Moses at the Burning Bush by Pluchart
24 Family Ways #1
“We love and obey our Lord, Jesus Christ, with wholehearted devotion.”
Memory verse: “And He said to them, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment.” Matt. 22:37-38
In order to train in a heart attitude for the meaning of this way and for this verse, our children must be taught to value honor, respect, holiness.
Most every time I read a story about someone who saw the glory of God, they bow down in fear, in reverence, hiding their eyes from the glory of God because it is so wonderful and great. The starting point for any real training in the hearts of our children must be God, Himself.
All that used to be sacred–human life, the elderly, churches and burial grounds, people in position of authority and accomplishment, parents, marriage, teachers, public figures–all of these are devalued, torn apart, ridiculed and devalued in contemporary culture.
However, in a time in history where very little is sacred or holy, we must seek diligently to create not just knowledge of what the word holy means, but to place tangible practices in our lives where our children learn and understand that some things are sacred and set apart and deserve our reverence and worship.
Traditions were created to picture truth, beauty and meaning of life throughout church history in the past. When we give up all vestiges of tradition, we have given up much that would picture to the mind and heart of a child of what reverence and holiness looks like. We have demolished the value of what is sacred in a world where everything is valued for being cheap.
If we do not have visual, and actual habits and practice in the moments of our lives for things that are special and holy, our children will not understand the glory, the vastness, the need to bow our knee before a Holy, Magnificent, Omnipotent God.
Recently, I attend a funeral of a very special young friend who had died. I was a little surprised that many of the women my age wore jeans, few wore black. There was nothing in the dress of the people who attended that said, “This is an occasion for showing respect to the wonderful person who died here.”
I am a contemporary woman and do not judge people, in general, by their clothing or outward appearance. But as I pondered this, I realized that in our culture, we have pretty much lost a sense and a practice of showing our children the attitude of respect and self-control and reverence.
Most of our churches are places where there is casual dress, talking and chattering, informal behavior, so much so that the behavior and jokes told and manners of most people could not be differentiated from the behavior they would display at a restaurant or in any other casual place.
We make fun of our Presidents and leaders and feel no guilt or twinge of conscience for voicing every sort of opinion on facebook. We criticize our preachers and leaders. In the name of “freedom” we excuse any kind of behavior and speech conduct, with no sense of propriety or restraint.
If there is nothing sacred in our lives, then how do we hope to pass on a sense of awe, Godly fear and respect to our children?
Consequently, as we begin the training of our little children’s hearts and souls, we must figure out how to convey to them that life is not about us. Our lives are about pleasing, serving, loving, worshipping and living for the very one who is the Lord of the universe, the creator of the world, the King forever, God the Father, the Holy Spirit and the Lord Jesus Christ.
To implement this properly, we must seek to define for ourselves and our family, what will be sacred in our family? How will we display and teach respect to our children so that they will understand, when they are older, how to respect and revere our God and to live before Him with awe and with fear and trembling in respect of who He is.
One of the ways we implemented a sense of reverence and holiness in the lives of our children was teaching them that there were places to use “quiet voices, and respectful hearts”–like in church, at concerts, at funerals, at graduations, at recitals. Cell phones are definitely prohibited in these places. Before we went into these places, we would talk to our children about it ahead of time …
“This is a wonderful place to be still and to think about God and to listen to His voice. When we go into church, please show respect by not running, not fussing; try to be still during this ceremony or church service,” etc.
I am not talking about following my ideas or some kind of a rule, but you must establish some sacred things– holy places, places for reverence in the moments and hours of your life, so that your children can learn the meaning of “Reverence for a Holy God.”
Serving a holy God, living for his glory.
If this is not built into the warp and woof of your life, then when it comes to adulthood and worshipping and reverencing God, there will be no pattern, no practiced understanding of what it means to love and obey our Lord with wholehearted devotion.
Our children will learn the words of this family way, but they also need to live the reality of our devotion and respect in order for the words to have meaning.
How have you instilled reverence and devotion to our Holy God in your lives?
Order the 24 Family Ways Here
Thank you, Sally.
When I was a tiny girl, my mum spoke to my siblings and me about the manner in which one would dress and behave if you were invited to visit the queen. Though we didn’t use the word poor, because gratitude for what God gave was the focus of my missionary parents’ lives, we were, and so we did not own anything stylish or expensive, but she had us understand that you would choose your best, something clean and cared for, and that there would be special rules about where and how you entered, and how you would address the queen. She went on to show us excerpts from the Old Testament that explained how things were to be done in the temple, that there was order, and quiet and awe. In particular she explained the bringing of the best lamb as a sacrifice. She brought it all together with a reminder that God was King of all the world, and that when we came into His house, our best behaviour was a child’s way to honour Him. Her instruction served me well in bringing up my own – now in their late teens.
And Philippians 4:8 continues to be the basis for many conversations about how we choose to think and speak of others – it is a wonderful guide for young and old alike.
This is beautiful.
Thank you so much for sharing this! It reallly resonates with me. I had gotten into the habit of lighting a candle before having Bible/prayer time with my son on school mornings, as a way of setting that time apart as sacred. I’ve been skipping it many days because of running short on time, but I think I will start that habit again and discuss some of the things you’ve shared — that we should approach God and His Word with a sense of awe and reverence.
Dear Sally,
I just wanted to thank-you for all your time, care, and love for all of us moms. I randomly found your website online about a year ago, and have been learning more about being a Christian mom ever since. I’m working my way through your books, and at some point I will plan to go to one of your conferences too. (I am just in a busy stage of life with the kiddos right now and can’t get away) Anyhow, I just wanted to thank you for the encouragement that you have been to me personally, and for all the wisdom that you have shared. Thank you for giving of yourself to help others.
Thank you for this post it is eye opening.
The thing that I have the hardest time with is teaching my kids to have reverance in church. Things were going pretty well then we had a change of pastors. The new pastor says not to let the kids run in church, but his much older kids have set the example. They run around and get the younger kids wound up then they go play outside. The preschoolers aren’t old enough to be outside alone, but are super hyper by the time the pastor’s kids leave. It’s been a battle, with my daughter, after almost every service, finally, like most other parents of preschoolers, I gave up.
We are often one of the last to leave because my husband is very involved in activities at church that require us to stay.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
My parents taught me that we dress to honor the person. Teaching that in today’s casual culture is a challenge, one of the many of this parenting life.
Thank you for consistently sharing your heart, Sally. When I read your words find that I experience three life giving things: hope, vision for my remaining parenting years and comfort that I am not as alone as I feel I am. Thank you.
I just had to give you an Amen!!
Sally, I’m so glad you are doing this series. We are doing the Family Ways now for the 2nd time and my children are only 6, 4, and 2! We are doing them a second because I think the first time was more for me than them. My husband pastors our church and I’ve been teaching in our church for over 15 years. When God answered our prayers for me to be home with our children I was so excited about teaching and train my children in the Lord. But I quickly realized it was not how I imagined it. I thought it would be so much easier than it was. 24 Family Ways may be designed with children in mind but EVERYONE needs to learn and live them. God started knocking on my heart as I was teaching them. There were days I didn’t feel like I could teach them because I was convicted! Without living what you teach, your words have no meaning, authority, or lasting impact. I know you’ve said this many times, but I’m a slow learner.
Thank you for teaching mothers so they can teach their little ones. God bless!
I do love being able to dress more casually in church. But my mom would agree with you. I think you do judge but that’s okay because you have a point of view that we enjoy reading. I think Jesus would be okay with jeans at church as long as your heart was in the right place. One thing I have learned is that there are many ways to please God!
I wear jeans in church–I am not trying to tell people exactly what to do and I hope that my point is not missed. If nothing in our cultural practice gives an importance to something worthy of respect or value, then it will be difficult to pass on a sense of the sacred or holy to our children. I do not want to define for people what “sacred” for them would be, but in a culture that has devalued marriage, babies, moral purity, honor, it is very difficult to uphold it in the eyes of children if everything can be ridiculed and nothing is worthy of our respect and devotion–then how will we pass on the concept of something holy and deserving of the bowing of our knee to our children?
As always, so many beautiful facets of wisdom here. I’m thinking of how, as a little girl of less-than-8, my parents attended a Lutheran church where there was still a Liturgy of many things; sacred words, images, processes, etc. We left by the time I was 12, because they were in search of something “Spirit-filled”…and we did attend a wonderful church that was wholly scriptural, but without the rituals. I do not place that in quotes to denigrate it, and my point is not to open a can-of-worms discussion as I’m aware rituals do NOT save us! But it is so very important for us as Christians to learn how to hear “the Spirit say, Come!” and to learn that we are worshipping One who is so much, much greater than our human emotion. For myself, I find great value in knowing that my human heart is deceitful above all else and that those very times I find myself chafing under what could be described as ‘empty ritual’…it’s a gentle prompting that my motives are impure and my priorities are off.
I must say your writing is very convicting to my heart today. Thank you for being an older, wiser voice in the fast-changing current of our culture. We so need that perspective! I can echo a lot of what Amanda wrote too. In our current quest for reality, instead of empty form, we can so easily neglect certain practices that have a lot of character value in our children. I grew up with lots of form in my training, and I can tend to focus too much on letting my children be free and knowing God in a rugged, everyday way. As with everything, a balance is needed, but we don’t see a balance around us in our culture and I so appreciate another perspective as I find my way. I think some of the error happens when we implement New Covenant freedom on children who are still so young and actually need the law to keep them on track. The New Covenant was meant to follow a transformed heart, because God knew that if He changed our hearts, right actions would follow so we wouldn’t need the law. Our little children need clearly defined boundaries, rules, and rituals keep them on track. So often a required action helps them change their attitude such as a cheerful response to a command will often even make them feel cheerful about obeying. This is rather Old Testament, with lots of practices in hopes of changing them from the outside in, but there is a stage in training where this is very needed and helpful. Thanks for stimulating thought!
Was SO looking forward to this series since you mentioned it at the California conference (and especially since “The 24 Family Ways” was sold out before I could look at it!). I read this yesterday and it has stuck with me since. That’s SO good ’cause I remember your constant reminder (even from the conference 2 years ago) that we can’t give to our children what we don’t have ourselves. So being mindful of how I can be more reverent has been REALLY beneficial. =)
Thank you, Sally for sharing this and giving a vision for what it looks like. Last week, at dinner, we had an unpleasant family discussion about this very topic. My husband is a pastor, my 12 year old son chafes at my insistence that he wear khakis and a polo shirt to church. My point it is that he wears jeans every other day. Dress up and make it “special”. My mom (who raised me ‘dressing up for the Lord’) agreed and was preaching it at dinner. My husband, unfortunately, disagreed. I hope to share your post with him and perhaps give a venue to discuss and better understand one another. Your presentation of these ideas gives me a helpful framework upon which to hang my own thoughts and to help shape our family’s guidelines. I also was excited to read your blog after enjoying and getting great inspiration from the California conference last weekend. Thank you for your faithfulness to the Lord!