I Take Joy | People

Mom Heart Leadership Intensive

August 6, 2010 by Sally 1 Comment

How blessed we are to have 54 women from all over the world here to be trained to become speakers, writers and ministry leaders to move out with the message of Biblical motherhood. Our precious daughters wrote an article about what they were observing today. When you invite sweet friends and leaders to spend tine around the word of God, the Holy Spirit shows up and changes lives. Thanks for your prayers for us. Off to dinner and to hear 40 women give speeches about motherhood and convictions.

What’s going on at the MomHeart Leadership Conference

Today at 12:41

Hello, everyone! Joy and Christie here reporting about what’s
happening, who’s speaking and how God is moving at the MomHeart
Leadership Conference. Getting a late start this morning, we heard Paul
Stanley talk on servant leadership. With a break for coffee and
talking, we moved on to learning how to speak from charming Zan Tyler.
Everything is going wonderfully and hearts are being moved and changed!

One of our favorite things here is seeing the wonderful women God has
brought here. At the beginning of each session we have 3 ladies give
their “mintros”: their self-introduction of who they are and why
they’re here. My personal favorite was a rap song mintro to the tune of
“The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”. We have had some wonderful mintros. And
it just reminds me how different God has made each one of these people
for his specific purpose. It is so exciting to see how He will use each
one of us!

We’ve been listening for key ideas and points that each speaker has made, and we want to share them with the rest of you.

“To lead like Jesus, you have to live like Jesus.”-Paul Stanley, Servant Leadership

“Sometimes, our greatest trials produce our greatest message and
ministry to others. You have to have something in common with the
audience; trials teach us to relate to the audience.” -Zan Tyler,
Speaking to be Heard

“You have to have Ethos, Paethos, and Logos. Ethos establishes your
authority to speak on a subject… you must have a reason the audience
should listen to you.

Pathos is your emotional connection and confidence: it is your heart.
It is the factor that connects the audience to what you’re speaking
about. Don’t preach. What is your story and only your story? Be
vulnerable. Don’t try to be perfect; no one is. Sparkle. Fill the
stage. Is your message more like a conversation than a presentation?
Don’t apologize. Do it in God’s power. Am I going to make them want to
love God more and learn more about Him?

Logos is the truth in your message. All speeches must lead your
audience to truth and knowledge. If you don’t have good logos to begin
with, no one will have a reason to listen to you. Always develop an
outline. Is your message easy to follow? Write transitions in your
talk. Use research to back up your statements. Don’t say anything that
isn’t biblical. Are you inspiring your audience to become more like
Christ?” -Sally Clarkson, Speaking to the Heart

We are so enjoying this weekend and will be so very sad when it’s over.
But we hope everything we are learning will carry on into our lives. We
hope these messages can get out to many, many people.

Filed Under: Conferences, Ministry, People, Ponderings

Parenting is messy work…..Monday thoughts about criticism revisited

July 19, 2010 by Sally 19 Comments

My 4 jewels who were God’s tool to shape my humility and faith!
( Sarah 26, Joy, 15, Nathan, 21, Joel, 23)

(Thanks for all the great tips on Seattle churches–I will send them to Diana. )

This article is specifically for all who have children or husbands or families out of the “expected expectations of others” who are around you.

Last night, I was on the phone with my wonderful son, Nathan, who is now 21 years old. We talk every Sunday for sure and sometimes other times during the week. After studying at the New York Film academy, Nate asked if we would let him move to Hollywood to pursue acting. He has been living in Hollywood for a year, has made enough money working in movies and as an extra in television to pay his bills. He also found a great church, has been in a small groups Bible study and will lead his own group of men starting this fall. We had a conversation about some decisions he is having to make about which work to accept and how to be faithful to the Lord in every decision. It is such a blessing for me to see the Lord working in His life, calling him to faithfulness, teaching him the value of work and helping him to be a light in the darkness. Nate is becoming such a fine man of integrity. I am so very grateful to see God’s faithfulness and work in his life.

Why do I mention this? Because, raising him did not come with an instruction book that fit inside most people’s box. The Lord wanted Clay and me to be on our knees so that we could understand parenting by faith and seeking Him for wisdom each step of the way, and then to find out He was trustworthy.

I was revisiting an old post this morning as someone had left a comment on, that I had written two years ago. So here is the old post!

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One of my sweet friends was blasted recently by a “well-meaning” friend about her lovely daughter–who is by God’s design a thoughtful introvert and reader and creative type. The criticism was unjust and I just wanted to address this as there are all sorts of people out there who could make us feel inadequate about our mothering or even ponder if we are ruining our children.

Job was a man chosen by God as a model for righteousness. God trusted Job to be faithful in the midst of Satan throwing his worst temptations into his life. (Jesus was tempted before his ministry began, Peter was tempted before he became the leader of the disciples, and so will we be.)

However, in the midst of his trials and suffering, Job’s friends pontificated–elaborated in confident tones and words–about why Job was suffering. Most it was utter foolishness. They judged Job’s life, they criticized him. It only had the effect of discouraging Job and made him introspective–even though he was picked to be in this spiritual battle because of his righteousness.

If we desire to live righteously by faith in this present day, we will have to make decisions that go against the norm and against the grain of most people. And consequently, we are always going to have “Job’s friends” in life. (we call them irps at our house–irrational people, plural) We have even been known to say, “oh, I have been irped again!”

No matter how diligent you are or how much work you do, you and your spouse and your children are going to behave in an embarrassing manner-or immature way or blunder in your life or they are going to break someone else’s standard–more than once! And your “Job’s friends” will be sure to notice and to tell you what you are doing wrong or how unsocialized your child is or how their children are much more advanced than yours, or whatever.

I am thankful that I finally came to understand that my audience was God. He knows me and my limitations and the limitations of my family and children and He is still on my side.(He strongly supports those whose heart is completely His. Also, he is mindful that we are but dust. Psalm 103) All children are disappointing to someone at some point–that is where faith and unconditional love are made to move in!

Even in ministry and speaking, I have even learned that before I even get up to speak, someone in the audience is against me or doesn’t like my choice of dress or something. When you seek to lead, and stand up in front of people, or live a different life, you become a target. It is just part of putting my ideals out there. If I listened to every critical comment that was made to me, I would have given up my ministry and my ideals long ago.

However, I am free in Christ to like who He has made me, to love and believe in my children and to be patient and grateful with the husband I have been given–because He who began a good work will complete it in Christ. It is part of a woman’s grace to be gracious to those in her family.

I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed to Him until the day He fulfills it. If I had given in to my insecurities and inadequacies I felt before others, I would have given up on this road to ideals a long time ago–and it is just a part of the journey–the ups and downs of emotions–I would have always been depressed or become neurotic–which I have been on occasion.

But, I have had so many life circumstances, given to me by God, that have taught me that fitting into the mold or expectations of others was not God’s will for me. As a matter of fact, I feel that if I had followed all the advice of friends, I could have easily cultivated rebellion or resentment in the hearts of my children. But, God gave them to me for me to love them, discipline and nurture them according to their bent and according to the wisdom and intuition He would give to me through my mother love.

For instance, all of my children had areas in their lives that didn’t fit the box of anyone else. Sarah is a dreamer, introvert, thinker, creative, close to her mom–how many times did I hear we were too close to each other. Stupidity! I probably would not have made it this far without her friendship! I am so very grateful God saw fit to give me my own best friend! Now, my co-writer and bestest of friends–and yet she travels all over the world in ministry, speaking and encouraging others. I am so grateful we are so close.

Joel, so abstract and artistic that at times my mom thought he was deaf because he wouldn’t hear me when I would talk to him or ask him to do something—he is extremely responsive and helpful, creative, and submissive and a loyal friend to me-but I had to speak to him eye to eye and face to face to help him know exactly what I wanted him to do. Now he is a talented composer, creative, brilliant, summa cum laude in his grades, working 15 hours a week while full time in school, absent minded professor but still dependable and hard working but not at all time oriented–always in the clouds planning or creating, composing or thinking.

My Nathan didn’t sleep through the night until he was 4 (ended up he had a digestion disorder we didn’t know about!) He also is an extrovert and adhd–really, really-and he also has some clinical disorders that have plagued him over the years. (Got them from me.) I had so many people who told me that he just needed more discipline–”you are not spanking him enough!” I also had a number of friends who were critical of his behavior over the years. Instead of supporting me and helping me, I found their critical eye to be de
vastating. I was so introspective about my inadequacies with my “mysterious” child. And yet, I know in my heart, that harshness and spanking and criticism would created standards that he would never have been able to live up to–I know that I would have alienated him in his heart from me. If I had just known ahead of time, he would become my actor-artist son, maybe I would have been more comfortable with him being out of the box.

As I would love Nate and validated him whenever I could, spent every day of his schooling years sitting with him, next to him through hours and hours in reading and math and written work–when everyone else told me he needed more independence. I had a sense that this great spirited child was wonderful and responded to attention (middle child–second boy!) and that he was soaking up my passion and love and stories deep in his heart.

Joy is a fire-cracker, independent, confident, a performer, already speaking and teaching and very outspoken, outgoing, always wants to be doing something—strong sense of personal justice and ready to fight you about it! But a great heart and afterall, she has grown up around 5 parents! Each one was a different recipe and required different amounts of heat! Yet, none of them has fit the mold–and it was just too much pressure to worry about, anyway. I knew that God wanted me to enjoy life and to be flexible and creative with the particular puzzle he gave me to solve.

We held the line on chores and helping all to be excellent in character and behavior and serving people and in learning little by little to being loving and patient and kind and honoring in relationships, but it was year in year out and my very strong spirited children were always resilient!

There were, however, many, many ups and downs. I wish I had been more patient with all of my children, really as I think about it and kissed and hugged them at nights all that they needed. (Sometimes Nate would forget that I had prayed with him and wanted one more assurance prayer. I would think, “Am I spoiling him? Is he manipulating me?”)

I know now that his disorders were beyond him–he responded so well to gentleness and love along side training and holding a high standard in our family. I had two other ocd children who felt more secure when I gave them the long rituals of hug, kiss, pray, absolve guilt, hug, kiss again. (OCD types) But really, what did it cost me? Just a little extra time and patience–But it would have been better if I had not worried that I was spoiling them and had knots in my stomach because I was going against the grain. Somehow the extra nighttime love, went deep into their souls and made them feel more loved and secure–not spoiling–but investing.

Just this morning, all four happened to be home, lounging with the totally depraved golden retriever (she really is a number!) in our midst as Joel played his new composition which he is going to perform for Berklee school of music in Boston at the end of the month. (Please pray for favor for him!) We were enjoying, critiquing, chatting–all in our pajamas at 10 in the morning and I am here thanking God that my children are such wonderful individuals–filled and broad and alive souls, dreaming about the areas of life they will conquer.

But now I know that some of it was just personality–I myself often feel that my personality is too much for some people–I am strong and passionate and opinionated and restless and adventuresome–a one per center as Myers Briggs says–and I often feel that way amongst crowds! And Clay is a one–percenter on the other scale–more introverted–but equally as opinionated.

Yet, I believe God equipped us with this out of the box personality because of His calling on our lives–to teach and write and travel and speak and host and everything else He has put in our life to do–a part of our spiritual dna.

As to my real out of the boxer, not much has changed, but I have changed and experience so much joy with knowing him. At almost 19, Nate is still very much out of the box, too–loud, dresses his own way, has all sorts of interesting friends, musical tastes and activities–but I love who God made him. He is intelligent and insightful (all that reading and all those passionate devotions.) He has a heart for the lost and has a real ministry with the “far out” looking kids. He is writing incredible music and has big dreams–quite a natural performer–music, acting, etc.–definitely an artist sort. He loves his mom and dad and has had to take some strong stands for the Lord, over and over again and has passed many tests of integrity–but trusts Him every day. He has written non-negotiables in his cell phone–he is not a tame lion, but he is God’s and I believe that God has great plans for his life. He doesn’t fit the mold, but then neither have Clay and I, or Sarah or Joel or Nathan or Joy. All that to say, live true to your own family culture–and be faithful to God. Don’t perform for others, but live daily in His freedom and power and grace. We have been criticized for years by many people for our ideals. We have had to work through many pathways of difficulty.

But I only wish I had just rested in the Lord more and fretted less about the details of life that seemed to loom large in my mind. Not that I have already become perfect, as Paul says, but I press on for the upward calling of God in Christ Jesus. I have to keep reminding myself to believe in God and to trust Him every day and to wait for more prayers for all of us to be answered–especially as I watch my children launch into life.

I have lived through so many seasons of fear and see that the hand of God was working and that He is loving and He has used all things to work together in our lives. I seek to enjoy each day as an adventure in God’s hands and nurture a heart that has learned to enjoy the ride. I don’t know how it will all turn out–but I know who will be there to do things beyond my own imagination and yet in the end, according to His will which is what I really want. It is for freedom that Christ set us free–give your children the gift of freedom from fear, from other’s criticism and from performance. Blessings–and grace!

Filed Under: Child Training, Children, Family, Joyful Life, Lifegiver, Mothering, Our Family, Parenting, People, Relationships

Heartfelt Discipline – And a Giveaway!

July 15, 2010 by Sally 52 Comments

Clay’s book on Heartfelt Discipline–hopefully to be back in print the end of the year!

One of the most common emails or letters that I get concerns child discipline. How do you make your children stay in bed at night? My daughter will not obey my husband but runs to me when he tries to discipline her. What should I do? My children are always bickering and I want them to stop.

Now all of these are common habits of children and of course our goal is to help our children to mature enough that they will move toward mature behavior and learn self-control and practice obedience. The maturing of a child is a life-long process that will take many years. But it is possible to have pleasant children, most of the time, who are secure, happy and moving towards godly character.

However, it is not by formula or “follow these rules” that the shaping of their heart and character is developed. This is not a post about how many spanks for lying, talking back, or giving Mommy “the look.” This is not a post about Ten Easy Steps to Make Your Children Obey. Our culture is formula-driven and impatient. We want to know what to do, how to do it, and when we can expect results so we can move on to the next issue. Surrounded by these false teachings, no wonder so many moms are tired and stressed and feel that they have failed when their less than perfect children continue to act like children–and often are out of control from being treated as objects of discipline and punishment instead of unique children with gender and personality and maturity differences.

For many years, I have pondered scripture as well as the ways God parents the Jews and how He seems to parent me. Our Heavenly Father is loving, gracious, and makes all things beautiful in His time. His timetable for my life and for answers to my own prayers and questions seems to take a lot longer than I ever would. He doesn’t seem to mind at all letting me suffer through circumstances–instead He encourages me to hold fast, obey, stay strong and so many times He makes me wait for things.

As I look at how Jesus worked with His disciples, He was patient with them, put up with their personality differences, often said, “They did not understand,” and let them fail. Aren’t you thankful He loves you enough to stick with you, gently pointing out areas of your life that need work, and allow you ample opportunities to grow in those areas? I know I am! I have often felt that I make so many mistakes that I am disqualified from being in ministry. But He still chooses to use me, by His grace, because His glory is to show His likeness and grace through normal, human beings.

With this kind of a patient, loving, accepting Father, I have no other choice but to be like him as a parent to my children.

The reason I want to obey Him and please Him is because of a deep, heart fulfilling relationship I experience with Him most of the time. But there are times I feel far away from Him, and still He loves me and waits until my heart warms again. I believe He is trustworthy and has integrity and calls to my inner self–that if I follow Him and obey Him, I will find the best for my life.

He loves me, He cares for me, He teaches me truth, He calls me to excellence, He gives me purpose, He humbles me, He provided beauty and love and intellect to give my life scope, challenge, meaning and stimulation, He provides for celebration and feasts in His plan for the life of His people, He commands rest. He called me into a relationship with Him before He started working on my attitudes, my bad habits, and the areas of sin with which I struggle.

His discipline and love and training for me is a whole life experience, not limited somehow to “paddle-time.”

Several years ago, Clay wrote a book called Heartfelt Discipline. It is out-of-print now, but we plan to put it back in print. So many parents have told us how it changed their concept of “discipline.” In the first chapter, Clay wrote:

“We are all influenced by the cultural tendency to view discipline only as punishment. To be honest, this narrow view makes things easier on us as parents. If my disciplinary responsibility is fulfilled by a simple act of punishment or correction, then very little else is required of me. But God has issued a much higher calling. Biblical discipline is much more than an act. It is both an ongoing, heart-to-heart relationship and a continuous spiritual interaction with my children. It is far more than simple correction; it is a parent and child walking together along the path of life. That is the Bible’s bigger picture. ” p. 15 of Heartfelt Discipline

Discipline is about a heart-to-heart relationship, continuous spiritual interaction.

Does that sound easy? time-consuming? sacrificial? intentional? I have yet to meet a mom who told me she felt so refreshed after working on her child’s character training! What you are doing will affect eternity ~ you are in a battle for the hearts of your children. Your enemy wants you to feel like a failure, he wants you to give up. He does not want you to see baby steps of progress ~ he wants you discouraged. Is it a wonder then that so many moms look for shortcuts to having “the perfect child”?

Many of the shortcuts leave out the relationship completely or allow the child to usurp the parents’ authority. Here are some words from The Ministry of Motherhood (p. 37):

“Sometimes we serve our children best and most lovingly by sticking to our guns and not letting them have their way. Loving discipline can be part of the gift of grace. So can teaching with words and exhorting our children to excellence. But the relationship has to come first. Discipline and teaching are most effective when administered in a context of a close, ongoing relationship of love.”

Some Biblical Wisdom

1. Discipline is a long term process based on long term family relationships. Timothy is one of the classic examples of a young man whose godly mother and grandmother invested in his life. In II Timothy 1:5 Paul wrote, “For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.” What dwelt in Timothy’s mother and grandmother? How do you think they passed that on to Timothy? They did not have children’s Bibles or Awana or DVDs.

2. Read Romans 2:4, “Or do you show contempt for the riches of His kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you towards repentance? What does this verse say leads to repentance? Whose kindness is this verse talking about? If God used patience and kindness and tolerance (mercy) in relationship to us to lead us to Him, what does that say about our attitude toward our children?

3. Galatians 6:9 says, “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” What are we tempted to do? What will happen if we persevere? How does this encourage you as a mom?

Application

What are some practical ways you can build relationships with your children this week? Fixing ice cream cones (it’s supposed to reach 100 degrees today!)? Playing with them? Reading books to them? Building legos–doing what they want to do! For a list of great family oriented books, see Sarah’s Recommended List of Children’s Literature here.

Give Away

Another way that Clay and I knew how to train our children was that we laid out very clearly what values we wanted to pass on to our children. We published this devotional book that we used as a family. Training is specific and it gave our children something to shoot towards. We will give a 24 Family Ways away next Thursday.

To purchase or read about Our Twenty Four Family Ways, go here.

To be entered in the drawing, leave a comment on this post; connect this post to your blog or facebook or twitter, and then let us know by contacting admin@wholeheart.org

Post a comment telling a practical way you are building relationships with your children. We will focus on character qualities we desire our children (and ourselves) to have in next week’s Bible study. Until then, pray to “keep heart” and to not grow weary!

For more on discipline, you can read this older post: Will Training

Filed Under: Bible Studies, Child Training, Children, Family, Lifegiver, Mothering, My Books, Our Family, Parenting, People, Relationships, Siblings, Trust in God

Discipleship by the tray–serving up grace and love

July 13, 2010 by Sally 10 Comments

Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances.

Proverbs 25: 11

Stomp, bang, slam, stomp again, slam again. ”Everyone in this family is always losing things. And if they would just be responsible, we wouldn’t waste so much time looking for them all the time. Why can’t people just be responsible?!!!!!!”

My 16 year old child was getting ready to take the car to run over to a friend’s house and then go to the store for me. But we couldn’t find the one set of car keys that we still had or at least had before we lost this set. Our family of 6 now had 4 drivers and 2 cars. It seemed we could never figure out who had driven the car last or where they had put the keys. “I haven’t had them!” was what everyone said, so it must have been a little house demon that just stole them and hid them to frustrate us. We did find them behind the refridgerater, which we had to move away from an enclosed wall to find! How in the world had they gotten there!

But the bigger issue was the yelling, stomping, banging around the house. Somehow, in my heart, I knew it was a time for grace.

I went to the kitchen and loaded up my tray–made some hot tea, put some chocolate chip cookies on a plate, lit the candle. Then I took the tray into my little tiny personal place, back of my bedroom, turned on some instrumental music–and the scene was ready.

I told this child that I wanted to speak to him, “in my room—-now!”

The dread filled his eyes. When we sat down on my couch, I poured tea, offered cookies and began,

“I just wanted to tell you how much I have come to appreciate you lately. You are responsible, you help me so much, you are creative and I love your songs you have been writing. You are so diligent academically. You are growing in your faith. You are such a friend and blessing to me. I know it is hard to live in this crazy family sometimes and we do lose things, but we are all so very glad you are in our family. I wanted you to know I understand the frustration and I love you.”

Relief just seemed to melt away from his face and he began to relax. “Wow, I thought I was going to get a lecture or something. (apparently he had had a few of those before!) I don’t mean to be disagreeable. I have even had great quiet times lately. But sometimes when I walk out the door of my bedroom, it is only minutes until someone irritates me. It just comes over me. Have you ever felt like that?”

We ended up having a great time of friendship together. He felt understood. I had a chance to speak into his life and the Lord worked in our midst.

Discipleship, devotions, advice, teaching is so much more effective over something delectable to eat, something hot to drink and soothe, and a pleasant setting to enjoy with a loving relationship extended, than when spirituality is just dosed out in a utilitarian sort of way.

I have found that when, on occasion, I take the time to do a tray-time, it just sets the stage for my saying, “I thought about you. I care for you. I want to make time for you–or spend time with you.”

I learned many years ago to serve my children with trays. Surprise breakfast trays in bed early in the morning to say, “I love you just because.”

A tray and hot chocolate and cinnamon toast in a private corner of the house which says, “I know you are sad or mad or depressed or whatever, I just wanted to let you know you are special and valued.”

Trays for children when they have been sick–with a special little book or treat or puzzle or something to do to make staying in bed easier. Our trays have come to mean love and comfort to our children.

I started this when Sarah was very young. My boys learned to love these “Get away with mom times–all by yourself!”I could see that even as a little girl, sometimes the tray made what would be normal conversation into an event. I have also seen that when I set the stage, the Holy Spirit seems to show up in a special way.

Now, I make trays when I meet with friends–a tea time tray on the porch, in the living room–always a candle, something to drink, something to eat or munch–like giving a cup of cold water to a soul–beauty, serving, an environment where the word is shared, friendship is kept, hearts are opened and the art of life is celebrated–and the Holy Spirit shows up.

Even Jesus used this kind of methodology. He washed the disciples feet and then talked to them about servant leadership. He fed them fish on the shore and then gracefully said, “Tend my lambs, shepherd my sheep.”

The gospel is a powerful message. It is redemptive, but the reality of Christ with the strength of His message can sometimes be more perceived as life-changing, when we use all the art, beauty, tastes, smells, pleasures that God gave us as resources to use. So go set a try and have a tea-moment this afternoon.

Filed Under: Beauty, Children, Family, Home, Homemaking, Mothering, Our Family, People, Relationships, Tea

I need love, I need friends

June 29, 2010 by Sally 11 Comments

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up!” Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10

One of the most repeated struggles in my life has been loneliness. Our family has moved 17 times (6 times internationally) and because of life-circumstances, we have been extremely isolated from our extended family. So it means lots of starting over times and most holidays spent alone when others are with their families. But each of us is pre-wired by God to need to “belong”, to be a part of a group where we can be a valued member–a beloved person. We were made for love and friendship. Yet, so many are desperately lonely today, even though amidst lots of people.

Our soul will shrivel up without true, close fellowship. As a speaker and leader in the Christian realm, I long for people I can be myself with–they know me, warts and all, and still love me and accept my children and my sin and weakness and all of my faults. I cannot exist in a bubble of busy-life where no one really knows me but only supposes me to be what they think I am from reading my books. I need real, velveteen rabbit sort of relationships–where you are old and worn out together and dirty from sharing life–but it has made you all the more precious to each other.

I am off to a meeting in a little bit, so I will just type all sorts of thoughts I have in my heart about the importance of Jonathan-David, close friendships–no time to edit today–but I pray it will encourage your hearts.

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My sweet daughters, who are my best friends, and Gwennie, my sister friend who became so close to me and such a support when we were single missionaries in Poland.She and I are family to each other since neither of us has had much family over the years.

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In this whole idea of becoming refreshed, we need to look to God grace through others as a necessity for us to be able to be refreshed. Friendship was designed by God to be a grace from Himself. We were not created to be lone-ranger Christian believers.

Recently, I was quite discouraged and weary. A sweet friend asked me over to her house for some time together over a cup of tea, fresh raspberries and blackberries, some chocolate and biscotti. We sat on her deck and just enjoyed our time sharing our thoughts, feelings and life-issues. Then we prayed together over all we had shared. I felt like a new person when I left. The fun of sharing an afternoon in beauty and with good food, and the sharing of hearts and then the lifting each other spiritually–all three elements I needed. She lifted my heart and spirits and I didn’t even know how much I needed her!

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My sweet friends Deb and Shelley forever, who meet once a week for history group for our children (and for us) and who serve side by side at ministry functions with their kids all over the US. We have grown close by planning and working and building specific dates to get together amidst the busy-ness.

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Sometimes I am so used to being strong and keeping going that I don’t even recognize my need for other women. In days of old, people were born into and lived in their community their whole lives. They knew their neighbors and when they hung the laundry out to dry, or needed to borrow a cup of sugar, they went next door to the friend they had known for years. Often the grandmothers would live in the same house and aunts and uncles and cousins would live in the same vicinity. There were built in community relationships of lots of different people who could share the load, be friendly, make a cup of tea or bring a batch of cookies.

Now, we live apart. Go to a church of thousands not in our neighborhoods, don’t usually know our neighbors and often have nothing of values or background in common. So, we become used to fending for ourselves–taking care of all the details of life alone–and then suddenly we poop out and wonder where God has gone.

God’s design was always for us to live in community–first the family was to be a large group living together, loving each other and sharing life and traditions together–including the older women who could help with the younger women. There would be lots of children with similar values and close relationships for kids to play with so that the mom could actually have a few minutes alone while the children played and ran and had wholesome fun.

Then He called the Jews to be a people together, with a history, celebrations, traditions that would support themselves as a community. He picked 12 disciples to be together in a little cohesive group. The church is supposed to be a “family” or body of people with whom we can be close, and share spirituality as well as the burdens of life.

No wonder in these last days, Satan has succeeded in creating isolation amongst us–because when we are alone in our homes, we naturally compromise our ideals, become discouraged and listen to his voice of discouragement.

Media has further separated us. We watch imaginary stories on television each evening to not feel alone and to fill the time, but there are not real live people to touch us, to give us a real meal or cup of tea or to give us their shoulder that we may cry upon.

And husbands cannot fill all of our need for love that was meant to be filled by a community of people who loved us and by a gaggle of women who could share in all the feminine things of life–getting pregnant, bearing under morning sickness, living through the sleepless nights, nursing our babies, raising our children–cooking, cleaning, living loving–all to be shared with Titus 2 women who could come alongside us in love, friendship, spiritual and emotional and practical help.

What pressure we put on our husbands to fill us up and meet all of our needs for love, when God never intended one person to be able to do all of that!

We must re-create these groups if we are to have the same support and love. We all need love and understanding and encouragement and were not made to do well without it. Most women I know don’t even know an older, Titus 2 type of woman who could encourage them or baby sit or give them sage advice.

But be sure to cultivate healthy friendships–ones who point you to God, who do not gossip or whine or create bitterness or criticism towards others. Gordon McDonald said, “A person can only have so many drainers in their life at once, before it wears them down.”

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My friend, Lynn, from North Carolina–we have known each other since our kids were quite small–but we pursue each other. She send me cards, calls me, travels with me, even flew to a conference where I would speak to drive my rental car when I had the flu–a Jonathan friend.

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Build your inner circle of friends who have your values, who believe in God, who will pray for you or help you when you need it. You may have to create such a group–it is why we are helping moms all over the world start mom heart groups–we want them to have support and friendship and fun and love.

True, Biblical Friends invest in your life and add to it. Look and pray for women who you know you will be uplifted after spending time with them. Invest in their lives, invite them over, send them life-giving words that the relationship may not just be one way.

Last night, I called another friend and she told me to read a book I had on my shelf. I stayed up late and was so encouraged by it. Again, help and encouragement from a friend.

I was teaching a Bible study at a large coop I attend, and one of the women came to me and said, “Sally, you are going to burn out. You never stop and you need an Aaron and Hur to hold up your arms.”

I realized she was right. I invited over a group of women that I saw often and we have lunch together once a month and they have become my local support system. They encourage me and love me and help me and we are becoming closer and closer all the time. Now they are the very group who will help me host my Leader’s intensive in August. They have beautifully organized the food and transportation and so many other things–it has been great fun for us to be together–but my friend recognized my need and then I had to initiate it.

This summer, as I evaluated my own needs to be refreshed, I wrote down specific goals of what I needed. I am meeting with one of my friends every week that we are both in town. She is a few years ahead of me and whenever I am with her, I am always encouraged. So I asked her if we could meet once a week and I have been so very blessed personally.

I also made a list of some women I wanted to have time with–so I have been meeting one person a week for breakfast. I planned some time with Sarah, my daughter, because I always know I will feel loved and encouraged after being with her. So, as to our tradition, we go out each Saturday morning, when Clay is with Joy, and share coffee and breakfast and then we go walking amongst the beautiful old Victorian homes and talk and share dreams. I have “girl’s club”–Sarah, Joy and Sally times once a week–just for fun–either breakfast together at home or lunch out or hiking together–intentional, relationship building time.

I have almost had to initiate every group that has ever become a blessing and have lots of people over to my house for dinner and rarely get asked back–but the cultivating of emotional life and friendships has kept me from going under. So don’t wait for someone to ask you or to initiate to you–everyone is busy and overwhelmed and it does no good to bemoan the fact that you never get invited–it seems to be a common thing for all of us in this busy day and time to feel that we are the ones who always take initiative. Instead, just initiate hospitality because it is a grace God has given to you. Most people enjoy coming together, but not everyone feels comfortable initiating it–but if you want to have groups and friends, you have to create it, cultivate it, pursue it–and it is a worthwhile effort.

The bottom line, a wise-woman recognizes her need for friends, her need to be loved and her need for fellowship. She recognizes that her children and husband also need this Biblical companionship. She makes plans, she initiates, creates groups, reaches out and seeks to cultivate closer friendships–for the sake of a healthy soul. Make a plan for your own life, pray for God to open doors–to give you ideas of how to make pathways towards new friendships. Cultivate love and fun and sharing in your home today-that your sweet ones may be building towards the kind of deep friendship God created you to know. Celebrate life and bring beauty that love may flourish.

So many friendships over the years have kept me sticking to my ideals–to keep going in ministry, to keep seeking God in crisis in my life. Though I do not have all of their pictures, they will be the reason I was able to keep going–to see His love and to feel His touch–through them, His own reaching out to me through their life-giving love and words and help when I needed it.

Wish I had pictures of all the dear ones who have come to mean so much to me. But God has seen your grace in my life and I pray He will reward you for your generous love and time. I appreciate you today.

My own sweet best friends who God sovereignly picked to be my family.

Filed Under: Friends, Joyful Life, People, Ponderings, Relationships

posting again soon, but until then……

June 28, 2010 by Sally 4 Comments

We all need to develop lots of kinds of friendships. But there is one kind of friendship I have enjoyed this year with several wonderful women who have some craziness in common with me, we all love our family and keep busy with family stuff, we all love great literature and ideas, educating our children, we are all writers and live the craziness of writing and keeping up with an outside world and blogging and speaking and life. So here are 3 of my sweet friends’ whose writing always fills my soul and they always make me want to be a better writer and follower of the Lord. Blessings to these three wonderful ones today and to all of you.

The first is Brenda Nuland at coffeeteabooksandme.blogspot.com I particularly like this post on saying yes–it is a choice and it ends up blessing us again and again–if we make the effort. And yes, I was so blessed to have a serendipitous meeting with her sweet family, as well.Brenda paints life so beautifully with her words.

The second is Elizabeth Foss at In the Heart of My Home I met her many years ago through some correspondence about the book Educating the Whole Hearted Child. I love her heart for her family and find her posts so thoughtful and aiming right at the heart and can’t wait to have a very long cup of coffee or tea together sometime hopefully sooner than later. She leads me into a deeper desire to love Him and my children and she expresses life in a family in ways my life so agrees with the ups, downs, realities and beauty.

The third is Ann Voscamp at A Holy Experience. Ann always ponders life deeply and gets to the inside feelings and thoughts that we all long to probe. She weaves words so artistically and makes me go to those thoughtful places in my own mind that I often am to busy to notice. Her heart for Him overflows into words for us to enjoy.

Filed Under: Friends, Joyful Life, Ponderings

Refortifying my soul—avoiding burnout!

June 15, 2010 by Sally 11 Comments

“Restore unto me the joy of my salvation.”

Finding rest on the path of life.

I find that I am always giving out–giving my time, energy, money and life to my husband and children. Giving time to cleaning my house, preparing a Bible study and reaching out to young moms; keeping up with my boys, calling, helping, writing, emailing. Writing articles, traveling, speaking, counseling. Trying to keep up with my failing mother and writing her, calling her and visiting on the occasions when it is conducive to her life and mine. Meeting with friends. Taking my part in all the commitments our family has and having lots and lots of people into our home. Driving, driving, driving, cooking, cooking, cooking, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning……

You get the picture. There are times I feel that I am being consumed but not replenished. At my monthly Bible study this month, I asked the women what they were hoping for this summer and most all of them said, “To be refreshed, renewed in my vision, to get back to my center, etc.”

What I have seen over my almost 57 years is that only the wise and diligent stay committed to their ideals. Many burn out. I have seen that if you become weary and exhausted, harshness and despair is a natural consequence. It really has little to do with spirituality. If a woman neglects her own body and mind and soul, and pours out, emptiness is a natural result.

A godly woman does not happen by accident–she is intentional. There must be a plan. Life is so busy that if I do not make a very specific plan, that applies to this season of life (all seasons have their own issues), then I will come out at the end of the summer even more spent than I am now. Consequences of being over extended are depression, confusion, willingness to listen to the wrong voices, looking for an immediate solution to present problems instead of trusting God, and giving up on ideals–marriage, friendship, church, children–giving them over to others to influence them instead of staying faithful to owning this responsibility.

Yet, one of the most important things I have learned is that no one else is going to initiate to me to tell me to slow down, to refuel, to get spiritual input. It is an evaluation I must make for myself. I must take the bull by the horns and manage my own life and my own stresses with wisdom and with a plan. This is part of being a wise woman–knowing and responding to your own limitations.

What to do? I will be writing some articles in the next days that specifically address these issues–and each of the areas I list. I have had to learn many of these things the hard way. But I have also sought the counsel of older, wiser, more experienced women and read and studied and prayed over these issues. I do not want to fall short of finishing the race that I started. I want to finish it with joy and resilience.

What we sow, we will reap. If we do not sow the seeds of wisdom and water, nurture and protect our priorities, then there will be a death to the garden of our souls. These essential priorities insure that we are growing in balance with God and man and purposes of life.

But it helps me to remember that choices have consequences. Sometimes bad consequences. So, if I stay diligent to see these core commitments as essential to my long-term productivity in my life, then I will fill my soul and body at the same rate as I am being depleted, and I will have enough strength to finish my race well.

1. Rest–God made it so that our bodies needed sleep every single day. He also commanded Sabbath rest.

2. Relationships–We were designed to be relational people. We need accountability, companionship, love, friendship, support, input, encouragement. In an isolationist world, we have the illusion that we can brave it on our own. In my own experience, the lone ranger Christian becomes an easy target for Satan.

3. Community of believers–We need to be a part of God’s body–we need church. It is not an option, even if it is difficult to find one. In Hebrews, we are commanded not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together.

4. Regular time in the word. If we neglect time reading and studying God’s word and praying, then we are cutting ourselves off from one of the means of grace that God intended for us to have every day–His strength, his voice, His solutions, His power, His comfort, His promises. You cannot be spiritual without investing in the spiritual.

5. Recreation–God created personality and laughter and desire and pleasure and drive. If we neglect beauty, pleasure, fun, celebrating life, enjoying his creation, we will cut off a part of His Holy Spirit’s provision for us to flourish and believe in His goodness.

6. Productivity–work is a part of what can make us feel affirmed. We all have a need to feel that we are being productive in life, accomplishing purposeful, tangible tasks. If we feel useless and worthless, it mitigates against God’s work in our lives.

7. Feeding our minds on truth. We need to fill our cups with the ideals, philosophies, stories, practical input that will undergird the commitments of our lives. Culture tells us that we deserve a break, it encourages our selfishness, it gives us the permission to give up on marriage, or caring for our responsibilities and children. We need to feed our minds on those areas that cultivate and nurture our ideals, so that we can be living and working from a corpus of truth.

8. Physical–Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. However, if you abuse your body–don’t sleep, drink healthy fluids, exercise, eat well–not too much sugar, fast foods, white flour, fats, you will not be able to function in the other areas. Stewardship of your body is a must if you want to sustain energy and health.

There are other priorities, but these are essential to good emotional, spiritual, mental and physical health.

I am taking time the next couple of days to evaluate my life in light of these areas to be sure that this summer, I am refueling, restoring and filling my soul with those things that will help me to continue to invest in those areas that ultimately bring delight and life–to keep me centered in the joy of my salvation and the love of my savior.

Filed Under: Beauty, Family, Relationships, Simplicity, Trust in God

Blessed are the Peacemakers

May 14, 2010 by Sally 14 Comments

Slouched down in my leather seat in a crowded railway car, I was being gently rocked to sleep by the rhythmic swaying back and forth of the old train clattering across the Polish countryside. Returning from a student conference in the mountains where I had been teaching and counseling with college students all weekend had left me a bit weary, lonely and depleted. Working through translators for each message was a slow, tedious process. As an American woman, I felt the cultural distance between me and these youth who had grown up under a supressive, Communist government. The religious freedom I had taken so for granted, made these students eager to know about God, about Jesus, about a kingdom in heaven where they would be free and blessed by the God who made them. Exhaustion tended to exagerate cultural differences and made me feel somewhat isolated as a 24 year old, struggling to understand even a portion of the things that were spoken to me. I remember riding along in the car wondering if I would ever not feel lonely.

Suddenly, the train took a small bend and in front of me were fields of thousands upon thousands of bright red poppies, gently swaying in the wind. Fields of poppies, obviously growing wild, spread over miles of the countryside. I was mesmerized by the beauty and found myself wondering how long it had taken for these beautiful flowers to be planted over the years so that there would be so many everywhere. I began to imagine the invisible hand of God intentionally spreading seed generously over the many fields, so that in a country where there had been so much division, war and darkness for so many generations, that there would still be a picture of His beauty, creation and life to comfort those who would see it. That it would draw their thoughts and hearts, like it did mine, to thoughts of Him who was the artist of such beauty.

This has become to me a sort of picture of my place in the world. Jesus often talked about sowing seed in many of His parables. The people of His time were tied more closely to farming, sowing, reaping because their very lives depended on the well-being of the crops as their source of food.

James 3:18 says, “The seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” I desire that there be a harvest of righteousness in and through my life as big and expansive as the poppy fields of my memory. This verse would indicate that righteousness is sown by peacemakers. Jesus communicated to His disciples in Matthew 5: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.” Jesus himself, gave His life so that we might have peace with God. His whole being is focussed on redeeming, buying back that which was lost, bringing life where there is death.

I am most like Him when I, too, become a peacemaker, a redeemer, bringing peace where there was hostility, life where there is death. But the reason I so like the verse in James is that it brings us a picture of what we must do to bring this harvest of righteousness about–we must sow the seeds of righteousness, seed by seed, so that our harvest will be plentiful. We must sow seeds daily—weekly–for our whole lives, that there will be remnants of His beauty, peace, redemption, everywhere we go, every day that we live. If we sow peace and not anger in our home, there will be a legacy of peace. If we sow anger, a legacy of anger and death. It is a choice we make, every day, every hour, as to what we are sowing and what we will reap.

The seeds I sow are in relationship to people in my life every day. I must make a decision in my heart to sow a seed of peace where there is strife–to choose to be a peace-maker and to sow God’s love and redemption. I must sow seeds of encouragement and faith through my words and through my writing to bring others to the point of peace in their own lives. Seed by seed, choice by choice, I have the ability to bring about a great harvest that will be ready for reaping in the final day when I meet Jesus face to face. But in order for a farmer to have a harvest, he must plan on what he will sow, he must plan the seeds he will plant—it doesn’t happen by chance. So I must choose what crop I will sow, how I will sow it, and choose to sow it in each situation and in each relationship that God brings my way. Peace and redemption also do not just happen by chance in my own life. There had to be an intentional plan.

There are times when I get letters from people—sometimes even hostile letters–that criticize my Pollyanna approach to life. Recently, a weary mom wrote, “I am sick of hearing about your perfect children! I am unsubscribing from your newsletter.”

Now, I always take emails that I receive to heart. It seems that the meaning behind this letter, was that I only see and report the positive things about my family—and that I put forth only those things which I think are perfect. I hope that I never give the impression that I am perfect, or that my children are perfect or that my marriage is perfect, or anything else is perfect. I would hate to impose guilt on anyone because of creating false standards through the stories of my articles, that someone else feels they can’t immulate. I hope instead to always point my sweet friends to the One who has so befriended me. As a matter of fact, I have only made it this far because I so depend on God’s grace and when I feel inadequate or like a failure, which I think all women do from time to time, there is a place I have trained myself to go–where Jesus is. I tell Him how I am feeling and then by faith, I acknowledge how grateful I am that He has made me adequate in Himself, by His strength, through His love and for His glory. I seek to rest there, as staying and simmering and swimming in the sea of guilt is destructive and heart-killing.

I have discovered that no matter how hard I try, I often fall short of my own expectations—let alone the expectations of others. If this is true of me, that I fail–even when trying–then I must understand that even the best and most mature person I know, will also fail herself and me! So, my choice in my writing and in my life, is to give a picture of ideals for which I strive, in the context of the messy world in which I live. I want to sow a picture of beauty, a field of hope, and pattern of unconditional love in the midst of fields of life where there are weeds, rocks and untilled ground.

I have had a history of people very close to me who live in anger and criticism. This sowing of strife has left a string of broken relationships, deep hurt, alienation. Sometimes I am afraid to be around these people because no matter how hard I try or what I say or do, I know that eventually I will do something to arouse their criticism again. (I am choosing not to name these people as they are very close to me and I don’t want to unnecessarily hurt them.) I used to think that if I just tried hard enough or did enough, eventually I would receive the acceptance I was looking for.

But it took many years, to realize that their anger and criticism had nothing to do with me and no matter how hard I tried, I would never be acceptable to them, because the problem was in their own dark and hurting heart. But in order to have in my heart a harvest of peace, and not bitterness or anger; and a harvest of love and not hate and retaliation, I had to seek to plant seeds of God’s righteousness, in order that my heart would truly bear a harvest of His making. This required that I pondered what it meant to be like God, to understand through His word, that love covers a multitude of sin; to learn that Jesus Himself, when He was being crucified, “while being reviled, did not revile in return, but kept trusting Himself to God who judges righteously.” (I Peter 2:23) He became my model–that I would choose not to revile those who were angry or negative, but that I, like Jesus, would keep trusting myself to God—to place my issues in His file cabinets and to let Him deal with my difficulties, and then to close the drawer once these issues were safe in His hands.

Instead of hoping that those near me would love me in such a way as to make me feel good about myself, I just kept reading the word everyday—-seeking to know my God better, pondering the stories of Jesus, thinking about His communication to me through how He lived and what He said. Now, as I am getting older, I find His love to be deeply satisfying. After literally thousands of hours in His presence over the years, I have been influenced by being in the company of someone so compassionate, loving and strong. I have made peace with Him and appreciate Him. In doing so, I learned that I could give that peace more easily to others, because I didn’t have as many expectations of them and I wasn’t as dependent on how they responded to me, in order to feel good about myself.

However, I see a lot of people wasting time, effort and energy in being critical of others close to themselves. There is a lot of anger, disappointment, jealousy, hate and bitterness floating around in the lives of people, that color their view of life, suck the energy out of them, and cause them to wonder where God has gone. It is so easy to be critical of a family member or of our husbands and wallow in unmet expectations, or friends who have forsaken us, or in a child who has gone astray or is just immature or has a personality flaw that drives us crazy, or a parent who has abused or rejected us for our values.

James also spoke to this in the same passage where he taught about sowing peace. His words, “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, (getting our own way), there is dis-order and every evil thing! But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering and without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” (James 3:13-18)

It starts with a choice–to allow the Holy Spirit to be Lord of our lives, even in the midst of strife; to decide ahead of time to imagine what it looks like to bring peace and redemption to each moment of life; to choose to sow righteousness into our relationships, because He chose to sow righteousness and peace into our lives, even at great cost to Himself. I believe that if thousands of His followers chose to sow this way each day, on all of the fields of life, there would be such a great crop of righteousness, visible beauty of His life, even in a place where so much darkness exists, that many hearts would be open to Him and to His ways, because of the overwhelming crop of righteousness present before their eyes. But it all begins with a choice in my heart and a plan to sow today, this day, in these fields where I find myself.

Whoever it is that brings so much emotional disappointment can keep us from the comforting love of God if we never make it to the point of forgiveness and acceptance of the person and circumstances. I know how deeply it can hurt to be rejected or ignored or treated unjustly. I have shed many tears over many years.

Yet, I can honestly say, that it has been these difficulties that have brought me to a place of freedom and joy. I have desperately needed the grace of God and in so seeking it, I have found it to be deeper than even I could imagine. He has shown me how deep His love is for me and how much He wants me to give as deeply to those in my life, who like me, don’t deserve it, but need it all the same.

Filed Under: Beauty, Joyful Life, Nature, People, Relationships, Trust in God

Happy Mother’s Day 2010

May 7, 2010 by Sally 15 Comments

The Civilizing of Our Nation

civ·i·lize
1. to create a high level of culture
2. to teach somebody to behave in a more socially, morally and culturally acceptable way
Enlighten, cultivate, improve, advance, subdue in terms of a people or nation.

“The home is the fountain of civilization. The value and character and appetites of a people are greatly determined by the reading, training and cultivating of moral and spiritual appetites in the home.

Mothers, you are the divinely-appointed teachers and guides of your children; and any attempt to free yourselves of this duty is in direct opposition to the will of God. If you neglect them, the consequences are swift and sure. …, Spend most of your time with your children. Sleep near them, attend and dress and wash them; let them eat with their mother and father; be their companion and friend in all things and at all times.”

From Golden Thoughts on Mother, Home, and Heaven: From Poetic and Prose Literature
of All Ages and All Lands. Copyright 1878-1880

The above quotations were gleaned from a wonderful book that a friend gave to me at our Dallas conference. The words written over a hundred years ago are still very powerful today. This, in a culture where the imagination of the importance of mothers to the overall well-being of soul of the next generation has been lost. How affirming it is to see that truth of past generations still applies to us today.

Often, I find that in the absence of a clear enough vision for their children and homes, mothers replace conviction and vision with lots of activities and distractions for their children. This hyper-activity and rushing around to an endless list of expensive lessons and experiences and the buying of the newest expensive curriculum and technological options make moms feel like they are accomplishing something. However, when the home-life of children is rich with excellent, classic literature, passionate Biblical devotions, rousing dinner-table discussions around sumptuous, tasty meals, lots of love and affection given and household chores attended to—and a child will become committed to all that is good and excellent and develop a moral and compassionate soul for all the divinely important values.

From the beginning of time, God created the home to be a place sufficient to nurture genius, excellence, graciousness and grand civility. But the key factor is nothing that can be purchased or owned. The accomplishment of this grand life is found only in the soul of a mother, through the power of the Holy Spirit, personally mentoring her children.

It is a personal relationship with a real person whose soul is alive in which the deepest imprints of life are given. The secrets and deep emotions shared during the goodnight hours in which a the soul of a child is tender and open; the comfort of warm, home-made food shared in the early evening as ideas are shared and discussed and prayers and devotions given; the laughter, stories, advice given in the midst of washing dishes together or sharing of a meal; the heroic and riveting stories read aloud and shared together that establish common patterns of morality, values and dreams in the comfort of the blazing hearth, mugs of steaming hot chocolate and squishing against each other on a den couch are those heavenly things which are food to the soul and nourishment to the mind and conscience of a child fully awake to all that is important in life.

There is no computer, television, software or text book that can pass on such passion, love and motivation.

It is indeed the personal touch of a mother’s heart that creates grand civility, deep affection, care and commitment to the foundations of a family. When the invisible strings of a mother’s heart are tied to the heart of her children through loving sacrifice and nurture, the stability and foundations of a nation become secure and stable. A mother, living well in her God-ordained role, is of great beauty and inestimable value to the future history of any generation. Her impact is irreplaceable and necessary to the spiritual formation of children who will be the future adults of the next generation. Fun, comfort, humor, graciousness, spiritual passion, compassion for the lost, hospitality, chores, meals, training, life-giving words, hours and hours of listening and playing and praying and reading—all are parts of the mosaic which go into the process of soul development.

Moms, God is calling us to a work that is quite important–He will give us the strength and supply us with wisdom one day at a time. He will listen to our prayers. But most of all, we have to be willing to bend over backwards to meet needs and to encourage and to figure out a new game plan, because we are His guard in a fallen, tempting world; we are His hands and words of comfort and wisdom; and we are His voice to tell our children that we love them and believe in them, even in the midst of their immaturity. May He give grace to each of you today! Happy Mother’s Day!

Filed Under: Family, Holidays, Home, Homemaking, Lifegiver, Mothering, Reading, Relationships

All about motherhood ……a giveaway and give away! Help us celebrate motherhood!

April 27, 2010 by Sally 21 Comments

HELP US SPREAD THE GREAT CALL OF MOTHERHOOD!

This weekend, I had the privilege of addressing a wonderful group of ministry interns, women who are single, deeply committed to the Lord and passionate about having an impact for His kingdom. They had been wonderfully trained to read the word and memorize it, to pray, to live by faith, to live by the grace and in the strength of the Holy Spirit, but I realized that these things do not quite give the full picture.

It was exciting to me and challenging to me to prepare a message especially for these precious single women to see the whole council of scripture–to understand God’s biblical design. Looking at Genesis 1: 26-28 to see what God had in mind for us as human beings, before the fall, was our focus.

After the Lord had made a perfectly beautiful creation that expressed His artistry, and craft and design in magnificent ways, he created a perfect social system that would further show His design and wisdom. God wanted us to have our social needs met–the need for deep love, for overarching purpose and fulfillment. And so he created love, marriage, family, children and heritage as the beautiful place in which human beings would find all that they needed to live abundantly and well in this gorgeous place God had created for them to enjoy and to rule over.

God was concerned that Adam would be alone, so he created a helper, suitable to companionship–both made in God’s image–to look like Him, to reflect Him–God is intelligent, they were made with intelligence. God manifests love and righteousness and authority, and so they were made to do.

Then, of course, He blessed them and the first blessing out of his mouth was, “Be fruitful and multiply.”Having children, as it says in Psalm 127, is a blessing from God, a good thing. And then bringing those children into the purpose of family–that is the family was given the charge to rule over the world and to subdue it–He gave great meaning and purpose to their union right at the beginning–we are to ask, “What will our family do to bring God’s image and messages and righteousness to bear on the earth? How will He use the Clarksons to bring His kingdom work to reality through all that we do, say, believe and live out.”

And so for an hour, we pursued scripture–what was on God’s heart when he designed women to be life-givers (Eve’s name–the mother of all the living), to be civilizers–Proverbs 8 and 9–to call people to God’s wisdom through their influence and home; to be teachers; to be lovers, and so on.

It was so much fun to see the light come on in the lives of so many–to see that being a woman, being a mother, being a wife was a great part of calling to the greatest part of the way God made them.

When Clay and I prayed and said, “Lord, we want to serve you the rest of our lives. What kingdom work do you have for our family to do?” God clearly led us to undergird, affirm, and support the Biblical calling of family and of women to be mothers who would change the world through raising a godly generation.

A GREAT MOTHER’S DAY GIFT!

Because I still get excited about what I have had the privilege of knowing and writing , and the message I want to put into all the hands of women all over the world, we want to bless a mom with a gift of our books. In light of this, and because we want to celebrate mother’s day in a very special way, we want to give away a gift of all of our mom’s books to one of our precious blog friends. The lucky mom will receive one of each of these mom books–to give away or to keep.

HELP US SPREAD THIS MESSAGE!

But we also hope you will help us get these books and messages into the hands of women all over the world, so that they can clearly understand this great calling and purpose for our lives. When we understand His great plan, we have the privilege of influencing history for all of eternity by building a godly generation in our home.

So, either buy one or 100 of our Mother’s books to give away to a new mom or to a friend for mother’s day by going here . For this week, STARTING APRIL 28, all books will be 15% discounted.

Enter the giveaway by leaving a comment on your blog or on your facebook by telling others which book of mine you enjoyed or which book you would like to own or why you love Whole Heart and the mom’s conferences.

Or ENTER THE DRAWING: If you put something on twitter or do something on facebook and your blog, you can enter once for each reference given. Then send the number of times you have referenced us by going here My sweet secretary will enter your name into a drawing for next week.

This winner of these books will be chosen Tuesday morning, May 4, and will be mailed out that day to the address you choose, so that moms will receive these books by mother’s day.

THE FOLLOWING BOOKS WILL BE IN THE PACKAGE OF BOOKS WE WILL SEND TO THE WINNER!

WE WILL ALSO SEND SARAH’S NEW BOOK, READ FOR THE HEART, TO THE SECOND PLACE WINNER.

Mission of Motherhood is the foundational book I give away to new moms. It is the book that gives the overview and vision for what God had in mind when he gave sweet children into our hands to be stewards of their lives, souls, minds, well being and how to raise godly leaders for His glory.

Ministry of Motherhood follows in the sequence of these two inspirational books. This focuses on the discipleship relationship between a mother and her children. By studying Christ in his relationship to his disciples, we learn principles that lead us in influencing our children to love Him and His kingdom.

The Mom Walk shows moms how to weather the long distance walk as a mother, while holding the hand of God. God shows us His reality in the midst of difficulties, challenges, the celebration of life and gives strength and insight as we learn to walk this journey with Him and learn to listen to His voice through scripture and live by faith that he will answer our prayers and fulfill his ways in our lives.

Seasons of a Mother’s Heart is especially written for homeschooling moms addressing the different seasons and issues that are specific to the demanding life and lifestyle of a homeschooling mom. Biblical insights and personal life stories address the many ups and downs that moms experience and show how each season can be met with grace, faith and bring peace as we trust not in formulas, but the God who designed the home to be a place of discipleship, grace, life and truth for our children.

Dancing with My Father is my newest book. God created us to see our lives from His perspective, with a view on eternity, so that we could experience His joy, His purposes, His grace and blessings. He greatly desires us to know His love and deep commitment to us on this obstacle course of life and to be able to stay refreshed in Him, not diminished by the trials of life, but resilient until we see Him face to face. This book addresses how to walk with Him, allowing Him to lead us, carry us and fulfill our hearts desire as we learn to trust him as children learn to love and trust their father.

READ FOR THE HEART is a 370 page book that shows in detail how to build a home that is a resource and life-giving center to fill your children’s minds and hearts with the best stories, great heroes, great vocabulary, and soul establishing books. Over 1000 books are reviewed and recommended, as well as personal stories of how we established a reading/inspirational home.