Want to win a spa/mentoring weekend with me and Sarah Mae?
Click here!
Sometimes, we all need to monkey around a little bit. So doesn’t a spa weekend sound dreamy? Just a cup of tea in a lovely hotel lobby can help restore my soul and strengthen my heart to return to my children with more grace.
“It was for freedom that Christ set us free. Therefore, keep standing firm and do not be subject to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1
In other words, stand firm in your ideals before God without letting someone else’s yoke slip around your neck unnecessarily.
“And the work of righteousness will be peace, and the service of righteousness quietness and confidence forever.” Isaiah 32: 17
Jessie Wilcox Smith–one of my favorite children’s artists!
I once read an article that suggested something to this effect: Moms don’t really need a break from their children. If you don’t spend every moment with your children–if you have any desire to go away and be by yourself, even just occasionally–you are selfish.
These are the kinds of statements that create voices in our heads. “Oh no, I must not love my children because I am not doing life like the others who have written these articles.”
I am practically connected to the hip with my children. We are very close. Yet, I am also an introvert, and if I didn’ have some time to plan, think, read, and just be away to breathe, I would become more tense. So I had to figure out how to build “me” time into my schedule so that I could fill my own heart before my children drew from it once again. I even get up early to have my own cup of tea in silence and just to sit and “be” before life starts. Others stay up late.
Now, I love my children and I am very committed to family, and I have no wish to step on anyone’s toes, but it is statements like this that put lots of burden and law on women, making them feel guilty unnecessarily. Each woman has a different personality and different needs.
A wise woman manages her life so that she can live her ideals longer.
Motherhood is a very long term calling and I think all women need the encouragement of other women that they should not feel guilty for taking a break once in awhile when they are in need of some breathing room! Sometimes Clay would plan leaving me alone in my home a couple of Saturdays a month so I could stay at home alone and just “be”. I found that the kids loved being just with him, his spoiling of them, his input, a break from “just” mama.
We all want to be wonderful mothers and so statements like the one above come across as universal and sound wise– but in the end, I have to say, “Is this law? Is it an unshakeable truth that applies to all moms at all times? Or is something else possible?”
Here’s the truth I have lived and believe:
There is grace for each mom to conduct her own symphony, so to speak, with her family, circumstances and children in mind.
It says so right there in Galatians 5:1 …
“It is for freedom that Christ set us free, therefore, keep standing firm that you may not be subject to a yoke of slavery.”
Purposeful mothering is a beautiful thing. Moms are called to pour themselves out in servanthood and love in the context of their homes, as I shared in this video …
He loves our intentional mothering and there is a great reward in it. Yet when it comes to the details, God purposely left many areas in scripture very vague. We find …
- No lists about exactly how to discipline a child, what sin or behavior requires discipline and which one is age related immaturity, how long to discipline, a list of misbehaviors with corresponding consequences, what to expect of boys, for instance.
- There is no rule book about what a mom should cook if she is really bringing health to her family.
- No chapter and verse to be quoted telling us exactly what music is acceptable and what music would lead a child astray.
- No single passage that describes what it really looks like to submit to every husband–since they are all different and have different preferences!
- No verse that says, “There is only one time a day to have a quiet time as God is more awake in the morning.”
- Or, or, or …
This is part of the reason SarahMae and I teamed up to write our new book, Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe. There is so much in scripture about living by faith and trusting God for His direction. However, Paul and Jesus were both so very clear about not having the heart of a Pharisee; not putting heavy loads on people. We know that we are to use wisdom principles and have quiet times and grow in maturity. Through much study and prayer I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to pass on my life and beliefs and vision to my children, I needed to be the one who invested time in them and won their hearts, out of the integrity of my own heart. But there are many stories and a wide path of creativity that God blesses as we live by faith.
But, seeing my children do well in life and love the Lord and us and continue growing has proven to me that it is not as a result of a list of rules that I followed, because there was no such list! Rather it was a result of following the Lord, praying, obeying Him and seeking His wisdom, seeking to reach their hearts and then living by faith and watching His grace unfold to each of us. Mostly it was about loving them and holding God’s hand. God is in charge and will work in and through the personality and circumstances of my life uniquely, if I will walk with Him.
There is great freedom to live your family story within your own personality, history, and imprint, as long as we are holding His hand, reading His word and living by faith!
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$25 of Coffee or Target Yumminess!
Go to your local bookstore and take a picture of you with Desperate (you should buy it while you’re there 
. Post that picture to your FB page/profile and then leave a comment on Sarah Mae’s post today with the link to your FB page/profile. Everyone who does this will be entered to win a $25 Gift Certificate to either Starbucks or Target (winner’s choice). There will be THREE winners!
Today’s Giveaway! A Year of FREE Massages!
I am a new comer to massages and oh how they have changed my life.
Ahhhh! Wish I could enter!
The details…
- One year of free massages, once/month
- Once a winner is randomly chosen, a gift certificate will be given to you from Massage Envy or a local spa if you don’t have a Massage Envy near you.
- This giveaway is open to U.S. residents only.
Enter the massage giveaway using the form below:
Can’t wait for the book to arrive. It lines right up with some big things that the Lord is doing in my life lately….perfect timing!
Would love the year of massages, too! Two of my four children have significant special needs……let’s just say that there are days I could use a little relaxation
I can’t wait to buy the book. I’m going to head to Barnes and Noble today and try and find a copy. I would just love a year of massages, too! Certainly just right for this busy mom! Love you, Sally and Sarah Mae!
Great, great give-a-ways you all have going on this week!! Cheers!
Can’t wait to read it! I gathered 14 of my dearest friends for mom heart in Dallas!!! Xo
I have never even had a massage! What a blessing that would be!!! And for a year? Wow!
ah, I need this book! Thank you SArah Mae and Sally! can’t wait to read it with my friends!
Love your books Sally! I have recommended them to many friends. I recently sent Mission of Motherhood and Dancing with my Father to a dear friend. You are such an encouragement to me. Thank you!! Looking forward to reading Desperate.
massages saved my sanity and my back during a stressful time several years ago.
I am looking forward to getting my hands on the book sometime soon!!!
Looking forward to the different perspectives from different seasons of life from Sarah and Sally
What I’ve read initially has intrigued my interest. Mainly because in the world of homeschooling, it seems we as moms encounter a lot of overload. Much due to scheduling and oftentimes, self-inflicted. Thus the timing of this article for me is perfect. Thank you! Also, thank you for the opportunities to enter these various get aways. Totally cool
Such wonderful thoughts today and just what I needed to hear in the midst of all of the homeschooling and scheduling. Thank you Sally!
I have two littles under 2 1/2 – I need this book for so many reasons, but mostly for encouragement.
I love the idea that moms being real with one another about the freedom we all have can make such a difference! Encouragement is so vital! Thanks for the chance to win! A massage would be wonderful!
Massages are so good for my soul! This is fun! Thank you!!
Your words and the encouragement that you’re offering to mother’s brings tears to my eyes. God is using you in my life. Thank you.
Excited to read this book:)
I am a Mom of four and in many seasons of parenting! Any advice and comfort is greatly welcomed by me at ay time!!
I blogged about the spa giveaway! http://www.dearlylovedmist.com/2013/01/giveaway.html
Wonderful giveaways for Moms!! Thanks you! May the moms who win be blessed and refreshed!
I’m having one of “those” kinds of days today. I haven’t been feeling well (hurt back) for a few days. Now my boys want all of my attention, because they had less of it while I wasn’t feeling well. Also my house needs lots of attention, and I’m feeling overwhelmed.
I have been waiting for this book for a long time. So glad you wrote it!!! I’m going to check if it’s on Amazon yet.
I need this book to give me the permission to take care of myself, not just my kids and house, without feeling guilty.
The new book looks amazing. Can’t wait to read it!
What a nice reminder that we don’t have to spend every waking minute with our children to show that we love them. Would love to read this in the near future. Thanks for taking the time to share with others the love of God!
Convinced my girlfriends to read this together! Can’t wait!
I am gathering some friends near (& far) to go through this book with me. I am a homeschooling mom of 4 children 6 and under. My husband and I also run a ministry out of our home. We are busy, but I wouldn’t trade this season of my life for ANYTHING… I just want some encouragement to press on while enjoying my children at each stage of their lives. I also want to be able to encourage other women to do the same! Thank you Sally & Sarah Mae for giving us a tangible ‘Titus 2″ picture
Love this– great book– everyMOM needs some encouragement, sometime!
I have come to realize this in the last year. I always felt so bad when I wanted to just go to a couple of stores and just browse or go grab a frappe and just sit somewhere and think. My husband kept reminding me that I needed me time to refresh myself. It’s taken a year, but I finally don’t feel that bad when I do these things. Thank you for and Sarah Mae for all your hard work to write this book. I cannot wait to read it.
So so inspiring. I can’t wait to read this book!
look forward to reading this! I all too often don’t take time out for me, to make sure I stay refreshed and can take care of my family!
I’m an introvert, too, and homeschooling 5 took a lot of effort personal energy for me! Great post!
the most help i need is with not getting frustrated as much. I have gotten better, but I need more grace.
The help I need is dealing with an independent, sassy, and selfish tween daughter who has been this way since she was 4 and now she is 11 …ugh….I try to remember how I was with the hormones etc and be really patient but some days it is difficult especially when she and her father battle. I try to get him to understand the female mind but it doesn’t work so well. So the next book should be desperate moms of tween girls!
Very encouraging post. Thank you for shedding wisdom into my life.
I had my first massage a couple years ago and it was heavenly! In the middle of a bible study right now, but when that one is over… this book is next!
Te help I need is in being consistent with boundaries and discipline.
That 1 year of massage looks so inviting…I need help most in my mothering…how to stay calm and not get upset at the wrong things with the children.
I need the most help in being a fun and loving mom.
The are where I need most help with my mothering is patience. I yell & get angry at my toddler more than i like. Don’t get me wrong, we are laughing & playing for 98% of the day but he IS a toddler & I have a newborn as well, so tempers fly! I also need to depend more on God & pray before letting myself fly off the handle. Thank you for this great opportunity!
Oh, love this post & this giveaway! Looking forward to reading the book!
Oh, Sally. As usual, you have me in tears. How I NEED the message you’re sharing. I can’t even begin to express…so I won’t try in this format. But know, know, KNOW that you are a treasured, valued, needed gift from God in my life! Hope to see you again soon…still trying to work out childcare for a conference. Because of many of life’s circumstances, right now I truly feel DESPERATE and need to live in the HOPE that I know is mine in Christ. There…I’ve already said too much. Love you, dear Sister in Christ!
Where do I need the most help in my mothering? I’m not sure . . . Maybe I ought to just ask my children. I think I need the most help in balancing the needs of each child (there are 8), the home, food, and schooling. It seems like something (or someone) is always being short changed.
As my children grow older I need wisdom on how to relate to them as they grow toward independence.
This book is so eye opening, life changing, and I have been so blessed and encouraged by it. Thank you mucho Sally and Sarah, it’s perfect for such a time is this! I am spreading the news about it, and recommending it to all my friends. Every mom, or mom to be, grandma, aunt, sister needs to read this book. They will be so blessed by it. I love all the videos at the end of each chapters. I cheated along time ago and viewed them last month or the month before. And they were so good and I couldn’t wait until the book was available to review!! can’t say THANK YOU Enough!
Blessings,
Adrienne R
Homeschooling two, one of whom is special needs..so freeing to hear someone else voice what I believe…deep down…but often don’t have the peace/courage/lack of anxiety to follow. Thank you!!!
I am so excited for this new book! I’m hoping it helps to bring hope to the longest, most challenging of days!
Thanks so much for the new book and the giveaways!
I need the most help with confidence in my mothering, that every day its hard and things will go wrong and I’ll clean the house over and over but in the end my work is good and worthwhile. This job is MUCH harder than working full-time and it challenages me every second of every day! I can’t WAIT to read and study this book!
Can’t wait to read this book with my mama friends and love the giveaways!!
The area I need the most help with mothering is patience. I sometimes expect too much of myself and my children, and when things don’t meet those expectations, I fall apart. I need to find an inner peace and learn to relax. I often find myself crying to my husband that I want to enjoy my children more.
What a fun and creative giveaway!
Just ordered the book! Excited to read it.
Mothering is a wonderful gift, but where I need to find the most help is in those times of daily transition especially when I am out of the home working. It is hard to come home and transition from the business mind of work to the nuturing mother mind at home.
Such a great book Sally and Sarah! Love it!
Where I need the most help is in time management/organization in not ideal life situations.
I truly appreciate you ladies taking the time to encourage and inspire. I struggle to relax and enjoy this journey of hard work and weary hours, to believe it is fruitful. This time really is so short.
Great giveaway! I bought the book today. I can’t wait to read it! I’m not sure where I need the most help with mothering…sometimes I feel like it’s impossible to maintain “daily life” and be loving at the same time. I get into drill sergeant mode and have a hard time just enjoying my kids.
I’m really looking forward to the Mom’s Heart Conference in Denver!
I need the most help being deliberate. It is so easy to get caught up in trying to get on top of the day to day tasks. Not only being deliberate, but parenting how God would have me to, rather than parenting to be the opposite of how my parents parented.
Can’t wait to read this book! I need the most help in mothering… probably with discipline, also with having patience and not yelling when I’m upset. Also with deciding if homeschooling is the right choice for us and how to begin.
I need these words of encouragement! Life has been full of struggles lately: health issues, a death in the family, relationship difficulties. My ability to maintain structure and grace has been greatly compromised! Knowing that God continues to give ME grace as a mother, and that He will shape all of this season into beauty is so very encouraging!
I cant wait to read this book! I need the most help with creative ideas:)
I need to learn to be more graceful with my children – less harsh about routines and lists and “getting it all done” especially now they are older and I expect more out of them.
With my fibromyalgia, homeschooling a 9yr old, and breastfeeding my 20month old triplets, I could so use a regular massage!!
Awesome giveaway! And I can’t wait to read the book!
I need the most help with being calm when dealing with the stress from health issues, everyday life & homeschooling.
These are great giveaways! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!
Love this quote:
“In other words, stand firm in your ideals before God without letting someone else’s yoke slip around your neck unnecessarily.”
I think of David and how Saul’s armor didn’t fit him. Saul had “killed his thousands” wearing that armor, but that was not God’s will for David. Saul’s armor was a yoke to David because it wasn’t meant for him. I like “word pictures” and it helps me to think of this one when I am trying to discern if I am taking on someone else’s yoke.
I cannot wait to read the book! I have Mops this week nd am going to tell all of my friends about it! Awesome giveaway too!
I need help with consistency & patience! I keep reminding myself, couch pillows on the floor isn’t a big deal. My OCD for everything being in its place isn’t as important as the memories I make with my 3 kiddos. Can’t wait to read the book! SUPER excited! You girls are a blessing to many woman, many families, many generations to come!
I need the most help structuring my day intentionally and prioritizing
I need the most help with organizing my day for success, self control, and internationalism with the time I spend with my kids.
Right now, the area that I think I need the most help with in my mothering is wisdom in disciplining my toddler!
“He loves our intentional mothering and there is a great reward in it. Yet when it comes to the details, God purposely left many areas in scripture very vague. ” The list you wrote about are almost exactly the things that I often pray or journal about, the “details” consume most of my thoughts and feel so uncertain. I’m not sure what that means or what it reveals about myself…?
Hoping God encourages and builds up many through your new book.
I need help paying attention—I try and escape by cleaning the house and keeping it perfect. I need to let go of wanting perfection in me and my home.
I am new to massages too, and agree that they are fantastic, but with 3 children, they are a rare treat! I would adore a year of free massages. Thanks!
I would love to have a year of massages . The timing of this book is fantasic. I was the one always looking for the rules on how to discipline and train my children. I am learning their are no hard and fast rules and it is so freeing! Thanks for the book, I can’t wait for it to arrive.
I would love to win the massages…I’ve only had one in my life…it was very needed after we had been chosen to adopt & baby & the birthmom changed her mind right before the baby was due. My sweet teacher friends gave me a massage as a gift…I’ll never forget that! But 9 months after that, we adopted our boy. We now have our precious son & we would never have had him had we not gone through the terrible tragedy.
Oh, Sally, I am getting more and more excited about this book with each new blog post! You are so dear to me, and yet I don’t really even know you. What do I need most as a mom? I feel like I just plain and simple need to be closer to Jesus to see greater change in my family struggles and yet with 6 children ages 2 mos-11 yrs, I feel like my days are so hard to keep on a routine that frees my children and I for more time to bond and be inspired. I love the idea of doing mother-daughter devotionals, but my girls just aren’t that interested in that. But as I read your blog post today about freedom and knowing that my family’s story and needs are unique reminded me that my bonding/mentoring time with my kids will look different than others and that I just need to focus on 1) Jesus, and 2) what makes them “tick” rather than force something that doesn’t work for us/them. Thank you for that!
Where do I need the most help with my mothering? I need to figure out a work-at-home home rhythm so I mother my 3-year-old well and complete my work in an efficient manner without having to pop in a movie as a babysitter.
I need the most help in extending grace to my children.
patience for 2am screaming fits
This is the first book I’m downloading onto my new NOOK and I can’t wait to dive in before bed tonight! God bless!
Listening……truly listening.
Sorry most help with mothering – that would be patience with my youngest screaming like she’s been shot every 5 minutes because somebody touched her or she didn’t get what she wanted or she didn’t get to go first or, or, or…..!
I am an older mom (61) of 5 kids and 11 grandkids. I think this book would be a help like I want to be to younger moms. I have some experience, but God’s Word helps us keep going in the right direction.
I’m SO excited about this book! I can’t wait to get it on my bookshelf! Let’s see… the area I need the most help in my mothering… would probably be in having realistic standards, in addition to having patience in pursuing that which I’m called to do (and ask the children to do)!
I need the most help with dealing with sibling rivalry. The fighting between the two disrupts the whole household. One is extremely argumentative too. We need peace in the home.
I definitely struggle with this as well… balancing meeting my own introverted needs while also, not becoming selfish.
I struggle with patience and disorder. Wish I could just roll with what the day brings.
I also struggle with disorder and keeping things going everyday. As a busy homeschool mom to 4, our days often get “off track”!
The area of motherhood where I most need encouragement is having patience. I so often find myself at the end of my rope before I realized I was even in the downward spiral. It is very diheartening.
I need the most help in patience with my young children and also really letting the Lord build my house, so that I don’t build it in vain…there are so many great ideas out there I really need to just seek the Lord on how and what is best for our family.
Oh my goodness, such a luxurious and fun giveaway!
awesome giveaway!
Another great giveaway!! I think I need the most help in letting go of my expectations and let God have His way with me and my kiddos!!
I could use help in understanding what’s normal/reasonable for a homeschooling family? My husband and I desire to follow biblical roles for men and women, with me staying at home and him working to provide. Yet homeschooling seems like I am working a full time job as well. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who is willing to help with the kids a lot and occasionally with the house work too! I do want to be mindful in not overburdening him though.
Trying to do a good job homeschooling my kids plus the cooking, cleaning and shopping, paperwork and exercise, devotions, etc. can be overwhelming which leads to stress and affects my health. I too am an introvert and with all the “giving” I often feel a burning desire to be “selfish” and take time for myself but can’t always accomplish that regularly. Thank you for posting on this very topic today. I have read other books which are promoted in certain homeschooling circles that have made me feel selfish/ spiritually immature for wanting those breaks.
It would be great to hear veteran homeschoolers’ wisdom on various things such as the dad’s involvement, things that had to be let go of, time management, support systems, etc. I know some of this will be covered in the book so I am so very excited to buy it! (P.S. Seasons Of A Mother’s Heart has already been such an encouragement to me as well!)
Sounds like a lovely book! <3
I always need permission to take time for myself. Thank you for this post. My husband has told me three times to sign up for the conference and yet I hesitate because “I’ll be away from the kids” and “it’s money spent on me”. So hard to say yes to ourselves! They area I need help in mothering is in my patience/anger when things don’t go the way I want.
Just got the book from Amazon and I can’t wait to read it!
I need help being spontaneous with the kids. So much requires a schedule and routine that I hesitate to relax and have fun.
Thanks for the great give away!
bedtime
sigh
Trying to learn what a good enough mom looks like.
organization . . . of clothes, school books, games, toys . . . all the “stuff”.
Wow, Sally, Thank you for writing this! I’ve read articles, similar to the one you referenced, and it always suffocated me and made me feel like nothing more than FAILURE. I NEED quiet time away from my family to breathe, to collect myself, to review, to be still with my Father. Those articles just tear up my heart (and I’ve read many of them).
Then I remembered something that sticks with me and helps me shake off those twisted statements that chain me to my roles in life… On an airplane, in case of emergency, when the oxygen masks fall, the instructions are for the ADULT to put on the oxygen mask before the child. IF the adult passes out from lack of oxygen, it leaves the child vulnerable and afraid – what good is that to the child? MARGIN is a Scriptural principle and one I am learning to incorporate into my life. Perspective and Balance are absolutely necessary not only to motherhood but to living an abundant life. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Always need encouragement with my little ones. Massages would be nice too.
I tend to struggle with yelling and impatience with my whole family…not just the children.
I have recently been told about some of the benefits of regular massages. I just need to convince my husband that its a worthwhile expense for both of us. I would be so very blessed by winning this giveaway!
I need help with structure and organization in my homeschooling.
I would want to take me, my Bible, and my journal.
I often forget to be gentle when correcting my children. I need to remember to show them grace. I can not expect perfection even when I know they know the right thing to do.
I am so excited to read this new book! I struggle with the balance of being mom, keeping the house, teaching kids, serving at church, and organizing a homeschool moms’ group. I have a hard time taking time for myself. I appreciate the group resources and can’t wait to see if any other moms want to read it together and discuss it.
i have been looking forward to this book for several months! i struggle the most right now with balance, i think.
I struggle with being too task oriented and not taking time to simply ENJOY them.
I need the most help in remembering to show grace to my little ones. I can’t wait to read this book!
It always amazes me how a brief step outside the family can refresh. My biggest longest step out is when I come to your conferences, and my family has seen such a positive effect that they now can’t wait for me to go! They like the Mama who comes back! My sixth time there is coming up in February.
What a great bible study-will pass this along. It’s hard to breathe when your in the middle of it all.
I need the most help in knowing the balance between relaxing and just having fun with the kids and being disicplined to get STUFF done! : )
I need help in this time where my babes are flexing their wings and preparing to fly from the nest…it’s hard on this momma who loves her babes so!!
I am so excited about this book, that I have been telling all my friends and family. Hoping to start a small group at church just for your new book. I’ve never ran a small group, but for this book I think I just might.
Thank you, Sally, for the eloquent way you communicate our freedom in Christ to be the Mothers He has called us to be – individually!