It’s the stuff nightmares are made of.
“Mom, I don’t see anything wrong with getting drunk if you are old enough.”
“How do you know there is a God? He sure doesn’t seem real to me!”
“How can God possibly be good when he killed all those people in the Bible?”
“If there is a God, why does Dad have cancer?”
“I don’t think there is anything wrong with living together and not being married.”
And the list goes on and on…
What do we do when our kids come to us with their doubts, thoughts and questions?
Whatever you do, stay calm and don’t blow a gasket!
Christian college chaplains have informed me before that it is a developmentally normal for teens and college-aged kids to wrestle with the questions of their faith. This is how they learn to own their own convictions–but it is a process of growth and may take some time!
I believe that I have even seen this in my own children. My daughter Christie went through a time when she was 16 years old and felt that God spoke to everyone else but not to her. She felt like her quiet times were lifeless and she never heard from God–ever. I remember just praying and praying for God to speak to her and for her to learn how to hear God’s voice. She went through an internship the summer of her 16th year where the students and leader went through a Bible study that really clicked with her, and she finally learned how to hear God’s voice for herself. And the rest is history. Christie loves God, hears from Him regularly and even writes a blog devoted to helping others understand God better. She has a depth in her soul that would not have been there had she not gone through her time of questioning.
From time to time, even young children can fuss about reading a Bible storybook. They may even say things like “No Mommy, I don’t like Jesus!!” Our natural tendency when something like this happens is to worry and fret about the possibility of this particular child not growing up to love God. We have to remember–they are children! And children say things they don’t mean or understand quite a lot of the time. When your children say things like this, just remind yourself … children say silly things.
Older children say silly things, too! And sometimes they say scary things. What do we do? Stay calm, pray, and trust God. Whatever happens, “Conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ” Phillipians 1:27. Don’t blow up or freak out!! Don’t assume the worst of your kids. Remind your kids that God loves them. Tell them how awesome they are and how much you love their faith. Let your older kids know that their questions are okay because it shows that they are developing their own faith in God. Tell them how thankful you are that they come to you and trust you with their questions. Let them know that you believe in them and the God that is leading them.
I have been in situations where the parents of kids going through questioning times are praying about their child’s lack of faith in a negative way–within earshot of their kids. Please, please, please never do that! Don’t ever let your kids think that you believe they are lost- especially your adult kids. God talks a lot in scripture about having faith. I believe we are to have faith in God and in our children. God will never let them go and wants none of them to perish.
Remember the Holy Spirit has access to our children’s hearts and minds and will be speaking to them. He will work in ways that we never could ever dream of.
Being confident of this; that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” Phillipians 1:6.
God is working. He will never let them go! Pray like crazy and believe in your kids and the plans God has for their life. Remind them often of things that you admire about their faith. If you can’t think of anything, ask God. He will help you to know what to say to encourage your kids. Keep the lines of communication open and remember, if they don’t come to you, they will most likely go to their friends or culture with their doubts. You want them to come to you and to know that you are always on their side and will always believe in them.
So hang in there, mama! And put the mommy nightmares to rest. You serve a big God, and He is in love with your children and will pursue them all their lives!
Deb has a passion for discipleship and prayer that reaches around the world. She has led discipleship groups for the last 15 years- focusing on the art of the prayer-filled life as wife, mom and woman of God. Deb is a frequent speaker at women’s groups and has hosted International Leaders in her home with Momheart Ministries. Her favorite ways to spend her time include time with God in the morning on her favorite brown couch, with the fire burning, candles lit, hot tea and Bible in hand, while snuggling with her dog, Haylee; coffee time on Saturday mornings on that same couch with her husband of 22 years, Randy, and visiting with her kids, Christie(19), and Jack (16), while they sip hot tea and coffee. Deb hopes that her couch does not wear out any time soon.
It is amazing: I struggle with this for a while and now I read this. Thank you very much. I will print this and read it over and over again. Again, thank you
Dear Yvonne,
Thanks so much for commenting.
God is so good to give us what we need when we need it
Deb
I remember really being concerned with my oldest son, who was 10 at the time saying he didn’t believe in heaven. This was such a wild statement to me because as a family we look forward to heaven and talk about it often. Then my youngest, who was 6, agreed and said he didn’t believe in heaven either. It began to really bother me inside my heart. My prayer life got better
Around that same time my husband read somewhere that children try on different hats sometimes. They say things to see how that feels or to wonder what that might be like. I was tempted to get books on heaven, do a unit study on heaven…ha! But thankfully, God has worked it out in their sweet hearts. Thank you Deb for this post!
Dear Michelle,
What wise words from you husband!
How insightful!!
Deb
This was just what I needed to hear today as I struggle with choices my adult daughter (still living at home) has been making.
Thank you for posting this at the right time, for the right ears to hear!
Dear Lyn,
So glad your sweet daughter is still at home with her Mamma that loves her
God is so much greater than all of our kids doubts!
Deb
Great post! Thank you for reminding us to stay calm – we all need this reminder! I recently started praying the parable of the sower for my kids – that God would not let their faith be snatched away, wither away, or choked away, but He would give rich soil for their seeds of faith to grow. I have seen the fruit of that prayer too. He is so faithful.
P.S. – one of my favorite ways to spend time with God is in the mornings on my brown couch too.
Maple Mae
Hi Maple Mae!
What a great prayer! God is so faithful!
Thanks for commenting
I’ve been following you for a while now, maybe a year. You’ve kind of been added to my “2nd mom” list. Posts like these always fill me with hope. I don’t really have hope that my relationship with my mom will become better, but I am hopeful that if I have kids someday, I will by the grace of God be able to respond to them with grace and love.
Dear Myrtle!
Thanks for commenting! Sally is so awesome!! She is the best 2nd Mom ever!
This is so led by God. It astonishes me how your posts always speak right to my day. My 7 year old asks questions that I thought would only come up when he will be a teen ager.
God told me exactly what u recommend to stay calm, love him and tell him god loves him and of course pray more, but my heart hurts deeply when he says things like , there is no God -where us he ??? I live , love, , talk about God all the time, home school , pour truth as often as I have strength to do so to his little heart. Anyway thank you for this post as yesterday was a hard day – before he went to bed last night he told god he is sorry. Thank you for listening to the holy spirit and speak truth to us tired thirsty mommies.
Thank you Ellie Joy!
I know that God is your helper. He will continue to instuct you and help you.
I love everytime Deb Weakly shares pure wisdom! Just wondering, does she have a blog of her own where we can read more? Thank you for sharing this, Sally! xx
Thanks Suyai!! What sweet words!
Maybe someday 
I do not have a blog as of yet.
It takes me weeks to write one article.
haha
Great encouragement! Some things I worry about as my children get older. I feel more confident after reading your words!
Thanks for commenting Kristi!
God will take care of our children and help us to raise them for Him.
The facts: 3 grown kids, 22, 23, 25. Home Schooled K-12 with some high school experiences. Church going family, active daddy, really took our job seriously.
All that to say that, who are we to think our kids are not going to have the hardest questions, and sometimes follow through with ideas they want to try? Didn’t we? We so easily forget the things we thought and tried and most likely one of those thoughts our kids share we had ourselves (maybe it is in the genes? duh!). So how did I try to do a better job….well the comforts I found were in the fact that I even knew they had thoughts (because we are where they are so often) and that they share ( I did not share those thoughts with my parents). So God said to me don’t freak out. Just listen and listen and listen and yikes that made me nervous! Then God said, you did the best you could, you still can be in their lives if you listen and wait (pray). I felt saying and doing nothing was wrong, unchristian somehow but you know God said, they know how you think on most things, you trained them that way, you did your job, now let them make it real for themselves! Yikes…..really God, not saying what I think helps? How can that be? So I would say to them, when they were ranting on about something (at a good time in the rant). I love that you share with me and I want to be a good adult friend to you. If you have a question for me or want my opinion, you need to ask me for it, ok? Did they ask? Only sometimes.
Now that I am this far from them being under my wing 24/7, I can tell you what a joy I have found in our relationships, scary or not. I believe the best gift of home schooling my kids was our time to build relationships, the rest was much easier.
Bless you on your journey, your God is beside you, your hubby is a wise counsel in this area (doesn’t seem to take things so personally) and it is just that, a journey that allows you to say sorry when needed, try to make things right, just be supportive, just listen, take a stand, kind of like the “Time to passage….” God has time to work with all of us!