I Take Joy | Friends

Filling Your Soul With Love and Grace Divine

March 23, 2011 by Sally 26 Comments

Claude Monet, Woman in the Garden

“I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3

I have received thousands of responses to my blogs on child discipline lately. I see how many sweet ones there are who truly want to do the best and be the best for their children. But before I do one more post on child discipline, I just felt I wanted to tell you how very precious you are and how much your own personal life matters.

I awakened this morning with you on my heart. I know there must be many precious moms out there who are reading these articles and are feeling inadequate or guilty or condemned–or just worn out! I have been praying for you all morning.

Motherhood is very precious to the Lord. As a matter of fact, the more I mothered, the more I came to understand Him, His love, His sacrifice, His forgiveness, His patience. Motherhood is not an easy journey. I kept feeling that I needed to have more children so I could do it right at least once!

And yet motherhood is a long journey, a hard and challenging journey, that will require much endurance with grace, much forgiveness, much patience and just a whole lot of energy expended.

You are truly important to God in the midst of it all. He sees you and cares for your dreams and desires. And so I wanted to write a little post just for you.

When I had my first baby, I had never even changed a diaper. I did not know how to hold a baby. I was unprepared for the task. I also did not know how selfish and self-absorbed I was. And I have to admit that over the years, there were many times when I did not feel loving or feel like a good mother or even feel like I wanted to *be* a mother. I was always committed to my children and always committed to loving them, because I knew God wanted me to. But I did not always like them and sometimes that made me feel guilty.

I just put one foot in front of the other because I thought that is what God wanted me to do.

So if you feel that you are not a “natural” mother, or you enjoy doing things outside your home, or you have other ambitions, please do not condemn yourself. I felt all of those feelings and had to learn how to balance the different pulls on my life. But God has loved me and led me through it all.

I know that there are so many of you precious ones with deep scars. Perhaps you came from an angry family, where you were criticized or rejected. Or maybe you were ignored and you still wish someone would notice you and love you deep inside in those places that only you can feel.

Many of you made some bad choices morally that have deeply injured your own heart. Or you have a passive and indifferent or mean and abusive husband.

You are not defined by any of these things–not by what people have said to you, not by your flaws (we all have them), and not by your past failures or present difficulties. God loves you so very much. God is with you. God is your champion.

We read that when He looked out on the multitudes, He had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd. Jesus sees our needs. He loves us. He cares for how each of you feel deep in your heart.

You are so very precious to God. He is on your side. He will be your warrior God in all the battles in your home. He will help you and defend you and pour out His unconditional love on you. He is the source of your strength and joy. Nothing can separate you from His love. Romans 8

There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

The only way we can truly make it in this life productively is to tend to the garden of our own souls. The only way you can be a loving mother or friend is to have your soul filled with the deep, unchanging, unconditional love of God.

I love the picture above. I picture my soul as a garden that must be tended and cultivated and watered. If my own soul is healthy, then all who draw from my soul, will receive true nurture and strength. However, I do not know of any great women who have not been very intentional about cultivating and building themselves into godly women. They invested purposefully to become who they are.

A wise woman builds her house, but it starts with a plan!

You may find criticism from the world. But in Christ, you will find love, deep, abiding, unconditional love and all that you need for your task. But you must choose to invest your time wisely.

So what are some ways to fill your own soul so that you may have strength and love to give?

1. Surround yourself with good and godly friends.

I once heard a speaker say that he will do anything to put himself in the company of people who make Him want to love God more, who make Him want to be a better person–who inspire Him. But that he would avoid all of those who spread poison or gossip or discouragement as much as possible.

I have a friend, Phyllis, who I know will always point me to God. Just being with her is like being in the presence of the Lord’s encouragement, because she walks with Him and points me to him. Gwen is such a friend, and Deb, Shelley, Lynn, Beth and Sarah and Joy, ……….I gather these friends over the years and invest in them because they invest in me.

Find those friends, challenge a friend to be a prayer partner, to study a book together, to meet with you on a regular basis.

2. Spend time every day with the Lord. Find books, resources, people who can help you with this. (Go though the Psalms and circle or underline every promise or character quality of God. Read one chapter of John or Matthew a day and write down one lesson you have learned. Read through Philippians and note all the ways Paul tells us to follow Jesus.)

3. Clean out your soul on a regular basis–get rid of the rubbish that has kept you from experiencing God’s love. (If we confess our sin, he is faithful and just to forgive us from our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.) Don’t hang on to bitterness or condemnation–it will poison you. I have a friend, Sarah Mae, who is dear to me as though she were a daughter. She has recently published an ebook called Core Lies, that she is offering for free. We must rid our hearts from lies that would keep us from experiencing the generous love of God.

4. Surround yourself with books, blogs, people who feed your mind on truth, who draw you to become a better self. There are many, many women in my life who do that to me. But I wanted to point you to three of my favorites.

I love these women because they have chosen to have integrity in their lives when no one was looking. They have invested thousands of hours in the presence of God. They have chosen to love and serve Him, to always turn in the direction of faith. I know they are not perfect, but they hold fast to a Faithful God who carries them. They are also seasoned women who have chosen to faithfully love and serve their children, and husbands, even amidst challenging times. They have weathered life and from that weathering, have garnered stories of His faithfulness. Feed on their life-giving words. I do so love these women.

Brenda Nuland– a mother of two grown children, who cultivates life, beauty, goodness and faithfulness in her home.Brenda always encourages me, feeds my soul and gives me loyal friendship.

Elizabeth Foss–a sweet mother of 9 children, whose devotion to God, gentle mothering of her children, and great thoughts always challenge me. She is humble and loyal as a friend and has learned to persevere with grace.

Ann Voskamp-an artist with words and photography, who deeply cherishes her precious Lord and wants to sing his messages into the lives of those in her pathway. Her gentle, humble words are always filled with grace that she found from walking closely with Him.

5. Spend time in nature–his workshop. When I see the artistry of God, and rest in the glory of the canopy of His beauty, I find great peace. Creation was made for us. He designed the stars for us to understand His vastness–His strength and ability to be bigger than us, to show us His power. He designed color, flowers, mountains, waterfalls, snow, rain, to show us His design. When I invest time in His works of art, I am inspired to reflect His art and beauty in my home as a picture of His reality in an otherwise dark world. Creation nurtures my soul when I take time to observe it.

6. Restore, relax, recreate. Young moms need a break.(and old moms and moms of teens, and……..) They need sleep. Sometimes grumpiness or depression goes away with just a couple of good nights of sleep or time away with a friend. Moms need to have a friend who understands them and still loves them! They need to laugh and lighten up. Cultivate times of breaks in your life, times of just getting away. Don’t always be serious–it is exhausting.

Our bodies need a sabbath rest. I take my tea time every day with a candle, book or magazine. I collect videos and movies and series of stories that delight my soul. I surround myself with music everywhere–at home, in the car, at dinner, when I am in a plane. I love rhythms and movement. I make time for cherished friends. I make fun for myself with my children so that we can just laugh and play and store up humor–everyone needs a break. (Read my daughter, Sarah’s blog post from a couple of days ago–Christians need to learn how to lighten up and have fun.)

These precious ones are not just public figures to me, but in the privacy of friendship, offer such grace, humility, love and always make me want to love Him more.

This blog is way too long, but the point is, you are important. Your emotional, spiritual and physical health matters to God. If you cherish your soul and become a good steward of your needs, you will be stronger for your journey of life and more ready to meet its demands. But you are the one who must plan how to endure with grace and beauty. You must create a plan that best suits your puzzle of life. Grace and beauty and peace in the midst of it all.

Filed Under: Art, Beauty, Friends, Home, Joyful Life, Lifegiver, Mothering, Music, Nature, People, Ponderings, Relationships, Simplicity, Tea, Trust in God

Valuing Traditions

February 10, 2011 by Sally 12 Comments

Last weekend, I had the privilege of having all of my children with me in California. They are a blessing and I do want to say, they are mostly happy with each other and get along and are a blessing–your children will grow up and they are listening to you!

Many moms asked, “What did you do to cultivate your children into best friends? How did you help them learn to enjoy each other? I think one way is that I purposed time that we would all spend together, even as they got older. There were some non-negotiable times when everyone had to be home–sometimes it was a Saturday night pizza movie, most times we were always home on Sunday afternoon tea times, or Sunday morning feasts. Of course when they were little all time was family time and that is when you are really securing tight relationships.

I found this older post from 4 years ago. Joy is now almost 16, but I hope you might enjoy this post of yesteryear!
Every May about this time, I find myself wondering how we started so many birthday traditions so that the expectations of each birthday child is so high. I am a little worn out by this time and my mind ponders, “Now why am I doing this? Does it really make a difference?As I have pondered this the past couple of days, I have realized again, that traditions force us to take time to celebrate life.

Pausing, as a family, in the midst of the busyness of life, communicates that we are more important to each other as a family than all the activities that are swirling around in our lives that separate us from each other. In our case, twelve year old Joy doesn’t often have the full attention of her siblings, who are quite a bit older than her. They are always running here and there to a job, to classes or to meet friends. Yet, on this day, everyone takes a break from their other commitments—even Clay stays home the mornings of birthday breakfasts–and says to the birthday child, “You are beloved in this family and we are here to celebrate your life!”

Joy turned 12 today. I have to admit, that in spite of all the work, I think I can see that the traditions have deeply filled my children’s hearts with affirmation, validation, memories, confidence and blessings that they will draw from for years to come. Today was especially bittersweet, as I imagine that by next May’s birthday, probably only Clay, Joy and I will celebrate her birthday as a family! We will have to import new friends as family.

Each birthday morning, the person we are celebrating, has to wait expectantly in their bedroom. They are allowed something to sip–hot chocolate or tea—and then must wait patiently for the other siblings to come to deliver them to our breakfast table. Usually, I have made my whole-wheat cinnamon rolls–the expected favorites–and I make my own special scrambled eggs—with cheese, sour cream, ham or bacon bits. Strong Austrian coffee is dripping through the filter, while one child is setting the table with the ceramic tea set usually used for all birthdays. (The set was bought over several years at a second’s shop in Austria. By now, several of the dishes are chipped or cracked, but, as we cannot buy anymore here in the States, we are happy that the dishes aren’t broken.)

We are all a part of a team seeking to throw things together as quickly as possible, since often, presents are wrapped and cards are written at the last minute. One child throws the gifts into very familiar bags–many of which we have kept for years. As a matter of fact, the kids all discussed which bags were their favorites and warned me never to give them away to anyone else with a present in it, because it is family tradition! (Winnie the Pooh and a pre-Raphealite bag tied for the favorites!) We put every gift, however small, in it’s own bag. Even if something was purchased for a song at Good Will or at the dollar store, it gets fully wrapped. Consequently, each year, it looks as though the birthday child is getting a zillion presents, even though the ultimate value may not be much at all–it is all part of the sparkle and fun of the morning. (Once, a child received a pacakage of ball point pens–each in its own bag!)Life is a flurry as one sets the table, one lights the candle and puts coffee cream out, another is wrapping and putting on music to set the mood and Clay is always looking for the camera and batteries since he is the official photographer.

Finally, at least a couple of kids, go to the birthday child’s room to blind-fold their eyes, so that they have to stumble into the room with no peaking. What a funny sight this year as 6’5″ Joel and 6’3″ Nathan still willingly participated in leading Joy down the steps for her surprise day.

Seems the conversation never varies from year to year—I think your cinnamon rolls are the best, Mom. Yeah, we have never tasted any that even compared. (Of course this is so I will keep making them from year to year and yes, it does encourage me to keep up the work—even the 5th time this month!)

After breakfast is appropriately enjoyed, the birthday child begins opening gifts one at a time–to be marvelled, commented on and appreciated. Then come the cards—each child and parent usually creates a card and message for the birthday child to read and save in a special box.

Humor always adorns every meal we share, whether it is our somewhat retarded golden retriever who almost knocked down the table to get to the leftover eggs, or some extravagant comment. Today did not disappoint us. I was reading a Jane Austen quote outloud from a card Joy received, “It is much easier to kill realities than phantoms!” At which exact moment, the front door mysteriously blew open–and we all looked for the phantoms who must have entered at precisely on time for a great effect! (Maybe you had to be here–but the timing was perfect and made us all giggle!)

Finally, the pinnacle of the morning is when all of us at the table share with the birthday child what they have meant to us and how we appreciate them and how they have grown. I am still astounded that at 23, 20, 18 and 12, my children take this ritual so seriously. I thought when they were young, they would surely giggle and make sarcastic comments and find it difficult to finish the time. Yet, I am truly amazed that they have vested lots of love and thoughtfulness in these times and I can farely observe the heart of the birthday child being watered and refreshed enough to last for months.

Nathan started this year. “I have been amazed at how confidently and professioally you have been performing–through your Youth Performing Arts choir and through the musicals you were in. You have quite a voice and your are so poised and confident. At the last concert, I got my whole row of friends to yell your name at the teen concert. They all said they wish they had a sister like you. I prayed you into the world and I am very proud to have you as my sister!”

Followed by his generous comments, came Joel’s, Sarah’s, Clay’s and mine. “You have really grown in your commitment to the Lord this year and you have such intelligent things to say in our discussions.” “You have really developed in your personality this year. The way you decorate your room is amazing, your writing is very expressive, you’re learning to read music so well on the piano, and you are passing all of us up in your many abilities!” “You have been a real friend to me and you always have such interesting things to say in the car when I pick you up from classes. It is obvious that you are reading and learning a lot. You have also been a lot of fun for me.” And on it goes.

I see before me, these children who have learned to love each other in spite of the personality differences, the various immature and hormonal and argumentative stages of life. I am amazed and grateful. How did this happen—these children who threaten to undo me from time to time with their whining, silly fusses, immaturity and friction. Yet, here they are in their right minds, enjoying each other, laughing at each other’s jokes, discussing issues loudly, and participating in family bonding–willingly, generously. What a gift to me, Lord, to see this picture of watching Joy’s heart fill with emotioal health, before her brothers and sister venture to the far winds-Sarah and Joel to Cambridge, then to Seattle in the fall, Nathan to his classes in another state.

But when everyone goes their way, I see that there will be hundreds of memories shared, loved communicated, prayers offered at our table over the years of celebrations–because we took time to invest in tying our heartstring to each other. These foundations of emotional mental and spiritual health will serve to stabilize and give hope to each of us long after we are separated by miles. Now I see, all the effort and cooking and washing of dishes and wrapping of presents did matter because they provided the frame around which a life of love was painted on the souls of each of my precious children. Ok, move over—I will finish the dishes this morning!

Filed Under: Children, Family, Food, Friends, Home, Joyful Life, Our Family, Siblings, Traditions

Cooking, mentoring and celebrating each minute!

December 13, 2010 by Sally 4 Comments

Oh, what 24 hours can hold! I am so grateful that the Lord is in each minute. I have lots of messages overflowing in my heart, but alas, I am so busy with my sweet ones that I have little time to write to you about all that I am learning.

I was up in the middle of the night with one of my sweet children and was reminded of all the ear-infected, asthma years that I wondered if I would live through. And yet, now I see that when I ministered His grace and love gently in these times, it went deeply into their hearts as they felt the hands and touch of someone who taught them the gentle love of the Lord. Sleepy today, but thankful for His strength and joy abiding.

I do know that Satan is alive and well and so much wants to discourage all of you brave-hearted women who want to spread light and cheer. I am remembering that God spoke into the darkness and said, “Let there be light!” And so each day, as I confront darkness of any kind–mood, thoughts, real temptation, catastrophes and sadnesses in the lives of my children, friends and family, in His name and in His honor this wonderful season, I am saying, “Let there be light in this place.” and seeking to work toward that every minutes.

And so, as I prepare for friends who will be here with me in the next couple of days, I am cooking away. Here are two wonderful recipes:

First, you must know this is a special, special recipe–who could eat this much sugar, cream, butter every day of the year? But, I love delicious recipes that say, “This is a time to celebrate life and document a moment!” So, these became a wonderful breakfast yesterday morning for our Sunday morning feast!

Christmas Muffins–

(as shared with me by my wonderful friend, mentor and inspiration–and genius in the kitchen, Phyllis Stanley)

Place in Bosch with beaters:
3 eggs, 1 cup soft butter, 2 cups sugar, 2 tsp. orange peel

Mix until fluffy, Then add:

3 cups freshly ground flour (or store bought–unbleached, and spelt is also great! ) and 1/2 tbsp baking powder
1 cup chopped pecans, 1 cup chopped cranberries (set aside a Tbsp or 2 for garnish)
1 cup whipping cream or half and half
Mix only until blended. Place in well-sprayed muffin tins 2/3 filled. Sprinkle with a little bit of chopped cranberries and pecans. Bake for 20 minutes in preheated oven 400 degrees. Makes 24 Christmas muffins.

GREEK LEMON CHICKEN SOUP………

And then I just love to share my friends who minister to me on many levels. I love going to Coffeeteabooksandme because I see visual art, find out about great books, love looking into the soul of a spiritually deep friend who provokes me to loving the Lord more and who has the best recipes. This one sounds wonderful for a cold, winter evening. I am making it this week and asked Brenda if she would please share it with us. THANKS A BUNCH, SWEET BRENDA!

Have a wonderful day and may His light and peace be with each of you.

Filed Under: Food, Friends, Joyful Life, Recipes

The Holidays: A Time to Celebrate and a Time to Trust! Cyberspace miracle

November 26, 2010 by Sally 3 Comments

The Holidays–A Time to Celebrate and a Time to Trust!

Swedish painter, Carl Larsson

I hope you all had a precious pile of memories from your feasts, fun and times shared with friends and family yesterday. We so enjoyed our day with friends. Now, like you, my mind turns to the next few weeks of celebrating Christmas with family and friends. This year as I go into the Christmas season, I am very grateful that the Lord keeps our ministry going, but to be honest, it has been a year of financial challenge. Along with the rest of the country, we have felt the squeeze of financial challenge. A sweet friend of our ministry, though, came up with a great idea of how to provide a little more support for our ministry, publishing, office and staff needs. Perhaps some of you who have been encouraged through our books, or conferences or ministry, might find it in your heart to help support our ministry with no financial cost to you!

I WOULD SO APPRECIATE YOUR CONSIDERATION OF OUR REQUEST BELOW. IT WILL HELP CLAY AND ME KEEP WHOLE HEART MINISTRIES AFLOAT!

Cyber Monday is coming up ~ one of the biggest online shopping days of the year!

About a year and a half ago, we became aware of GoodSearch and GoodShop. By using GoodSearch, a Yahoo! powered search engine, every time you search, GoodSearch donates money to a designated charity. You get to select the charity you wish to support. Some of the charities are local churches, private schools, non-profits of almost every kind, including Whole Heart Ministries. Likewise, GoodShop donates a portion of each online sale to the designated charity. We talked about GoodSearch and GoodShop in an earlier blog post and with our email list, but just in case you missed those communications, here’s some more about this great organization.

This information is taken from the www.goodsearch.com/about.aspx webpage:

GoodSearch is a search engine which donates 50 percent of its sponsored search revenue to the charities and schools designated by its users. You use GoodSearch exactly as you would any other search engine. Because it’s powered by Yahoo!, you get proven search results. The money GoodSearch donates to your cause comes from its advertisers – the users and the organizations do not spend a dime!

In 2007, GoodSearch was expanded to include GoodShop, an online shopping mall of world-class merchants dedicated to helping fund worthy causes across the country. Each purchase made via the GoodShop mall results in a donation to the user’s designated charity or school – averaging approximately 3% of the sale, but going up to 20% or even more.

Ken and JJ wanted to create a means to support charities so that people would say, “Why wouldn’t you do it?” That’s what GoodSearch does. Since it doesn’t cost anything and you get proven search results, there’s no reason not to use it!

GoodSearch is dedicated to Ken and JJ’s mother, who passed away from cancer and who taught them both that by working together with dogged dedication, we can really make this world a better place.

Did you catch the “mom connection” in the last paragraph? Ken and JJ dedicated GoodSearch to their mom. Her legacy of making the world a better place can help us get the word out about biblical mothering!

You can track the amount raised at http://www.goodsearch.com/nonprofit/whole-heart-ministries.aspx. Last month, over $50 was raised just through online shopping! Thank you to those families who are supporting us in this way!

You can also support us by using: http://www.goodsearch.com/goodshop.aspx and see the deals and some stores used there.

This holiday season, if you’re an online shopper, would you please pray about using GoodShop to support Whole Heart Ministries? Instead of clicking the car key “on,” a couple of clicks with your computer mouse will bless moms literally all over the world! I think that’s afar, don’t you?

Here’s some text you can copy and paste onto your blog to help us spread the word about GoodSearch and GoodShop. Thanks so much for your support!

What if Whole Heart Ministries earned a donation every time you searched the Internet? Or how about if a percentage of every purchase you made online went to support our cause? Well, now it can!

GoodSearch.com is a new Yahoo-powered search engine that donates half its advertising revenue, about a penny per search, to the charities its users designate. Use it just as you would any search engine, get quality search results from Yahoo, and watch the donations add up!

GoodShop.com is a new online shopping mall which donates up to 30 percent of each purchase to your favorite cause! Hundreds of great stores including Amazon, Target, Gap, Best Buy, eBay, Macy’s and Barnes & Noble have teamed up with GoodShop and every time you place an order, you’ll be supporting your favorite cause.

And if you download the GoodSearch – Whole Heart Ministries toolbar, our cause will earn money every time you shop and search online – even if you forget to go to GoodShop or GoodSearch first! Add the Whole Heart Ministries toolbar at http://www.goodsearch.com/toolbar/whole-heart-ministries

I so appreciate your willingness to consider this! Have fun shopping!

OUR GOAL IS TO GET 1000 PEOPLE SUPPORTING WHOLE HEART THROUGH GOOD SEARCH–THAT COULD HELP PAY STAFF AND PUBLISHING FOR MORE THAN ONE MONTH! PLEASE HELP US BY PROMOTING THIS CAUSE. THANKS SO MUCH.

Filed Under: Friends, Ministry

Community, friendship and belonging–so needed, such a balm

November 4, 2010 by Sally 21 Comments

“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”

Winnie the Pooh

My sweet group taking the last 24 hours away at a prominent hotel in a suite of rooms just to make time to treasure the friendship God has given to us and to keep the fires of our close relationship to each other burning. (Sweet Micala, we missed you and prayed for you!)

Arranging babysitting and rides for our children to all of their activities was quite a feat, but here is the rest of the story……..

God created us to be his friends, as Moses was. He was walking in the garden to share fellowship with Adam and Eve. He communicates over and over in scripture that He mostly desires our love and our time. God created marriage because it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. He gave Adam and Eve children as a model for families–that children would give purpose and meaning and relationship to a man and women in the blessing of them becoming a family. Jesus chose 12 disciples to be with him, for community, for living, teaching, training and preparing to take over reaching the world. He wanted/needed/chose friends through whom He would work in the world, though He could have gotten the message of his love and redemption out in any way He chose. He chose 12 committed men who would become friends and comrades in kingdom work.

And so it is that we have been created for relationship, friendship, belonging to a group bigger than ourselves. It is a part of our being, our design, what we were made to enjoy.

And yet in an isolationist world, we find ourselves, I think, by Satan’s design, lonely, not knowing our neighbors, feeling unknown in our mega churches, far away from family, and very different in values, faith, age and interest from most of our neighbors. If Satan can get us alone and unaccountable, then we fall prey to depression, feelings of being unloved, sensing a hole in our heart from not feeling we “belong” to a group, often feeling that we don’t really have any friends who care.

What a recipe for destruction of morals, values, faith, inspiration and strength. Scripture is very clear about the results of those who are alone.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I can see that those times times when I felt heart-wrenching darkness overshadowing my soul and a deepening sense of isolation and feeling a longing for companionship and love, was when I felt I was alone and under the suffocating burdens, doubts and trials of life, without a friend to care. Having moved 17 times, 6 times internationally during my marriage, there were ever so many times when our family felt deeply alone. As a mom of young children, it was especially difficult to manage all the issues and care constantly for my children with never a break and often no kindred spirit with whom to share life. As a mom of teens, I also found the challenge of filling my home with families and kids so that my children felt that we somehow had community and people who cared personally for them.

A couple of years ago, a friend observed, “Sally, I think you need an Aaron and a Hur. You are being consumed–giving, giving all the time and never being refreshed or refueled yourself will eventually destroy your ideals and your vibrancy. You need to have a support system of friends who can be help shoulder your burdens, commiserate with you personally in your trials, share in the personal victories and memories of life.

I remember saying, “I don’t even know how I would go about that. I have many friends all over the US, but I have moved so much, it is hard to start over again and push through to find close community.”

Her words simmered in my mind. “Best” friends, “sister-friends” to share life has been a history since my childhood-to have that one who “gets” me and still likes to be with me, to share broken dreams and hurt feelings, insecurities and longings and to be understood and cared for, to share the graces of shopping, lunching, laughing and getting older together through experiences shared.

But the older I get, the more crowded my life and the harder plant and cultivate the seeds of close friendships. But God would not let her voice of admonition go away. Purposing to pray about it , a plan began to form.

Constantly surrounded by women all the time in groups and ministry and classes, but often feeling alone in the crowd seemed dissatisfying. I have been blessed to have many friends and I love and appreciate them all. But with having older children, in a relatively new town, that no one knows, and focussing on my home and ministry, which requires lots of travel, often means I don’t have the luxury to give lots of time to those casual friends.

The Lord seemed to place on my heart to pray about and identify other women who seemed to be in my life in a more prominent way than all the rest. First, a couple of close friends who had been special to my life for several years. Then, those who had actually taken the initiative to ask me over for lunch or dinner (a rare occasion for me–usually I am the one who does the inviting!) and I looked for someone who had initiated to me personally. There were a couple of people who stayed after at my Bible study to help or who sent me an email and or encouraged me. I came up with a list of 9 women after praying.

Inviting them to dinner, I shared my heart to have a group of friends who could cultivate accountability, friendship and prayer for one another. For about a year, we met once a month for lunch at my house, a Christmas party, a potluck with our husbands and children. Within a few months, the lunches lasted longer and longer, we had dinners together, began to get closer. We prayed for one another. Had our husbands over for a big pot luck. Eventually, we grew into a living, with a purpose–besides just having fun, we began to work in ministry together. These precious ones served at my conferences, made all the meals and organized our leadership intensive at my home.

Goodies, gabbing, gobbling and guffaws.

Now, we consider ourselves the closest of friends, and feel so deeply blessed to share life. From 30′s to two who are 57, small children to older children away from home, city girls and farm girls–we share in all of life, though not often–a committed time each month, a commitment to work at conferences together, to pray, study the word, share new restaurant finds, to “be there for one another.”

The flower girl–flower shirt, flower background, flower carpet!

Pals

Beautiful friends—thank you, Lord, for letting me be loved and for letting me belong.

Filed Under: Friends, Joyful Life, Ponderings, Relationships

Social Media is like a fickle boyfriend……..

October 26, 2010 by Sally 20 Comments

Eponine-A-Rose-in-Misery

“He slept a summer by my side, He filled my days with endless wonder,

He took my childhood in his stride, but he was gone when autumn came.”

“I Dreamed a Dream” From Les Miserable (Fantene)

Passionately singing this song, above the resounding notes of Sarah’s piano playing, the three girls in our family find this song hauntingly beautiful. The image of a young girl, innocently convincing herself that she is deeply in love, giving her whole being to one who is there to consume her. When with child at the end of the summer, Eponine, the young girl, is left with scars, a pregnancy, responsibilities; her so-called lover is no where to be found.

I meet so many precious young women who gave themselves so such men. Women, longing for love, acceptance, purpose, a place to belong and to be validated, gave their souls to one who could never be a source of long-term love, strength or goodness.

I see that social media could be this kind of boyfriend–here to entice you today, but gone tomorrow, where you are left to clean up a life with scars, loneliness and rejection or just silence, the feeling of being invisible.

Now social media has its place–we can write articles of encouragement to be read by others all over the world. We can connect with old friends and meet like-minded friends on the internet. We can show pictures of our children, birthdays, holidays. There are many amazing revelations through the internet.

But there is a possible down side to this is “just virtual” relationship. I do not deny that social media and the web can fill some very important needs in our lives and can give us information at a moment’s notice. But throughout history, life was never meant to be lived this way. God designed us to live in such a way as to leisurely be able to observe His handiwork, to breathe in creation with all of its color and variation. We were to to see His beauty in the seasons, a rainbow, to feel the course of nature.

Relationships were to be slowly simmering through seasons of shared time, work, love, seasons and years, with a knowledge that people would be in our lives endlessly through our whole lives without ever moving to another location.

God intended that we have time to sit and ponder mysteries of the universe, to have to work out our thoughts, to have time to work and read and create food and gardens and the works of our hands. He longed for us to seek Him, His presence, His relationship to us as God and savior, to fill in our hearts’ needs.

God intended that we have real lovers, loyal, present friends, who would be here for us to celebrate life’s daily moments and the tragedies and momentous occasions.

However, contemporary culture has forgotten these realities.

Perhaps, on the internet, we build up a couple of thousand of friends–that does not mean they know us, our real lives, our silent aches of heart, our loneliness, our dreams, insecurities, needs or doubts, or love us. Often it just means, they, too, are trying to build their list. Our social networking friends cannot bring us a hot, delicious meal or a fall bouquet of blooming flowers when we are sick or depressed or just need to know we are on someone’s mind.

Our social media friends cannot hold our hand or give us a gentle embrace, when we pray through a heartbreak or sit and drink a real cup of tea on the porch as we watch a fall sun melt into the sky, and share secrets. Our social media friends are not here to touch, see, experience, giggle, to validate the memories of real life.

Our children also long for us to see them as the important ones–they long for our words of love and laughter at their jokes and engaging in their hearts and attention. Our children are only with us for a window of time, to receive our attention, loving touch, tasty meals, to celebrate life as we pour into their souls. If we are looking to the internet for our relationships, our children will look for love and attention wherever else they can find it–away from us.

We are their first choice, but they will settle for others if their needs are not met at home with our intentional and present attention.

Suppose, we get lots of comments on our blogs today, or an increasing number of visits. The pressure is on to try to keep that going tomorrow. If we feel good when people respond, must we feel bad about ourselves if they don’t leave a comment? If we are one of the most popular blogs or web sites today, eventually there will be a “cuter girl on the block”, where people will search for something more, something new, leaving us longing for the same affirmation and love we sought in the beginning.

I think that many young women become addicted to social media and neglect their families and children out of a God given desire to be loved, to have friends who care, to feel a sense of importance–to push away the feeling that we are invisible in this world of ours. The desire to be loved and known and validated is God-given. Yet, He intended for us to have real community where we are loved and have a place to fit with family–cousins, grandparents, parents, siblings. For thousands of years, neighbors were to be those who knew you your whole life, who were there for you in the tragedies and celebrations of life. Purpose and meaning came out of relating and giving of ourselves to a community of people called to live, serve and validate the meaning of life together, to preserve righteousness in the presence of our children as a common group of people who loved and served God together.

Now, we live in an isolationist culture where we move from place to place, seldom knowing our neighbors; go to mega-churches where it is possible to be personally, intimately unknown in our inner-life needs or desires. Often grandparents and siblings have different values, live half-way around the world, or are of no support at all–many who have been separated from us through divorce.

So, we seek to replace that which God intended to be real and present, with something–anything–that can help us to “feel” connected, loved, validated.

So, social media can spend a summer by our side, but might be gone when autumn comes. A fickle boyfriend–here today, gone tomorrow. Just a thought for today.

Filed Under: Family, Friends, Joyful Life, People, Relationships

Boston In the Fall

October 15, 2010 by Sally 2 Comments

–We got to see Joel, so exciting! We’ve been missing you!

“And I’ve never been to Boston in the fa…”Oh, wait! I have!

Joy and Christie reporting from the home of our lovely hosts, listening to a song, giggling our faces off and thinking about History. Well, we really aren’t thinking about history. Actually, I just had to think about history to write that sentence, so I suppose we are. Yesterday, after hardly any sleep and several cups of coffee, we ventured out to explore the history Boston has to offer. We had lots of fun, ate a good deal, learned a lot, ate some more, saw the graves of several famous people, ate a muffin, stood on the very ground that our founding fathers stood–and some of them died on–and ate Boston creme pie. Eating was our favorite part. Overall, it was a great success.

Today, we went to Lexington and Concord, visiting museums detailing the events of April 19, 1775, the day the war truly began. We never knew that the fighting lasted all day, the colonists chasing the British all through the countryside, engaging them several times in various ambushes. Although the colonists began with only 70 troops against 700 redcoats, their ranks grew along the road until they swelled to 4000, leaving the redcoats at 1700, the day amounting to a good rout of the English by the farmers and ordinary men of America. They had no training, no supplies except for what they provided themselves, but they beat the British because they were driven to protect their families, and to fight for liberty. It makes me wonder, if we were forced into the same situations they were, would we respond as bravely?

Anywho, we will leave the pictures to speak for themselves and tell the rest of the story. Enjoy!

Our motley crew trooping along in Boston.

Wait…don’t stop! Click the “Read More” link to see more pics of Boston, and us…

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Filed Under: Family Trips, Friends, People

Silly Philly

October 13, 2010 by Sally 6 Comments

(Jack is strong, really.)

And we’re off!

Hello, it’s me (Joy). Reporting, most faithfully at the call of my mother, to all you bloggers and blog readers!

It took us a while to get the ball rolling forgetting this and that, we managed to be the last ones to get on the plane. That’s always exciting, and you know a trip is not fun unless it’s an adventure. Arriving in Philadelphia Pennsylvania, panting and exhausted, we fell into bed, fell out, and then went on our way! From The Liberty Bell to the Independence Hall, we trekked our way from place to place with smiles on our faces and our learning brains in position. I must say I can’t think of a moment any of us were silent, I like to think it’s because we’re intelligent. But it sure did make for quite a few laughs, from both us and the surrounding homo sapians. We all ate our first Philly cheese stake sandwich in Philadelphia, and our stomachs and mouths are in a state of bereavement now that we are done and know we will have no more for quite a long time. Food continued on as theme as we made our way to an enclosed market were we found all sorts of succulent dishes and delicious nibbles. We now sit happily, (and I might mention early, as we somehow mistook the time and thought we were an hour forward in time) waiting to get on our train. So we bid Philadelphia farewell, and look onwards to the exciting prospect of Boston. Especially us kids, as none of us have been to “Boston in the fall” (Veggie tales, look it up ), and soon we shall be! Well, much love!

Now some pictures, courtesy mostly of the faithful little blue camera and my (Joy’s) obsessive picture taking. Enjoy!

Click the “Read More” link to see more pictures.

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Filed Under: Family Trips, Friends, People

Sisters and Friends make for healthier women! Girlfriends are essential!

September 20, 2010 by Sally 2 Comments

Joy and Sarah enjoying being pals.

When I was a young single missionary living in Poland, I had my precious pal, Gwennie, to live with under harsh conditions. Poland was under the communist rule of Russia during those years. Not much in the way of food to be found–rarely could we find meat. Fruit was scarce except in seasonal times. (Remind me to tell you my banana story sometime!) Life was hard. We were living subversively seeking to lead people to Christ and share Bibles in a country where it was illegal.

However, Gwennie and I, being women created by God to be nurturers, took care of each other. We spent almost every waking hour together. Walking a couple of miles to school where we struggled through the Polish language. Scouring the market square for some fresh food of some kind. Inviting girls from all over the country to stay with us to learn the Bible, we were partners in everything.

If one of us was sick, the other took care and made a cup of tea. Every night we would light candles on our little coffee table (didn’t have a dining table), put on music, eat dinner (usually one more kind of eggs as it was one of the only things we could easily get), and have a lovely time of fellowship. After dinner, we would read a chapter of a book out-loud. It was where I first read, Treasures of the Snow, by Patricia St. John. What a delight to be with a sister-friend, over candlelight, entering the world of Switzerland, children, and a rousing story, with a cup of coffee and celebrate some moments together.

The single men missionaries, however, did not fare so well. Many times they got sick more often, they became lonely and often returned from the mission field earlier. Why? I think it was because men didn’t nurture each other! Women did.

Years ago, I decided that women did better long term as missionaries because they were made to be help-meets. They knew how to take care of people–even their roommates.

I found this article below, very interesting, because of my theory all of these years that women, nurturers, are better able to sustain life, as they were created by God to do so. Celebrate womanhood at its best–nurture another woman in friendship, love and memories.

My girls and I with Gwen in a “girl’s club” memory last year. She is an honorary member!

But for those of you who don’t have sisters or daughters, I believe you can adopt them! I don’t have a sister, but I have my sweet friends. I make time with them, meals, outings, phone chats, visits to far away sisters (Gwen!), because they bring affirmation, love, fun, care and nurture in ways that only girlfriends and sisters can. Sarah, Joy and I even have what we call “Girl’s club” where we make time only for the girls!

So, plan to find a “sister”-friend that you can share life with. It will make you healthier and happier!

Article:

Having a sister can be good for emotional health!

Filed Under: Beauty, Family, Friends, Ministry, Our Family, People, Siblings

Shopping, dressing-up, and totally fun, irresponsibility–just what I needed!

September 10, 2010 by Sally 13 Comments

One of my beautiful outfits! Sweater-shawl, scarf, bracelet, necklace, earrings!

Whew! Weeks of responsibility and giving out–my intensive, company, adult children with myriads of needs, still home educating Joy, dinners, dishes, financial struggles, little sleep, giving, giving, giving…….

And then He interrupts my life–with delight…..

The Lord is so very thoughtful at times, that I truly feel like His beloved. Arranging personal, focused blessings just for me so that I stand back and see that He knows, He knows my loneliness for my mother, even when I am not aware. He knows I miss being mothered, I miss being noticed. He sees what would delight me even when I would never have thought to ask.

For many years, my mother would go shopping with me each fall to pick out two “speaking” outfits. I would then wear them all year to every place I would speak. “You need to be beautiful in all the places God has opened for you to speak. You have always been my little dolly and we will go out and make a celebration of it–you and me! That is my part in your ministry.

Adult time, spoiling me with lunch, little trinkets, talk, talk, talk, buying me things that as a young mom I could not afford, or would not afford because of all my little ones. Pretty dresses, or professional, classic outfits for meetings and interviews. Shoes to match and of course a new necklace or earrings. A lunch and coffee and sweets at the end, framed a special memory each year—just mama and me and the sharing of our hearts. “And you might just need this for a little something, as she tucked a $20 into my coat pocket.”

Mother-love providing, encouraging, nurturing, embracing, guiding, empathizing, and listening–and that is what my sweet mom used to do. Sometimes I don’t even realize how deeply I miss being “mothered.”

I didn’t realize how much I missed those yearly outings with her. The past 7 years, she struggling with an aging disease, has turned me more into an adult, little by little, who must call, write and send my love and care, while she stays day after day, needing help, care and pushing through it all, seeking to maintain a good attitude through the constant pain. I, sometimes lonely and longing, in my consuming adult life and ministry, but rarely have time to stop to think about it.

Fast forward to this week. I left for 3 days to do ministry, to be with friends, to set up conferences. Life has required me to be so responsible, so task oriented, learning to go without needs being met. Little “me” time.

Ministering in California

Flying there for 3 days with meetings, personal and strategic lunches, breakfasts and dinners, arranging conferences, teaching about communication skills, answering questions about mothering, leadership, guilt, books, education, the Lord, problems.

So often my life is fueled by adrenalin, searching through mind-files to engage with the question being asked, expending energy like money in a carnival, seeking to guide with the light pouring out of my soul with what He gave–and so serious, talk after serious talk, intentional conversation, all setting a standard my soul seems to follow obediently, step by step–one foot in front of the other. Always I enjoy these precious ones and enjoy hearing the stories. But sometimes I don’t even know how drained my brain and body and heart have become amidst the path of my life.

Sometimes, sharing of dark, heart secrets that spill out slowly like a mist billowing slowly on a mountain pass in private meetings. Ideals passionately espoused amidst a call to intentional living. Disappointment spilling over through tears from misunderstandings amongst those they thought were most likely to love–fellow Christians. Divorce, abortions, anger, insecurity, failure, or inadequacy or fears–sometimes stories of redemption, love, growth, encouragement, inspiration. These the topics of my interactions, with precious ones I meet, hour upon hour. This my life in ministry. And yet….

How I love my California girls! Jeanna, one of my angel friends who dressed me like a dolly! Vicky and Lisa were her cohorts.

Yet, during a break, I was talking with three dear ones who have become sweet friends to me amidst ministry over the past few years. “I love your necklace. What a cute shirt that is with the roses! I am so glad “feminine” is in style again. You all are so darling and fun–you need to tell me how I am supposed to dress!”

Conversations drifted to clothes, styles, contemporary expectations.

“You won’t believe it, but we got a lot of what we are wearing at our church’s bookstore! They have a section of clothing and jewelry that supports women in poor countries, where we have missions, so that they can be independent. All of it is produced there! We are going to take you over to the store and buy you an outfit.”

And so, for almost two hours, they dressed me up. I felt like a little girl again. And I felt so very loved and blessedly noticed and cared for! It was so much fun-necklaces–short or long, earrings dangling or studs, myriads of rainbow scarves– maroon, navy, floral, solid, knit, silk, “That looks great.” “She looks like she is sick in that color–get her something else.” “Oh, that style flatters her! Let’s get her two outfits!” Giggles, playing, talking-sheer fun, nothing serious, only playing and being girlfriends. I didn’t even know how much I needed it. Water for my thirsty soul.

When my hostess and dear friend picked me up for dinner after our shopping was all finished, we had a leisurely few minutes together before our next meeting. All of a sudden it hit me–my mom wasn’t able anymore to help me pick out my two outfits, but maybe the Lord knew deep inside I needed to know that someone still wanted me to have fun–not just responsibility–but fun, love and a memorable light-hearted afternoon. I now have two darling, speaking outfits, but I also feel noticed, cared for, and had a whole lot of unexpected fun.

Thank you, my angel friends for taking time with me for fun and for love. I love each of you so much.

Filed Under: Friends, Joyful Life, People, Ponderings, Relationships