Today, Sarah and I picked up Joy from working at MOPS in our neighborhood. She has us in stitches telling us stories about the 2 year olds she was taking care of today. There were stories about all sorts of body fluids–a little boy whose mom said he was being potty trained but had no diapers–only underwear–who eventually cried, sobbed, screamed twice when he has accidents and soused his clothes again and again, with Joy to clean it up. Joy was wondering if this was what most moms called “potty training.” There were other stories about nose junk, bottom junk. sucking junk, kids sneezing on her, hitting each other, hitting her, screaming–and by the time we got her, she was exhausted. She has been working at MOPS for 3 years, but has just been recently assigned to one of the most challenging groups.
Did you go through all of this with us? How did you make it. (Don’t really know how I made it, but somehow muddled through.) I told her just to be sure not to have 10 2 year olds at once.
Life as a woman, mom, wife, can sometimes be gross, stressful, overwhelming, exhausting, boring and demanding on many levels. Sometimes moms feel guilty admitting the variety of feelings they have. Feelings are neutral–they neither define who we are or take away from our righteousness. They are just a reaction to the situation we are in.
I remember so many years when I just obeyed what I was supposed to do without feeling like doing it. Because I loved my children, I made decisions to cultivate what was best for them. Because I was committed to loving Clay, (and loving God), I acted, as a choice of my will in the best interest for Clay, by faith, not by feelings. As I look back, I am so glad that i learned to put one foot in front of the other, because usually my feelings would follow and I am grateful the Lord kept me going in the right direction by the convictions I held and followed. If I had followed all of my feelings, the results would have been disastrous.
But there are just times in life or parenting or mothering or marriage that seem overwhelming and too depleting to handle. A few years ago, Clay and I decided that when we got to this point, we needed to call a sober club meeting. It stands for:
Sick
Of
Being
Responsible
Sober-sick of being responsible
There are times that we all just have to take a break! On our sober club nights, we always do something that we want to do that is just for us–sometimes we even ask friends to join us–go to dinner, a movie, a walk in the mountains, a drive to see the city lights–music blaring, windows down–just cruising and trying to relax. We do something different–go away from the stress, from the kids. We do not talk about any of the problems or money or stress or ministry. We just relax, have fun, get away and lighten up.
With friends or my girls, it will include going to some fun cafe, buying something little or fun thing that I enjoy (Joy bought me a small package of a warm vanilla sugar candle, lotion and perfume this week on a day of our meeting! Sarah bought me a piece of dark chocolate with almonds. Sarah suggested going somewhere for a massage, stealing a few dollars from our little drawer where we put away dollar bills each month to have on “rainy” days.
The principle is like Sabbath. Get away from the responsibilities. Go to a park when your kids are driving you nuts. Stop having school and go do something fun. Take a nap. Watch a movie instead of doing one more chore, buy some flowers when it is snowing for 10 days straight–just shake it up a little. Life is still there tomorrow after the sober club meeting, but we all blow off a little steam and then can face the responsibilities with a little bit fresher outlook.
Sober club met today after the flurry of the conferences. Tomorrow I will get back to responsibility–but tonight I am just going to go to sleep and snuggle up in my covers.
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Two More Great Mom Heart Conference Blog posts!
http://afieldsday.xanga.com/740733701/item/ (This one has beautiful pictures!)
http://mamahall.blogspot.com/2011/02/my-mom-heart.html
I LOVE it! I need a SOBER club.
We will start this weekend. We’re going, as a family, to Keystone. We will be extremely SOBER while there. Now, to convince my husband … 
(He’s ultra responsible, which I love him for, but we are definitely opposites!)
Loved it Sally! Thank you for the reminder! Today I will have to schedule a Sober meeting
Sad that I have to schedule it huh? It is that kind of day!
Yes, amen! Sometimes it just feels like there is no end in sight!
Love it, Sally! SOBER is going on a note a my fridge immediately!!
Thank for this post! It’s exactly what I needed to hear…such a wonderful idea. I was just talking to my husband last night about how I was basically sick of being responsible for the moment and needed a break. I love, love, love being a wife and mother, but it can be so exhausting sometimes. This is perfect, thank you!
Wow, this is the truth. I am in the trenches with a 5 month old and 2 year old and I do have to say I am FINALLY learning that if I don’t care for myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually…I can’t care for my family and they will suffer. Also no one else does care for me in those ways much. It’s kinda just I do it or it doesn’t happen. So I am learning that in order to love others one must love oneself rightly!
That means we do need SOBER times just like you said! Vanilla candles, good book, journalling, mugs of tea, NAPS, NAPS. Did I mention NAPS?
It means I ask for help more but it’s so important too–before we snap into pieces. I’ve been there, not so pretty!
Thanks for sharing. I love your blog and your books are on my wishlist.
Yay! I love it that the Sober club is actually the opposite of what it sounds like. I recently enjoyed a weekend away with some of my like-minded homeschooling mom friends. We laughed so hard. Played games, watched movies, built a snow-man, went for a walk. Delightful! Those times always inspire me to keep pressing on in my day to day duties.
I love the acronym SOBER and will start using that immediately! Great post. I attended your Dallas conference and was so encouraged last weekend, and this week I feel very much under attack! My two-year old is the same kid, but I am struggling with patience more than ever. Your posts encourage me to stay in the battle and trust God to walk me through it. Thanks.
Thanks! Very thought-provoking.
Love this! Sign me up.
LOVE the SOBER idea.
While my life has been CRAZY busy … for the past 26 years of parenting, the Lord has shown me when I need to just “runaway” from my responsibilities for an hour or a day. And, I have a wonderfully supportive husband who not only “allows” me to, but encourages me to.
Stories of the MOPS class reminds me of my early parenting years. When my “older kids” were just 1, 2, 3, I found out I was expecting twins. So … I had my first 5 babies in 4 years. Then, the day after the twins turned 1 … we found out that #6 was on the way. CRAZY in every way … but … Oh. So. Worth It. Those 6 are now young adults, all loving and serving the Lord, and I am busy at home with the “next batch” of 6. I am so very glad that we didn’t stop at “just 6″, because I don’t know what I would have done this year with an empty nest.
Thanks for encouraging mama’s to stay SOBER.
Laurel
I love this! Totally what I needed to read/hear right now. Its been a rough week or two and was feeling quite bedraggled this morning. Thinking about SOBER is going to help me immensely – thank you!