I Take Joy | Education

Fillers, spillers and thrillers–subding my deck!

May 23, 2012 by Sally 8 Comments

Geraniums–a great choice for my mountain home in a very large antique copper pot

In Genesis, God tells us to “subdue” the earth. This word has gone a long way to give me vision in my home–really it has.

I am wired, designed, crafted by God with the abilities, the intelligence, the skills to overcome disorder and to bring a mark of his artistry to my home and life. It is one of the greatest pleasures granted us.

To rule over something in such a way as to bring order, beauty, productivity. To know that it is a grace and glory of a woman to civilize and bring life and excellence in society. I am a purpose-driven sort of girl and if I have a reason why I am doing something, then it gives me more fuel for the fire, so to speak to accomplish something. To me, this is one of the fun parts of my calling.

Truth is, I love flowers and roses. However, my mountain home has resisted me having a green thumb. Not a lot of great soil. Too cold. Rock and stone just below the surface of my 7250 elevation home. Resistant in every way.

Small pots of flowers at every little table on porches and back deck–these grow better!

Over the years, I have begun to outsmart this resistant earth to my subduing efforts after many attempts. I am often amazed at what little input I sometimes need to do things differently. I love flowers but I don’t necessarily have a gardener’s intuitive skill. But, Joy, seeming like an only child, because she doesn’t have a gang of kids with her like my older ones did, loves to garden–in spite of the fact that our dirt is plant and bloom resistant.

Pink Mountain Roses in a deep pot! Almost beginning to bloom.

I found that my roses are not prolific because of the infertile ground and rock and cold. So, planting them in pots, only high altitude variety, has begun to work well for me. You cannot see this, but I have 6 buds on this bush just about to bloom–I am a happy girl to see life beginning to thrive on my porch.

I felt like I needed some more professional input on how to master this mountain!

So, I asked a friend and her daughter to join Joy and me for a garden demonstration about how to plant professional pots a couple of years ago.

We all had so much fun–but the desired effect was so much better than what we used to do.

I used to go to Wal Mart, Home Depot or a little natural garden near us and buy some flowers and then pot them according to what appealed to us. But at this demonstration, they taught us a 3 point outline to make great pots for your porch or deck.

Joy’s favorite pot!

It has a fern in the middle as our thriller and 3 kinds of purple and pink flowers for fillers and again, some ivy to spill over the side, which, in the past few days has started growing a lot and spilling even more.

First, pick a THRILLER–this is a tall or dramatic plant that stands up above all other plants to give your pot a dimension–something that stands out and gives the pot some height.

Second, give your pot some FILLERS–those flowers and plants that will take up space or spread–pick a color theme that you will follow throughout your porch or area.

Third, give your pot some SPILLERS—these are those plants that will spill over the side to give dimension.

We were also told to get really big pots so that the water could be retained longer and so that it would not all evaporate on a hot day and have to be watered again.

This is a much more beautiful pot than it looks like in this picture. The purple plants are the thrillers, then two read plants fill out the pot–geraniums and the other tall red plant–can’t remember its name; and some ivy spilling over the side. It has a fern in the middle as our thriller and 3 kinds of purple and pink flowers for fillers and again, some ivy to spill over the side, which, in the past few days has started growing a lot and spilling even more.

Every night, when it is not too cold, we have been eating on our front porch or deck. All of us feel so happy to be surrounded by flowers and also tiny blue lights that sparkle when the sun goes down.

I am still not a great gardner, but slowly over the years, I have had much pleasure in learning to subdue and master the cultivating of my own sort of mountain garden.

Filed Under: Beauty, Crafts, Education, Nature

Training my princess

January 23, 2012 by Sally 14 Comments

Carl Larsson

Celebrating last weekend with over 300 moms was quite soul-filling for me. Vibrant conversations, beautiful singing, inspiring speakers–I was so very humbled and blessed to be a part.

Yet, one of the issues that came to mind over and over again as I talked to these women was the issue of training, I want to pass on the picture of training and filling the souls and hearts of children with kingdom principles and truth so that they come alive. It is not a procedure but a relationship. Passing on spirituality is not so much getting the right curriculum, or being “holier” than thou, but it is passing on a life of love, passion for Christ, and goodness that overflows from your own heart. I am reposting an older blog article that gets to the heart of training our “Princesses and Princes” for the role of ruling in their own world someday. Happy Monday.

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Thursday morning was the first day, I think, in a whole year when I had Joy all to myself with everyone else out of the house for a whole day! (Sarah is in Kentucky with a dear friend of mine, Nathan in California, Joel and Clay at work!) We lit candles and sipped our own hot mug of brew in the quiet of my bedroom where no one could find us.

I then had the most wonderful time of reading to her and then teaching her about Abraham and Isaac. We spent almost an hour and half looking at different scripture about him–God calling him to leave his home to follow Him; the promise of a nation outnumbering the sand on the seashore coming from His line–becoming a Father of a nation; his waiting period for the promised son; the birth of Isaac; the sacrifice of Isaac; the passages in Hebrews of him and Sarah living by faith.

“Indeed, If they had been thinking of that country from which they went out (their home!), they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desired a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.” Hebrews 11:15

We talked and talked about how we are here temporarily and will some day go to a heavenly country. We talked about Abraham giving up his treasure into God’s hands, knowing that He could trust God to hold and keep all that was important to Him–and how indeed God provided the lamb stuck in the bushes–he had already planned to provide for Abraham, but gave Abraham the chance to worship by yielding his treasure and showing God his heart of trust. We talked about how great a nation, throughout history, the Jews became–how God multiplies the work of faith and service we do to make it beyond what we can imagine–just like he did for Abraham. We ended on Romans 12:1-2–the need for us to yield ourselves as a living and holy sacrifice to God which is our spiritual service of worship–just like Abraham did and to be willing to go anywhere, do anything for the privilege of serving God and doing His work on the earth!

I could almost see her little heart swell to the greatness of His calling on her life–I wonder how God will use you? I wonder what it will look like for you to live by faith. Look at how God has blessed and led our family as we have served Him. She then said, “You know, Mom, I used to sometimes worry about the possibility of us moving somewhere for our ministry and wondering if I would be willing to give up my friends, but I gave that to Him last week, knowing that I would rather serve Him and watch Him do great things, than to hold on to my little world and fears.”

I realized again why I love homeschooling–I have the time to have access to my sweet princess’s brain and heart and time to discuss really important things and to love her and nurture her without the hurry and worry that the imposition of a regular schedule might bring. I cherish the times I can train her for the realm in which she will some day rule and bring His light. I love knowing that she and I are such close soul companions because of all the focused time spent without the competition of so many others that she would have if she was in the company of hundreds and hundreds of kids every day. I am preparing to send my children out, and probably away from me, but they will go with hearts and minds filled with stories of heroes who lived differently–boldly, bravely, intentionally for Christ’s purposes–to bring light and beauty and truth to their world.

Joy’s concluding thought was, “I hope I have 12 kids so I can really have a lot of leaders to send from my home. I can’t wait to have my own domain so I can make a place where greatness can live and be made every day as I teach my kids.”

It is all about loving God and passing on the baton of His love to our children. Enjoy your day of training your own royalty to rule over the kingdoms God will give to them. And be sure to enjoy the moment–it will pass more quickly than you know!

Grace and peace!

Sally

Filed Under: Bible Studies, Education, Family, Joyful Life, Mothering, Our Family, Relationships, Trust in God

Cultivating Civility

September 16, 2011 by Sally 13 Comments

Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil.
C. S. Lewis

As I pursue the idea of building foundations of truth and beauty and loveliness into the souls of our children, I have to say that we cannot pass on what is not a part of our own lives. A mom is the CEO of her home, the one who determines and cultivates the life, activities, values and soul, she must be working from the depth of her own soul. This is a long term call–a long distance run, and so pacing ourselves, making sure our own emotional cups are full, seeing that we are growing in grace and beauty is essential to modeling that to our children. I will be more intent on writing about how to build foundations in little ones, but first I would suggest that a mom must define, “What kind of a woman do I want to be? How can I become more excellent? How I am doing on growing more in grace and civility each day?” I suggest that each year, moms who want to grow in wisdom, must take a morning or afternoon away to think through personal goals for themselves and the plan in time to make those goals happen. I will be writing more about that after I finish writing about how to establish values that build children into strong, godly leaders. But, first, you must define who you want to be, so that the influence you give to your children will come from your own soul-set values and convictions. Below I share a story of my own life from a few years ago–and I see that my children love it when I am a picture of civility–it draws them to their finer selves! Enjoy.

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Excitement bubbled up inside as I considered the day I had charted for myself. A morning away as a real, live friend, around my own age! Carefully applying my make up, smoothing my hair to its most beautiful style and dressing up in something a bit more sophisticated than my regular jeans marked an adult day out with a beloved friend. Time away from my work-a-day world of children, dishes, teaching, writing and then doing it all over again, is rare. I am one who sometimes likes the predictable on such days–depending on those places I know will bring pleasure and comfort. Meeting my friend in a favorite cafe promised to provide a spot for catching up and sharing dreams and ideas. Now the reason I am telling you this is that I was looking for a day off–a day without conflict, a day of rest before the “busy-ness” of the year starts again!

High-backed, overstuffed chairs provided privacy from the other customers and just the settling in we needed for our morning together. A steamy pot of tea, warm apple-caramel coffee cake all went down easily. Times like this help me to find my center. A busy and passed-too-fast summer had left me a bit fragmented and out of breath. I was storing up this pleasure and goodness and relaxation against the very busy next few months of a new school year, which is upon me!

After an hour and a half of conversation, we were ready to proceed on to our next pleasure–a stop at a lovely gift shop, filled to the brim with china tea cups and pots, delectable bits of jams and jellies and tea; a beautiful array of cook books and biographies and children’s books, feminine clothing and an array of other girl-pleasing artifacts. We hoped to exchange some ideas with the owner about books and art and other future projects.

Just walking in was a pleasant sensate experience, because of all the pretty and fine gifts scattered around the shop. As we chatted with the store owner about our day and some of the books and one of my new projects, she engaged with us in lively conversation. I looked at my watch and realized that I needed to be home to take Joy to a choir practice and so I tried to savor my few minutes as of quiet heart-sharing with my friend. We left the shop and I drove home. Much to my pleasure, the traffic was much less than usual and I found myself home with a half-hour to spare.

I chose not to glance in the kitchen to see what messes were there, but instead, made myself a cup of hot tea. I knew the messes would be there to tame when we all got back home later. I walked over the backpack and a small stack of books on my stairs to my bedroom. They could be cleaned up before dinner. I walked in, lit my candles, turned on my cd with the soothing piano melodies rising and flowing from my Pride and Prejudice cd (very beautiful, by the way!). Joy, who had been in her room reading, heard me and gently knocked on my door.

“Come in, sweetness!” I responded. “Here, have a few sips of tea with me before we have to leave.”

She sat down, and began to bubble all over me with thoughts and ideas and incidences that had happened in her morning. I intentionally took a deep breath and observed with thanksgiving at my child who has so much become my delightful friend. We had fifteen minutes together in peace and pleasure.

“Mom, I am so glad you take time for civility–it makes me feel special, and most of all, it really makes me feel like you like listening to me and just celebrating life together.” (Has she been around Sarah lately? And now, she regularly lights candles, sips tea and reads–hummmm–where did she get the habit?)

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I taught my monthly mom’s group and we were discussing chapter 8 in Mission of Motherhood. Our topic was becoming the gardener of your children’s souls. Even as you would not expect a garden to emerge from throwing a handful of seeds into the wind into your back yard, so we cannot expect our children to have excellence in their own personal lives by just hoping it happens. Though education is important, it is mostly the way we invest in the other moments of life when our children’s souls, manners, habits, skills will determine who they really become. When we become the gardener of their souls, we plant beauty, memories, confidence, and winsome ways of living that will capture their own imaginations. (Mission of Motherhood)

First, we must take time to be civilized. I know that my soul dries out if I don’t plan in time that fills my own emotional cup. Getting away from my home (where all the chores cry out my name!), to a lovely place where I can think or read or share time with a friend is something I try to plan into my schedule. It doesn’t happen as often as I like, but I need it so that I can get back to my center and fill the cups of all those who are in my life to take from my own heart–children, husband, friends, and ministry. I will have nothing to give if I don’t take care of myself first. So each year as I plan my children’s needs and schedules and activities, I take time to get alone and evaluate, “How am I doing–physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally? How can I simplify my responsibilities so that I can make it with grace through the next months.

Next, though, I make sure to plan in civilizing times with my family–traditions like family dinners or deserts that we will share with our friends, special Sunday afternoon tea times–the first Apple Pie time with a story book. (Giving my children the responsibility of decorating the dining table, writing little notes of encouragement to their guests who will come, lighting the candles, making the meal.) We plan a time for making cookies or bread or flower baskets to share with those we know who are in need of encouragement or love. (We found cute pumpkin baskets and filled them with dried flowers–Joy sold a few to raise money for a dog she hopes to purchase and then we chose two for special family friends who need to know they are appreciated.)

Plan civility into the moments of your life this fall. Make time for you to have your own experience, however small, that will remind you that you are royalty–as a child of the king. And then, make time for your family, to have peace and beauty and manners and elegance in your home, however small. It will produce a soul that values taking the time to celebrate the importance and intimacy of friendship and fellowship. Happy weekend!

Filed Under: Education, Food, Mothering, Music, My Books, Tea, Traditions

A bag of tricks

November 2, 2010 by Sally 11 Comments

I was sitting behind a young mom at church the other day who was holding a large 2 1/2 year old in her lap for an hour and a half. The little girl in her lap seemed sweet natured but wiggly, giggly, active and talkative–in a normal tone of voice. I admired the mom holding her, but know that she was worn out after the service.

When my children were various ages, we often found ourselves in places–not just church, where they needed to be quiet or sit still–in the car when I was talking to friends, at doctor’s offices and church and concerts and restaurants. I found that if I prepared them ahead of time and told them what to expect and how long it would take it helped them immensely to be able to be quieter.

I wanted them to learn that church was a holy place–where out of honor to God, we would use a quiet voice, very gentle actions and that they were such “big” girls and “boys” for being able to sit still to show God honor. Training, training, training all the time before they were in a place where I had expectations of them.

I also traveled with a bag of tricks, to so speak, that was never used for any other occasion. Depending on the age of the child, there would be a boxed juice and little container of cheerios or gold fish or small fruit leather–only to be used at the later part of their patience. Colored pencils when they were older, puzzle books, I spy books, finger toys for babies, as well as soft blankies to comfort. Joel was my car man and he loved, loved drawing and or just holding toy cars. He drew a million jeeps in his growing up years. I had a sketch pad for each one. All were quiet toys to be used when they needed to be quiet or sit still. The food and drink were only used in appropriate places and appropriate times. But I always kept this bag loaded in the car and looked at the dollar store for new stickers or little quiet things to add so there would always be something new.

At Christmas, Clay once ordered each of the kids a Land’s end travel bag with their name on it–in different colors for each child. The he spent a couple of months filling each bag with paper airplane books, books on tape with a small cd player, challenges, mysteries, little toys, coloring books and quiz books and all sorts of treasures.

We kept each child’s brief case in the car and it gave them hours and hours of pleasure over the years when we were on trips and when they were waiting on us. We never used dvds in the car as we didn’t want media to become a habit when there were so many creative things to do. When the family culture is to listen to long books on tape in the car, all learn to improve their listening skills and it feeds their brains with great literature and exciting stories. You can accomplish a lot when you keep books on tape or other creative entertainment for the cd player. Teaching children to listen is all a part of shaping their appetites. If they are used to too much tv or movie entertainment, they will complain when they have to listen to a book or draw or stare out the window and imagine life. It is the moms and dads who build the habits for their children. All kids can learn to give up media if they are provided alternatives and if you hold to your decision. Never in the history of mankind did children have movies in the car till now.

I do not want to create guilt for anyone. We are all free to make the best decisions for our family. ( a strategic Winnie the Pooh saved us through many ear infections at home), In the car, there are so many things to see that offer food for thought and creativity and it is a great place to disciple your children with great conversation and great music. Especially during the junior high and high school ages. We reserve the right to say all ipods off when we want to talk or listen to something as a family. Because it is an expectation, our kids never questioned it.

It also taught our children that there were places to be quiet and to sit still and exercise self-control. We had lots of fun and to this day, they all travel with fun stuff to use on long trips and places where they will have to wait. (on the plane or a long car trip, my older children all download books on tape on their ipods, bring books, journals to write in and snacks.) Fun to see the habit stuck in their own adult lives.

Touch and back scratching can soothe a child that is ready to blow. My mom also taught me a trick when I was a little girl–she would take one of my hands and pull slowly on each finger until she had covered all ten and then she might do it again if needed.

The happiest children are those who are kept engaged by planning on the part of the parent and it trains children to learn to entertain themselves and to listen.

Filed Under: Child Training, Children, Education, Family, Joyful Life, Mothering, Our Family, Parenting

Getting back in the saddle!

October 25, 2010 by Sally 4 Comments

Welcome to my newly moved over site! (itakejoy.com) I am just beginning to fill out this blog, but am excited for the possibilities of having some new ways to be creative with my blog.

For those of you new to itakejoy, I have been on a wonderful history trip with 2 moms and 4 kids to Philadelphia, Boston, New York and ending up at a great blogging conference in Harrisburg, Pa. Great, great days!

However, it will take me a few days just to get back to my center in this home where I live. My sweet husband and children are my priority and so I want to provide for them as I get back in the saddle of life at home! Several weeks of traveling have fed my soul with beautiful memories, roused my mind with challenging and inspiring conversations, and invigorated my passion to keep writing and reaching out to so many women who long for a personal touch, voice of life and encouragement.

We are gearing up for the mom’s conferences, will be doing some new online book studies, giving some books and conference registrations away, so stay tuned and I will be back with lots that is bubbling up in my heart. For now, an omelette and tea with Joy are on my immediate agenda.

But, alas, my suitcase awaits, the refrigerator is empty and Joy and I need to get to the business of making this last year of her education at home the best one yet. So, I will post soon.

Peace and grace today!

Filed Under: Conferences, Education, Family, Family Trips, Home, Homemaking, Joyful Life, Mothering, Our Family, Travel

Research says nature walks improve learning and brain function!

October 4, 2010 by Sally 2 Comments

For behold, He who forms mountains and creates the wind And declares to man what are His thoughts, He who makes dawn into darkness And treads on the high places of the earth, The LORD God of hosts is His name. Amos 4:13

Since I was a little girl, when I have walked out in nature, God has spoken to my heart. His art calls out to my own heart and validates His life and presence to my soul. Out under the myriad night sparkling stars while snuggling under covers on a wind-blown mountain top; sitting on the golf-course in the early evening near my old family home, amidst a pink, purple sunset painting the horizon; watching a swirling snowstorm creep into my mountain valley like an ocean tide sweeping into a cove; watching a mountain lake climb the walls of a faraway castle in the midst of a thunder storm; standing amidst thousands of dancing azure bluebonnets in an abandoned farm field–these and more fill my memory of times I felt His presence. These memories stored up, with many more, calling to my yearning heart, “There is an artist, a loving, good, deeply caring personal designer behind all of this vast beauty.”

And so I became a walker–walking miles and miles amongst mountain roads, sea shores of Prince Edward Island, city streets in the Vienna nights, round the rivers and fields in Poland, all over the world, new places to appreciate the beauty and to fellowship with its creator.

Developing the conviction that being out with Him was healthy–for me, for my children. Seeing that when fussing was inevitable, moods were tight, I could take my wee precious ones out for a tromp in nature and see their little hearts, with mine, relax, find soothing for our ruffled souls.

So, it seemed, by intuition, and reading, I knew of Him who
the mountains and creating the wind, declaring to me His thoughts, the one who painted the sky with his fingertips and made dawn into darkness–amazing, this!

And so I incorporated this into my educational philosophy for my children at home–beauty, creation, color, sound, texture, tastes–music, art, great stories–this, I instinctively knew, was from Him.

No surprise to me, then that the Holy Spirit who led me to these conclusions, would also provide scientific research that would document what I was led to by faith–that a brain functions better when at exposed to the peace and beauty of nature. That a brain surrounded by technology, traffic, noise, clutter, becomes taxed and weary and less functional. All the striving of man depletes man of his noble thoughts.

However when we practice sabbath rest, when we give our brains beauty, nature and exposure to Him, we find function of life at its best.

And so, even in the midst of my full days, I seek to walk or sit on my porch, or at the very least bring beauty, nature and peace into my home. It soothes my soul, supports creative and intelligent thought and feeds and nurtures the life of my family.

a basket of berries, foliage, apples, to bring the color and beauty of His hand into our home. (thanks, Sarah for putting it together!) Below the article on nature and the brain!

Read and enjoy!

Filed Under: Beauty, Education, Family, Lifegiver, Mothering, Nature

Developing Souls Alive vs. De-personalizing of technology

September 17, 2010 by Sally 3 Comments

Build an appetite for your children. Go outside and play!

Cell phones, facebook, blogs, websites, tv, ipods, game systems, etc.

None of these were mediums were prevalent when I was raising my three older children. They were beginning to develop, but we had one computer for the whole family and the kids could spend a half-hour a day on computer, with weekends occasionally being an exception. We had lots of family friendly videos, but used them as a special occasion, not an expectation. Couldn’t have done early life without Winnie the Pooh.

However, now, this technology has developed so rapidly, that it is literally changing relationships, brain structure. It is Joy’s world with her friends. But, it is essential to understand the ramifications of technology and the importance of limiting it.

When a child becomes addicted to these mediums, the cyberspace world becomes more reality to him than personal relationships. Children who spend time on violent video games are likely to become more violent. That shouldn’t surprise us. What we sow we reap. Guard your heart for from it flow the springs of life. Whatever is true, honorable, just, lovely, …, think on these things.

Scripture is very clear about the profound importance of being stewards of our brains. Without personal relationships, time to read and ponder, time to observe creation, we cannot as easily imagine and relate to God. When all time is taken up with media, there is not time to pray, plan, think, talk, build brain pathways.

A child’s deepest need is for love, purpose, well-being, health. A machine cannot give any child or human being these essential things. Technology can pacify temporarily, but eventually a person craves for more and more and more, more entertainment, more stimulation, more numbing of the hunger and longing that lives inside, for real life, real love, real attention and time spent.

The home should be a place of authentic life, not virtual life.

Reading out-loud a half-hour to a couple of hours a day provided lots of food for their brains. Dress up clothes from Good Will, capes, swords, provided them with lots of tools for acting out the stories they had taken into their hearts. Playing outside, hours of capture the flag, rox-a-boxin pretend cities in the back yard, writing books, playing shopkeeper, tea times, meals together, designing lego towns, drawing with colored pencils, painting with water color, shaping play dough, cooking, gardening, playing an instrument, doing chores, having lots of people over for lunch, dinner, going to concerts, hiking, and a multitude of other activities gave us as a family a foundation of health–mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally.

We shared life, discussed issues, told stories, lived fully in creativity and personal relationships. This real life tied an invisible string from one heart to the other, holding us together in a corpus of morality, faith, love, and purpose.

Now, as I raise Joy, I have to be very intentional at keeping life personal, life-giving, relational. The time it takes to provide her with relationship and life experiences, automatically means I have little time for working on my computer. But the stewardship I have for her mind, body and soul are more profound than all the ministry and influence that I can have outside my home. So my emails pile up day by day, but my family’s souls are prospering and growing.

Technology is raging because people are lonely and looking for meaning and relationship online. But it is destroying their brains, their consciences, their ability to think deeply, to build a vocabulary, to take time to be outdoors, to build a real, deep relationship with a friend by talking, instead of having virtual reality of life on a screen. The idol of technology is replacing a love for God for a hunger for those who might be looking for me or who can validate me in cyberspace.

As moms, we must protect our children from developing an early appetite for technology if we want them to have deep, healthy brains. One side of the brain is so passive when a person watches tv, that it slows down to a rate slower than when one is asleep. The brain cannot take in so many images and so it shuts down to protect itself. A brain developed over years of shut down will atrophy.

So much could be said about this, but don’t want to keep you on a screen too long!

Two interesting articles on media this week.

If your kids are awake, they are probably online!

Your brain on computers: the need for downtime.

Have a great weekend–hopefully outdoors in this lovely fall weather!

Filed Under: Art, Beauty, Child Training, Education, Family, Lifegiver, Mothering, Nature, Our Family, Parenting, Simplicity

Family Heritage that Inspires Leadership

September 1, 2010 by Sally 6 Comments

Family Day, 2010

Sarah, 26–author, Nathan, actor in Hollywood 21; Joy, 15, singer-songwriter; Joel, 24, composer, Boston.

“I will make you to become fishers of men.” Jesus to his disciples

Having lived long enough to observe many Christian families–with every kind of educational choice, I have pondered, “Why is it that some children stay faithful to God and some children give in to moral pressure?”

I have pondered this question a lot, because I know so many wonderful parents, who have raised their Christian children with a great education, good training and Biblical ideals. It is not an easy world for our children to enter into and I know that there are no formulas.So, I do not pretend to have all the answers.

I get lots of questions about what did we do to reach their hearts? Mostly what we have written in our books. But I do try to acess those principles of family, that I think could have contributed to our children growing up to love and serve the Lord. I have no guarantees that they will stay on this path, but I do feel that there are some wise ways that have helped to give them foundations that have served them in the wide arenas where the Lord has taken them.

I think that often times parents inadvertently have as their goals to train their children to become moral, (not get pregnant or get on drugs), to know all the Biblical stories, or to understand how to make good decisions. And yet still miss the heart of our children–that they want to be loved and they want to know their life has meaning and purpose to God. Post moderns do not accept hypocrisy or rituals just because we have done them for many years.

Education presents another issue. We so much want our children to excell that we can also get distracted on these issues. It is easy for homeschooling parents to be so focussed on what curruculum to buy or for all parents to focus on SAT scores or lessons, opportunities, training, that they can leave out the real purpose of parenting–to build our children into godly leaders to who will be faithful to the gospel messages in thier life time. This is the only goal worthy of reaching their heart’s cry for purpose and meaning in such in immoral and lost world.

What they must know-God has created us to be stewards of His kingdom messages

However, I think that in order to make it in this world, we must understand that our children need something more vital. We must captivate our children’s heart with a vision that gives them a foundational calling on their lives–to give them something bigger than themselves to live for.

It is what Jesus did with his disciples. He didn’t say, “Follow me and I will make you law-keepers.”

Many unwittingly do this with their children and I see when we focus on keeping all the rules, we are in danger of building “Future Pharisees of the World.” But Jesus purposefully pointed his words to their deisre to become leaders–to be those who would influence others.

From the time our children were born, we taught them that they were born with their unique personality, drives and dreams to bring God glory in and through their lives. We have said, “I wonder how God will use you in the world to show people His light?”

When practicing piano, “Maybe God will use you to bring great music to soothe and comfort people.”

Or, look at Daniel. Even though he lived in a foreign country that believed in idols, he was so godly and used his position with such wisdom and influence, that 60,000 non-jews wanted to return to Jerusalem to worship the God of Daniel. I wonder if God will use you as a Daniel in your life-time.

What they must be–servants

But then, our children need also to see us using our lives to bring truth and redemption into the world. They need to see that we invest our money in missions, for the homeless, in our church, to help the poor. They need to see us teaching Bible studies or sharing Christ, or serving children, using our home as a center for life and ministry.

What they must do–serve and reach out alongside us while they are growing up

If we want our children to have as their self-image, someone who has a call on their lives, then we must give them an opportunity to practice while they are with us. Our children have served at Homeless shelters, hosted so many different types of outreaches in our home (Bible studies, Christmas parties to reach our neighbors, kids parties, giving up their bedrooms for guests, serving meals, make dinners for sick or lonely people, serving at our conferences, praying alongside us and then serving and giving up their time and money alongside us.)

Another tradition we implemented in our lives was Family Day.

Why do you always have your children fly home in August–it isn’t Christmas or Easter? This question we often hear from our friends when they find out we save the end of August to be a family.

Clay and I got married on August 30, so we dedicated a weekend day every year around this date to celebrate “What it means to be a Clarkson!”

We have a feast of a breakfast–homemade cinnamon rolls, cheese, bacon, scrambled eggs; and drink of choice. Then we spend the next couple of hours reading through the passage in Joshua 4:1-24, remembering how God wanted the Israelites to document and remember what He had done in their lives to show His strength and reality.

Following the reading, we all participate in a time of telling and writing down the ways we have seen God work in our lives through the year–prayers He answered; provisions He made when we needed Him, blessings He gave, ways that He led. And every year we are amazed, when we take the time, to see how God has worked. This year, there seemed to be a constant thought of God being with us all in our specific places–providing and leading in ministry, in Boston, in LA, in decisions–God with us through all that we needed.

We then pack a picnic of homemade fried chicken, Texas chocolate sheetcake, baked beans, chips, deviled eggs, and head up to a national park where we hike, and take a zillion pictures and have fun. It has become a tradition over the years to stop on the way down the mountain at a Starbucks and get a favorite drink. This day usually ends in a game night or movie night.

Sunday afternoon, we have a family tea time and spend the next couple of hours sharing what our needs are, telling each other our prayer requests, and then spend time praying for each other.

It has given us a sense of history as a family about how God is working in our lives and telling His story of faithfulness through the details of our life.

Intentionally Reminding them of their roots and of their ideals

Then, when my out of town children are home, I always take them out for their own time. I encourage them and tell them how much I have seen them grow and how I see God moving in their lives. I tell them I pray for them every day. Often, if the Lord brings to my mind areas in which I feel they need encouragement to grow, I share that as well. Become less selfish, more of a peacemaker, reach out, cultivate more discipline in reading the word every day, and so on. And then I have a time of praying blessing over them.

Yesterday, as I drove Nathan back to the airport to return to Hollywood, he said, “You know, these times at home with the family help to keep me anchored–just to be with “us”, our ideals, meals, fun, times in the word and to remember who we are helps me so much. Thanks for flying me home–and just keep praying for me!”

It does take our time–cooking, cooking and more cooking. It does take our energy–no sleep, lots of noise, messes and so many discussions. It does take planning and giving up our normal schedule and putting things aside for a couple of weeks, while we are all together–just as I put my whole life aside when they were small. But, I think, even as Jesus gave up his 3 years to build and teach and refine and remind his disciples, it is the same intentional process that builds and nourishes souls who will understand God with them, God working through them and God as the provider for them.

Filed Under: Education, Family, Our Family, Parenting, Traditions

How to raise excellent children

August 16, 2010 by Sally 20 Comments

“A pupil is not above his teacher; but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher.”

Luke 6: 40

Pondering, pondering and more pondering.

With candles lit, mugs of steaming tea in our hands, voices raised and opinions energetically batted about, we have been participating in Clarkson culture at its best. Convictions, ideas, ideals, stories at their best. All we need is for Nathan to come home and share from his perspective of living in Hollywood. Then our circle will be complete.

Profound satisfaction has filled my soul. Witnessing the beauty of souls alive, hearts on fire for Christ, ideals cherished in this dark world, and testimonies and stories of God’s faithfulness being shaped in the lives of my seasoned children.

“Give her the product of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates.” Proverbs 31:31

I have been thinking about how deeply fulfilling it is to have walked with the Lord, worked hard, trusted Him and to see this palpable life in and through my children.

How did it happen? This life, goodness, strength of character in the midst of such an ordinary family, who cooked and washed dishes and complained about it, lived in the give and take of 6 sinful, but delightful people trying to find their way.

As I have prayed and thought about this, I have come up with several answers that I think lay a foundation of excellence. I hope to be writing about this in the next few days amidst a house full of company and having my children home for the next two weeks. Don’t want to miss any time with them. But if they will all cooperate and stay in bed, sleeping late into the mornings, I will look forward to sharing with you.

But the first thing that the Lord has brought to mind is the soul, mind and heart of the mother.

So many women that I meet when I travel and speak all over the world want a formula. Just tell me the ten steps of raising good and godly children and I will follow them and pop out excellent children.

Or, “What curriculum is the best one to use to help me children be academically superior.”

But, as I have pondered, I have realized that the starting point is you. Are you disciplining yourself to have quiet times every day? Are you building a resource of wisdom, truth, understanding of Jesus’s life, his values, His heart so that you are becoming a well-spring of His very presence in the life of your home?

How are you using your time to invest in the best for yourself as well as your children? Are you reading books that are educating you, stretching your ability to think, challenging you with new ideas? Are you reading the best writers to your children and learning along beside them? What books are you reading in your sparse free time? What foundations of excellence are you building in your own life? Is prayer a regularly growing part of your spiritual life–are you depending on God and the Holy Spirit to bring excellence into your life? He is the source of life, strength and righteousness and love.

As you live your life, is the grid of your mind looking out into the minutes of your days focused on “How can I focus on the Lord in each point of my day? How can I encourage excellence of character by portraying it to my children and husband through every action, every display of character? How is my witness growing in the life and excellence of goodness, beauty and truth every day?

I have realized so much that there are very few women in my life, who when I am with them, bring energy, challenge and life to me when I am with them. Yet, I really think that as you are, like Jacob, wrestling with God, seeking Him, engaging in His word, seeking to develop your own character, that that becomes the souce from which others will draw.

Contemporary culture gives all of us permission to take a break, to become mediocre, to be passive. But, the Holy Spirit always pushes us forward to do more, work harder, become more excellent as He is committed to developing in us the very character and life of Christ Himself.

So, the key to raising excellent children is to grow in excellence yourself. You cannot give your children what you do not possess. Buying the best curriculum or the most expensive lessons cannot compensate for shortcomings in your own life, if you are not growing in excellence yourself.

“A Mother’s heart is the child’s classroom.” Henry Ward Beecher

Your children will be like their teacher. We, as teachers and models, do not need to condemn ourselves for not being perfect. Jesus never asked for perfection. Yet even as we look for a heart of obedience in our children, a willingness to try to please us, so He looks for that in us. And it is this committed heart to all that is the best, that He looks for in us. And a heart engaged in the excellent ways of God will lead to a life that is more excellent.

But I have found out that I can always accomplish more than I thought with God at my side. I can always work harder than I thought I had the capacity to work. And most of all, God’s grace carried me through each weakness, failure, sin–but He is always calling me to live beyond–beyond the place where I am to grow more fully into the me He created me to be. If I am growing, learning, getting better, loving more, living more intentionally, then it will be the spirit of excellence and growth He will bring into the very fiber of my family life. For indeed the most important resource to my children in their life education is me, as I submit to God’s training and calling on my own life, fully committed to being like Him, my teacher.

Filed Under: Children, Education, Family, Homemaking, Joyful Life, Lifegiver, Mothering, Our Family, Parenting, Ponderings, Trust in God

The Secret of a blessed life……….

June 1, 2010 by Sally 4 Comments

I am always the one who benefits the most when I have to teach or speak or have devotions with my children or be accountable to anyone in any way. It forces me to grow when I have to be responsible for truth and the word of God.

Many people have asked me over the years, “How did you raise your children to love the Lord, to stay morally pure, to love you and to want to serve His kingdom? What exactly did you do–tell me exact principles; show me the books you read and followed; what curriculum did you use?”

I also have sought answers to my mysteries and responsibilities over the years. I think that wise women always seek wisdom from other wise women.

But I learned so much from writing my book, Dancing With My Father. I studied David’s life and pondered it and learned so many spiritual secrets. Yes, David did a lot of foolish things and yet, God says, “He was a man after my heart,” and this pleased God.

David, of course, first learned to love and write songs about God and trust Him when no one was looking, out in the fields. And by God’s power, in this hidden place, he practiced faithfulness and stepped out in faith and strength and killed a lion and a bear.

Then, after having developed a faithful heart, came against Goliath, “in the name of the Lord of Hosts” and by faith, slung his stone and downed a super enemy.

But then, after being anointed as king, he was on the run and in battle for over 20 years. And yet still, in this, kept a humble heart and trusted God. But, finally when he was king over both kingdoms, we find His secret.

He did not want to rule unless the ark of the covenant was present in the land–because David did not want to be the authority over the kingdoms–He wanted God, His presence, His voice, His blessing, His companionship. He wanted the Lord God be be on His throne in their midst.

And herein lies the secret, God in the center, God as the source, God as the Truth and message of our lives, God as the guide, God as the provider, God as the one who will accomplish His will. Our heart engaging in loving Him, seeking Him, bowing our knee to His will, not matter what, honoring Him in front of our children, family, friends, every day, in spite of our blunders and vulnerability–a life of faith and love and obedience–centered on Him.

David led the Levites to sing and share in this message as he called the ark of the Lord, forward before all the Israelites.

“Oh give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name;

Make known His deeds among the peoples, Sing to Him, sing praises to Him;

Speak of all His wonders. Glory in His holy name;

Let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad. Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek HIs Face continually.” I Chronicles 16: 8-11

In the midst of our intensive, purposeful time together the past few weeks, Joy asked me, “Mom, what do you really want from us as children when you say you want us to be godly? What, in your heart, is what you really mean when you think about your goal for us as your children?”

I thought a few seconds and then said, “Joy, I want you to know God in all of His love, beauty and glory and truth. To know His love for you, to know His direction for you, and in truly knowing Him, to learn to love Him with all of your heart, to walk with Him, to seek Him. If you find God and love Him and engage your heart you will find all that you need for every other area of your life–strength, wisdom, love, comfort, guidance, peace–He is the source of all that you will ever need.”

Our goal for our children is not for them to be good–they and we will never be good enough–only He is good. But if we know and understand Him and serve Him, “all these things will be added to us,” and we will have all that we need. God desires above all, that we have a cherished relationship with Him and that we love and serve Him from our heart.

And so we seek to know, love and serve God with our whole hearts in front of everyone in our lives, depending on His strength, His grace, His love. Anything less than this is not worthy of our life’s work.

What do your children think is your goal for them? By what goals are you living? What is the world’s measure of success in life? What is God’s measure of success–”Do do justice, to love kindness, to walk humbly with our God.”

May He give us the grace to remain faithful to the important priorities of His heart.

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In light of our understanding that God is the source of our strength, wisdom, messages and blessing, we at Whole Heart and Mom Heart, are spending the month of June to praise God, seek His face and His blessing and guidance for us as a ministry. Our goal is to help women all over the world know and understand God, and then in understanding the Biblical design of family, to understand how to pass on this knowledge and love of God to their children in building a godly heritage. We are partners with families all over the world who are seeking to make this message known.

We are asking God to raise up 100 people who are willing to pray with us for His favor and guidance during the month of June. If you are willing to be a part of our prayer 100, please write to admin@wholeheart.org to let us know you are joining with us. The next post I send on this blog will be our prayer letter.

We are so grateful to all of you who have given financially, prayed for us, attended a conference, given a book, helped by teaching groups, or served in any way. What a privilege to be a part of such an amazing team of families. May He bless you today. Much love and appreciation.