I Take Joy | Relationships

Training my princess

January 23, 2012 by Sally 14 Comments

Carl Larsson

Celebrating last weekend with over 300 moms was quite soul-filling for me. Vibrant conversations, beautiful singing, inspiring speakers–I was so very humbled and blessed to be a part.

Yet, one of the issues that came to mind over and over again as I talked to these women was the issue of training, I want to pass on the picture of training and filling the souls and hearts of children with kingdom principles and truth so that they come alive. It is not a procedure but a relationship. Passing on spirituality is not so much getting the right curriculum, or being “holier” than thou, but it is passing on a life of love, passion for Christ, and goodness that overflows from your own heart. I am reposting an older blog article that gets to the heart of training our “Princesses and Princes” for the role of ruling in their own world someday. Happy Monday.

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Thursday morning was the first day, I think, in a whole year when I had Joy all to myself with everyone else out of the house for a whole day! (Sarah is in Kentucky with a dear friend of mine, Nathan in California, Joel and Clay at work!) We lit candles and sipped our own hot mug of brew in the quiet of my bedroom where no one could find us.

I then had the most wonderful time of reading to her and then teaching her about Abraham and Isaac. We spent almost an hour and half looking at different scripture about him–God calling him to leave his home to follow Him; the promise of a nation outnumbering the sand on the seashore coming from His line–becoming a Father of a nation; his waiting period for the promised son; the birth of Isaac; the sacrifice of Isaac; the passages in Hebrews of him and Sarah living by faith.

“Indeed, If they had been thinking of that country from which they went out (their home!), they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desired a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.” Hebrews 11:15

We talked and talked about how we are here temporarily and will some day go to a heavenly country. We talked about Abraham giving up his treasure into God’s hands, knowing that He could trust God to hold and keep all that was important to Him–and how indeed God provided the lamb stuck in the bushes–he had already planned to provide for Abraham, but gave Abraham the chance to worship by yielding his treasure and showing God his heart of trust. We talked about how great a nation, throughout history, the Jews became–how God multiplies the work of faith and service we do to make it beyond what we can imagine–just like he did for Abraham. We ended on Romans 12:1-2–the need for us to yield ourselves as a living and holy sacrifice to God which is our spiritual service of worship–just like Abraham did and to be willing to go anywhere, do anything for the privilege of serving God and doing His work on the earth!

I could almost see her little heart swell to the greatness of His calling on her life–I wonder how God will use you? I wonder what it will look like for you to live by faith. Look at how God has blessed and led our family as we have served Him. She then said, “You know, Mom, I used to sometimes worry about the possibility of us moving somewhere for our ministry and wondering if I would be willing to give up my friends, but I gave that to Him last week, knowing that I would rather serve Him and watch Him do great things, than to hold on to my little world and fears.”

I realized again why I love homeschooling–I have the time to have access to my sweet princess’s brain and heart and time to discuss really important things and to love her and nurture her without the hurry and worry that the imposition of a regular schedule might bring. I cherish the times I can train her for the realm in which she will some day rule and bring His light. I love knowing that she and I are such close soul companions because of all the focused time spent without the competition of so many others that she would have if she was in the company of hundreds and hundreds of kids every day. I am preparing to send my children out, and probably away from me, but they will go with hearts and minds filled with stories of heroes who lived differently–boldly, bravely, intentionally for Christ’s purposes–to bring light and beauty and truth to their world.

Joy’s concluding thought was, “I hope I have 12 kids so I can really have a lot of leaders to send from my home. I can’t wait to have my own domain so I can make a place where greatness can live and be made every day as I teach my kids.”

It is all about loving God and passing on the baton of His love to our children. Enjoy your day of training your own royalty to rule over the kingdoms God will give to them. And be sure to enjoy the moment–it will pass more quickly than you know!

Grace and peace!

Sally

Filed Under: Bible Studies, Education, Family, Joyful Life, Mothering, Our Family, Relationships, Trust in God

Filling Your Soul With Love and Grace Divine

March 23, 2011 by Sally 26 Comments

Claude Monet, Woman in the Garden

“I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3

I have received thousands of responses to my blogs on child discipline lately. I see how many sweet ones there are who truly want to do the best and be the best for their children. But before I do one more post on child discipline, I just felt I wanted to tell you how very precious you are and how much your own personal life matters.

I awakened this morning with you on my heart. I know there must be many precious moms out there who are reading these articles and are feeling inadequate or guilty or condemned–or just worn out! I have been praying for you all morning.

Motherhood is very precious to the Lord. As a matter of fact, the more I mothered, the more I came to understand Him, His love, His sacrifice, His forgiveness, His patience. Motherhood is not an easy journey. I kept feeling that I needed to have more children so I could do it right at least once!

And yet motherhood is a long journey, a hard and challenging journey, that will require much endurance with grace, much forgiveness, much patience and just a whole lot of energy expended.

You are truly important to God in the midst of it all. He sees you and cares for your dreams and desires. And so I wanted to write a little post just for you.

When I had my first baby, I had never even changed a diaper. I did not know how to hold a baby. I was unprepared for the task. I also did not know how selfish and self-absorbed I was. And I have to admit that over the years, there were many times when I did not feel loving or feel like a good mother or even feel like I wanted to *be* a mother. I was always committed to my children and always committed to loving them, because I knew God wanted me to. But I did not always like them and sometimes that made me feel guilty.

I just put one foot in front of the other because I thought that is what God wanted me to do.

So if you feel that you are not a “natural” mother, or you enjoy doing things outside your home, or you have other ambitions, please do not condemn yourself. I felt all of those feelings and had to learn how to balance the different pulls on my life. But God has loved me and led me through it all.

I know that there are so many of you precious ones with deep scars. Perhaps you came from an angry family, where you were criticized or rejected. Or maybe you were ignored and you still wish someone would notice you and love you deep inside in those places that only you can feel.

Many of you made some bad choices morally that have deeply injured your own heart. Or you have a passive and indifferent or mean and abusive husband.

You are not defined by any of these things–not by what people have said to you, not by your flaws (we all have them), and not by your past failures or present difficulties. God loves you so very much. God is with you. God is your champion.

We read that when He looked out on the multitudes, He had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd. Jesus sees our needs. He loves us. He cares for how each of you feel deep in your heart.

You are so very precious to God. He is on your side. He will be your warrior God in all the battles in your home. He will help you and defend you and pour out His unconditional love on you. He is the source of your strength and joy. Nothing can separate you from His love. Romans 8

There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

The only way we can truly make it in this life productively is to tend to the garden of our own souls. The only way you can be a loving mother or friend is to have your soul filled with the deep, unchanging, unconditional love of God.

I love the picture above. I picture my soul as a garden that must be tended and cultivated and watered. If my own soul is healthy, then all who draw from my soul, will receive true nurture and strength. However, I do not know of any great women who have not been very intentional about cultivating and building themselves into godly women. They invested purposefully to become who they are.

A wise woman builds her house, but it starts with a plan!

You may find criticism from the world. But in Christ, you will find love, deep, abiding, unconditional love and all that you need for your task. But you must choose to invest your time wisely.

So what are some ways to fill your own soul so that you may have strength and love to give?

1. Surround yourself with good and godly friends.

I once heard a speaker say that he will do anything to put himself in the company of people who make Him want to love God more, who make Him want to be a better person–who inspire Him. But that he would avoid all of those who spread poison or gossip or discouragement as much as possible.

I have a friend, Phyllis, who I know will always point me to God. Just being with her is like being in the presence of the Lord’s encouragement, because she walks with Him and points me to him. Gwen is such a friend, and Deb, Shelley, Lynn, Beth and Sarah and Joy, ……….I gather these friends over the years and invest in them because they invest in me.

Find those friends, challenge a friend to be a prayer partner, to study a book together, to meet with you on a regular basis.

2. Spend time every day with the Lord. Find books, resources, people who can help you with this. (Go though the Psalms and circle or underline every promise or character quality of God. Read one chapter of John or Matthew a day and write down one lesson you have learned. Read through Philippians and note all the ways Paul tells us to follow Jesus.)

3. Clean out your soul on a regular basis–get rid of the rubbish that has kept you from experiencing God’s love. (If we confess our sin, he is faithful and just to forgive us from our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.) Don’t hang on to bitterness or condemnation–it will poison you. I have a friend, Sarah Mae, who is dear to me as though she were a daughter. She has recently published an ebook called Core Lies, that she is offering for free. We must rid our hearts from lies that would keep us from experiencing the generous love of God.

4. Surround yourself with books, blogs, people who feed your mind on truth, who draw you to become a better self. There are many, many women in my life who do that to me. But I wanted to point you to three of my favorites.

I love these women because they have chosen to have integrity in their lives when no one was looking. They have invested thousands of hours in the presence of God. They have chosen to love and serve Him, to always turn in the direction of faith. I know they are not perfect, but they hold fast to a Faithful God who carries them. They are also seasoned women who have chosen to faithfully love and serve their children, and husbands, even amidst challenging times. They have weathered life and from that weathering, have garnered stories of His faithfulness. Feed on their life-giving words. I do so love these women.

Brenda Nuland– a mother of two grown children, who cultivates life, beauty, goodness and faithfulness in her home.Brenda always encourages me, feeds my soul and gives me loyal friendship.

Elizabeth Foss–a sweet mother of 9 children, whose devotion to God, gentle mothering of her children, and great thoughts always challenge me. She is humble and loyal as a friend and has learned to persevere with grace.

Ann Voskamp-an artist with words and photography, who deeply cherishes her precious Lord and wants to sing his messages into the lives of those in her pathway. Her gentle, humble words are always filled with grace that she found from walking closely with Him.

5. Spend time in nature–his workshop. When I see the artistry of God, and rest in the glory of the canopy of His beauty, I find great peace. Creation was made for us. He designed the stars for us to understand His vastness–His strength and ability to be bigger than us, to show us His power. He designed color, flowers, mountains, waterfalls, snow, rain, to show us His design. When I invest time in His works of art, I am inspired to reflect His art and beauty in my home as a picture of His reality in an otherwise dark world. Creation nurtures my soul when I take time to observe it.

6. Restore, relax, recreate. Young moms need a break.(and old moms and moms of teens, and……..) They need sleep. Sometimes grumpiness or depression goes away with just a couple of good nights of sleep or time away with a friend. Moms need to have a friend who understands them and still loves them! They need to laugh and lighten up. Cultivate times of breaks in your life, times of just getting away. Don’t always be serious–it is exhausting.

Our bodies need a sabbath rest. I take my tea time every day with a candle, book or magazine. I collect videos and movies and series of stories that delight my soul. I surround myself with music everywhere–at home, in the car, at dinner, when I am in a plane. I love rhythms and movement. I make time for cherished friends. I make fun for myself with my children so that we can just laugh and play and store up humor–everyone needs a break. (Read my daughter, Sarah’s blog post from a couple of days ago–Christians need to learn how to lighten up and have fun.)

These precious ones are not just public figures to me, but in the privacy of friendship, offer such grace, humility, love and always make me want to love Him more.

This blog is way too long, but the point is, you are important. Your emotional, spiritual and physical health matters to God. If you cherish your soul and become a good steward of your needs, you will be stronger for your journey of life and more ready to meet its demands. But you are the one who must plan how to endure with grace and beauty. You must create a plan that best suits your puzzle of life. Grace and beauty and peace in the midst of it all.

Filed Under: Art, Beauty, Friends, Home, Joyful Life, Lifegiver, Mothering, Music, Nature, People, Ponderings, Relationships, Simplicity, Tea, Trust in God

The Gift You Can Give Every Day

December 23, 2010 by Sally 4 Comments

Mary Cassatt, The Maternal Kiss

Mary Cassatt Maternal Kiss

The excitement of last minute shopping is underway! I always mean to have everything done ahead of time, but day leads on to day and minutes run out and….! Maybe excitement is not the right word for that adrenaline rush you get in the mall parking lot or seeing the “Sale” sign over something you wanted to give a special person. And it is so funny for me to watch my sweet husband. He loves surprising the kids and makes a grand effort after I think we have all in order.

This is the season of sacrifice ~ giving up time and money to give gifts. Christmas for me is not so much a materialistic issue as it is wanting to consider the delights of my precious ones and seeking to bless them with something they will cherish. We have cultivated such a precious family time because of a legacy of traditions over the years, that we indeed celebrate in the love we share and the love He shared and shares with our family. We learned the delighting in those we love by looking at God who enjoys delighting in His children. It is what we see in God’s creation–the color, the beauty, the tastes, the sounds, and touch, the sacrifice–all gifts He gave us to satisfy, because He is a God who is near and personal.

Gifts are a way of telling someone we care about them, we are considering their own unique personality and dreams and desires. We try to give the best possible gift, knowing their likes/dislikes and the current needs in their life. The gift of Christ over 2,000 years ago shows God’s delight in us. The God of relationships and kindness, knew exactly what we needed. He gave us His most precious Gift and it cost Him everything!

As wives and mothers, we give gifts of our true selves to our families each day–or at least we should. When the milk is spilled, do we give the gift of acceptance and patience? When our husband comes home tired after an extremely long day, do we give the gift of listening and looking into his eyes, so he knows we truly care? Do we give our children the gift of a quick hug as they walk by? Or a butterfly kiss? Or a backrub? Sometimes these are the same gifts we would like to receive!

We will never be in control of our lives, as the busy moments seems to suck our energy and bodies dry at times, but we know the One who is. He promises to provide for us, even when circumstances push us to our limit. He promises to be with us no matter what! But opening our eyes and our hearts to praise and worship Him as He gives to us His patience, love and attention each day, gives us a pattern for celebrating life. Here is a section from The Mom Walk:

“There will always be giants in our land. There will always be things that could potentially threaten to overwhelm us. We have to make a choice to believe in God’s ability to provide and so free us to celebrate. We must trust Him to take us into His generous provision or we will allow life to demoralize us and we will give our children instead a model and attitude of complaining and grumbling.

This story (Numbers 13-14) was personally convicting to me, as I do have a real dark side which can become easily focused on the difficulties. However, I have learned an important principle: It is natural to whine and complain or to be selfish and unloving — but it is supernatural to praise and be thankful and to choose to express love and faith — even when my feelings don’t agree.

When we choose to practice praise, joy, and love, when we cultivate celebration even as God did, we then find that we experience the love of God to a greater degree in our own lives. He is there, walking in the garden of our own lives, looking for us to see Him and to respond and walk with Him in His providing love. But in order to see Him, we must turn our eyes and hearts to Him seeking to listen to Him in our souls and thus validating for our children and ourselves the reality of His joy.

A mother who gives her children a heart to celebrate God’s life and beauty gives a gift that will help her children draw joy from their lives and memories that will bring them strength and pleasure all their days.

So today, look for joy. Seek out beauty and model to your children what it means to live in celebration of God’s marvelous life.” ~ The Mom Walk pp. 48-49

Psalm 19:8 says, “The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.”

When you are struggling with your attitude, where can you turn? What passages of Scripture bring joy to your heart?

How can you live in celebration of God’s marvelous life today?

May the Lord bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you!

Filed Under: Family, Joyful Life, Lifegiver, Mothering, Relationships

What a grumpy 2 year old, a hormonal teen and an overwrought mom have in common

November 8, 2010 by Sally 17 Comments

“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” Colossians 3:12-14

Committed motherhood is for me a holy calling of God. I believe that I am a steward of my children given by Him to me, entrusting me to love, instruct them, train them, provide for them in such a way, that they may go into their adult lives emotionally healthy, loving God and serving His Kingdom purposes.

But there are times when, seemingly out of the clear blue sky, I spew all over my children and it isn’t a pretty sight. The life-venom of giving, serving, cleaning, cooking, correcting, staying up late, putting up with messes, consumes my patient feelings and slowly depletes my rational, mature brain cells, builds up slowly inside and suddenly takes over and spills anger over to everyone in my wake. I always feel terrible when I have raged about. Chastising myself for hours, I curl up in a dark cloud and wonder why I even try.

I do not need a lecture from someone telling me I have been immature, out of control, unreasonable and unloving. I already know that. No one needs to tell me I have acted in an immature way and that my words hurt the hearts of those I love.

But, what I long for, is gentleness, patience–someone to tenderly place their arms around my shoulders, to look into my eyes with the compassion of understanding how I feel, words of “Grace, sweet one, you are forgiven. All will be well,” is what I really need.

Longing for a magical wand that can wipe away the moments when I irrationally became a fount of harshness and anger is what I really wish I had–to make it all go away.

Wishing for another mom who says, “You are not alone, I am guilty of raging in the tempests of my own life, and yet, when I went to my children and asked for forgiveness, they were ready to extend their love to me and to redeem our relationship once more.”

And then I need a maid, a waitress and a day away to be an adult again, but that is not in the budget of my minutes and days. Instead, I will be comforted with…

Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, as Paul so eloquently wrote.

And so, I have observed my little toddlers, exhausted, over-stimulated, wrapped in a cloud of selfishness, who fall apart in fits of screaming. I am not talking about the normal minutes of the days when they need training, correction and guidance. I am speaking of those absolutely beyond rational thinking–meltdowns.

A warm, blanky embrace, wrapped in arms of love and a softly sung, whispered words of love, a rocking chair moment of grace, a cool, soothing sip of juice–this is what is deeply longed for and needful to a heart out of control.

And then there are the moments in the lives of my teens when they seem to erupt, attitudes all over everything normal–”Everyone eats too much in this house! If they didn’t eat so much, we wouldn’t have such a mess of dishes in the sink,”–as they slam around the kitchen. Or just an emotional eruption with unkind words, glances that could kill, dark clouds that seem to hover.

I have found that “a gentle answer turns away wrath.” Like me, these precious children do not need to be told that they are being mean-spirited and unkind. They already know that. Perhaps, like me, the trials of life, the challenges, the burdens of school and chores, the insecurities of trying to fit in with an ocean of other teens seeking to find their footing, seeking an unsure future, and the raging of new hormones–all of these overcame them and they also spewed.

This is a time when, “I love you, appreciate you, understand. You are acceptable, I believe in you. You are not all “bad” but you had a bad day. I am so glad you are mine,” words of kindness and compassion are needed.

At times like these, putting on a heart of love, will bring us back to a perfect bond of unity. Love will heal, love is the answer and the balm and the grace to keep going. Love through a mug of hot chocolate or tea, a written note of “I am so glad you are mine. I love you.” A moment to laugh, love, share tears and restore–these are the deepening moments of bonding forever to hearts that bear the compassion of Christ.

These are the moments when true hearts are knit together–Oh to be known, truly known, in all of our limitations, and to still be loved–that is soul satisfaction.

Love is patient, love is kind, love is not selfish,…………………..

Filed Under: Child Training, Family, Mothering, Parenting, Relationships

Community, friendship and belonging–so needed, such a balm

November 4, 2010 by Sally 21 Comments

“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”

Winnie the Pooh

My sweet group taking the last 24 hours away at a prominent hotel in a suite of rooms just to make time to treasure the friendship God has given to us and to keep the fires of our close relationship to each other burning. (Sweet Micala, we missed you and prayed for you!)

Arranging babysitting and rides for our children to all of their activities was quite a feat, but here is the rest of the story……..

God created us to be his friends, as Moses was. He was walking in the garden to share fellowship with Adam and Eve. He communicates over and over in scripture that He mostly desires our love and our time. God created marriage because it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. He gave Adam and Eve children as a model for families–that children would give purpose and meaning and relationship to a man and women in the blessing of them becoming a family. Jesus chose 12 disciples to be with him, for community, for living, teaching, training and preparing to take over reaching the world. He wanted/needed/chose friends through whom He would work in the world, though He could have gotten the message of his love and redemption out in any way He chose. He chose 12 committed men who would become friends and comrades in kingdom work.

And so it is that we have been created for relationship, friendship, belonging to a group bigger than ourselves. It is a part of our being, our design, what we were made to enjoy.

And yet in an isolationist world, we find ourselves, I think, by Satan’s design, lonely, not knowing our neighbors, feeling unknown in our mega churches, far away from family, and very different in values, faith, age and interest from most of our neighbors. If Satan can get us alone and unaccountable, then we fall prey to depression, feelings of being unloved, sensing a hole in our heart from not feeling we “belong” to a group, often feeling that we don’t really have any friends who care.

What a recipe for destruction of morals, values, faith, inspiration and strength. Scripture is very clear about the results of those who are alone.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I can see that those times times when I felt heart-wrenching darkness overshadowing my soul and a deepening sense of isolation and feeling a longing for companionship and love, was when I felt I was alone and under the suffocating burdens, doubts and trials of life, without a friend to care. Having moved 17 times, 6 times internationally during my marriage, there were ever so many times when our family felt deeply alone. As a mom of young children, it was especially difficult to manage all the issues and care constantly for my children with never a break and often no kindred spirit with whom to share life. As a mom of teens, I also found the challenge of filling my home with families and kids so that my children felt that we somehow had community and people who cared personally for them.

A couple of years ago, a friend observed, “Sally, I think you need an Aaron and a Hur. You are being consumed–giving, giving all the time and never being refreshed or refueled yourself will eventually destroy your ideals and your vibrancy. You need to have a support system of friends who can be help shoulder your burdens, commiserate with you personally in your trials, share in the personal victories and memories of life.

I remember saying, “I don’t even know how I would go about that. I have many friends all over the US, but I have moved so much, it is hard to start over again and push through to find close community.”

Her words simmered in my mind. “Best” friends, “sister-friends” to share life has been a history since my childhood-to have that one who “gets” me and still likes to be with me, to share broken dreams and hurt feelings, insecurities and longings and to be understood and cared for, to share the graces of shopping, lunching, laughing and getting older together through experiences shared.

But the older I get, the more crowded my life and the harder plant and cultivate the seeds of close friendships. But God would not let her voice of admonition go away. Purposing to pray about it , a plan began to form.

Constantly surrounded by women all the time in groups and ministry and classes, but often feeling alone in the crowd seemed dissatisfying. I have been blessed to have many friends and I love and appreciate them all. But with having older children, in a relatively new town, that no one knows, and focussing on my home and ministry, which requires lots of travel, often means I don’t have the luxury to give lots of time to those casual friends.

The Lord seemed to place on my heart to pray about and identify other women who seemed to be in my life in a more prominent way than all the rest. First, a couple of close friends who had been special to my life for several years. Then, those who had actually taken the initiative to ask me over for lunch or dinner (a rare occasion for me–usually I am the one who does the inviting!) and I looked for someone who had initiated to me personally. There were a couple of people who stayed after at my Bible study to help or who sent me an email and or encouraged me. I came up with a list of 9 women after praying.

Inviting them to dinner, I shared my heart to have a group of friends who could cultivate accountability, friendship and prayer for one another. For about a year, we met once a month for lunch at my house, a Christmas party, a potluck with our husbands and children. Within a few months, the lunches lasted longer and longer, we had dinners together, began to get closer. We prayed for one another. Had our husbands over for a big pot luck. Eventually, we grew into a living, with a purpose–besides just having fun, we began to work in ministry together. These precious ones served at my conferences, made all the meals and organized our leadership intensive at my home.

Goodies, gabbing, gobbling and guffaws.

Now, we consider ourselves the closest of friends, and feel so deeply blessed to share life. From 30′s to two who are 57, small children to older children away from home, city girls and farm girls–we share in all of life, though not often–a committed time each month, a commitment to work at conferences together, to pray, study the word, share new restaurant finds, to “be there for one another.”

The flower girl–flower shirt, flower background, flower carpet!

Pals

Beautiful friends—thank you, Lord, for letting me be loved and for letting me belong.

Filed Under: Friends, Joyful Life, Ponderings, Relationships

Social Media is like a fickle boyfriend……..

October 26, 2010 by Sally 20 Comments

Eponine-A-Rose-in-Misery

“He slept a summer by my side, He filled my days with endless wonder,

He took my childhood in his stride, but he was gone when autumn came.”

“I Dreamed a Dream” From Les Miserable (Fantene)

Passionately singing this song, above the resounding notes of Sarah’s piano playing, the three girls in our family find this song hauntingly beautiful. The image of a young girl, innocently convincing herself that she is deeply in love, giving her whole being to one who is there to consume her. When with child at the end of the summer, Eponine, the young girl, is left with scars, a pregnancy, responsibilities; her so-called lover is no where to be found.

I meet so many precious young women who gave themselves so such men. Women, longing for love, acceptance, purpose, a place to belong and to be validated, gave their souls to one who could never be a source of long-term love, strength or goodness.

I see that social media could be this kind of boyfriend–here to entice you today, but gone tomorrow, where you are left to clean up a life with scars, loneliness and rejection or just silence, the feeling of being invisible.

Now social media has its place–we can write articles of encouragement to be read by others all over the world. We can connect with old friends and meet like-minded friends on the internet. We can show pictures of our children, birthdays, holidays. There are many amazing revelations through the internet.

But there is a possible down side to this is “just virtual” relationship. I do not deny that social media and the web can fill some very important needs in our lives and can give us information at a moment’s notice. But throughout history, life was never meant to be lived this way. God designed us to live in such a way as to leisurely be able to observe His handiwork, to breathe in creation with all of its color and variation. We were to to see His beauty in the seasons, a rainbow, to feel the course of nature.

Relationships were to be slowly simmering through seasons of shared time, work, love, seasons and years, with a knowledge that people would be in our lives endlessly through our whole lives without ever moving to another location.

God intended that we have time to sit and ponder mysteries of the universe, to have to work out our thoughts, to have time to work and read and create food and gardens and the works of our hands. He longed for us to seek Him, His presence, His relationship to us as God and savior, to fill in our hearts’ needs.

God intended that we have real lovers, loyal, present friends, who would be here for us to celebrate life’s daily moments and the tragedies and momentous occasions.

However, contemporary culture has forgotten these realities.

Perhaps, on the internet, we build up a couple of thousand of friends–that does not mean they know us, our real lives, our silent aches of heart, our loneliness, our dreams, insecurities, needs or doubts, or love us. Often it just means, they, too, are trying to build their list. Our social networking friends cannot bring us a hot, delicious meal or a fall bouquet of blooming flowers when we are sick or depressed or just need to know we are on someone’s mind.

Our social media friends cannot hold our hand or give us a gentle embrace, when we pray through a heartbreak or sit and drink a real cup of tea on the porch as we watch a fall sun melt into the sky, and share secrets. Our social media friends are not here to touch, see, experience, giggle, to validate the memories of real life.

Our children also long for us to see them as the important ones–they long for our words of love and laughter at their jokes and engaging in their hearts and attention. Our children are only with us for a window of time, to receive our attention, loving touch, tasty meals, to celebrate life as we pour into their souls. If we are looking to the internet for our relationships, our children will look for love and attention wherever else they can find it–away from us.

We are their first choice, but they will settle for others if their needs are not met at home with our intentional and present attention.

Suppose, we get lots of comments on our blogs today, or an increasing number of visits. The pressure is on to try to keep that going tomorrow. If we feel good when people respond, must we feel bad about ourselves if they don’t leave a comment? If we are one of the most popular blogs or web sites today, eventually there will be a “cuter girl on the block”, where people will search for something more, something new, leaving us longing for the same affirmation and love we sought in the beginning.

I think that many young women become addicted to social media and neglect their families and children out of a God given desire to be loved, to have friends who care, to feel a sense of importance–to push away the feeling that we are invisible in this world of ours. The desire to be loved and known and validated is God-given. Yet, He intended for us to have real community where we are loved and have a place to fit with family–cousins, grandparents, parents, siblings. For thousands of years, neighbors were to be those who knew you your whole life, who were there for you in the tragedies and celebrations of life. Purpose and meaning came out of relating and giving of ourselves to a community of people called to live, serve and validate the meaning of life together, to preserve righteousness in the presence of our children as a common group of people who loved and served God together.

Now, we live in an isolationist culture where we move from place to place, seldom knowing our neighbors; go to mega-churches where it is possible to be personally, intimately unknown in our inner-life needs or desires. Often grandparents and siblings have different values, live half-way around the world, or are of no support at all–many who have been separated from us through divorce.

So, we seek to replace that which God intended to be real and present, with something–anything–that can help us to “feel” connected, loved, validated.

So, social media can spend a summer by our side, but might be gone when autumn comes. A fickle boyfriend–here today, gone tomorrow. Just a thought for today.

Filed Under: Family, Friends, Joyful Life, People, Relationships

Shopping, dressing-up, and totally fun, irresponsibility–just what I needed!

September 10, 2010 by Sally 13 Comments

One of my beautiful outfits! Sweater-shawl, scarf, bracelet, necklace, earrings!

Whew! Weeks of responsibility and giving out–my intensive, company, adult children with myriads of needs, still home educating Joy, dinners, dishes, financial struggles, little sleep, giving, giving, giving…….

And then He interrupts my life–with delight…..

The Lord is so very thoughtful at times, that I truly feel like His beloved. Arranging personal, focused blessings just for me so that I stand back and see that He knows, He knows my loneliness for my mother, even when I am not aware. He knows I miss being mothered, I miss being noticed. He sees what would delight me even when I would never have thought to ask.

For many years, my mother would go shopping with me each fall to pick out two “speaking” outfits. I would then wear them all year to every place I would speak. “You need to be beautiful in all the places God has opened for you to speak. You have always been my little dolly and we will go out and make a celebration of it–you and me! That is my part in your ministry.

Adult time, spoiling me with lunch, little trinkets, talk, talk, talk, buying me things that as a young mom I could not afford, or would not afford because of all my little ones. Pretty dresses, or professional, classic outfits for meetings and interviews. Shoes to match and of course a new necklace or earrings. A lunch and coffee and sweets at the end, framed a special memory each year—just mama and me and the sharing of our hearts. “And you might just need this for a little something, as she tucked a $20 into my coat pocket.”

Mother-love providing, encouraging, nurturing, embracing, guiding, empathizing, and listening–and that is what my sweet mom used to do. Sometimes I don’t even realize how deeply I miss being “mothered.”

I didn’t realize how much I missed those yearly outings with her. The past 7 years, she struggling with an aging disease, has turned me more into an adult, little by little, who must call, write and send my love and care, while she stays day after day, needing help, care and pushing through it all, seeking to maintain a good attitude through the constant pain. I, sometimes lonely and longing, in my consuming adult life and ministry, but rarely have time to stop to think about it.

Fast forward to this week. I left for 3 days to do ministry, to be with friends, to set up conferences. Life has required me to be so responsible, so task oriented, learning to go without needs being met. Little “me” time.

Ministering in California

Flying there for 3 days with meetings, personal and strategic lunches, breakfasts and dinners, arranging conferences, teaching about communication skills, answering questions about mothering, leadership, guilt, books, education, the Lord, problems.

So often my life is fueled by adrenalin, searching through mind-files to engage with the question being asked, expending energy like money in a carnival, seeking to guide with the light pouring out of my soul with what He gave–and so serious, talk after serious talk, intentional conversation, all setting a standard my soul seems to follow obediently, step by step–one foot in front of the other. Always I enjoy these precious ones and enjoy hearing the stories. But sometimes I don’t even know how drained my brain and body and heart have become amidst the path of my life.

Sometimes, sharing of dark, heart secrets that spill out slowly like a mist billowing slowly on a mountain pass in private meetings. Ideals passionately espoused amidst a call to intentional living. Disappointment spilling over through tears from misunderstandings amongst those they thought were most likely to love–fellow Christians. Divorce, abortions, anger, insecurity, failure, or inadequacy or fears–sometimes stories of redemption, love, growth, encouragement, inspiration. These the topics of my interactions, with precious ones I meet, hour upon hour. This my life in ministry. And yet….

How I love my California girls! Jeanna, one of my angel friends who dressed me like a dolly! Vicky and Lisa were her cohorts.

Yet, during a break, I was talking with three dear ones who have become sweet friends to me amidst ministry over the past few years. “I love your necklace. What a cute shirt that is with the roses! I am so glad “feminine” is in style again. You all are so darling and fun–you need to tell me how I am supposed to dress!”

Conversations drifted to clothes, styles, contemporary expectations.

“You won’t believe it, but we got a lot of what we are wearing at our church’s bookstore! They have a section of clothing and jewelry that supports women in poor countries, where we have missions, so that they can be independent. All of it is produced there! We are going to take you over to the store and buy you an outfit.”

And so, for almost two hours, they dressed me up. I felt like a little girl again. And I felt so very loved and blessedly noticed and cared for! It was so much fun-necklaces–short or long, earrings dangling or studs, myriads of rainbow scarves– maroon, navy, floral, solid, knit, silk, “That looks great.” “She looks like she is sick in that color–get her something else.” “Oh, that style flatters her! Let’s get her two outfits!” Giggles, playing, talking-sheer fun, nothing serious, only playing and being girlfriends. I didn’t even know how much I needed it. Water for my thirsty soul.

When my hostess and dear friend picked me up for dinner after our shopping was all finished, we had a leisurely few minutes together before our next meeting. All of a sudden it hit me–my mom wasn’t able anymore to help me pick out my two outfits, but maybe the Lord knew deep inside I needed to know that someone still wanted me to have fun–not just responsibility–but fun, love and a memorable light-hearted afternoon. I now have two darling, speaking outfits, but I also feel noticed, cared for, and had a whole lot of unexpected fun.

Thank you, my angel friends for taking time with me for fun and for love. I love each of you so much.

Filed Under: Friends, Joyful Life, People, Ponderings, Relationships

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble

September 3, 2010 by Sally 8 Comments

Nicolaes Maes Dutch Painter Woman seeking God, as we have all sought Him throughout the ages.

Late Wednesday evening found us drinking hot chocolate, talking lively as somehow, stories and history of our past started bubbling out of each of our children. These stories focussed on a number of times when our family has been injured by other Christians or greatly criticized unjustly by others. It is painful at times to see the results of hurts through the eyes of my children when I know that they have been deeply wounded in our own journey towards the Lord.

From the beginning of scripture, we see that evil and tests are around every corner. Cain killed Abel out of jealousy. There are Ahabs; Jezebels; wicked and selfish kings, including Saul who was after David to kill him; giants in the land, Hamans who want to kill all the jews; Judas’s and Job’s friends who misunderstand; Pharisees–God’s leaders–who become the murders of the righteous.

I did not know or understand this when I first started out in ministry. I was shocked by how very cruel people could be–poisonous in some cases. There have been trials in our lives that I will probably never write about, because I believe loyal love is an important standard in my life and there are those I am not willing to expose. Yet, the battles our family has been through are numerous and quite difficult.

And, in a few cases, the wounds are still fresh enough on our children’s hearts, that I can still see they have been deeply hurt. “No wonder I have been tempted to wonder if God loves us or to doubt in people’s ability to be faithful. If you look at our lives, it is amazing that we have even kept beileving God, with all that He has put us through!”

Yet, these have been the stories of our lives. It is in the midst of trial that our children really see what is is like to trust God. They will have battles if they intend to live godly lives. They learn how to live godly lives by hearing our words as well are watching our faith.

There are so many other ways to experience deep pain and sadness. There are wars, illnesses, lack of money, wickedness seemingly going unhindered, no community, loneliness, heartache.

Yet, above and beyond all, there is God.

I love Psalm 22, the prophetic psalm that was on Jesus’s lips when he died.

“My God, my god, why have you forsaken me?”–this to the jews was the title of the Psalm as they knew the first lines to define what psalms were being addressed. And so Jesus had this as a comfort in his heart as he heard it all the years, because the first line did define for him the temptation he had at the cross. Verse 2 says, “I cry by day, but you do not answer, And by night, but I have not rest,

but then the next verse says it all, “Yet, thou art holy, Oh thou who art enthroned on the praises of Israel, in thee our fathers trusted. They trusted and you delivered them. To you they cried out, and were delivered; In you they trusted and were not disappointed.”

This is our hope–we call out to God. We call out to Him who is our Father and longs for us to come to Him. He is faithful. He is holy. He is deeply involved in our lives.

There are those battles that go on in our heart, when no one else can see–Is God really good? Does He really care? Can I really trust Him? Is He ever going to answer our prayer? Can He forgive me, again?

And then we are tempted to take things into our own hands–whatever that might be. Why do I know this? Because I have lived in this place many times.

Even now, our family is in a crisis. Yet, always we have a choice. Will we trust God. Will we celebrate His reality? Will we believe in the darkness even when we cannot see any way out?

Fatih is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. We believe, not in what is around us or what we can see. We believe in what we cannot see–God, His promises, His faithfulness, His ways which are different and above our ways–this is what His Word tells us. Will we listen to Satan’s voice, the accusations that God does not see us? that God does not care? That God cannot help us this time?

Faith–This is the only way to please God. To trust Him. Without faith, it is impossible to please Him, we read in Hebrews. Faith is brightest when we live in the darkest hours–the most impossible time to believe.

It is why I began this blog, I take joy! Through all the difficulties of our lives, I did not want to be overcome by the darkness, I did not want to be a victim. I made a decision: I will take joy, I will choose light, I will live in forgiveness.

I choose to believe in His goodness and not look at the dark. I choose to celebrate life because I am redeemed and Paul tells me in Romans 8 that nothing can separate me from God’s love. I choose to be gracious because God has been gracious to me.

God allows us these trials that we may live boldy before others to show that we are not those who shrink back, but those who believe.

But God also cares deeply for us–He was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. He understands your wounds. He cares deeply that you are feeling pressure, hurt, sadness or harm. He deeply loves you. But we must open the eyes of our heart and look for that love and wait for His strength and answers.

It is why I wrote Dancing with my Father. God, my father, is in charge. He knows what He is doing. He knows what He is building into our lives when we do not understand what is going on. I will hold His hand, I will praise His name, I will wait for His timing, because He will be faithful.

Though we are all tempted to trust in man or money or despair in our lives, may God be our hope today. May we bring Him deep pleasure as He sees us praising Him, loving Him, hoping in Him, so that when He has brought forth justice in our lives and answered our longings and prayers, we will have had the privilege of living a story which will indeed show His reality and His faithfulness to be true.

Hold on and worship all you precious ones who are living in the midst of great difficulties. He cares for you. He is with you. He loves you. May you and may I and my family always rest in Him.

We will be like Jesus in the prophetic psalm 22: 22 and following:

I will tell of Thy name to my brethren, In the midst of the assembly, I will praise Him, and stand in awe of Him, …, For He has not despised nor abhored the affliction of the afflicted. Neither has he hidden His face from him; When when he cried to Him for help, he heard.

I am praying for so many of you today who are hurting. May you know His love, generosity, grace and peace and may you feel His abiding love. Grace and peace.

Filed Under: People, Relationships, Trust in God

Still learning how to give up "my" time!

August 25, 2010 by Sally 7 Comments

“Children, by definition, take up our time. They’re supposed to do that; it’s the way God made them.”

“I was called to give up my rights simply out of my love for Jesus.”

“To have significant energy for the task, we must make the choice to embrace motherhood wholeheartedly.” Mission of Motherhood (Sally Clarkson)

Careening down the highway in my little blue, crv, stuffed to the gills with moving, warm bodies of my larger than life children (6 foot 5, 6 foot 3, 5 foot 10, 5 foot 6 and me), rocking to the rhythms and bass of the contemporary favorite tunes from ipods, I felt a deep happiness come over me.

Giggling, laughing at inside jokes, being too loud, sharing opinions and being happy to be in each other’s company brought a whisper prayer of thankfulness to God, for all he has built into our family culture to make each of these each other’s best friends. That my children want to be together and want to be with me is deeply satisfying, knowing that all of them have a bigger life than just our family.

Bribing all of my captives with a breakfast out to a 5 star hotel, a sweet memory from our past when they had done this, opened the door to making one more great memory. I hoped would continue to tie the threads of our souls together just a little bit more. It is thousands of such threads that make us “The Clarksons.” Our own unique flavor of family–rock music when we washed the dishes, Sunday afternoon teas, always great books and stories, music at the dinner table, rousing discussions, heart-felt devotions.The meals we love, the way we do chores. It all comes back to life when we get the rare chance of being together. And each time we are all together, I know my work is to keep reminding them of the foundations, the values they have been given, the faith and convictions we all hold.

Some wonderful friends had chipped in to give Clay and me a gift card for a restful getaway at this hotel after an exhausting summer of ministry. It was absolutely amazing and wonderful. But we will take it later in the fall when the rooms are half-price. But this card gave me an opportunity to spoil my sweet ones. (My children still split meals and drink water so as to save money–it is just an expected way to go–we were always trying to save our pennies, so they still know that we celebrate life–but also have a way of doing fun things within our budget.)

Joel and Joy savored a avocado, cheese, bacon omelet. Sarah and I split crabcakes with pouched egg and citrus Holandaise sauce, and my Hollywood acting Nathan chose fruit and granola, a much healthier choice!

Method to my madness opened the door so that I could then have the opportunity to once again hold up the standard of God’s word, to speak into their hearts. I have intentionally always told them how blessed I was to be their mother, how I believed that each of them was called to do a work in their life-time for God’s kingdom. Sarah, God has gifted you with such a mind, an artist with words, you were reading and writing as a wee one, and I knew somehow you would be a communicator of truth and ideas to your world. My gentle Joel, you were singing perfectly on tune at 18 months and harmony by 3! Music seeped from you your whole life. To step out in faith to become one who would write beautiful music seems a fit for your life of bringing excellence and beauty to the world. Nate, when you were only 6 years old, you acted out your hero Audie Murphy in a speech given to 150 people and I knew then you were made for an audience. I can’t wait to see how you bring His light to a dark arena. Joy, you have been a communicator since you started talking at three. Your gift with people, your love for the Lord and confidence in leading, will give you the ability to teach and inspire many people to love God in your life time.

And so words of truth and love, spoken in a sweet moment of celebrating life, will hopefully keep building on the foundation of their souls that has been lovingly given one day at a time, years upon end. I find I am still changing my schedule and giving up my expectations of life to keep serving and giving to those for whom I will have to give an account before Jesus when I see Him face to face.

Sweet Sarah Mae at likeawarmcupofcoffee has been doing a once a week review and discussion of my book, Mission of Motherhood. I love her heart and the way she connects with other women. She has a true gift of ministry.

But as I was reading a couple of the quotations she took out of this book, which I wrote years ago when my children were much younger, I realized, that I am still learning the same things. But the difference is that I see that the principles I wrote down that I determined would be a part of my life, have become second nature to me after practicing them for so many years. It is not that I don’t still struggle at times to have “my own time.” I long for time alone and time to do what I want to do all the time!

But since I settled many years ago, that this was right for me to do, that it was a part of my spiritual service to God to serve in my home, I don’t have to think about it or struggle with it like I used to when my children were smaller. It is already a commitment that is deeply held in my heart, so when I have to decide to do it, the truth is a part of my grid through which I had learned to see and live life. Practice makes a principle become a reality.

This is the quote that I thought so applied to me then and to me now!“I have already made a decision to make myself available in the routine tasks and myriad interruptions of daily life because I believe it is God’s will for me to serve my family through them. Making this choice ahead of time means I will expect problems and needs to arise and be ready to deal with them in peace instead of impatience and resentment.” Mission of Motherhood

Thanks, Sarah Mae, for reminding me of this again today!

Filed Under: Beauty, Family, Lifegiver, Ministry, Mothering, Our Family, People, Relationships

East Coast, Here we come! Philadelphia, Boston, and New York City!

August 24, 2010 by Sally 5 Comments

PHILADELPHIA, BOSTON, AND NEW YORK CITY–HERE WE COME!

Seeing, handling, touching, acting out, experiencing, reading outloud—these are the live experiences that make history feel real. Since my children were very little, I have purposed to plan ways that they could really experience what we studied.

Missions was not just be a story that someone else lived, that we read about. I wanted my children to experience being in a foreign country and eating foreign food and hearing a foreign language, while seeing the great needs of others.

Serving in a soup kitchen or babysitting at a single mom center for battered women makes needs more real, because children get to put a name to a face that they can pray for over months.Seeing how blessed we are as Americans is a nice thought, but when a child sees homeless children or feels what it is like to be hungry, they have a whole new understanding of poverty, or material wealth or whatever!

For this reason, since my oldest children were very small, I have intentionally planned and purposed to give them real life experiences so that they could really get a more realistic understanding of those we studied. It is why we have been such travelers. Reading about historical figures is inspiring, but seeing places they lived or built or battles where they were fought gives them a more realistic understanding of the issues of stress, physical limitations, issues in the lives of the people they have studied.

So travel has always been a central part of our lives. I could not do this in certain seasons of life, but I learned very early, that my little ones could be very happy in a car if I gave them things to play with, draw, munch on, or listen to and so we have traveled our whole lives. It started when my older kids were young. Clay worked for 3 weeks on our book catalogue every year and my friend’s husband had 3 very busy weeks with his animal husbandry business, so we planned a trip together every spring. Finding museums, battlefields, cafes, art galleries, and more were our goal. Always we would have 2 or 3 books on tape to listen to about the places or people we were going to visit.

This year, our little history group below, are planning a history trip to Philadelphia, Boston and New York City. We have been studying American history–early years for the last 9 months, saving our money and planning our trip. We will be in these three cities during mid-October. I would be happy to speak one evening in each city. If you have a support group or mom’s group that you would like for me to address, please send any requests to Sally@wholeheart.org and I will give them to my sweet two other mom friends and they will help me figure it all out.

As it has happened over the years, we have often stayed in homes of people, shared meals together and we have made many of our close friends just from meeting with people we found on my blog. It always makes Clay feel better to know we are not in a city without friends close by.

And just maybe we travel not so much out of philosophical reasons, but more because I love to travel and get away and am too adhd to sit still all the time. So I look forward to hearing from you.

Below is the trip we took last year. What great memories we have stored over the years. Our history group has shrunk over the years as our children have graduated and left home. We are down to 2 girls and two boys and 3 moms!

PS We are going to be on the train and will not have a way to go outside of the public transportation in each city—so I will speak to groups in the cities!

Deb Weakly, mom; Jack, 13; and Christie, 16; Shelley Rose, mom; Jackson, 13 and Joy, 15 and me.

“Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; love more, and all good things will be yours.”

Swedish proverb

Not many people have driven to Sweden, but our history group has extraordinary powers! Well, really, we just drove to mini Sweden, AKA Linsborg, Kansas. Miss Sally, Deb and Shelley and their children hopped in a red mini van and began their seven hour adventure driving to Kansas. After much groaning, exciting wheat watching and about 50,000 cows and windmills to observe, we finally arrived at out destination. What followed was two days of good old fashioned Swedish fun. Bicycles built for five, Dala horses built for none, (but piled with four) and pickled herring. Yum! Swedish pancakes and hot chocolate, Swedish dancing, vikings on sticks (meant for eating) and one cold bleacher. If you have nothing to do two years from now for the Hylliningsfest, we strongly suggest you check it out. -Joy, 14; and Jackson, 12. (our next door neighbors for several years and friends for 10 years–the kids are like brother and sister or cousins.)

If you would like to view more pictures, I will post a website for you to visit.

Getting atop a Dala horse is harder than you think. Dala Horses were all over town.

(There is a legend that says that it was a young boy on top of a Dala Horse that saved the people from the bad trolls and elves. So Dala horses are always Scandanavian–primarily Swedish.)

Filed Under: Family Trips, Friends, Ministry, Our Family, People, Relationships, Traditions, Travel