Research of every kind has suggested that media, constantly being indoors, over-entertainment, trying to manage children into little adults, too much exposure to sexual material and immoral values at an early age, is destroying the soul of children. They are being pushed and pulled and dragged to day care and forced to fit into the time boxes convenient to adults and it is having terrible results on a generation of children who are growing up with emotional adult illnesses at early ages, lower vocabulary, more depression, vastly growing obesity as a childhood disease, and so much more.
But the old fashioned way of raising children seems to be the healthiest way to raise emotionally, intellectually and spiritually resilient children.
One of the talks that women have enjoyed at our mom conferences this year is Sarah speaking about what it means to have a soul thoroughly alive. She speaks of rooms in the soul that need to be attended to, in order for beauty, intelligence, creativity, emotional health, celebrating life and other essential areas to be sure that we keep growing.
I think children need the same thing. Children’s brains are being robbed of intellectual exercise because they are not doing the things that children have done through out history. Children need lots of time to have alone time imagination–to synthesize all that they are learning and thinking about in their worlds. When they are constantly entertained by media, their brains actually become retarded because they are overstimulated and not free to exercise in the oxygen of creative play.
Children need to be outdoors. They need time to be bored so that they will have to figure out how to occupy their time creatively. They need to be around books and have lots and lots of imaginative stories read to them and then have time to pretend the stories. They need lots of time with adults so that they can pattern their values and manners and patterns of relationship after mature people rather than always being in the company of immature children. They will reflect what their environment has produced. If you want excellence and creativity, it comes out of a life well ordered and planned. It does not come out of media or constant external entertainment or happen-chance.
May all children be blessed with the gift of play, imagination, free time and the space to be outdoors to explore.
Love this blog post!!! Keep on sharing, Sally!!
Amen!
AMEN! You hit it, big time.
Thank you for sharing, Sally!
Blessings,
Erin
I agree to an extent. Being the owner of an in home daycare for the last 19 yrs. I disagree with the idea that parents having to drop their kids off at daycare as deing detrimental. If things were like they were in years past, where a family could get by on just one income, a mother staying home with their child would be ideal. However, we do not live in a perfect world. The cost of living keeps going up and incomes don’t follow suit, thus the need for two incomes. Both parents HAVE to work to make ends meet and therefore, need to have somewhere to take their children.
What I DO STRONGLY agree with, is the overwhelming rush of sexual content in music, T.V., advertising and fashion design. Sexual stimultion is everywhere you look and it’s getting harder and harder to sheild our kids from it. Oh yeah, some say….”just turn off your TV. if you don’t like it” why should a decent family have to be denied “family viewing” just because the industry feels the need to be gross. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!
In response to Jennifer…
I have a dear friend who’s husband barely makes minimum wage, and they have four kids. She sacrifices to stay HOME with the kids. They have one old car, no cable tv to pay for, and live in a smaller than average home. Their kids are not rich materially, but very rich spiritually with their mom home caring for them.
If Americans would realize the difference between our REAL needs versus wants, day cares would not be as needed. I do understand the instances for single moms needing help, but that is a whole different situation than the moms who are working just to have the money to pay for the extra nice car and bigger homes.
I agree because I am living that out. We sacrifice A LOT for me to be home. Everything we own has been a gift or Craigslist or consignment sale. But I feel rich and my children do too!!! I would not change it a bit!!!
Totally agree with Simple Home. These days most people think that they NEED the holiday in southern France, that they NEED the massive house and garden, that they NEED the lastest games console and flatscreen tv. That they NEED the lastest car model.
I am a SAHM and fortunately my husband makes a good wage, however we cannot afford these types of things either. Me and most of my SAHM friends buy the childrens clothes second hand, and dont have the money to go shopping every weekend, except for the essentials. Our expectations for what we need in 2011 are far too high and its time that people realised that what children NEED is love, attention, care, and loving discipline (shepherding) to shape them in their most productive and vulnerable years.
I too agree with simple home.
Families do not NEED two incomes, society makes us think we do. Yes, there are exceptions, and there is grace for that. But it is said very plainly above that children need their mama’s with them, training their hearts and influencing them unto Godliness.
Thanks so much for posting this blog!
I totally agree with you Simple Home.
As a missionary in Paraguay I make a fraction of the money I made as an engineer in the states. My present income level, after qualified expenses, puts me below the poverty level for a person in the US, and still my tithe is greater than most of the families in my church down here make in a week. They don’t have all the gadgets we have come to think of as needs and yet most are still able to live content and fulfilled lives.
Remember the average person in the US lives at a higher standard of living than 75% or more of the worlds population. And we weren’t that different from other nations 100 years ago. Where we are is a blessing and the quickest way to lose the benefit of such a blessing is to begin to see it as a right or a need, and therefore cease to be thankful for it.
If a family can have two incomes and enjoy the material blessings of that without sacrificing the physical, emotionaly or spiritual development of their children more power to them. Howevery, many are choosing to sacrifice the latter two of those for the sake of greater material comfort. Either being blind to the harm being done or choosing to see it as a fair trade off. Many older people I have talked to who did that, said in the final analysis it was not worth it.
Great post Sally. Today I posted about how the media affects me. I knew enough to keep my children protected from it, but did not take the same care with myself.
Your post came at a great time, my son is outside in the backyard “imagining” with bricks and dirt. I was feeling guilty that I wasn’t out there playing or working on a nature journal together. Thank for your post of encouragement, I’ll see you this weekend in Dallas!
Excellent post!
Where can I read more about having a soul thoroughly alive?
Thank you, Sally!
Oh wow!!! This might be one of my favorite posts I’ve ever read of yours!!! Thank you for having the courage to say it – or more – for having the courage to live it and then say it! Thank you!!
Much Love,
Courtney
Yes, yes! It’s crazy that this is a bold thing to say, because it’s just common sense! (Which, of course, is uncommon.) I’m so thankful that you constantly champion excellence, Sally. Blessings to you this week as you prepare for another conference here in sunny Texas–should be nice and warm this weekend!
Sarah
AWESOME post! Thank you! I’m sharing on Facebook.
It’s as if you read my mind and worries and had an answer for my concerns. Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m going to print this out as my reminder that it’s okay that I don’t have my four year old in several organized activities. We have a couple of things he attends but lately I have been worried if it’s enough. So many of my friends seem to be running their kids from this place to the next and from this activity to that one and it’s tempting to wonder if I am missing something, or if my kids are missing something. This post is more encouraging than you know. I wish there were more Sally Clarksons in this world.
Thank you, thank you!! I just posted the poem The Reading Mother on my blog as a way to remind myself of this! http://www.justhisbest.com/2011/02/reading-mother.html
Amazing, though, that as we have focused on parenting this way … engaging our daughter in activities that challenge her creatively and physically, sending her outside to play – even by herself (gasp!), and involving her in all sorts of ministry – including fundraising for crisis pregnancy centers, volunteering at the local homeless shelter, and serving in local nursing homes – we are criticized for exposing her to too much reality. As if the “pretend world” of Disney Channel is somehow protecting children from the harshness of “the real world” … my heart aches for the many families who are losing the war for their children’s hearts because they are fighting in the wrong battle theatre. Thank you, Sally, for this article!
Sally, I couldn’t agree more!! Thank you for taking the time to write. You inspire me.
Blessings to you ~ Jenn
Amazing! Thank you so much for these thoughts. We had a “bored outside” experience this afternoon! After about three “bored” minutes, my Little Man decided to dig in the dirt and pretend to feed the grass. Loved it!
Oh, I this seems as though it was written straight out of my heart….you explained it all perfectly. I couldn’t agree more with you. Thank you for this beautifully written post!
Katy
Oh yes! It is so good to be reminded of this again, Sally! How you breathe encouragement into my home and into my soul. Thank you once again!
Thank you for sharing what is true. Even family friendly shows run ads that are inappropriate for young children ears. We spend a lot of time listening to music in the background–and I started playing piano music after listening to your children at the CA conference.
Oh this is such a wonderful eye opener for all of us in all aspects. Thank you so much for sharing this. I have included your link on my post today because it was so relevant to what I wrote about as well.
Thank you so much for this beautiful truth, Sally.
Oh this is so true – granted my kids haven’t been outside in awhile (it’s COLD) but we try to run around inside. I try not to play with them every second – I run out of ideas and they just need to be bored and figure out what to do.
I was on Twitter and had a conversation with a mom who just spent $800 on activities for her kids. I said I was glad mine were too young (3 yo & 19 mo) and she said she started her kids in swimming at 6 months and gymnastics at 18 months. What happened to having a childhood? I never took lessons of any sort and I only played one sport starting at age 5. Not saying that those are inherently BAD things but why do we need to push kids to grow up and achieve so young? I’m happy with my little “underachievers” just playing around with legos and coloring.
So fun to see so many similar hearts. I love seeing innocent hearts in children where they have questions full of wonder, creativity and pretend flowing out of their hearts and pure, unselfconscious hearts.
Thanks–very well put.
refreshing reminder and encouragement to take the road less travelled!
Thank you so much for this excellent article. I have to disagree with one commenter, though, that MOST families NEED two incomes. My husband and I have raised 12 children on one income for the past 35 years.. Seven of them are adults and living outside our home, most married with children of their own. We have 5 left at home.
I think society’s expectations for the standard of living is too high. People these days seem to think they MUST have 2 or more cars, MUST have a new wardrobe each season, MUST have entertainment, either in the home or outside the home.
For those that do truly need daycare, I am grateful for good, Christian daycare. But, I still believe that moms and dads are the best caregivers for their own children.
Of my adult children who have two incomes, they adjust their schedules so that one of them can be home with their children….not to save money, but so that their children have at least one parent with them most of the time.
We all could use some re-evaluation of what is a want and what is truly a need, for us and our children.
Great post! And we just LOVED your “chat with Sarah” during the conference in CA. One of the highlights of the weekend. Hope to see her with you again next year as well as all your kids:)
Sweet ones,
Sometimes when one has to limit words, all is not said. I am not against working women–I am a working woman and Clay and I decided many years ago that our ministry was going to be an all family thing. And I do understand that many women, including single moms, must work and day care is a necessity.God will grant you grace and bless each effort you make to love, comfort, teach and spend focussed time with your children. My own schedule and our own salary has demanded that we have had to be very creative over the years while we both work many hours and travel and write and speak–but though it has been tough and we have lived within limited means, it has been worth it in the lives of my children. (Our own wonderful secretary is a single mom and she brings her son to work with her–he is dear to us and helps us in the book room.)
I am really talking about those who are caught up in the world’s values of job first and children just going here and there to fit the mom’s profession. I have seen so many of my single mom friends and married friends who have to work and juggle–but I am amazed at how creative juggling and long hours some of these moms have balanced in order to have that personal, discipleship time with their children.
The real point of this article is to cultivate innocence, personal time, creative time, time with family, –not to allow media, constant activity, constant entertainment to take away from real, natural, relaxed life.
Love, love hearing from all of you. I am praying for each commenter tonight for God’s grace and wisdom and peace in each home.
Blessings and peace to all of you.
Thank you for your post — it is very well written. And thank you for your clarifying comments about working women — I was thinking that you would say what you did in the comments, particularly about your own work & ministry. This helped, especially because my husband & I have embarked upon a new season in our marriage with kids & with homeschooling & with me adding some part-time hours. I have new respect for my working mom friends. I sense the need for all of us to be together…more…so thank you for this encouragement here. I have appreciated it.
I also agree with the sweet comment about learning to live on less. Living overseas set a precedent for me–all of my children lived happily in one bedroom and we learned to live with one car when we lived there. Our children, in their early years, learned to live happily with what we had in our home and grew up grateful for small gifts and experiences. Clay and I have made choices to have less in order for me to stay home with the children and I am so very thankful now, that somehow, by God’s grace we learned to make decisions that helped cultivate a close family relationship instead of thinking we needed to have all of the things and experiences. Of course at times, I would wonder if my children were missing out, but as God would have it, the amounts of times we moved and the living within our limitations actually, I think, knit our hearts closer together, because we had less competition for our heart time. Having less gave us more at home-more time, more creativity, more family life–more character for having to work.
God is so very good to show us what really matters in the long run. He will give wisdom for each woman’s puzzle as she seeks Him.
Hi Sally, was wondering do you ever do Mom Heart conferences in Europe? Thanks!
Blessings,
A beautiful and much needed post! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I love coming here and finding myself convicted but also encouraged.
I agree and have told my children these things many times. “God did not put me on this earth for the sole purpose of entertaining you.” that’s my usual reply to the “I’m bored” complaint. It ends the conversation and they always find something to do very quickly. I have faced this issue with other parents at church who complain when their kids are bored or want children’s church activities for every age group. Our children will only learn to participate in worship and learn to listen to the speakers if they are bored enough to listen. The threat of boredom is a good motivator and the reality that we are all bored at some point is a good lesson in discipline of the mind.
Thank you so much for this! It is really great for me to have at the front of my mind as we start our homeschool year!