Many years ago, I heard James Dobson speak about how moms used to have other moms right next door who hung the laundry outside their home and moms and grandmoms near by to talk with, share the children with, fellowship with and to have time together without having to go far away.
He suggested that now we often place stress on our marriages because we want our husbands to make up for all of the needs that used to be met in local community.
God also meant for us to have community–to share the load, to use our gifts with each other so that we would not feel alone and isolated.
But how many women do you know that you can go to, who when you are with them, they make you want to love God more, fill your emotional cup up with hope, women who “get” you?
And so, we do need to cultivate and reach out and find those women who will help us to remain faithful, and to stay strong. And we need to be the kind of friend who gives hope, words of life and encouragement and unconditional love. It is an art of a civilized woman to extend the life and grace and beauty of Jesus to all who are in her wake, while filling up with the love of her friends that she has helped to create.
Off to speak to these precious women here. Have a lovely day.
so true! we need to be spiritual encourager’s – building each other up in our most holy faith – as well as practical support.
“It is an art of a civilized woman to extend the life and grace and beauty of Jesus to all who are in her wake, while filling up with the love of her friends that she has helped to create.”
Yes, cultivating friendships is an *art*. Thank you Sally for adding your thoughts.
Sending this to my community of friends right now! Thank you.
You’re absolutely right, Sally!
How true this is, Sally. Thank you for stating it so beautifully. Bless you, as you continue in His work.
Thanks, Sally. So true.
My husband pushes me out the door whenever he hears there is an opportunity for me to spend time with a friend.
It’s true. That is what is certainly missing in my life. And I am guilty of letting loneliness and isolation make me frustrated with my sweet husband. I was recently thinking that those in my life that I have been encouraged by most are online bloggers such as yourself. While I love the heart that Christ has grown in you and feel blessed to have found your inspirational blog, as you have taught me so much, I also realize the importance and need to find women near me who I can share my life and time with. It is something I have been praying about and perhaps these last two posts are an answer to prayer. God places people in our lives and it is up to us to cultivate and develop those relationships. I love how you seem to find opportunities to gather people in your home to share life and celebrate. I am seeing the need to do the same in my home, not just for me, but for my whole family. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Sally!
“they make you want to love God more, fill your emotional cup up with hope”
Oh, I hope and pray that the Lord would help me to be that kind of friend, that kind of wife, and that kind of mother!
Thanks for communicating so well our need for intimacy,which is God designed,even though challenging,well worth the cost. As women we are relators,needing face time with others!
Wow – I can’t believe Dobson said that – that is so sad! So many other amazing authors and conservative Christian speakers speak how we are to put our marriage first and our most time – I know that my husband prefers me home when he is – I have several dear sisters in Christ from church that their husbands are the same way. The husband has worked hard all day away from the home, wife and children and he just wants that time w me when he gets home – same w my sisters in Christ – I only go to very special outside the home things here and there so I can be home with my husband – spend time w him, grow our relationship even deeper, and serve him – I do also take our children on special dates here and there while my husband has special daddy times w the other children…So many marriages are falling apart and we all need to really look at how we are severing our husbands and investing in those dear relationships – I have seen ladies make friendships more important than the husband and the marriage is not what is should be and then I have seen ladies I know that pour into their husbands and their husbands are so blessed and oh the marriage they have is so amazing – I so wish I had known these ladies when I first got married and could have learned from them, but I did not and sadly put girlfriends ahead of my husband – I would do things at night when my husband was home at least once a week, I would talk on the phone when he was home and waiting to talk w me and so on – then God convicted me, brought Godly woman into my life that really serve their husbands with all their hearts and mind and their marriages show it and wow I have seen how amazing a marriage can be when we do pour our lives into serving our husbands – my marriage is so amazing and strong now – I did not realize before we were missing something until God convicted me and I listened and really poured more of me into my man and wow the marriage is even better – I am so blessed to have a husband that wants me to be home and around him and do things with him so often when he is home…
hi Jessica~ I don’t think it is sad at all what Dobson said! He is trying to encourage mothers to build community with each other, not neglect our husbands and family and children by “going out with girlfriends”. I don’t think Sally is saying that either, and neither was I. =) I can invest in relationships without even being outside the home! Sure, I have occasional nights out with women/girlfriends, but my husband and children come first. Having that support system and that community helps me do my job *better*. Frankly, our husbands were not made to meet all our emotional needs. They can’t! God has called us to be intimate with Him first, then with each other. Blessings, Jessica, I hope you understand where I am coming from.
Hi Andrea – yes I agree…we are called to have God first in our lives and then our spouse – that is what I meant – but we also should not try to get all our emotional needs by girlfriends – our husband should and can fill that up as well –
Yes I also agree – I can invest a bit of time to my few sweet friends in the world when my children are in bed at night via e mail and then also love, encourage and so on other moms at church on Sundays – w out taking time from my family and so on….I am just trying to say that so many moms around get that balance way off whack where they spend TOO much time w friends and the marriage suffers – it is not a strong Godly best friend marriage where they are serving their husbands w all their heart and soul – their heart is more w their girlfriends – it is a very fine balance there and sadly many woman get it off balance – we must be praying often we keep it on the right balance and we are serving our men like we would God – I would not ask God to watch the children at night after he drove 2 hours a day, worked 8 hours and was worn out after a long day and then ask him to watch the kids at night, put them to bed alone and so on while I went out to fellowship w friends – that would not be a God honoring thing for me to do – so why I would not feel right to do it to my husband too often – I save it up for very very special evening things few and far between – there are different seasons of life and when a woman has a lot of young children in the home it is a more busy season at home….God has blessed me w a few dear Godly like minded ladies and we see each other at church, or whole families get together or e mail if we need something -and in that it is all great and encouraging but we are so busy w our families in this season – when the children grow and that is all too soon we will have more time –
Anyway to be home w our husbands so often and have the deep amazing marriage God intends us to have is just so amazing and wonderful and to spend so much time together is great – I am thankful for my few friends but I really don’t see them much outside of church and I am fine w that and it is my choice – like it is my friends choices as well – we are all so happy and full and thankful to spend that time w our men….and children…
God bless you – sounds like you have that same wonderful balance…
I agree with you completely. Thank you for sharing.
I agree with Jenna’s post. This is such a timely topic. Personally, I have been really struggling with this area. I mean, I know we’ve chosen an odd and lonely road, but how lonely is it supposed to be and aren’t we to still reach out to others somehow? I have a small handful of true friends I can call on, but often even they are too busy to get together occasionally. I will be trying to open up our home and do the inviting more often, at least once a month.
I want to thank you so much for coming to the blustery north and speaking to us this weekend. I was at the AHEA convention and I want you to know, you filled my emotional cup to overflowing with hope, inspiration, fresh vision and most of all love. Your love is evident, rather, Christ’s love is evident through you. So, although you were tired, know that you got a wonderful message out today and I am sure you encouraged many more hearts today. I was feelign so discouraged and without hope lately in my mothering and homeschooling _ thank you for picking me up and helping me get back on track. My mom bought me 3 of your books today and I cannot wait to read them and glean even more good ideas and fuel for my work I have yet to do. May God richly bless you Sally, you were a beacon of light for me this weekend and I am so thankful the Lord led you here… as awful as our weather was! I have to share with you how disheartened I was when I saw people getting up to leave while you were still speaking, please accept my appoligy on their behalf, they obviously were not taught better. I felt it was rude and I wanted to stand up and tell them all so. I hop;e you come back to our convention here in Alberta, I look forward to hearing you speak again. I wanted to come and tell you this in person, but there was such a line up of women wanting to see you , I couldn’t hang around and wait. God bless you, and thank you again. Sincerely, Stephanie
Sally.
This is Dyana from Boise… we met last summer at the Home school convention… I helped you with your book table. I would love to talk with you about a personal matter and wondering if you might e-mail me back. Thank you.
Blessings in Christ
I realized I typed the wrong e-mail! Sorry… here is the correct one.
dyana
Great to read all of your thoughts. I think the older I get the more I have been emptied by the many tasks and people who are in my life. I think that a part of a wise woman’s legacy is to realize that God was the one who created friendships and family (most of us do not live close to our families and we do not always have values in common), so sustain us, to fill our emotional cups, to celebrate the journey of life and motherhood together. Our husbands were never made to have to do this all by themselves, it would put too much pressure on them.
And so, having and cultivating a godly friend or even a godly group of friends, is a protection for ourselves. When someone is there to believe in us, to pray with us, to laugh with us, to help take the burden, then we are not alone in this battle.
And when I am strengthened in and through friendships and my children also have some families of good and godly friends who support them and love them, we are all better able to bear these ideals with grace.
The more filled my cup, the more grace I am able to pour out on my husband when he gets home from a long day and needs me to extend myself to him.
Life with children at the center does not always neatly allow regular time with friends, but I make the time because it is a part of essential fellowship for me. I have a friend I pray with many mornings before we get started. I also make friendship time to be with my oldest daughter every week–breakfast together, as she is my spiritual equal and is committed to me as I am to her. I make time with a sweet older friend whom I respect because I need her spiritual guidance in my life. And more.
A woman who is alone in her home bearing so much stress and work without a companion to lift her up becomes and easy target for Satan. And so it is definitely something we must seek out, commit to, so that we may find a grace to help keep us going.
God validated Jonathan and David as friends–David needed a Jonathan to help him through these difficult challenges.
Grace and peace to you all this Sunday.
Dear Sally,
I just want to say I think you are wonderful! I was at the conference this weeknd, and spoke to you once briefly about how you encouraged me and how much I was enjoying Sarah’s book. I wanted to come back and say you truly touched my soul with your wisdom, passion and humor. I can only imagine how tired you were/are, so I thank you for being willing to do God’s work and reach out to us other moms, encouraging and lifting us up in our walk as mother’s/wives/homeschoolers.
I had been feeling pulled by the method of schooling you pretty much desribed, but was struggling as I was doubting whether it was enough, and felt the pressure of other’s standards of what we should be doing. Your message, and the fruit that has been produced after your journey has refreshed me and encouraged me that this is what is right and good for our family. What I really wanted to do was find you and give you a big ol’ hug, but alas, I never had the chance. Be encouraged that Christ, through you, your husband, and your daughter Sarah have blessed others in ways unmeasurable. I look forward to gleaning much more from yours and your husband’s books, as well I purchased the audio cd’s to pass along to friends who I believe could greatly benefit from your message.
Sally, thank you from the bottom of my heart. May the good Lord bless you abundantly.
Love in Christ,
Ulanda
Hi Sally! I was also at the AHEA conference this past weekend and I wanted to say that it was such a blessing to hear you speak. We are not yet homeschooling and I expected that this weekend I would hear, “if you don’t home school….” but I didn’t! I came away from it feeling freed from all the expectations I have unnecessarily placed on myself. Your words gave me the desire to, along with my husband, take the time to really seek God and get our vision from Him. When we previously attempted h.s. I quit after 3 months because I didn’t have a true conviction (but a whole lot of curriculum!!), only a sense of fear about what would happen if I didn’t. This weekend I was inspired to dream about what h.s. could mean for our family and how it has the power to change us into more of who God desires us to be. You said, “don’t be a starter, be a finisher!” Those are very powerful words and because of them I have decided to take the next year to pray and read and build the foundation of our home school; I think of 1 Corinthians 9:24-27. Strict training is required and God is faithful to meet me in my challenges; He knows them better than I do! So…I’m rambling and I’ll stop! Thank you for your passion and honesty. May God continue to bless you and your family. Sincerely,
Kendra, from the Snowy North!