Joyness and Mommy-Sally
Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859
I had started a great blog yesterday about the difference between adversarial parenting verses advocate parenting. It was going to be long and thorough as I have so very many issues to address, and the more I wrote the more I needed to write and the more I realized it would be better if I could just sit down and teach on this subject for about 3 hours!
(I may or may not get back to that post. Our family has pondered the past few days the amazing amount of comments and emails and letters we have received about my post on first time obedience. It must be a real need as so many sweet moms responded. You would probably love to sit at our dinner table and hear all of our children pontificating on this important subject. It is so great for us to see how much they loved our philosophy of parenting and how much they support it.)
But as I was writing, Joy came downstairs and I dropped what I was doing, went to the kitchen, made her a favorite breakfast and then ended up with her laying in my lap (a nasty cold that I gave to her is taking over.) and I stroked her head and we talked and shared hearts and thoughts and cried and laughed and made a precious memory for me. We then went out and got her a beautiful dress for her senior banquet and had her hair cut and got our favorite drink on the way home and so the blog never got finished.
But, as I was pondering all of this, I realized that there are basic foundational commitments I gave myself to that supersede philosophical issues in parenting. When I studied scripture and found that the stewardship of a child’s life, his training, education, character, emotional health, spiritual vigor, well-being, mind heart was entrusted to me, I realized that I needed to give my whole self to it. I had to work through selfishness, giving up my rights to my own time, my body, my sleep, and I had to learn what a servant heart was, as I had not been trained to be mature or to give up myself.
But, as I learned to embrace my call to intentional motherhood as God’s will and design for me, I began to fall more in love with my children. I had this grid in my mind through which I saw all of life. I love God. God has shown me what He wants of me. I need to give myself fully to this design.
And so, I wanted to do this job in an excellent way. I was very intentional about training, loving, serving, disciplining, and so on.
Once a sweet older woman who I love and respect came to me and said, “Sally, I thought you didn’t believe in discipline but you are disciplining and training your children all the time and they are so responsive to you.”
My answer was, “People confuse the word discipline with spanking and think that they are equal.”
“I have a heart to train my children in righteousness, but my focus is on winning their hearts and instructing their minds. I want them to love Jesus and God with their whole hearts–I do not just want them to obey rules, so that they will say “I am obeying on the outside, but I am rebelling on the inside.” Works and performance is not my goal, a transformed and inspired heart is my goal. Jesus did that by cultivating a deep, loving and committed relationship with his disciples. They all loved and respected Him so much, as He served them so generously, that they wanted to follow him to a death on the cross, because they believed in Him and wanted to serve them out of a loving and transformed heart.
I want them to love righteousness and truth and beauty and so I come along beside them as an advocate, morning, noon and night, to show them and help them and instruct them.”
She said that it made so much more sense watching me do it and understanding the wider vision of training.
And so, when Joy needed me yesterday and I could see that she needed my ear, my time, my encouragement, my attention, the grid through which I had learned to practice life–she is my priority—told me what to do–to take the time today, now, this moment, because this is the day to parent. She will not be with me always, but I have her this day, to love and serve her and to point her to the God who will always be with her and who has a plan for her life.
I could have written a lot more books, blog articles, built my numbers, spoken more, had a neater home, been more professional, marketed better, but that was not my goal–raising my children to the very best of my ability, using every day for His glory, was my calling.
The beginning point is for moms to yield to God–all that they are–and to submit to the limitations of the vast amount of time it takes to build children into godly, whole, inspired persons.
There is no easy formula. It will require your whole life. It will take your years, body, convenience, leisure time, everything, even as the redeeming us cost Christ everything. But the end result is even more fulfilling than I thought and tastes so very sweet to my soul. I am so very grateful that day by day, year by year, through all the doubts and insecurities and inadequacies, God was leading and guiding and empowering, one question, one child, one challenge at a time.
It all starts with the mom’s heart, as she responds to God’s heart.
May I so humbly suggest that if you want to know more about this whole life vision and how God uses homes and mothers to transform generations, please read my books. I will never be able to write in a blog all that I took to write in a book.
Working on new books and will be more busy than ever with my sweet children the next two months, so I may not be on here as often. Coming up:
Joy just has 3 more formal weeks with me until she goes on a graduation trip with Sarah–want to make each minute count before she officially graduates.
Joy and I will fly to Boston to see Joel’s music performed by professional musicians at a special concert honoring him and two other young composers. Can’t wait to clap and of course to cry.
Speaking in Canada.
Having Nathan and a friend home for a visit.
Attending Joel’s graduation in Boston.
Attending Joy’s graduation ceremony here in Colorado Springs and then having a graduation celebration and dedication of our own here in Monument.
Off to spend some time with Sarah, as Aslan is on the move in her life and I don’t want to miss a day I have with her until she leaves my home.
So, I will pray for each of you precious ones who have become friends through my blog, but I may not be here as often as my heart is especially soft towards home this season of life.
Grace and peace in your day.
Isn’t it frustrating how people always want to equate discipline with punishment?
My 19 year old son and I just returned from the grocery. The grocery’s computers were down, so the checkout lines were at a standstill for about fifteen minutes or so. It turned out to be fifteen fantastic minutes as we chatted and goofed around while we waited. I thank God for the beautiful gift of time with this soon-to-be-full-grown man.
May your sweet sick one feel better soon!
Susan
I love this! I love your books and hearing you speak. This blog sums up quite a bit. I love the heart for God that is behind it all. Thank you for sharing with us great wisdom, once again.
Ah, Sally, I hardly ever finish reading your blog posts without finding a lump in my throat.
“This is the day to parent” – this is not the day to fret over the future, this is not the day to worry over the past, but this *is* the day to parent, the day I do actually have in my hands as it were. I can do nothing about past or future days, but this one, right now is one I can pour myself into. This is the day to parent, whew! that has really got me thinking.
I just chuckled as I was writing that, because Aragorn’s voice came to mind as he makes his speech outside the Black Gate, I know you know this, I don’t think Tolkien will mind if we change a few words and make it applicable to mothers! Encouraging post – thankyou.
Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers!
I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me.
A day may come when the courage of Men fails
When we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship
But it is not this day
An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the Age of Man comes crashing down
But it is not this day!
This day we fight!
By all that you hold dear on this good earth
I bid you stand, Men of the West!
Susan,
One of my favorite speeches from LOTR. I think I will put it on my blog tomorrow–exciting, isn’t it, to see Him calling them to action in the midst of the battle–so appropriate. Thanks a zillion.
I have been reading your books since purchasing them at the Relevant conference and it is refreshing to come to your blog and find you living out the truths that you teach. This sounds like a season that your family needs you and I completely respect your calling to pull back from the noise of online relationships and nurture your family. We will be here as you have time, no doubt about that. God bless!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU, Sally.
Glory to God for the way He is speaking to moms everywhere through your words, your wisdom, and your life.
It is too bad in our culture that discipline is synonymous with punishment in some form. Discipline = to disciple = to teach. Thank you for filling in what that looks like lived out. Thank you for giving priority to God and your family above all of your other work. Thank you for all that you do to encourage moms!
Your comments are just too sweet. It has been a hard day and so your words are all going into my heart. Thanks for taking the time!
Hi Sally, I have really been enjoying your blogs lately a bout disciplining our children. I have had it on my heart for a little while now to move away from the harshness that can be generated by expecting obedience first time from my young children aged ,9mnths, 4, 5,and 7 (obviously not so much the baby
). My husband and I will discuss a different way and share our ideals for being more relational and loving etc, but then will struggle with the specifics eg. how to lovingly deal with our children for being rebellious or not listening etc. I just wanted to thank you because your books, resources and blog really help me focus on the direction I want to go with my family life.
You are where you should be–I learn so much by your words. Thank you. I received my Mission to Motherhood DVDs and am just praying about how and with whom to read and discuss. I am so excited about where this is taking me in my own life and my role as mom. I feel like such a work in progress, but so very hopeful!! I hope Joy feels better–two of mine have strep throat and as difficult as the nights have been, I love that they lay with me during the day and cuddle: )
Wonderful Sally! I will be reposting on FB and directing others here via my blog. I have “passed you along” to friends through your books, and as they write their blog posts and share about their lives, I see we are all being transformed into servant-mothers, dying to self, embracing the call – to God’s glory! Thank you for discipling your kids and encouraging us to do the same. Seems so simple, to look to Jesus for guidance in our parenting … but I never would have come up with it on my own!
Love you so much!! Enjoy every delicious, heart-warming moment you have with your family through the coming months.
Thank you for this. Beautiful words and reminder that motherhood is about TIME- not a quick fix from a book. Beautiful, thanks so much. I look with delight to see what you’ve written each day.
This is such a beautiful, beautiful post! It truly touched my heart (I felt like crying after reading!.. good tears!). My mom is so sweet and likes to encourage me, and she bought me your book The Mission of Motherhood recently. I am truly enjoying it so far, and I’m excited to read the rest of it! Thank you for being faithful to His call. ♥ Oh, and I love that speech from LOTR, too! Very inspiring!
Sally, I have recently found your blog, and it truly feels like coming home. Thank you so much for speaking these words that I know to be true about motherhood, but that I (sadly) don’t see in my circle of moms hardly at all. My son (Caleb, 2 1/2) is such a precious little ball of energy, and I am so inspired by your words to mother him gently and to the best of my ability, trusting God all the way. Thank you thank you thank you.
Thank you for this….your words, as always, true & beautiful. Lord, may I please have a passion for motherhood. May I raise my children to be kind in heart and in action. May I be faithful to his call.
I am so grateful for your words. And respectful of your time you need to take to be with your family. Thank you for all you do, Sally.
As always, your words speak life into my soul. Thank you.
Dear Sally, I love that picture of you with Joy! Needs to be on a wall somewhere. How did I miss the darling freckles when I was with her at the conference? Both your girls are beautiful.
And my girls wear Joy’s hair bows nearly every day!
I am so, so grateful to know that you are genuinely the person you appear to be here in cyber-land. Your spirit is so gracious and life-giving, and all of us who listen to your wisdom are blessed to know you. So happy for Joel–I was just telling the wonderful story of the journey he’s been on to the student I’d told you about who’s now taking piano lessons after being inspired by his first CD. I brought him back his own copy of the second one as a gift from NC.
Sometimes I wish there *were* a list of rules to follow as we parent our children. It certainly seems it would make things easier. But perhaps it’s because our parenting is to reflect His, and He isn’t interested in a mere following of rules, either . . . rather, an ongoing, live relationship. I find myself often stopping to remind myself that my children need my empathy and understanding, that God remembers that we are but dust and I must extend the same grace to my children that He’s offered to me, if I’m to show them a correct picture of who He is–the Father who loves them and offered His very Son for them.
Love you! Enjoy these last few schooling weeks, sweet friend!
Love this picture of you and Joy! You are both so precious!
This post-just like your books-reflects an important heart message all Mamas need to hear! God is doing beautiful, beautiful things through you, Sally! Preach on!
“I could have written a lot more books, blog articles, built my numbers, spoken more, had a neater home, been more professional, marketed better, but that was not my goal–raising my children to the very best of my ability, using every day for His glory, was my calling.” Thank you for this quote (and the reminder to read your books!). I attributed it to you and put it on a sheet of paper. I collect quotes. This one will go in my mom folder. And it will help inspire me when I am looking for other things. A reminder of my true, high calling — motherhood.
Oh, I can’t even imagine — three more weeks until your youngest graduates!! I was just thinking today that were almost halfway with the oldest — we’ve begun the release program with him — next year my next oldest will also be ‘halfway’. But…my youngest…almost done…wow…seems so far away and so near all at the same time…enjoy these precious moments and thanks for leading by example in that for me (for us.)
Amen sweet sister.
I had a similar situation .. what do you know, the list didn’t get completed but the the love was shared. I am praising God for being a God of love.
Go have a blast with your family. We’ll all be here when you get back.
Hi Sally!
I just wanted to share what a blessing you have been to me, a mother of 2 boys. Every time I hear you speak and read one of your books–and now blog posts, it is inspirational to me. I have felt as if you have come along side me–and many other mothers–and gently discipled and encouraged me in my walk as a mother. Thank you for sharing your life and your heart. You have truly blessed many!
This is a wonderful post – I love what you said about seeing that God has entrusted our children to us, and we need to give up what we want to fulfil that calling. I totally believe that too, and it is heartwarming to see it in print in such inspiring words!
Miss Sally, I know you get A LOT of comments and A LOT of emails, but I hope you see this one. I want to thank you for your time and energy and just cannot say enough good things about what I am gleaning from your blog posts. I haven’t had a chance, yet, to purchase any of your books, but I am just SO thrilled to see what God teaches me through them as He has taught me through your past few posts on child-rearing. It is a sensitive subject for me because I didn’t have the correct training when I was at home, so trying to teach my children feels like I am trying to teach some foreign rocket science when I don’t even like math! :/ It is a constant struggle and one I know the Lord is helping me with – through posts like this one and wonderful women like you, who have done the work and am now being a Titus 2 lady for us to look to for guidance.
Again, thank you SO VERY MUCH for all you put into this blog and for your books. Can’t wait to read more!
In Christ’s never-ending love,
Tashena Wright
So wonderful to awaken to your wonderful comments. You all made me smile. beauty to you in the minutes of your day today.
These are the exact words I needed to have imprinted on my spirit. They have brought conviction and great joy.
Thank you for sharing, thank you for heeding the Spirit; you have ministered to mine, and helped me find the resolve I need to keep on keeping on.
Thanks for the encouraging words you have all left here. It will keep me posting as I love knowing it matters.
Sally,
I am so grateful to you for being faithful with what God has entrusted to you! Thank you for the love and nurturing you have poured into your husband and children over the years, and thank you, also~ for being a good steward of the gifts God has given you as you encourage and bless other moms (like me!) I have read your books and read your blog faithfully, and I am so.very.thankful for the words of wisdom you give.
A couple very near and dear to us are trying to piece together their marriage after years of lies and infidelity on the husband’s part. Their children, too, are suffering~ so much, and will continue to. We ache for them and pray for them. When we found all of this out, it struck me all over again how *very* worthwhile my calling is as a wife and mother. It is a precious, sacred thing, this trust that I have been given by God. The fact that my children get to wake up this morning with a daddy and a mommy who love Jesus, who love one another and who love them? That is a HUGE, significant thing. There are days I have worried “Am I doing enough for the sake of the Kingdom? I don’t have the time to go out and evangelize, to do this or that or the other….” But I *do* have the time to love and nurture these beneath my roof~ to bless and praise and give and serve and pray for and instruct and celebrate with and laugh with and dance with and tickle and hug and feed and read to and create traditions and memories with~ all of these things I can do. And I can do so with intentionality, with passion, with prayer and with joy, in order to glorify my Father.
I am thankful for you, Sally (and Clay and your children, too)~ for being such faithful ministers as you carry your important message to a hurting and broken world~ with so many marriages and families being torn apart. Keep on keeping on. You are doing fruitful work.
Blessings to you today!
~Stacy
Sally,
Thank you, Thank You!! This is Just what i needed to read and hear and take to my heart today!!!
I look forward to reading more of your books now that i am hooked on your blog!!
All good blessings!!!
Chris
I second Stacy’s post. She said it so well. So blessed by your words.
I was wondering where you are going to be speaking in Canada? Just in case it is close to me
)
Thanks for your great insights and sharing your thoughts. I love to meet so many of you here. I will be speaking in Red Deer and then Edmonton. Love my friends up there!
Thank you for this Sally. We can’t wait o hear you speak in Canada, what a privilege! I’ll be at the AHEA conference in Red Deer, Alberta, so looking forward to hearing you!
Sally, thank you so much for taking the time to write this in your busy schedule! And thank you for opening a window into your life; it really is so helpful to see how you apply your life commitment to your dear children. I will read your other books and ask God to guide me as I seek to do the same.
Blessings on you as you make more memories with your precious ones!
Sally, I am praying for you as you write and love God and pursue your precious children. Love and blessings,
Charise