“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” Colossians 3:12-14
Committed motherhood is for me a holy calling of God. I believe that I am a steward of my children given by Him to me, entrusting me to love, instruct them, train them, provide for them in such a way, that they may go into their adult lives emotionally healthy, loving God and serving His Kingdom purposes.
But there are times when, seemingly out of the clear blue sky, I spew all over my children and it isn’t a pretty sight. The life-venom of giving, serving, cleaning, cooking, correcting, staying up late, putting up with messes, consumes my patient feelings and slowly depletes my rational, mature brain cells, builds up slowly inside and suddenly takes over and spills anger over to everyone in my wake. I always feel terrible when I have raged about. Chastising myself for hours, I curl up in a dark cloud and wonder why I even try.
I do not need a lecture from someone telling me I have been immature, out of control, unreasonable and unloving. I already know that. No one needs to tell me I have acted in an immature way and that my words hurt the hearts of those I love.
But, what I long for, is gentleness, patience–someone to tenderly place their arms around my shoulders, to look into my eyes with the compassion of understanding how I feel, words of “Grace, sweet one, you are forgiven. All will be well,” is what I really need.
Longing for a magical wand that can wipe away the moments when I irrationally became a fount of harshness and anger is what I really wish I had–to make it all go away.
Wishing for another mom who says, “You are not alone, I am guilty of raging in the tempests of my own life, and yet, when I went to my children and asked for forgiveness, they were ready to extend their love to me and to redeem our relationship once more.”
And then I need a maid, a waitress and a day away to be an adult again, but that is not in the budget of my minutes and days. Instead, I will be comforted with…
Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, as Paul so eloquently wrote.
And so, I have observed my little toddlers, exhausted, over-stimulated, wrapped in a cloud of selfishness, who fall apart in fits of screaming. I am not talking about the normal minutes of the days when they need training, correction and guidance. I am speaking of those absolutely beyond rational thinking–meltdowns.
A warm, blanky embrace, wrapped in arms of love and a softly sung, whispered words of love, a rocking chair moment of grace, a cool, soothing sip of juice–this is what is deeply longed for and needful to a heart out of control.
And then there are the moments in the lives of my teens when they seem to erupt, attitudes all over everything normal–”Everyone eats too much in this house! If they didn’t eat so much, we wouldn’t have such a mess of dishes in the sink,”–as they slam around the kitchen. Or just an emotional eruption with unkind words, glances that could kill, dark clouds that seem to hover.
I have found that “a gentle answer turns away wrath.” Like me, these precious children do not need to be told that they are being mean-spirited and unkind. They already know that. Perhaps, like me, the trials of life, the challenges, the burdens of school and chores, the insecurities of trying to fit in with an ocean of other teens seeking to find their footing, seeking an unsure future, and the raging of new hormones–all of these overcame them and they also spewed.
This is a time when, “I love you, appreciate you, understand. You are acceptable, I believe in you. You are not all “bad” but you had a bad day. I am so glad you are mine,” words of kindness and compassion are needed.
At times like these, putting on a heart of love, will bring us back to a perfect bond of unity. Love will heal, love is the answer and the balm and the grace to keep going. Love through a mug of hot chocolate or tea, a written note of “I am so glad you are mine. I love you.” A moment to laugh, love, share tears and restore–these are the deepening moments of bonding forever to hearts that bear the compassion of Christ.
These are the moments when true hearts are knit together–Oh to be known, truly known, in all of our limitations, and to still be loved–that is soul satisfaction.
Love is patient, love is kind, love is not selfish,…………………..
Thank you for these words this morning. MUCH needed as Mom feels like throwing a temper tantrum and the 2 and 4 year old are each throwing their fair amount this morning.
When I read your title I answered out loud, “They all live at my house!”
Thanks for the reminder that teens need this too! I am good at doing this for my little ones, not very good at doing this for my teens. I am going to try to remember this next time – probably in about an hour!
Thank you, Sally. I too read the title and thought you must really know my life. Having a 2 year old Granddaughter and her 23 year old mom and a 19 year old girl at home is far more stressful than the 15 year old boy who’s still at home. He does most all the chores while the girls make many messes and leave them about. One is doing better, one just needs to assert her independence and move out and I think maybe we won’t be so bad anymore. It seemed to help with others before her.
The hardest part is watching the 23 year old make mistakes with her daughter. I try to help but also have to let her be Mom. It’s very hard sometimes to keep my cool and not spew like a volcano over things. Somehow, with God’s grace, I have learned to hold on till my wonderful husband arrives home and holds me while I fall apart.
I too need to know I’m not the only one experiencing this difficulty in my family. Thank you for helping me see it happens even to those we may feel have a better nit family than most. I love your honesty and the love for your children and others.
Thank you for your blog and your lessons. I cherish you dearly.
In HIM,
Deb
Friend?
How did you know I’d need to hear this so today?
It is hard to remember to extend grace and peace to our children when we won’t/can’t extend it to our own selves.
Thank you.
What a beautiful reminder to extend the same grace and love that I would like when my children lose it…
The title of that post is my life. I have a 2 year old and a 13 year old; sometimes I think my older daughter is 2 and her younger sister is 13! The days when my own hormones are raging make life interesting at our house.
I appreciate the reminder to respond with love and affirmation.
thanks so much, to my friend for posting this link and to an amazingly wise woman for these words after a 3 day weekend with 3 preteens and a 2 year I certainly needed to here my Savior forgives and I get a new chance to teach my kids through my mistakes
Sally,
I am right there with you, “curling up in a dark cloud” after letting myself spew — and yet your words of God’s grace and mercy are so encouraging. I, too, need a warm hug, a shoulder, a gentle touch, a heart full of love when I feel most unlovable. Thank you for reminding me (again and again)to share that same Spirit with my family. Your words are life giving!
Bless you.
Thank you for always sharing your heart with us! Your wisdom brings such encouragement and hope!
Ah. Thank you for this message today. There’s just nothing like the truth, so freeing. There’s just nothing like gentle love. I’m looking forward to my day now. Thank you, Sally.
Amen and Amen again to much needed, rarely heard words of wisdom.
Sally,
What a bubbling fountain you have offered me with your words. You are so right. Thank you for the sharing the sweet water from your soul.
Lillie
Your last several posts are full of life. You are beautiful.
I’ve never printed a blog post to put in my journal.
I just printed this blog post to put in my journal.
Sally, thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your wisdom.
I have a husband who come upand rubs my shoulders and cuddles me when I loose it, arent I blessed. Yet I still forget to treat my children with the same tenderness and respect. Unfortunately I’m a very slow learning but I’ll keep on asking for Gods help, swallow my pride and try again next time.
Thank you so mch for sharing honestly Sally, you help me so much!
Helen
Do you mean Sally Clarkson, full of grace and truth, has behaviors so similar to mine?!? There is hope for me!!!
I don’t intend to put you on a pedestal, my friend, but thank you SO MUCH that you pulled back the curtain on your life to let us see how God CONTINUES to transform you.
Thank you for being real and fleshing out “Love is patient, love is kind” in response to negative attitudes displayed in our homes, but that we as moms display as well!
God’s richest blessings on you today!!
Love, Kim
I know this was posted last year, but I just came across this post & it was such a blessing… the insight I’ve been needing into my own 2 year old who has been having meltdowns to a grander degree than any of my other kids did at this age (or ever for that matter!)…
Your words are such an encouragement, to think of her needs of comfort and knowing she’s loved in the midst of her own crisis–rather than reacting harshly to her unbelievable display. I can tell you, my reactions do nothing but make her be more stubborn in her meltdown… I will probably shock her socks off when I respond so differently tomorrow morning. Thanks for your words… they will help me with ALL my kids…
Blessings,
Susan