The Child’s Bath, Mary Cassatt
“God holds us accountable for our stewardship of His blessings. And that means I am responsible for the ways in which I choose to care for the children He has given me. At the Judgment, I know I will give an account to Him for these precious lives He entrusted into my hands.
As a woman who has enjoyed a career of teaching, speaking, counseling, and writing, I have had to make many difficult decisions to cut my career opportunities in order to focus on my family priorities. However, I have come to realize that embracing God’s call to the duties of motherhood doesn’t diminish my abilities to use my gifts, strength, and training, but fulfills a part of God’s design.
Loving my children, protecting them, and building them into a godly heritage is a life’s work worth far more than any money or status I might find in a career. If the mother who gave her children life is not willing to do what it takes to provide security, love, protection, instruction, and stability for her own cildren, then who will be willing to do so? Many will be orphans in a crowded world, longing for the security they were supposed to find in their own family.
If we want to experience the blessing of God and have a sense of wholeness to our lives, we must seek to understand His original design as clearly as possible. We will then have a map by which to travel toward God’s destination. But we need to do more than understand. We also need to commit to living as mothers with undivided hearts–dedicating ourselves fully to the task of building a home and nurturing our children.” ~The Mission of Motherhood
One thing I think many moms find difficult is the fact that every yes is by definition also a no. A “yes” to time watching somersaults in the backyard is a “no” to a phone call, a glance through a magazine, or a bit of alone time. A “yes” to asking friends over for a time of encouragement is a “no” to the free time you might have spent on yourself, rather than cleaning the bathroom, organizing your notes for the evening, or baking cookies to share. “Yes” to the carpool means “no” to sleeping in; “yes” to playing during bath time means “no” to your favorite television show … and on and on it goes.
As a mom, what we really need is long-range vision! While the decision to draw your circle of direct influence a little smaller than many around you choose to draw theirs might appear to minimize who you are, the truth lies elsewhere. Think about a drop of food coloring splashed into a cup of water. The more water, the more diluted the color. And so it is with each one of us. When we spread ourselves thin, leaving no time for snuggles and backrubs, Bible study and reading deeply, family vacations and Saturday afternoons at the park, our influence becomes diluted.
So may I suggest something, mama? Feel free to say lots of “yes”-es to your littles, and lots of “no”-s to others. Limit yourself in this season of mothering young ones, and watch your influence grow where it’s most important.
I have never heard a woman say, “I wish I would have worked more hours while my children were young” or, “I wish I would have read more magazines and watched fewer somersaults.” Rather, the longing is for time long slipped away, somersaults tumbled and blown away like so many autumn leaves.
Such a beautiful reminder. Thank you!!! I think all too often, I forget how big and powerful…all powerful God is and I think – if I don’t do this now….how will I ever accomplish what I “think” I need to accomplish. Yet, God has pulled me back and he has shown me…He will bless and provide in His time, …while I must be obedient to actions he brings to me…first and foremost, right now..He has blessed me with my littles…and it’s time to wake them.
Absolutely love this post. I am not eloquent at putting words together at all, but this portrayed my feelings exactly today. Thank you for the reminder. I’ve struggled with these “choices” for a while, but it’s nice to put it in perspective every day.
Oh my. So timely. You basically took everything rumbling and tumbling around inside me and put it into words. My littles are now teens and I’m finding it harder than ever to make these choices. BUT GOD… Thank you for sharing.
Oooo…love this! Thank you!
I needed a refocus prod! 
I love this. It is such a simple way to remind myself through the days. Every time I say “yes” to something I will look at what I’m saying “no” to also. Thank you.
So, so, so good. Thank you. I’ll be sharing this.
“A yes is always a no” is something I have been learning lately. I have been being more intentional about my time with the littles and inevitably I have had to say no to other things. It has not been an easy choice sometimes, mainly because of what others feel I should be doing. Thank you for the encouragement.
Thank you Sally! I needed this today before my morning has begun with my family.
“Limit yourself in this season of mothering young ones, and watch your influence grow…” Thank you for this ringing reminder of where our priorities must lie as mothers!
Hi Sally, The lots of littles became blurred when I worked (just) part-time as a successful engineer. I have a knack for numbers, projects and managing people, bosses loved me and promotions came. After My husband and I had our two children, they even allowed 6 months maternity leave completely off and I went back to 3 days a week work. I made my husband and family a priority and yet I had so many little “no’s” during those 3 days. I would justify it by saying Grandma (my mother) is taking care of them 9-5pm–what could be better?
Me. That’s what God told me!
I had it all it seemed. A career, shorter hours that I wanted, a great daycare alternative with a loving Grandma, and a supportive husband but those there was no getting around a career trumps your kids. All careers do except being a stay-at-home Mom. I kidded myself that because I only worked 3 days a week and one of those was even a telework day that my children were my priority. If that were true I wouldn’t need Grandma to pawn the kids off to here and there to “get some work done”. My work was them, and they were losing out to my ambitions.
This year I chose my two beautiful children and quit work completely. They offered “working from home”, but I know that just means less time with my children as their Mom, with my full attention. (I think many-a-Mom’s kid themselves that “working from home” is somehow synonymous with being a full-time stay at home Mom. It’s not.. As a wise woman told me (my Mom), you will never regret saying yes to your children later in life. You will always regret saying no to your children in all the little things–because they are the opportunity cost. And that’s just not good enough for God’s children he entrusted in my care!
Your post reminded me of a conversation I had with my Mother about quitting a seemingly perfect part-time job and career for the sake of my children. You are so right.
In God’s Love,
K
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This is so good, Sally. For several years in a row I had the opportunity to attend an expensive out-of-state women’s conference with friends, free of charge. I was strongly encouraged (pressured?) to attend, but each year something came up to prevent me from attending…usually a new pregnancy or a small baby. Finally I realized that this is simply not my season of life to travel without my kids and attend those kinds of events. One day it will be time for that–but until then, my answer is “no.” I’m sure the event would have been fun, but it doesn’t fit into this season of life.
I am 31 years old, have my parents, but still feel like one of those “orphans” you mentioned. All my life I have clinged to older women, not really knowing why until this year… And thankfully, I’ve had women step into my life and play the role of “mom” for me-I thank God for them… But I never want my children to feel that way. I want them to always know how loved and cherished they are. I don’t want them looking for a “mom”-I want them to know i will always be there… thank you for this post and for your wisdom… <3
Beautifully conveyed. Timely. Perfect. Yes, yes yes!
Blessings to you,
Kara
Yes! This is a lesson I am learning and it’s SO hard to say ‘no’ but it always feels right after the choice is made. I was just talking today at my homeschool group with some mamas – all of us were feeling badly that we aren’t volunteering more at church…I think that season is coming and just a few years away for us all…our little ones just need us to not be on the run right now – but it’s so hard not to volunteer. There’s so much pressure and guilt that comes from a no
Walking with God and listening to him is the only way for me to have peace in the midst of the world pressures. Thank you for pointing us to our God and our families – first things first.
Love you Sally,
Courtney
praying for you today, sweet Courtney. Hope we get to visit soon. missed you, but hope all is well and good for you this season. love, Sally
Thank you for that reminder. With my oldest quickly approaching time to leave the nest, I need as many reminders as possible to enjoy these sweet moments with her. Very timely…
Thank you for this Sally. I knew if I withdraw for a moment during ‘crazy hour’ (husband running the show at present) you would say something to feed my soul. I really needed to hear this today. I have three little ones and feel like every moment is consumed with homeschooling, laundry, preparing healthy food, and just ‘life-schooling’. I know that this season will not last, and in time I’ll have some time and space to be involved in missions a bit more than what I can currently manage. Blessings to you and your family.
After another a broken night of sleep thanks to toddlers, thunderstorms, and needing to feed the newborn a couple times, I slept through my alarm and woke feeling behind, with the stress of all I need to do today quickly becoming too prominent in my mind.
thanks for the encouragement to keep the right focus! By God’s grace I WILL make time to watch those summersaults today!
You have no idea how much I needed this. I am fighting a spiritual battle in my life and this touches into my soul at a much deeper level. Please pray for me.
prayed for you today, Lana.
Thank you! I cried knowing that you took the time for me. God bless His ministry through you
Thank you for this. Definitely needed it today.
Sally, thank you so much for this! You have a way with words! So true that every “yes” is also a “no.” I want my YES’s to matter!
you are all so precious in your responses. Life as a mom of 4 was indeed hard for me as I had not learned the art of self-giving and nothing in my life prepared me for its constance-ness! But alas, the life of it has shaped me and I see the imprint of God on my children’s souls–all by His grace. Your life of giving matters so much for eternity!
Shared on Facebook I like your post so much. Thanks for being a titus 2 woman in my life!
Thanks for this message. It was timely as I am debating about a position to work from home while homeschooling my two children. I want to be a full-time mom but also am struggling with how to be a helper to my husband – doesn’t it help him to bring in some extra income if I can? It’s a struggle to determine the best course of action while all that’s within me is saying that it’s going to be too much of a struggle to try to make it work. How do you determine whether you’re helping by taking on another role to bring in some income or whether you need to trust God to provide for all things?