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You never know what a day holds!

December 8, 2007 by  4 Comments

Tuesday morning began as usual, except that I had anticipation and excitement for the day. My sweet Bible study of women (61 on the email roster–but usually just around 40 come at a time, due to the unpredictabilities of life.) I had planned to have all the candles lit throughout the house, my favorite Christmas album piping throughout the rooms, a buffet of goodies–appetizers, salads, delectable deserts–fun fellowship around couches and tables for a couple of hours, followed by Sarah playing Christmas music for us to sing to and a grand finale of sweet verses about Mary that God had put on my heart to share. I love these women because they represent to me all the sweet moms I know who daily sacrifice their lives to the Lord by serving their precious children. It was to be a good evening.

However, when I awakened, I noticed that I wasn’t feeling just right. To make a long story short, I kept ignoring how I was feeling because of the adrenalin that was flowing in having all of us straighten the house to get ready for the event. I was feeling a strange ache in my lower regions, but thought I could run a couple of errands with my older kids, since Nathan had taken Joy to a lesson and out to lunch for treat. As we stopped for lunch, I was already feeling feverish and shakey–went to the bathroom and passed some blood and clots. I came back to Sarah and Joel and said, “I think I need to go to the doctor–now!” After some calls were made, I was told to go the emergency room and 3 hours later, emerged with some medicine and a pronouncement of a severe urinary tract infection. Whoa—where did that come from? Not now, not today!

Party cancelled, I went to bed. The moms stayed home. The next day, we were scheduled to have our mother-daughter Christmas tea. We have had it for at least 14 years in a row that we can remember. Sarah, undaunted, said, “Mom, I think we still need to have it. But you stay in bed and I will take care of everything!” I knew she was already tired from previous days. But when I awakened the next morning, I found a dazzling table, shining gold and red and china and silverware and candles all sparkling. I walked into the kitchen and was astounded. Seems she had stayed up cooking the night before until midnight and Clay had washed the dishes as she cooked. Always the same menu–chilled raspberry soup to start out with, curried chicken salad with pecans, onions, grapes and vanilla yoghurt dressing as special additions; mixed greens with feta cheese, craisins, onions, and toasted nuts; fresh scones with mock clotted cream and blackberry or raspberry jam and the grand finale, chocolate mousse cake. (Yorkshire Gold tea in one pot and vanilla tea in the other.) Of course she had remembered the angel ornaments as favors for each person at their place! She had done it all, decorated it all, organized it all! I just rested on the couch the rest of the morning until friends came.

In the midst of not feeling well, though, I was blessed deeply in my soul to see my older children rise to the occasion–Joel did the grocery shopping for Sarah, Nathan took Joy to do some shopping for favors for a Christmas party she was having on Friday; Joel made pizza for Joy’s friends, Nathan laid out the chips and dip—a Christmas party for a few girls from Youth Performing arts choir and then the results of above tea. I told Sarah, that now that she could make great potato soup (our comfort food when we are sick–she had made me some the night before) and organize and run our formal Christmas luncheon for 11, while taking care of the needs of everyone at the end of having worked tirelessly on editing a book, then she was indeed ready to get married. (Problem is, no godly men in sight at this moment. Oh, well, any prayers toward this end would be appreciated, though I am benefiting a lot from having a best friend still at home!)

We have never had good support systems–not much family to nurture my children. Perhaps because I am in and out of town and have groups in my home, people perceive me as having support systems and friends. But we have not had that broad community of people who bring meals and help clean the house or do favors during illness. I have so appreciated the wonderful friends who have so generously blessed us over the years. (A couple of friends blessed us with 2 meals this week that were indeed yummy! And we are indeed blessed with all the wonderful people we know!) Yet, moving so much and the nature of our traveling ministry, has limited these kinds of support systems for us. But I do have this great community, though, that I think will always be loyal no matter what–it is my immediate family. We grew with our children and became each other’s best friends over the years. We have had to meet each other’s needs. We have had to appreciate each other’s art or skills and comfort each other in the midst of life. But it is the picture of what God created the family to be–before the fall–before sin entered the world–He created the family to be the place of stability, security, blessing and comfort. So, now, as I am surrounded my own little community of Clay, Sarah, Joel, Nathan and Joy, I am thankful that through the years of forging our own stability, the kids were learning and growing in independence. Our deep desire for friendship is still there. We have gone through so many times of wishing for kindred spiritual friends. I did think, at times, that I would probably die early of exhaustion, and had to deal with all sorts of emotions over the years as Clay and I primarily raised our children without much help or support. And we dearly love our friends–we love the families we know best. But, now, with years of faith-filled enduring the seasons of life, we also are thankful for the little team that God has forged here in our home–a precious legacy that is still intact and blesses us more each year.

On another note, it is easy to read about someone else’s traditions and think them perfect. But, not true at our home. Lest you think our days run perfectly and things happen easily–the shower also broke in the midst of in the tea party day and started leaking, and Joy eventually came down with a little stomach bug. There were still dirty dishes after the tea, but even washing all the dishes from the party was a memory as all the moms, my 33 year old niece and Sarah made easy work of the kitchen together amongst the giggling and antics–even the work was a time for great fellowship. All while I sat and enjoyed the scene.

I see that it is good for me to be reminded that my children are pretty self-sufficient without me. They have listened and lived and learned well. It is what we all wait for. But sometimes, with everyone at home, and me still in charge, I can forget how capable they are–ready for life, skillful for the challenges ahead. Even more, this week did not meet my plan–it is not how I wanted to spend the Christmas season. (Seems my bladder infection has now moved to possible kidney infection or kidney stone–the adventure is not over yet! )But, this season will be special–different from all the rest–because I was ministered to personally, deeply, by the love and care of my children–a hand massage from my two girls, flowers from a thoughtful child, Clay manning the kitchen dishes with the help of the boys. Maybe if I had been well, I would have made it through the whole holiday season without any personal needs met. Resting and resisting being a Martha is against my nature. But, submitting to the moment, gave me a peace that all will be well, as life went on well without me being in charge. It was a reminder to me that, “All flesh is like the grass. The grass withers and fades away, but the word of the Lord endures forever.” This mortal life passes and is no more. Someday, the distractions will all be over for us! My focussed season of motherhood will be over soon, and I will hopefully be able some day, to be the support system to my own children with their children. But learning to rest in this day and learning to see with the eyes of my heart all that I have to be thankful for, is what keeps my soul alive and filled with light. I am indeed blessed! May I ever, each day, keep coming back to investing in that which will last, love for each other, love for God, living in His truth and provision. Hope you have a merry week!

Filed Under: Beauty, Children, Family, Food, Friends, Mothering, Our Family, Table Settings, Tea

Spiritual Depth takes time!

October 14, 2007 by  20 Comments

Recently, I spent a couple of hours with a dear friend. At the end of our time, she asked, “Sally, do you ever feel lonely? I mean lonely for a friend who really has your heart and love and passion for life. I have so many friends, but I don’t really have friends who seem to have quiet times and who share with me what they are learning from the Lord. No one really initiates praying together. Very few of my friends have ideals for their lives. I long for deep, spiritual friendships and companions.”

Have you ever felt that way? I have. As a matter of fact, I used to feel like I was too much for people and still in many groups I feel like I have to hold back and not really expose myself. God made me a passionate person and I must live life with gusto–it is who I am. Yet, I have a very few friends who I know, when I am with them, that will share deeply, talk about ideas and scripture and what they are learning or care deeply about. I have, for so many years, felt lonely and longed for fellowship personally and for our family. We have loved the depth of life and fun and spirituality we have shared as a community of family, but it has been difficult to find like-minded matches for our family, and often for the individuals of our family. I think this is a more common problem than many think, because I hear it a lot.

Yet, I do have several friends with whom I can totally be myself. But even more, I know that when I am with them, my emotional and spiritual cup will be filled. Every time I am with these three or four friends, I know I will leave wanting to be a better person, cultivating deeper faith in my life, living more boldly for the Lord, enduring in my work for His kingdom and we usually share lots of giggles and opinions that we are free to share with each other because of our bond. My special friends who are this way are spread out all over the country and I don’t often get to see them, but I cherish them in my heart. I meet others along the way in which I share this kind of relationship and am always grateful, though, I meet them along the way and they are not a part of my “regular” circle, in which I have had lots of time to log together. But I appreciate this kind of friendship because the effect on me is that it thrusts me in the direction that I long for in my soul, and always makes me want to love God more and to be more worthing of such love. It feels good to know that I can be myself and to have personal encouragement and validation. Friends can make friends feel good!

I think that longing for eternal things is a gift from the Lord. As a deer pants for the water, so my soul longs after you, Oh, Lord. I didn’t always see it this way, because many of the years of my life and moves, I have felt deeply lonely and longing for a friend to recipricate. Yet, I see now that I can turn this longing to the Lord and it is where He meets me. These longings are sometimes shadows of what we can glimpse in this world, but will not fully experience until heaven. Longings speak to us of what we can expect in heaven. But it is these very longings that have taken me to Him. He is there, giving me perspective, teaching and talking into my heart.

Sometimes just being caught up in the “busy-ness” of life, can leave my soul empty and my feelings dry. However, we cannot pass on to our children deep, sincere love and pleasure of God, if we haven’t drunk deeply from His well ourselves. Again, I am not talking about you or me becoming more religious–but truly more relaxed, honest time with the one who made me and knows me. God is like us or perhaps, more truthfully, we are like Him. He is a God of relationship. He longs for our companionship and trust and deepest thoughts and cares. Hard to imagine, but He, in the midst of running the universe, was walking the the cool of the garden in the middle of the day, looking for fellowship with Adam and Eve. I am in the process of studying David’s life and see that David had inner eyes in His heart, that saw God, and thought His thoughts and valued His ways. He loved and revered Him. God was a reality in the moments of His celebrations, the tears he shed on his bed during times of despair, the one who gave His warrior soul strenght through His battles. He was a man after God’s heart, because He was a man who lived in the present moment with God.

With David, this did not mean spiritual piety in the sense that he “acted religiously” and spoke with stilted words in an affected voice. No, he was a man of bear and lion killing, warrior-ing, dancing, feasting and blessing, singing and eating–a friend beloved by his many fellow soldiers. A real, live, man of many dimensions.

God does not want you to carve out a few insipid moments to say words to Him. He wants your fullness of personality and life. God made me, as I am. I make lots of mistakes. I am visionary and passionate and love people, but still get tripped up over simple issues like messes. Martha is lurking at the door of my heart many moments when I just need everyone to “Get work done!” But there is a Mary side that really longs for the reality of God and sometimes she is reigning. I have great insights and great failures. My kids and husband know me in all of my glory and lack thereof! However, there is a life inside of me, that keeps me going. It is indeed a well of living water springing up in the moments of my despair when I feel the darkness lurking again in my soul’s emotions.

However, I do not see this side of many friends. Frankly, I think that it is because many of the precious moms I know are busy with their own children and lives and you have to have time with people in order to be able to get into a good conversation. I, also, have been lonely for those who know the spiritual hunger that drives me. I love to hear the depths of people’s hearts and fellowship with them there, in the places where life really matters. But this kind of life only happens for those who seek Him–those who make the seeking of Him their life’s goal–the pleasing of Him their fondest wish. There is a dimension of living that only comes from being there in His presence, daily, weekly, monthly, for years and years. The more years that I have spent reading His word, the more often His word comes to my mind throughout the moments of my days. Seems to me, though, that when I am with someone who is pretty deeply spiritually connected, I can almost spot it right away–not so much because they say spiritual things, but usually this kind of person is involved in reaching out to others, encouraging and self-sacrificing a fun and outreaching friend. It is obvious to me that they are not the center of their own lives. They have had to make some decisions along the way that they will not have hurt feelings, though they could; they have decided that they have a stewardship from the love of God to help and reach out to others—a giving spirit, one who is generous in life, is a sign of one who is connected to God–because that is what He is like. It is in just being with them, that I can tell they “get” God.

I am teaching 2 middle school age speech classes. My main goal for these kids is to help them to learn to be communicators–to realize that all speech–whether to a friend, a co-worker or to a group–has the power to give life, to encourage, to instruct, to inspire or to tear down, poison, discourage. Yet, words are only powerful if they are spoken or written. So many that I know, don’t take the time to verbally encourage or to write a note to someone they appreciate or to open up to a friend the very deepest things that are on their heart. Probably the thing I most value most in a person is one who takes initiative or calls or invites me over or in some way reaches out—because it is just a part of who they have decided to be as they have become a mature person.

There are so many times when all of us are weary and I have to say that many years in a row I have to battle being down. But, as I studies the Israelites, I saw how God disciplined them for complaining and for not having faith. When we are weary, we need rest and we need to look for fellowship. But eventually, we must let God strengthen us and decide to be joyful, because it is the only way to be able to cultivate faith and to endure the moments of our lives with grace—but we have to learn to hold on to hope for what is to come.

When we stay in the self-centered position, we ignore the needs of others and become even more depressed. Being ignored or feeling invisible is a very painful and difficult thing for a person to feel and I see that so often, and have felt it at times. However, if someone would just say a word, give a card or send an email, so many who long for love, would be encouraged. I see passivity and lack of outreach as comparable to the person who buried his talent in the ground. Eventually, even the little he had was taken from him. Don’t be passive in relationships–either at home or within your own community. Everyone you know needs to know you care. I have never known of anyone who had too much encouragement.

One of my speech classes is very talkative and funny and engaged and loud. I can manage them because they have spunky spirits. However, the other class is extremely quiet. Self-consciousness and fear of failure makes this class more difficult to motivate. It is hard to motivate those who will not respond or perhaps are a little too self-absorbed. I have spent time in self-absorption but have come to realize that eventually it only leads to my own alienation from others.

I have learned over the years, that if I want fellowship with women, I most often have to make it happen myself. I have to start a Bible study or a once a month fellowship group. I have to open our home. I have to invite friends to lunch or go to a mom’s group. Sometimes I have come home from these meetings feeling lonelier than ever. But I have found that if I hang in there, a friend or a few friends will rise to the top and slowly, I will begin to enjoy fellowship. Yet, most often, I have had to initiate. I have just learned to accept this and not resent it. It has been the same for my kids and for our family our whole history. Yet, Jesus modeled initiation for us–while we were yet sinners, he died for us. While we were going our own way, he intervened into our world to provide love and grace and healing.

Some ideas we have initiated in the past is a once a month mom’s tea group. I used to have just a couple of mom’s over for a hot mug of tea, hot chocolate or coffee, while all the kids played outside. Once I was in a group that met at a local coffee shop once a month, which gave all of us a break. I have a once a month group in my home now and we are going through the Mission of Motherhood. There are about 80 on our roster, but usually 35-50 come each month and they come at 6:30 and often the last person is walking out the door around 10. We have snacks that different women bring and have a great time together. We always have Christmas teas for different moms and daughters. Christmas parties, fall festivals, book clubs, girl’s group, harvest party. Our home is a center for life. We have few relatives, and those we have, are not near by or really have much to do with us on a regular basis, so we have had to keep reaching out just to keep finding fellowship.

The greatest value of all of these efforts, which do not always produce close friends, is that I have built my own, very deep friendship with Sarah, and Joy in the midst of it. They are so interesting and engaged in the things that I love to talk about. Joel and Nathan are soul-filling friends with whom I love to have time alone. They care about deep ideas and what matters in life. Though I had to wait for this kind of friendship for many years, (except for with Clay) it was through the dinner table discussions that Clay and I cultivated, the one on one tea times in my room, the traveling and working together as a family, that slowly built those heart connections that now give me the fellowship I always longed for. Nurturing my own family has ended up giving me the gift of friendship and depth of intimacy I wanted for so many years, but never managed to always have. It is so important, in this isolationist world, when everyone is at break-neck speed, to make the time to invest personally, to take initiative to encourage, and to really seek to be a friend, so that the community from which God meant for us to take strength and comfort, will be there to help carry us through all the seasons of our lives. In is in the keeping of friendships, in and out of our home, that the strength of Christianity will be felt in our world.

Filed Under: Bible Studies, Education, Family, Friends, Home, Homemaking, Hospitality, Joyful Life, Ministry, My Books, Our Family, Relationships, Simplicity, Trust in God

Taking Joy–the choice that makes all the difference

August 20, 2007 by  8 Comments

“How do we make the commitment to give the area of motherhood over to God as a sacrifice of worship to him? We yield our personal rights into his hands. We give up our time and expectations to him-and also our fears and worries about how we will manage. We trust him to take care of us and our family. We let him redirect our thinking and expectations and adjust our dreams. And we wait in faith to see the fruit of our hard labor in the lives of our children, knowing that he will be faithful to honor our commitment to him.”
The Mission of Motherhood, p. 54

Buzzing around the main floor of my house, I lit the candles in each room, picked up the last few minutes of mess–a stranded book and magazine, two pairs of shoes, a mug and tea cup, and made put out some lemonade and ice water, and paper cups, napkins and desert plates. Just as I was finishing, the door bell began to ring and I could hear chatter and laughter bubbling over at the front door. This marked the beginning of my mom’s Bible study, which meets monthly at my house. Over the next half hour, my dining table filled with goodies to share and my home filled up as around 35 women came and began to catch up with friends or meet newcomers. I so enjoy my times with kindred spirits like these moms. Old and young, different cultures and backgrounds and family make up create a real pool of comments and ideas shared.
This evening, I had decided to have each of the moms introduce themselves and use three adjectives to describe how they were feeling. Now, the interesting thing was that they all looked perky and upbeat and combed and groomed. Nothing belied that any of these women were troubled. Yet, as we went around the room, probably the most common adjectives used were terms like, “exhausted, weary, overwhelmed, tired, inadequate.” With the responsibility of children–feeding, clothing and caring for their physical needs as well as training and disciplining them, inspiring them and teaching them comes an endless pathway of work. Though I didn’t take lightly any of the feelings that these precious moms were experiencing, I did see a funny sort of comfort that they all felt in the fact that they weren’t alone in their feelings!

This particular evening stimulated more thoughts that I have been having of late about the whole concept of joy. Seems most of the people I know understand from their own life circumstances that, “in this world you have tribulation,” as Jesus said the night before he was crucified. I found out that a more contemporary meaning to the word, “tribulation” is great stress. No matter what country you live in, there is great stress–the tension that comes from living in a fallen world: war, corrupt governments, famines and natural disasters, etc. Yet day to day issues also drain us, making enough money to provide for basic needs; trying to build a legacy of righteousness, or to love in a marriage where the two partners have a sinful—selfish nature, or to take care of a gaggle of children and attempt to educate them in a culture that diminishes the meaning of family or children, or to try to live for righteousness in a communist culture where there is no value for God, etc.

All mothers called by God in whatever culture, have such significance in determining what will happen the next generation by what they choose to do with their lives and by how they invest their lives in their children and other people. Moms are the strategic warriors in this battle for the souls. If an officer quits his post in the battle because of weariness, then those left under his charge will flounder. If the officers model strength, good attitudes, courage, leadership, then the soldiers will more likely perform heroically. We all benefit from moms–(soldiers) who are strong and committed in their positions. When another woman chooses to live with a thankful heart before God and does her work with joy and accepts the limitations of her life with faith and courage, it causes me to draw upon the inner strength that is available to me in my own heart, and then shows my children to bear up under their own loads in life. A chain effect falls into place.

Jesus’s anecdote to having stress in this world was, “Take courage! (which requires a heart choice.) I have overcome the world.” Our courage, our hope, our lack of fear comes from understanding that the consequences of this world and the choices we make will have significance in the next world. I have had a saying with my children that is about this issue of stepping up to the bat. “Buck up, bucco!” It is a line we heard in a movie and seems to apply to so many of our situations in life. It basically means, “You can do this. You have the resources within. You need to gird your mind and heart and determine to make it!”

Gwen is my dear, cherished friend from my days as a single missionary in Poland. We committed to becoming Jonathon and David friends when we were single women living in a Communist country. Gwen always wanted to get married as she is the picture of a supportive, loyal friend who creates an incredible artistic and lovley home environment.She spent 28 years as a missionary working in Eastern Europe serving, loving and making so many feel the love of God as she served them through her apartment. During her time there, her two brothers, her father and all the relatives close to her, except for her mother, died.  Now, after living in Vienna, Warsaw, and Krakow, and traveling the world and meeting with all sorts of interesting people on a daily basis, she has moved back home. Gwen lives in a small coal mining town in Kentucky in the 60 year old home in which she grew up. She is daily caring for her mom who has Alzheimer’s, and has been doing so for the past 4 years. When her sweet mom, who is 92 this fall, passes to be with the Lord, Gwen will have no more relatives alive from her immediate family.

Recently, I planned a speaking engagement around a visit with Gwen on my birthday, because I knew she would spoil me. (Best friends do that for each other.) She drove with me from her house on a swelteringly hot day the 2 hours to Louisville and stood on her feet all day working at my book table. We packed up from the small conference and finally had lunch at a tiny cafe at 2:45 in the afternoon, before traveling home in time to put her mom to bed and to relieve the worker who was staying with her.

I asked her as we were lingering over our last bit of lunch, “How are you really doing?” Her almost immediate answer was, “My heart is joyful.” Immediately the verse, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones,” came to my mind. “What do you mean?” I queried.

“I feel like all of us have so many choices to look at life from the perspective of a glass of water half-empty or a glass of water half-full. I have made a concerted effort over the years to look at my life in light of all that God has provided me and have willed myself to find joy in each day, thankfulness in every situation. It is better for me to find joy every day and to cultivate contentment so that I can have the strength and courage I need to face every day. If I allow myself to wallow in my dark thoughts, I just go downhill.”

Being in Gwen’s home, is such a picture of living joy. Though her home is tiny and in a community that has seen better days, Gwen has brought light and redemption. She has painted and restored one old, outdated room at a time, making it a place of beauty. Planting flowers and trees and restoring her yard to becoming a place of beauty has become a long term goal. Studying cook books and learning to fix gourmet meals for all who come into her home has kept her creative juices going. There is no one in her home to encourage her, to tell her that the table setting was pretty or the food delicious. Her mom, like mine, is in the blank stare phase of life, so is unable to appreciate the beauty that Gwen has created. But she is a wonderfully sweet, gentle mom who has always loved Gwennie as a child. So Gwen lives with this memory and keeps it alive as she serves her mother each day.

I always know that when I visit her, Gwen will have a verse or insight to share from the quiet times she has faithfully been having for the past 40 years. She will give me a new idea to ponder a challenging book to read–(one of several birthday presents she bestowed–Simply Christian by N.T. Wright).

When I am with Gwen, she gives me courage. If she can resist the feelings of loneliness, the questions about her long and short term future–with no assurances about what is ahead, and live graciously to serve the needs of her mother and friends, I know that I can make those choices, too, because she has modeled it for me. When she chooses to lovingly clean up her mom’s various sorts of messes, thanking God for one more day with her, even though her mom doesn’t always know who Gwen is, I have more strength to come home to clean up my children’s messes and be grateful that I can enjoy the companionship of my children. I know that Gwennie has faced all sorts of “demons” over the years-whys? that will never be answered, lonely nights and weeks, disappointments, rejections, but it is the choices that she has made in each of these situations that has made her one of the most life-giving, encouraging people I know. It is why I am committed to visiting her and sending my children to visit her as often as possible, because I love to expose all of us to her spirit.

I prayed and pondered for quite a while before I named my personal blog, “I take joy!” Having lived through so many years and seasons of life as a mom and wife, I am very familiar with these feelings of being somewhat overwhelmed. As a matter of fact, I can tend, at times, toward sad and dark thoughts and feelings. However, I have slowly learned over the years, that as I have acquired the ability to maneuver and guide my life toward the Lord, in the midst of these feelings, I have discovered some “secrets” that I want to focus on until I die. Satan would just love for me to become overwhelmed with the darkness and sadness of life. But learning to “walk in the light, as He is in the light,” has become a way of making choices that have determined a more lasting and productive outcome for both me and my sweet family.

I decided some years ago, that one of the greatest gifts I could give to my children would be the gift of a happy mother. When I am happy and singing through the day and loving them and giving words of life, I am building strength and courage and faith into them–not because our lives have been easy, but because my children know the heavy loads of work, the lack of support systems we have had, the passive and sometimes hostile rejection from many close to us and the constant work of our home and ministry—and yet, hopefully still see the choices I have made to be joyful–it is not a feeling, but an obedience out of gratefulness and love to the Lord. And interestingly, usually, my feelings will eventually follow the choices I make. When I practice thankfulness and contentment and praise, my heart follows my will. Interestinly, I see my oldest children have already been in very difficult situations which require faithfulness and a choice of faith and joy, yet I see that they are making these choices and I am so proud of their character as I see it being forged in their own challenges of life.

I do not always succeed at this way of living. I had a momentary meltdown even this weekend. Yet, I have cherished the idea of dancing with joy as a goal of my life. I want to create light in a dark world, because the “light of life” lives in me. It is a commitment I have made, a flag planted in the ground, to finish well–to finish in the light, to finish practicing the true dance of life with my Partner who I will soon see face to face. In His graciousness and patience and longsuffering and creativity and beauty, I have found the resources I need. So again, today, as I start another school year, I am determined to Take Joy, to live in it, nurture it, dwell in it, because the hearts of all who look to me will be better fed when I dwell in that place.

Filed Under: Beauty, Friends, Home, Homemaking, Hospitality, Joyful Life, Ministry, Mothering, My Books, Parenting, Trust in God

Taking Time to show Kindness

July 14, 2007 by  3 Comments

Sunday morning found me hiding under my covers. For years and years, as long as I can remember, I have been an early riser, mostly because it is the only way I could write and carry on a full fledged ministry and still keep my family as a priority. With books to be written and deadlines to be met and emails to be answered and radio shows for interviews and conferences to arrange, arising early gave me two to three more hours to my day.

But this day, I didn’t want to get up, feeling weary from the fray. I had thoughts wandering through my head like, “I don’t think I can do this anymore. Why have I been driving myself for ministry? You know I love you, Lord. But for the moment, I can’t think about everything and I don’t want to face this day. I may never get out of bed!” Funny how Satan attacks our thoughts and uses discouragement against us female beings who live and love so much with our emotions.

Now, to give perspective, I was churning inside from the news of a friend’s 6 year old daughter who had been sexually molested by a 15 year old cousin; a close family member of mine is struggling against deathly illness, another friend heavy with the care of a precious child who will have mysterious medical challenges forever, the medical issues of two of my own sweet children looming always; and all the other burdens of life. I thought about the time when Jesus was walking along and a woman who had been bleeding for years and she touched his garment and “the strength went out of him.” That’s how I was feeling–in the midst of my labor with sweet ones, “the strength had gone out of Sally.”

Finally, after hours of staying in bed, (from 6 a.m. to 9–that is very late for me!), my feet mechanically moved to the floor. Joy’s sweet voice yelled up to me from downstairs, “Don’t you dare get up, Mom!” I slipped back in bed, arranged my pillows and waited. She breezed in chattering joyfully about the great morning she was having bearing a tray with a lovely napkin, a steaming hot cup of tea, a glass bowl with freshly cut up cherries, raspberries and blueberries and whip cream on the top, and a small lit candle.

Now, I might have expected this from Sarah, but I wasn’t expecting it from Joy. In that moment, Joy became to me the arms of God as she said, “I think you need a nice hug.” She squeezed me tight and planted a kiss on my cheek. Her love offering to me seemed to say, “I love you, Sally. I am aware of the ragings of your soul. Here is a sweet angel to soothe your spirit with kindness today,” as though it were from God Himself. Joy’s service to me became an act of an angel from God, an unexpected flash of light–a gift to strengthen me.

“I have been working for an hour, Mom. I cleaned up the whole downstairs and the kitchen. It looks so pretty. I figured if you were staying in bed that long, you must be in need of cheer. I love you! Now, enjoy yourself alone for a few minutes, I have a couple of more things to take care of!”

Five minutes later, some sweet friends called from Texas, who rarely ever call, and that even on a Sunday morning. “We just wanted to call and pray for you this morning. Is that ok?” Another angel from the Lord–as though He knew the timing, as though He wanted me to know He was still in the battle with me. After we prayed, I could sense my soul lifting.

The battle lines are familiar to me. I am what one might call an old warrior–familiar with the darkness, the battles raging, the issues at stake. I have learned to put one foot in front of another year after year, because my eyes are on what lies ahead–the reward of being with Jesus in His place that He is preparing for all of us who love Him. I have looked at Him and thought about Him and cherished His sacrificial life and His pattern has given me reason to keep going. But this day, this weary day, He broke into my moments, through two small acts of kindness to assure me of His presence. How thankful I am that two people responded to the promptings of my heavenly Father to pour out His gentle, quiet lovingkindess on my weary soul. Thank you, Joy, thank you, Macy’s.

Filed Under: Beauty, Family, Food, Our Family, Ponderings, Prayer, Relationships, Tea, Trust in God

Blessed are the Peacemakers…

June 4, 2007 by  9 Comments

Slouched down in my leather seat in a crowded railway car, I was being gently rocked to sleep by the rhythmic swaying back and forth of the old train clattering across the Polish countryside. Returning from a student conference in the mountains where I had been teaching and counseling with college students all weekend had left me a bit weary, lonely and depleted. Working through translators for each message was a slow, tedious process. As an American woman, I felt the cultural distance between me and these youth who had grown up under a supressive, Communist government. The religious freedom I had taken so for granted, made these students eager to know about God, about Jesus, about a kingdom in heaven where they would be free and blessed by the God who made them. Exhaustion tended to exagerate cultural differences and made me feel somewhat isolated as a 24 year old, struggling to understand even a portion of the things that were spoken to me. I remember riding along in the car wondering if I would ever not feel lonely.

Suddenly, the train took a small bend and in front of me were fields of thousands upon thousands of bright red poppies, gently swaying in the wind. Fields of poppies, obviously growing wild, spread over miles of the countryside. I was mesmerized by the beauty and found myself wondering how long it had taken for these beautiful flowers to be planted over the years so that there would be so many everywhere. I began to imagine the invisible hand of God intentionally spreading seed generously over the many fields, so that in a country where there had been so much division, war and darkness for so many generations, that there would still be a picture of His beauty, creation and life to comfort those who would see it. That it would draw their thoughts and hearts, like it did mine, to thoughts of Him who was the artist of such beauty.

This has become to me a sort of picture of my place in the world. Jesus often talked about sowing seed in many of His parables. The people of His time were tied more closely to farming, sowing, reaping because their very lives depended on the well-being of the crops as their source of food.

James 3:18 says, “The seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” I desire that there be a harvest of righteousness in and through my life as big and expansive as the poppy fields of my memory. This verse would indicate that righteousness is sown by peacemakers. Jesus communicated to His disciples in Matthew 5: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.” Jesus himself, gave His life so that we might have peace with God. His whole being is focussed on redeeming, buying back that which was lost, bringing life where there is death.

I am most like Him when I, too, become a peacemaker, a redeemer, bringing peace where there was hostility, life where there is death. But the reason I so like the verse in James is that it brings us a picture of what we must do to bring this harvest of righteousness about–we must sow the seeds of righteousness, seed by seed, so that our harvest will be plentiful. We must sow seeds daily—weekly–for our whole lives, that there will be remnants of His beauty, peace, redemption, everywhere we go, every day that we live. If we sow peace and not anger in our home, there will be a legacy of peace. If we sow anger, a legacy of anger and death. It is a choice we make, every day, every hour, as to what we are sowing and what we will reap.

The seeds I sow are in relationship to people in my life every day. I must make a decision in my heart to sow a seed of peace where there is strife–to choose to be a peace-maker and to sow God’s love and redemption. I must sow seeds of encouragement and faith through my words and through my writing to bring others to the point of peace in their own lives. Seed by seed, choice by choice, I have the ability to bring about a great harvest that will be ready for reaping in the final day when I meet Jesus face to face. But in order for a farmer to have a harvest, he must plan on what he will sow, he must plan the seeds he will plant—it doesn’t happen by chance. So I must choose what crop I will sow, how I will sow it, and choose to sow it in each situation and in each relationship that God brings my way. Peace and redemption also do not just happen by chance in my own life. There had to be an intentional plan.

There are times when I get letters from people—sometimes even hostile letters–that criticize my Pollyanna approach to life. Recently, a weary mom wrote, “I am sick of hearing about your perfect children! I am unsubscribing from your newsletter.”

Now, I always take emails that I receive to heart. It seems that the meaning behind this letter, was that I only see and report the positive things about my family—and that I put forth only those things which I think are perfect. I hope that I never give the impression that I am perfect, or that my children are perfect or that my marriage is perfect, or anything else is perfect. I would hate to impose guilt on anyone because of creating false standards through the stories of my articles, that someone else feels they can’t immulate. I hope instead to always point my sweet friends to the One who has so befriended me. As a matter of fact, I have only made it this far because I so depend on God’s grace and when I feel inadequate or like a failure, which I think all women do from time to time, there is a place I have trained myself to go–where Jesus is. I tell Him how I am feeling and then by faith, I acknowledge how grateful I am that He has made me adequate in Himself, by His strength, through His love and for His glory. I seek to rest there, as staying and simmering and swimming in the sea of guilt is destructive and heart-killing.

I have discovered that no matter how hard I try, I often fall short of my own expectations—let alone the expectations of others. If this is true of me, that I fail–even when trying–then I must understand that even the best and most mature person I know, will also fail herself and me! So, my choice in my writing and in my life, is to give a picture of ideals for which I strive, in the context of the messy world in which I live. I want to sow a picture of beauty, a field of hope, and pattern of unconditional love in the midst of fields of life where there are weeds, rocks and untilled ground.

I have had a history of people very close to me who live in anger and criticism. This sowing of strife has left a string of broken relationships, deep hurt, alienation. Sometimes I am afraid to be around these people because no matter how hard I try or what I say or do, I know that eventually I will do something to arouse their criticism again. (I am choosing not to name these people as they are very close to me and I don’t want to unnecessarily hurt them.) I used to think that if I just tried hard enough or did enough, eventually I would receive the acceptance I was looking for.

But it took many years, to realize that their anger and criticism had nothing to do with me and no matter how hard I tried, I would never be acceptable to them, because the problem was in their own dark and hurting heart. But in order to have in my heart a harvest of peace, and not bitterness or anger; and a harvest of love and not hate and retaliation, I had to seek to plant seeds of God’s righteousness, in order that my heart would truly bear a harvest of His making. This required that I pondered what it meant to be like God, to understand through His word, that love covers a multitude of sin; to learn that Jesus Himself, when He was being crucified, “while being reviled, did not revile in return, but kept trusting Himself to God who judges righteously.” (I Peter 2:23) He became my model–that I would choose not to revile those who were angry or negative, but that I, like Jesus, would keep trusting myself to God—to place my issues in His file cabinets and to let Him deal with my difficulties, and then to close the drawer once these issues were safe in His hands.

Instead of hoping that those near me would love me in such a way as to make me feel good about myself, I just kept reading the word everyday—-seeking to know my God better, pondering the stories of Jesus, thinking about His communication to me through how He lived and what He said. Now, as I am getting older, I find His love to be deeply satisfying. After literally thousands of hours in his presence over the years, I have been influenced by being in the company of someone so compassionate, loving and strong. I have made peace with Him and appreciate Him. In doing so, I learned that I could give that peace more easily to others, because I didn’t have as many expectations of them and I wasn’t as dependent on how they responded to me, in order to feel good about myself.

However, I see a lot of people wasting time, effort and energy in being critical of others close to themselves. There is a lot of anger, disappointment, jealousy, hate and bitterness floating around in the lives of people, that color their view of life, suck the energy out of them, and cause them to wonder where God has gone. It is so easy to be critical of a family member or of our husbands and wallow in unmet expectations, or friends who have forsaken us, or in a child who has gone astray or is just immature or has a personality flaw that drives us crazy, or a parent who has abused or rejected us for our values.

James also spoke to this in the same passage where he taught about sowing peace. His words, “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, (getting our own way), there is dis-order and every evil thing! But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering and without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” (James 3:13-18)

It starts with a choice–to allow the Holy Spirit to be Lord of our lives, even in the midst of strife; to decide ahead of time to imagine what it looks like to bring peace and redemption to each moment of life; to choose to sow righteousness into our relationships, because He chose to sow righteousness and peace into our lives, even at great cost to Himself. I believe that if thousands of His followers chose to sow this way each day, on all of the fields of life, there would be such a great crop of righteousness, visible beauty of His life, even in a place where so much darkness exists, that many hearts would be open to Him and to His ways, because of the overwhelming crop of righteousness present before their eyes. But it all begins with a choice in my heart and a plan to sow today, this day, in these fields where I find myself.

Whoever it is that brings so much emotional disappointment can keep us from the comforting love of God if we never make it to the point of forgiveness and acceptance of the person and circumstances. I know how deeply it can hurt to be rejected or ignored or treated unjustly. I have shed many tears over many years.

Yet, I can honestly say, that it has been these difficulties that have brought me to a place of freedom and joy. I have desperately needed the grace of God and in so seeking it, I have found it to be deeper than even I could imagine. He has shown me how deep His love is for me and how much He wants me to give as deeply to those in my life, who like me, don’t deserve it, but need it all the same.

Filed Under: Beauty, Joyful Life, Nature, People, Relationships, Trust in God