Joy, befriending a manikin in Boston
My children are naturally given to enjoying life and giggling and doing loud or outlandish things and of course making messes along the way. As a mom who is busy and has an agenda, I am usually in a purposeful, intentional “get my list done,” sort of mode. Two of them are great clowns and make us laugh all the time–if I am in the mood to laugh!
I remember once when I came into the living room where my children were all lounging and talking and munching on snacks and giggling together, after we had just returned home from a trip. It was really a lovely moment–and now in my mind, going back to that memory when we were all small enough to gather on one couch and laugh together, I would give a zillion just to have them here doing such a thing again. My boys always liked it when I admired their silly jokes or really looked at the books, songs, pictures, youtubes that made them laugh. It was a willingness to entering in to their worlds and a validation of their moments.
But, the house was all awry and as I walked into the house, I was taking on General Mom and putting aside “easy going” mom and my sense of humor or willingness to celebrate life.
I ignored their contented togetherness and took on my best authoritative voice. I meted out all that would need to be accomplished–bags unpacked, clothes washed, house straightened, mail sorted, rooms cleaned, groceries bought, and I was just starting.
My oldest son looked up at me and said, “Mom, don’t worry, we will get it all done and then it will just get messy again and then we will get it all done again, but please just lighten up a little and enjoy a few minutes of down time. We love having you join in our revelry. We just got home and we are just having fun for a few minutes–just a few minutes.”
“When you are happy, we are all happy and when you get upset, we all start feeling generally guilty. So lighten up, enjoy us, and we promise we will help you get it all done.”
I took his advice. Guilt never motivates or makes my children work more effectively.
Looking at them at each stage–really looking at their quirky smiles, their unique personalities, their bizarre jokes, making time to enjoy life and finding eyes to see the small fleeting moments of each stage of life deprives me of contentment, joy and the blessing of having and enjoying these who have indeed become my best friends.
Oh how I wish I had fretted less and laughed more. I am off to look for reasons to smile and laugh and join in, amidst all of the endless work.
Thank you! I have had too many General Mom moments lately.
Umm…ouch.
And thank you!
Have a blessed Easter!
I AGREE, WE ALL NEED A REMINDER SOMETIMES
TO ENJOY LIFE AND TO STOP BEING THE BOSSY MOM.
THANK YOU FOR TODAY’S REMINDER.
I’LL DO JUST THAT TODAY.
Oh, how I can launch into checklist mode – but you’re right; I completely rob my home of it’s natural joy when I do that. Yes, there’s work to be done, but there’s no need to be a dull taskmaster about it!
Wow–right to the heart. I needed this!!
Wow, second blog I’ve read this week about enjoying the silly little things
Today, we have done just that! Thank You!!
General Mom…standing down.
Ha! I just pulled up the Snake King scene from Courageous because my 10-year-old wanted to see it right in the middle of school. You just justified my decision to let him see it now and laugh with him. Thanks.
Yep! BTDT!!
Thanks for this reminder, Sally. I don’t want to be General Mom.
Wow. I instantly teared up when I read “a willingness to enter into their worlds…”. That is something I have never had. My mom says I was “born old” and have always been more in charge and a taskmaster than silly and creative. My husband used to ask why I would never play with our kids,a nd he truth is, while my kids and I obviously love each other and share many tender moments, I don’t know *how* to play and enjoy silliness. It has always ended up feeling like idleness to me. I have a lot of work to do changing that.
Thank-you! Thank-you! What a precious & much needed reminder!
Jessica
This post made me laugh and giggle:D I loved all of what your son said, but especially THIS: “We love having you join in our revelry” Did he really say that??!!! Wow. He would have had me at that!
Just saw your reply–my kids have always amazed me at the language they use–just because we read out-loud to them a lot from other books and historical fiction–they learned words as their friends by hearing them so often that they did not know that people did not use them commonly. But the boys used to say, “mom we are enjoying our “rebelry”" because they got the two words mixed up–but I didn’t think that would “read” well for moms!
And honestly, sometimes at this stage of my life, stories and quips from our home and memories go together so I mix up stories and which children said them a lot!
Oh, how often I find the “General Mom” in me. Hut-two-three-four….
Oh, my little ones are in the foundations of training and I too often expect them to be generals at seven, five, three and one). I need the reminder to be silly when my list is long of “To-Do’s”. That is every day! I do find that when I surrender my day and continually surrender my list to the Holy Spirit’s leading He shows me those times to slow down, laugh, enjoy, embrace, cuddle, speak words of encouragement and so on. I still needed this reminder today Sally. Because you are seasons past where I am it helps to give me the broad picture of life and child training and child loving. I need that regularly. Thank you!
Thank you, Sally. Tonight I’m hosting our MomHeart group. Although, I mostly prepared for it yesterday I’m sure with my children and in the home there will be last minute messes, etc. No need for “General Mom” today. Just the joy of family and hospitality.
Forgive me if this is obvious, but what is a Mom Heart Group? It sounds nice!
Hi Stephanie, Go to the MomHeart blog and it will tell you all about it. Basically, a group of girls who meet and go over Sally’s book together, doing life and encouraging one another. I highly recommend it!
What a great reminder. how often my kids will bring something to show me and I say “yes nice now go do this, this or this” instead of really engaging and enjoying the moment. Thanks for this great reminder
I loved this, it ministered to my troubled heart. I am a working mama now and as I was reading this it reminded me of me. It also encouraged me tomdontnsweat the small stuffnand enjoy and embrace their presence. We only have them for so long!!! Thank u for sharing this. I needed to hear this.
God bless you Sally, you have Amazing ministry, thankful for being faithful to His calling and being a great example to all of us!!!
I have been reading your work for my entire homeschooling career – 18 years now! I, too, have older children and two teenagers left at home. I can so easily flip into the General Mom and I wish I had lightened up so much more in days past. I try to cherish every moment because they are fleeting. Thank you so much for your heart and sharing your incredible gifts.
This is one I want to hang on to.
Thanks for the great reminder to lighten up!