide our hands to the priorities of a time to visit with God every day, a time to talk to our children about why they are created in God’s image and maybe some help in how they can walk that out today. Maybe it is time in prayer for the neighbor, friend who is mourning, or family member that feels so alone and misunderstood.

All of our busy-ness will be in vain if it is not in preparation to see Him, to celebrate Him in our homes, to ready all of our children to put Him as the highest priority as we await that wonderful day when He will come back to the earth. God wants us to be ready and anticipating His coming.

The wise virgins were ready–they had faithfully prepared to see their Savior face to face. When we are in readiness the priorities are a lot more clear and our steps are so much more sure. So, as January approaches, evaluate your life in light of this wonderful little story. Take some time today to make sure you have the oil you need for your lamp and you too will be wise.

Filed Under: Bible Studies, Child Training, Lifegiver, Ponderings, Trust in God

Encourage one another……..!

September 21, 2010 by Sally 4 Comments

So many letters and emails I receive are about the “battle” each woman is experiencing. Sometimes it is a marriage problem, being overwhelmed with little ones, an anger issue, a stray child, exhaustion, inadequacy. We all have one life in which to stay strong in our story of faith. Today is our opportunity to show our faith in Christ by how we live each moment–to love as He loved, to speak words of life instead of killing those in our pathway with our words, to give generously of ourselves as He gave daily.

Yet, this life of extending ourselves can become very draining. How to keep going? Encouragement! Help from others. I keep going in our ministry and traveling because Clay and I feel that we need to be a voice of encouragement, inspiration, strengthening to stay strong in a world that doesn’t have our values or spiritual foundations. To give courage–to help someone be faithful because they feel their life matters—that is the basis of encouragement.

Yet, Clay and I keep going because of the encouragement we receive from those who take time to speak words of strength into our own lives.

I thought I would list a few verses that specifically remind us of the importance of encouraging and giving strength to those in our lives–our husbands, children, friends, family. So take initiative to encourage loved ones in your life today–and those who you know need those words of life!

Ephesians 4:29
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, But the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.

Proverbs 10:11

1 Thessalonians 4:18 Therefore comfort one another with these words.

Hebrews 10:25
not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near.

1 Thessalonians 3:2
and we sent Timothy, our brother and God’s fellow worker in the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you as to your faith,
Romans 15:4
For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Acts 15:32
And Judas and Silas, also being prophets themselves, encouraged and strengthened the brethren with a lengthy message.

Hebrews 10:24-25

And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the day drawing near.

We must consider, think about, ponder, take initiative as to how we might stimulate our beloved to love and good deeds.

As God always initiated His love, we are made in His image to be givers and initiators. You can make a difference today. Blessings of His grace to you today.

Filed Under: Bible Studies, Joyful Life, Ponderings, Trust in God

Fall ~ A New Season for Heart Work–focussing on the eternal

September 7, 2010 by Sally 8 Comments

Julian Aiden Weir Autumn Rain
The leaves are starting to turn from various shades of green to vibrant oranges, golds, and reds. Crisp morning air greets us as we close the bedroom windows, before heading downstairs to brew a hot cup of tea! A fresh, new season is just around the corner! As many families prepare to go “back to school,” our hearts wonder what God has in store for us next, what classes He has enrolled us in. Is it “Patience 101″ again?! Will I learn more about His love? Grace? Discipline? I am in his school room of holiness as I model and teach my own how to walk daily with Him.

Fall has always felt to me like the real “new year” and I have great anticipation to have a new slate, with, as Anne of Green gables said, with no mistakes made yet, all new possibilities. So it is exciting to see how the schedule will come together and what we will pursue in the way of commitments and activities.

Fall is also a strategic time to reflect on our children’s character and our own. Making sure my calendar is not so crammed with activities and lessons that the only time I have with Joy is in the car is a filter for the commitments I am willing to make.

Fall is a reflective season in which to take some time to pray over each of my children, asking the Lord for wisdom in how to help each child grow in their faith–those who are in my house and those who are far away. I ask God to show me their potential, their gifts, their temptations, the areas in which they need to grow. Wisdom comes from the Holy Spirit, who has access to my children’s hearts, minds and souls. As I read the word and pray, He impresses me with those thoughts that lead me to be a more intentional leader and mentor of each of them with their own unique personalities and needs.

Joy will finish her formal schooling in May. It will mark for me the end of my commitment to homeschooling, which started 26 years ago, so I want to end well. As an extrovert, she would like to be busy every day, every minute! Participating in a 3 practices a week drama troop, with many performances this fall (The Importance of Being Ernest), will keep her quite busy. Added to that is dance, her history group, Inklings group, piano lessons, voice and small discipleship group, and we are pretty booked–let alone my own ministry schedule which I fit in between her commitments. She wanted to take some more outside classes (she is a driven personality–easy to finish on!)

But this will be my last focused opportunity to really drive home the deep messages of Christ, to read the last round of great books, to cultivate discussion, to build into her heart, to have those last cozy tea times, just Joy and me, and watch the Holy Spirit turn our time into memories that will feed her soul for her whole life.

So, I limited her from signing up for college pathways, the two classes her friends were taking. Why? Not because they were not good classes, but they would have robbed me from the chance to intentionally use this year to touch her heart for eternity! Probably, for me it would have been easier if she could have taken outside classes that I didn’t have to teach, and I have certainly loved so many of our coop classes that she has taken.

But, I prayed about my schedule and really felt the Lord tell me to “Make time for building into her life.” And so I am planning and choosing books and arranging some social gatherings in our home that will make this a great year for her and for me.

In light of this, I thought I would share with you some of my previous thoughts about my own children as I was discipling them through the teen years. Chapter 6 in The Ministry of Motherhood is devoted to inspiring a sense of purpose in our children’s lives. In that chapter, I tell about how then sixteen-year-old Joel and I discussed his possible career choices. Here is an excerpt from pages 72 and 73:

Jesus’ work in a person’s life has always begun with a call to leave behind the goals, purposes, and distractions of this world and to say yes to a whole new life, a new way of thinking. “Follow me” is what he told the disciples as he recruited them. And they did, abandoning their fishing nets, their tax-collector’s moneybags, their permanent homes, their everyday duties and pleasures. And they never went back. Sure, they still did a little fishing from time to time! But once they made the choice to follow Jesus, their lives were forever changed. They never returned to “normal.”

I think this is vital for us to keep in mind as Christians and as parents. We know we are called to follow Christ, to take his message to the world, to raise our children to heed Jesus’ call. But sometimes I think we fail to consider that following the Lord might mean leaving behind the ordinary and the familiar. It means exchanging a temporal view of life for an eternal goal. And this may mean leaving behind things we really care about — involvements and pursuits that seem important and worthwhile but may not be God’s best for us.

Part of giving the gift of inspiration is helping our children understand this — and perhaps reminding ourselves. To fulfill God’s design for their lives, our precious children must at some point determine to give Jesus allegiance in every aspect of their lives. There is a cost to discipleship, and that cost is everything!

Exchanging a temporal view of life for an eternal goal. Our lives will not reflect the world’s values. As mothers, we are life-givers. Our culture encourages us to live for the moment. But how does that give life? How can being selfish bring about an eternal goal of holiness? Many times we allow a behavior to continue, thinking we will “get back to it” when it is more convenient, but does that time ever come? We want to give our children every possible opportunity to be creative, to find their strengths and weaknesses. Do we ask why we are involved in so many activities? Will this produce eternal fruit? Or just weariness? Sometimes we need to take a break from our normal routine to see just how out of control we are. Sometimes the Lord allows something into our lives to slow us down, to help us focus on what He really wants us to do.

As Christian moms, our hearts’ desire is to follow the Lord and do His will. We want to set a godly example for our children. God has a plan and a purpose for our lives, but we need to make ourselves available to Him. When we surround ourselves with busyness, we cannot hear His still small voice. Let’s look at some Scriptures that remind us of who He wants us to be.

Some Biblical Wisdom

Philippians 1:6 says, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

What will God do in your life? When will He finish that work? How does this encourage you in your walk with Him and in your children’s spiritual growth?

Meditate on these words from Isaiah 55:8-9:
“‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

Nor are your ways My ways,’ declares the Lord.

‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are My ways higher than your ways

And My thoughts than your thoughts.’”

Can you think of a situation where God’s ways were not your ways? Why are His ways better than our ways?

Ephesians 2:10 is a great reminder that the Lord has a plan for our lives:

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”

Who are we? We are created in Christ for what? Who prepared the works for us to do? What work has God created you to do? Does God know why He has given your child his or her particular personality? Does He have a plan for leading them to their life’s work? How can you encourage each child to pursue what God has uniquely prepared him or her to do?

Application

Put together a puzzle with your children. Leave a couple of pieces out so the puzzle cannot be completed. Use this to explain:

How God has specific good works He wants each of us to do. If we do not do those works, there will be “holes” in our ministry to others? What will be the holes in the lives of others that could have been filled if we had followed God?.
How God wants us to surrender our entire lives, not just certain pieces. He wants us to be complete in Him.
If our life was a puzzle, God would keep working in our life until it was complete. He would not give up!

As you pray over your children, take time to listen to God’s voice. Is this the school year to simplify and focus on things of eternal value instead of trying to do it all? Is this the season to fall into His arms and just rest? May the Lord give you wisdom as you seek His purpose in your life!

Filed Under: Beauty, Bible Studies, Family, My Books, Nature, Ponderings, Simplicity

God's ways of dealing with Conflict

August 21, 2010 by Sally 9 Comments

“As far as it is possible with you, be at peace with all men.” Romans 12:18

Recently, several unfortunate situations have arisen in our lives amongst fellow believers who are creating disharmony–both in a local church situation, a women’s ministry group, as well as another issue that has arisen on a national scale amongst leaders of an organization.

The reason for this blog article is that I truly believe that Satan loves for disharmony to flourish and to be nurtured amongst Christians. Whether in marriage, in parenting, in ministry or in organizations, we must fight against relationship conflicts and seek energetically to be those who are generous in love, compassionate in heart, gracious and peace-making as much as possible in all relationships in which we are involved. We are called by Christ to be menders of relationships and reflections of His own unmerited favor and love for us, when we were still sinners.

After being in ministry for almost 40 years, I have lived through many very difficult seasons of conflict: groups or churches dividing and ministries being destroyed; people quitting jobs and ministry teams; hurt feelings, harsh words that have a lasting impact and go deep into the souls; and immature idealistic young Christians who think that the whole world needs to hear their thoughts on all sorts of issues. Gossiping, critical, judgmental groups of women have also created havoc in the pathways I have traveled. The possibilities of conflict are limitless.

Conflict, spiritual warfare and criticism is part of the challenge of being in Christian ministry. I have often told my children, that if one chooses to be a leader and stand up in front of people for ideals, righteousness and the kingdom, they will become an easy target–it comes with the territory. I did not know or understand this when I first committed myself to be involved in ministry as a way of life. I was often shocked at how Christians could so easily abuse each other. Heart-breaking circumstances have also caused me deep anguish and overwhelming sadness in my own life. And yet, God has been so very gracious to pull me through and beyond these incidences and taught me so much along the way. Not all people have been so fortunate as to have survived their battles against the harsh battles of being at the forefront of Christian ministry.

Naturally, most people involved in controversy, have reasons dear to their hearts for being a part of the conflict. Many think it is for the sake of keeping “doctrine” pure or standing for principles that must be debated.

Now I am not suggesting in this article that we, as believers, should not have Biblical ideals. But I have come to look upon conflict and division in the body with seriousness and with caution, because I think most of it breaks the heart of Christ, especially when it concerns fellow Christians. And I have seen that much of the conflict has been over opinions and judgments that have in the long-run, proven to be unnecessary or false.

If the focus of my life is to please Christ, to love Him with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength, then I have to use that as a grid for all that I do. So when I come to a conflict amongst Christians, I must look at it, if at all possible, through the eyes of Christ. How does He see this? What does He value? What is His example? How would He want me to behave? What is my responsibility?

I would like to suggest just a few of the Biblical principles that have guided and guarded my own involvement in conflict.

Peacemakers

“While being reviled, he did not revile in return, but kept trusting Himself to God who judges righteously.” I Peter 2:23

While being accused, Jesus, the only perfect and just person who ever lived, did not defend himself when he was being unjustly accused in his trial. His decision was to be quiet, still of heart, humble in his righteous position and to wait for God’s justice to work. God is committed to justice, to holiness, to disciplining our lives so that we can share in his very character–God is always faithful in His timing to bring about His will.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” Matt. 5:9

“As far as it is possible with you, be at peace with all men.” Romans 12:18

Jesus said that those who make peace are like God–as peacemakers, they will appear as children of the Most High who is one who gave his whole life to bring us peace, restoration, redemption. He took the conflict upon himself. We are admonished to use our lives and our very words to bring peace.

Life-Giving words

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word that is good for the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

³¹Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

³²Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4: 29-32

Of course this passage is filled to the brim with godly advice. But overall, it indicates that God’s will for us is to put away any selfish tendency in our hearts (wrath, bitterness, anger, clamor, or malice) far from us, because it grieves the Holy Spirit and prevents Him from living through us.

Instead, we are to choose to be kind, tender-hearted–not hard hearted, and forgiving us in the way Christ has forgiven us. Pretty clear admonition. This passage really tells us not to follow our pride, but to follow humility and gentleness. I think pride has been the biggest reason for most dissension.

Not judging others

“Do not judge, lest you be judged.” Matthew 7

I quickly found 6 passages without even working at it that admonished us not to judge others–not to assess them or judge their motives, or their behavior–but not to judge at all. We can so easily as humans see things from our own lives and we “feel” we are right.

Yet, I have learned the hard way, by looking back on my life, that many times I was young, inexperienced, short-sighted, wrong in my judgments of others. To be quiet, peace making, patient, humble of heart is so much more the pattern that Jesus modeled. We are not God, we are not omniscient and cannot see or understand all knowledge–so we had better be very careful that we have a case before we speak against anyone–especially if we have any sin or weakness in our own lives like the very people we are criticizing. It is not wise to jump into an argument or disagreement that is not our own.

Avoiding Gossip

There are about 127 quotes in scripture that speak about gossip. God hates gossip–hates it. Gossip is spreading words or thoughts about a person to others which cause the hearer to think badly about the one being gossiped about.

So, unless I know that I am God’s agent of truth about a situation, unless I am quite sure He wants me to speak against someone, I had better be very careful of my words, lest I separate myself from God. I must be cautious of self-righteously speaking against someone I think might be wrong or who disagrees with me. This is a very serious offense to God.

God’s Supernatural, loving Ways

God’s heart is for us to be forgiving, loving, gracious and generous to provide His peace.

“Love covers a multitude of sin.” I Peter

“They will know you are my disciples by your love for one another.”

“It is to a man’s honor to overlook a sin.”

“Greater love has no one than this that a man lays down his life for another.”

“Forgive 70 times 7.”

There are obviou
sly so many more scriptures about conflict-resolution. But overall, I think that it breaks the heart of God for us, who are believers, to create dissension amongst other believers or to create any negative suggestions which could in any way harm another believer. Many Christians and Christian movements have been made to look foolish in the eyes of the world for choosing to get caught up in division.

Though I have so far to go myself in learning and applying these truths, I see that if I am to become more like Christ, I must take these and so many other admonitions to heart. May God grant you wisdom and grace as you consider His ways in relating in a Biblical way to others in your own journey with Him through all of your own conflicts. And may His Spirit shine His light and grace through us in this world greatly in need of His light, redemption and love.

“

Filed Under: Bible Studies, Lifegiver, People, Ponderings, Relationships, Trust in God

Child Discipline, part 2 and Our 24 Family Ways

July 28, 2010 by Sally 10 Comments

Train up a child in the way he should go and even when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

When Joy was growing up, she just about had 5 parents. Since her next oldest sibling was 6 years older than her, everyone thought they knew what she needed. I used to laugh inside when my older kids were 15 and above and they would say, “Joy, you need to clean up your messes, put your dish in the dishwasher, tell your friends to clean up their toys after they play, etc.”

There were so many instances in my life when I would correct my older kids and I didn’t think they were paying attention, but somewhere as they moved from youth to adulthood, I could see that they had internalized our training and lived by our family ways.

As Clay told me, from his study of the Hebrew, in this verse, “when he is old,” refers to when he grows a beard. In other words, when a child moves to adulthood, he will adopt the ways he has learned to walk.

Even in brain development, I discovered through reading a number of articles, that the brain has pathways in it, much like roads. The more a brain thinks or receives a certain message, the deeper the rut in the brain. So, when we verbalize our values and repeat scripture and train up our children along certain paths, these paths grow deeper in their brains and inform them how to live life. I love it when God’s word moves in sync with science.

This is why child discipline is more about training and discipleship than it is about spanking or using the rod.

But it is so important for us to understand that each of us comes to parenting with a grid or filter. Your filter or grid will determine how you respond to every situation with your children.

If your grid is animosity based, in other words, seeing yourself as the police who must correct and punish every single act and be on guard not to miss anything, then you will face your child in a behavioral way–according to the rules they break, but not according to the spirit of the law. This brings about legalism, and harshness and guilt, because one thinks they must play this role or they will lose their children.

We based our grid on the understanding that God wanted us to love our children and relate to them with affirmation, acceptance, life-giving words and instruction, to receive them as a gift, much as Jesus did with His disciples. We also knew that “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God,” and that this sin-nature made each of our children self-centered and selfish. And as we observed scripture and the way God worked in our lives, we could see that His goal for discipline and training for us, was to shape our hearts to become conformed to the image of Christ. “He disciplines us that we may share in His holiness.”

So, our hearts were to move our children away from their naturally selfish, sinful hearts, to train them and give them a heart for learning what it meant to love God and to obey His ways and to learn to conform their values and behavior in the ways of righteousness and by learning to love and become like Jesus.

“The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, that shines brighter and brighter until the full day.”Provers 4:18

We understood that child training was a slow, steady process. We instructed our children constantly along the path of truth and God’s ways, and when they got off the path, we corrected them and led them back on–a relational, loving, intentional path of life. This kind of child training is intentional, full-time, all-in.

Even as Jesus trained, lived with, instructed, modeled righteousness to His disciples, so we attempted to do with our own children–slow, purposeful, attentive, steady–helping our children in the very atmosphere of our home to breathe the very life, truth and values of Jesus.

When my children were very young, Clay and I discussed what were the “ways” in which we wanted our children to go, as the verse said. When we had purposed to follow the Biblical ways, that we wanted our children to go, we had a grid for looking at every moment in their lives as a time to teach them the right “ways”, correct them when they violated our “ways”, model to them our “ways.”

For instance, in our 24 Family Ways, one of the areas is in reference to relationships, way number 5 is “We treat one another, treating others with kindness, gentleness and respect.” The memory verse for this particular way is, “Beloved, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”

And so when my children violated this way, speaking unkindly or being rough, we always said, “What is our way about relationships, what is our memory verse?” Then we had a foundation in their hearts and brains about how to build relationships. Repeated hundreds if not thousands of times in their lifetime, they became gracious adults–it was the way in which the Clarksons directed our path in our home.

Or, for instance, about work, “We are diligent to complete a task promptly and thoroughly when asked.”

Or, “We choose to be joyful, even when we feel like complaining.”

These ways, the memory verses, the devotionals, were repeated many times at different times during their lives and so it became a very part of their soul and values. They became familiar with God’s Biblical ways and verses, so that when they were old enough to respond to the Lord, they had a vocabulary that He could use in their hearts to remind them of the “way in which to go.” It was a part of their soul make-up, their brain’s pathways of truth.

What I learned as I had more children was that my younger ones could repeat the ways and verses at very young ages (even 2 years old) because we studied the ways with them on our lap, studied the verses that went with each way, said the scriptures outloud, and so it was going into their hearts.

If as a small child, one of mine started screaming or having a fit, I would immediately pick them up and say, “No, you may not get attention for screaming and I would isolate them or put them into their crib and say very firmly, when you can talk to Mommy in a normal voice, I will listen to you.” I would sit quietly and wait until they quit crying or whining and then I would pick them up. And then I would repeat what we had decided, “Mommy knows you are tired of upset, but Jesus says, that we can choose to be joyful even when we feel like complaining, so when you can control your spirit, then mommy will listen to you and we will talk. But you have to make the choice to control your spirit. And at very early ages our children learned to control their tempers. We would always come back to our ways.

I think that I see that for me, discipline has not been joyful in my own life. God has had to show me my selfishness, sin, bad attitudes and I have had to repent. And so discipline is hard work and always means confronting the selfish sinful nature and turning it away to obedience to Christ’s ways. I think that often people think that if you are grace-based, it means never disciplining. But all child discipline requires lots of time and attention and going against the will of your children. But if your focus is on their heart and their attitudes and on giving them time and appropriate expectations to slowly mature, their hearts will be deeply engaged and will learn to respond.

Years ago, when our children were small, Clay developed a devotional guide for our family. It is revised and available once again. This is from the preface to Our 24 Family Ways:

If you are like most of the Christian parents we know, you want to teach your children the Bible, instill biblical values deep in their hearts, train them in Christian character and godly living, and strengthen their relationship with the Lord. That’s what we wanted for our children, which gave birth to Our 24 Family Ways.

The 24 Ways are divided into six areas: authorities, relationships, possessions, work, attitudes, and choices. Within each area, there are four “Ways” – statements that reflect biblical principles. Clay used the ARTS outline to teach each Way:

A – Ask a question

R – Read the Bible

T – Talk about it

S – Speak to God

These four activities help parents and children to learn and understand what the Bible says. Even young children can engage in the Bible verses and stories. (When teaching little ones, make sure there are questions where the answer is “Jesus!” so they get some right!) By instilling biblical values in your children, you are helping them to grow up loving the Lord and His ways. They will do the right thing based on God’s Word, not just because someone they admire does it that way.

The 24 ways gave us an intentional, objective way to go to over and over again for scripture, wisdom, principles to give our children a picture of “the way they should go.” What a Christian parent needs is a Bible and guidance from the Holy Spirit.

Some families pray about areas their children are struggling with and design their own devotionals around Scriptures related to those sins. Showing your children that God’s Word is the first place to turn when we have difficulties is one of the most important lessons you can teach. Pray with your children, showing them how to ask for God’s help in being a godly child. Share with them how you struggle with that sin or something similar. Stories of how you behaved as a child are especially powerful since sometimes our children can’t believe we were once small!

Pray daily for wisdom to see what you’re to see in your child’s character, wisdom in knowing how to correct what must be corrected now, and patience to wait on correcting other areas. Training your children is intentional and takes time!

Some Biblical Wisdom

Luke 2:52 says, “And Jesus kept increasing in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” In what four ways did Jesus grow? Spend some time in prayer for each of your children that they would grow in these ways.

The classic verses for why we should memorize Scripture are Psalm 119:9,11. “How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word. Your word I have treasured in my heart that I may not sin against You.” How can memorizing Scripture help your children? Is there a verse that would help your child with a character issue they struggle with? I Corinthians 13 (the love chapter) has several great verses dealing with patience, kindness, and self-control.

“The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1. How does spending time in God’s Word with your children build your house? What are some other ways you can build? Are there things you have done that tore down your house? Spend a few minutes in prayer, asking God for forgiveness and wisdom in how to rebuild those places.

Application

The fruit of the Spirit is an excellent list of the character qualities we want our children (and ourselves) to have. Read Galatians 5:22,23 with your children. Pick one of these qualities to work on as a family this week. Compliment your children when you see them exhibit this quality.

Pray for opportunities this week to teach your children using God’s Word. May the Lord bless you as you continue to build your house!

Giveaway Winner Announced!

Thank you for all the great ideas on how you’re building relationships with your children! The winner of the Our 24 Family Ways drawing is Angela from Pennsylvania! Congratulations, Angela!

Filed Under: Bible Studies, Child Training, Children, Family, Mothering, My Books, Our Family, Parenting

Heartfelt Discipline – And a Giveaway!

July 15, 2010 by Sally 52 Comments

Clay’s book on Heartfelt Discipline–hopefully to be back in print the end of the year!

One of the most common emails or letters that I get concerns child discipline. How do you make your children stay in bed at night? My daughter will not obey my husband but runs to me when he tries to discipline her. What should I do? My children are always bickering and I want them to stop.

Now all of these are common habits of children and of course our goal is to help our children to mature enough that they will move toward mature behavior and learn self-control and practice obedience. The maturing of a child is a life-long process that will take many years. But it is possible to have pleasant children, most of the time, who are secure, happy and moving towards godly character.

However, it is not by formula or “follow these rules” that the shaping of their heart and character is developed. This is not a post about how many spanks for lying, talking back, or giving Mommy “the look.” This is not a post about Ten Easy Steps to Make Your Children Obey. Our culture is formula-driven and impatient. We want to know what to do, how to do it, and when we can expect results so we can move on to the next issue. Surrounded by these false teachings, no wonder so many moms are tired and stressed and feel that they have failed when their less than perfect children continue to act like children–and often are out of control from being treated as objects of discipline and punishment instead of unique children with gender and personality and maturity differences.

For many years, I have pondered scripture as well as the ways God parents the Jews and how He seems to parent me. Our Heavenly Father is loving, gracious, and makes all things beautiful in His time. His timetable for my life and for answers to my own prayers and questions seems to take a lot longer than I ever would. He doesn’t seem to mind at all letting me suffer through circumstances–instead He encourages me to hold fast, obey, stay strong and so many times He makes me wait for things.

As I look at how Jesus worked with His disciples, He was patient with them, put up with their personality differences, often said, “They did not understand,” and let them fail. Aren’t you thankful He loves you enough to stick with you, gently pointing out areas of your life that need work, and allow you ample opportunities to grow in those areas? I know I am! I have often felt that I make so many mistakes that I am disqualified from being in ministry. But He still chooses to use me, by His grace, because His glory is to show His likeness and grace through normal, human beings.

With this kind of a patient, loving, accepting Father, I have no other choice but to be like him as a parent to my children.

The reason I want to obey Him and please Him is because of a deep, heart fulfilling relationship I experience with Him most of the time. But there are times I feel far away from Him, and still He loves me and waits until my heart warms again. I believe He is trustworthy and has integrity and calls to my inner self–that if I follow Him and obey Him, I will find the best for my life.

He loves me, He cares for me, He teaches me truth, He calls me to excellence, He gives me purpose, He humbles me, He provided beauty and love and intellect to give my life scope, challenge, meaning and stimulation, He provides for celebration and feasts in His plan for the life of His people, He commands rest. He called me into a relationship with Him before He started working on my attitudes, my bad habits, and the areas of sin with which I struggle.

His discipline and love and training for me is a whole life experience, not limited somehow to “paddle-time.”

Several years ago, Clay wrote a book called Heartfelt Discipline. It is out-of-print now, but we plan to put it back in print. So many parents have told us how it changed their concept of “discipline.” In the first chapter, Clay wrote:

“We are all influenced by the cultural tendency to view discipline only as punishment. To be honest, this narrow view makes things easier on us as parents. If my disciplinary responsibility is fulfilled by a simple act of punishment or correction, then very little else is required of me. But God has issued a much higher calling. Biblical discipline is much more than an act. It is both an ongoing, heart-to-heart relationship and a continuous spiritual interaction with my children. It is far more than simple correction; it is a parent and child walking together along the path of life. That is the Bible’s bigger picture. ” p. 15 of Heartfelt Discipline

Discipline is about a heart-to-heart relationship, continuous spiritual interaction.

Does that sound easy? time-consuming? sacrificial? intentional? I have yet to meet a mom who told me she felt so refreshed after working on her child’s character training! What you are doing will affect eternity ~ you are in a battle for the hearts of your children. Your enemy wants you to feel like a failure, he wants you to give up. He does not want you to see baby steps of progress ~ he wants you discouraged. Is it a wonder then that so many moms look for shortcuts to having “the perfect child”?

Many of the shortcuts leave out the relationship completely or allow the child to usurp the parents’ authority. Here are some words from The Ministry of Motherhood (p. 37):

“Sometimes we serve our children best and most lovingly by sticking to our guns and not letting them have their way. Loving discipline can be part of the gift of grace. So can teaching with words and exhorting our children to excellence. But the relationship has to come first. Discipline and teaching are most effective when administered in a context of a close, ongoing relationship of love.”

Some Biblical Wisdom

1. Discipline is a long term process based on long term family relationships. Timothy is one of the classic examples of a young man whose godly mother and grandmother invested in his life. In II Timothy 1:5 Paul wrote, “For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.” What dwelt in Timothy’s mother and grandmother? How do you think they passed that on to Timothy? They did not have children’s Bibles or Awana or DVDs.

2. Read Romans 2:4, “Or do you show contempt for the riches of His kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you towards repentance? What does this verse say leads to repentance? Whose kindness is this verse talking about? If God used patience and kindness and tolerance (mercy) in relationship to us to lead us to Him, what does that say about our attitude toward our children?

3. Galatians 6:9 says, “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” What are we tempted to do? What will happen if we persevere? How does this encourage you as a mom?

Application

What are some practical ways you can build relationships with your children this week? Fixing ice cream cones (it’s supposed to reach 100 degrees today!)? Playing with them? Reading books to them? Building legos–doing what they want to do! For a list of great family oriented books, see Sarah’s Recommended List of Children’s Literature here.

Give Away

Another way that Clay and I knew how to train our children was that we laid out very clearly what values we wanted to pass on to our children. We published this devotional book that we used as a family. Training is specific and it gave our children something to shoot towards. We will give a 24 Family Ways away next Thursday.

To purchase or read about Our Twenty Four Family Ways, go here.

To be entered in the drawing, leave a comment on this post; connect this post to your blog or facebook or twitter, and then let us know by contacting admin@wholeheart.org

Post a comment telling a practical way you are building relationships with your children. We will focus on character qualities we desire our children (and ourselves) to have in next week’s Bible study. Until then, pray to “keep heart” and to not grow weary!

For more on discipline, you can read this older post: Will Training