“Above all, be fervent in your love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sin.” ~ 1 Peter 1:8
Most marriages start out with at least some idealism and romantic expectation. Mine was no different. Clay won me with bouquets of yellow rose (I was his yellow rose of Texas), romantic cards, and lots of dinners out.
And then there was life—17 moves, 6 internationally; four children and three miscarriages, morning sickness all nine months of every pregnancy, near-death from blood loss during one miscarriage after which I had to be in bed for 2 months… yes, life. We have had deaths of family members, car wrecks, financial challenges, illness, a fire in our home as well as three floods, church splits, relative problems, ministry problems, and lots and lots of stress.
Nothing quite prepared me, as a very immature, untrained young woman, to know how to bear all of the stresses we would face just by being a family.
And yet, I had been taught to seek God’s word, to pray and to obey and live in wisdom. Early on, I learned that my marriage was a place of worship where I could either seek to bring God’s love, healing and grace every day because of my love for Him, or I could just live as a hypocrite and say that I was committed to God and would serve Him—except in marriage, because that was just asking too much!
I think there is a point when godly women have to say, “This is the reality of the puzzle I had been given in my life and in my marriage. I can either live and bring light, life, beauty and redemption into the situation and to this husband—with all of his flaws and all of my warts, and decide to show God’s reality in the midst, or I can live in disappointment”—because the reality in a fallen world is that there will always be stress and sin.
All children long to see their moms and dads love each other and be partners in life. The reality is that all marriages are filled with potential challenges and difficulty. Yet, how a woman responds to those difficulties within her marriage will determine if it is a place where the light and beauty of God’s love will be shown.
“Love covers a multitude of sin.” ” Love is a perfect bond of unity.” ” They will know you are My disciples by your love for one another.” All of these verses apply to marriage as well as to all relationships of life.
As Clay and I have cultivated this kind of grace-giving love, it has bloomed in the hearts of our children. They know we are not perfect, but they believe in a strong love that is the oxygen of commitment and the way we live in our home. All of our children feel that we are a part of a community of love because they have been drawn through all the seasons by getting back to the center: loving actively, using words of life and sowing the seeds of kindness.
But the foundations of strength and longevity start with a commitment in the heart. Am I willing to accept this story, this husband, these children, and cultivate His story through our lives, today, just as we are? When I accept our limitations and lean into our story with grace and love, our life story becomes a love story worth telling to generations to come. God joins our commitment and sprinkles His grace and goodness on it, and our acceptance of life along with His grace becomes a miracle of His working that our children will cherish their whole lives.
Going on 33 years–a story of adventure to tell.
Glad to be part of 14 Days of Fulfilling Your Vows! Click to find more stories of marriage as well as some wonderful giveaways!
Also, don’t miss SarahMae discussing Chapter Two of Desperate for our online book club!!!
Dear Sally, that’s also my experience. After 22 years of marriage, our marriage is a story about second chances, grace and acceptance. Love this posting. Here is a dgital hug out Holland: xxx
Sally,
You bless me! I am so honored to have you as a part of our 14 Day series! Thank you so much for your heartfelt article and wisdom. I am also excited to be the newbie over at TBM and look forward to writing alongside such amazing Christian women – such as you!! Bless you sweet sister!
Sally, this is what I needed to hear this morning. Thank you so very much. Yes, life does happen and sin and stress can cause difficulty, yet the Lord is gracious to us and helps us give grace to our husbands too. Praying that I will be an instrument of His grace and love today! Blessings on you and your hubby today too. Love in Christ, Rachel
I LOVE this quote… “This is the reality of the puzzle I had been given in my life and in my marriage. I can either live and bring light, life, beauty and redemption into the situation and to this husband—with all of his flaws and all of my warts, and decide to show God’s reality in the midst, or I can live in disappointment.” When I realized that a few years into my marriage, a lot of my stresses were lifted away! Thanks for this wonderful post, Sally!
That was my favorite part as well! Yes, thank you, Sally!
Sally,
I have enjoyed this blog so much and eagerly await your new posts. This one is another winner, I am a young Mom of four adorable children married 9 years – I soak these words of encouragement. Yesterday I woke up with the verse ” love covers a multitude of sins” I dreamt about it…and right away in the morning my husband and I were at each others throats, thank God this is not something that happens often but sady when I let my flesh do all the thinking it happens. And suddenly I remembered the verse love covers a multitude of sins…and I knew God was telling me I need to forgive him and apologize – it was like he knew we were going to have a rough morning…apparently he had terrible dreams which I am sure didn’t help the atmosphere in our home.. Anyway Thank you for praying for your readers – he hears. Many many many blessings from one of your readers abroad.
Sally thank you so much for writing about this topic. It is so important for us to be reminded of the sacredness of the marriage relationship. That gives such a strong foundation to a family. As a young mom I SO need to be reminded of how my commitment to my husband won’t be easy or look like the movies but it honors God to fight for your spouse. What a great reminder as we approach Valentine’s Day!
Spoken with sparkling, crystal clarity and truth — you are a gift to me, Sally, and I am so very thankful that you continue to speak out truth with confidence and love!!
Praying for strength for you!
Dear Sally,
My sister-n-law, Kristina Petrella, “introduced” me to you a while back via one of your books. Since then your words have mentored me and I am blessed to here your life stories and struggles. I have now passed your insights along to a friend and she has been equally blessed. Thank you for being real with us!
Love your family photo!
This is a great post! Thank you for challenging us to keep on, keep on pressing in to the Lord and serving Him!!!
Sally, thank you for speaking Truth and for the reminder that we, as God’s vessels, have the choice to either live in disappointment in our marriages or use our trials to bring us closer to our husbands, and more importantly, our Savior.
I love how God works! I really needed this today. You see, just last night my husband of 12 years confessed to me that he has been looking at pornography for most of our marriage. My flesh and all in me wants to scream and yell and pitch a fit, but God is helping me do otherwise. I don’t know what else to do but to lean on Him. My husband is truly repentive of this and wants to seek help from our pastor. Thank you for this post…it helped my hurting, aching heart.
“Am I willing to accept this story, this husband, these children, and cultivate His story through our lives, today, just as we are? ”
Wonderful encouragement. I answer YES… a resounding YES!
This Vanetine’s I’m writing out “101 Reasons Why I Love You…” for my man. At first I thought it would be hard to come up with 101, but I have been really surprised and encouraged to find it is easy. I hope to touch his heart ~ with my love & gratitude. Thanks for the encouragement Sally.
Thank you so much for the reminder that marriage is a place of worship. Wow! Just what I needed to hear today!