Monday morning in Asheville with 3 days to sleep, walk, eat great food (wonderful cafes here!), share deep friendship with Sarah, (the companion of my soul, who stimulates and refreshes my own heart) and ponder the months ahead.
I have been astounded at the thousands and thousands of responses to my article on discipline. I just sat down one morning before I had to take Joy to a piano lesson and quickly pounded out a few thoughts in answer to some emails I had received, never knowing that there was such a hunger and need for encouragement in this area. I know that when Clay gets his book, Heartfelt Discipline, back in print, it will be of great encouragement to many. Clay is a well-ordered thinker and he has studied scripture for many years, (has his mdiv in theology), so you will be blessed.
But, as I approach my own writing schedule, I was wondering, “What are the other questions that burn in the hearts of moms and women, in light of their own spiritual lives?”
If, in some small way, I may be of help or encouragement, I would love to do so, as I walked this path of parenting without much personal input or help.
I do know this, though. The starting place is God and His word. The more I pondered Christ, the more I studied the roles of God (provider, creator, lover, shepherd, servant king, Father, teacher), the more I understood my role in the lives of my children, as I am to picture His reality in their presence and interact with them as He does with us.
But one thing I want to end with before we foray out to the grounds of the Biltmore, is this, God is the God of resurrection. Many people think they have blown it with their children, marriage, families. But when all seemed most hopeless, Jesus being brutally murdered and dead in the tomb and dark clouds over the face of the earth, He was resurrected. He is a God of redeeming, bringing life, hope, restoring that which was broken. He will redeem the years of the locust. He will bring grace and truth and peace. So, take courage, He can restore and replace harshness with love, brokenness with wholeness.
If God is for us, who can be against us?
We need only to, “Trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not to our own understanding, in all our ways to acknowledge Him and He will direct our paths.”
So, let me know, what are your questions? What would you like to discuss??
I am really struggling with spanking/not spanking. I was brought up to believe, and am still surrounded by the whole “you must spank” belief. I want to stop, or at least only spank very rarely, but I don’t know what to do when my 6 year old is openly defiant or my 3 year old screams so loud I think my head will burst. :..( I need practical ways of dealing with these kind of situations without losing my temper and resorting to spanking.
Yes!
Definitely! It’s all good say “show grace” and “be gentle”, but what about kids who are disobedient over and over again? What about practical ways to teach them to make wise choices?
I will be SO thankful to have Clay’s new Heartfelt Discipline out this summer! I read the first one through an inter-libary loan and it was great! I also like the SEARS books. Practical info in these!
Thank you so much for this Sally. Your post on discipline has interrupted my life (in a really good way!) and I’m so thankful for it. I’ll look forward to hearing the questions and answers you give.
Sally, I would really like to do some type of book club with Mission to Motherhood–and at the CA conference different women spoke about doing this but I didn’t feel led to do such a thing. However after much prayer and an incident I wrote about here on March 4 (http://janenef.blogspot.com/), I feel like this is a way of encouragement I can be for different moms and am wondering if you had ideas on getting it started. Also, you mentioned a DVD series you did for it, and I have scoured the WH website but can’t seem to find it. Can you please assist me? Thanks!
Janene, I just saw your comment about interest in a book club, so I wanted to share this with you
http://www.oneordinaryday.com/2011/01/11/mother-thoughts-on-the-11th/
I am hosting once a month discussion of The Mission of Motherhood on my blog, would love to have you join in
Here’s the post discussing the first chapter
http://www.oneordinaryday.com/2011/02/11/mother-thoughts-chapter-1/
Where do you find help if you have an OCD kid??? I can’t find any books that are directed at helping children with this. Do you have any suggestions??
I just have to take a moment to testify that Clay’s book – Heartfelt Discipline – was an absolute life changer for me. What he shares about preparing our children to receive the Gospel . . . oh my. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. Glory to God for both of you and your work to build Christ-centered families.
I also so appreciate his thoughtful, informative information on the rod verses and how these are not a Biblical mandate for spanking. It’s some of the best I’ve ever read on those passages. Changed my life, I tell you!
Anyway, I know that isn’t what you are asking today, but when I read your sentence, “I know that when Clay gets his book, Heartfelt Discipline, back in print, it will be of great encouragement to many,” I literally said YES at my computer screen.
Thank you again, Sally, for all that you and Clay do.
I struggle with “the gimmies” – teaching our son not to want, want, want (things) and ask for things all the time, but instead to be thankful for what he already has.
Here are a few questions:
How does a woman achieve the balance of honoring her husband but still obeying God when the husband is not spiritually leading the family and/or is floundering spiritually. How can we avoid resentment, fear, and even anger perhaps, and instead lift up and encourage a husband who is perhaps not living out his God-given potential as husband and father?
And a similar question … when you are both professing to serve God and He lays something on your heart (ex: homeschooling, eating healthy, limiting TV, having another child, doing family devotions, etc.) but your spouse is not on the same page with you. In fact, sometimes it seems you’re always on the opposite page. Do you simply pray and wait to move until you both are on the same page even if you feel it not acting is causing harm to your family?
Blessings, Sally. May God bless you a thousand times over for your ministry to the body of Christ.
Love,
Christy
Christy, I’m sure Sally will have some great thoughts on this, but until she is able to share, I would highly recommend the book “The Fruit of Her Hands” by Nancy Wilson. I just read it and was encouraged by her wisdom in all areas of womanhood, especially in the area of honoring your husband. She has a very simplistic, scriptural and powerful way of writing.
I was raised in a family where my dad wasn’t a strong spiritual leader and my mom always struggled with letting go and trusting God that He really would lead through my dad. It is a very important issue and does have a great effect on your children. It’s encouraging to hear that you are seeking God’s best in this area of your life.
Christy,
I really understand your thoughts. I often read things in books and think that we’ll start doing such and such. But, if I read something in a book and feel encouraged to do x,y,z (for example limit gaming time) and my husband can’t see a problem with how it is now, then although I’m being encouraged and convicted myself in how to raise the children, if he isn’t as you put it ‘on the same page’ it can leave a huge amount of guilt on my shoulders. Plus it can leave a great amount of sadness because I can see the wisdom in the things I’ve read, but we’re often going in opposite directions, or at least are taking different paths to get to our common goal!
Christy, I’m right there with you. Would LOVE to hear some godly advice on this.
Christy, you might have not set out to be an encouragement with your question, but you are one, I can tell by the others that have responded to your question.
First and foremost, God lead you to your husband and your husband to you for a reason. Second, there is nothing that can stand against soulfelt prayer and the power of the Lord Our God. Third, if no one is the spiritual leader in your home, then YOU have to be! If you wait for your husband to get there, it will be too late for everyone!
Reason I say this and just HAD to reply is because I had been struggling with this very same thing for about 5 years and have been deeply growing in my faith over the last year. We are talking leaps and bounds. I felt like I had to move forward with what God was putting on my heart, and I had to start walking with HIM right then and there…I’ve been chasing the Lord ever since, alone. I attended the Dallas Momheart conference where I met some wonderful women and shared my story and my dillemma…and where I had one of the most powerful days of prayer I’ve ever had in my life. Those women offered up their prayers for me and I prayed my heart out in a way I never have before. And all the sudden, I started seeing HIM work in my marriage and family in the same way HE had been working on my own heart as I was walking with HIM by myself.
I only prayed that HE would show me the right time to talk and give me the words to say, and that I had no other idea what to do to grow my family with HIM as the center….I turned it over to HIM and watched HIM do HIS great work!
So Christy, Susan, and Corrie, you three are in my prayers, that HE will show you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it, and that he will open up your husbands’ hearts to your leadership. God put you right where you are to bring your families to HIM.
As Sally says, Ask HIM what to dream!
Many hugs, more hugs, and TONS of hugs for you, I’m praying my heart out and cheering for you!
Wow, yes! I have the same issues/questions!
My husband and I started homeschooling our two beautiful daughters last year and I attended my first Mom Heart conference. I was so consumed with the thoughts of “Oh, no! I have ruined my children” “Oh wow! How could I have not seen these character issues in my children before!” “I will never be able to undo what has been done”. You see…my daughters were in 6th and 3rd grade! But, the good news is, through the GRACE of God and some wonderful Christian homeschooling mommies that the Lord had placed in my life a few years before, I can gladly say that coming to your conference was SO TOTALLY different this year! Going to the Lord out of total and utter desperation to help me and the fact that I was invited to a few Mom Heart Book Studies, I began to realize…my girls were changing! The things that were not of God, starting falling away. So, YES! It is NEVER too late for obedience! Praise Him, that he is so full of Grace for us. So yourcomments at the conference in Dallas this year really rang true for me about giving my girls the amount of grace that the Lord gives me. Yes, we need to teach our children to be obedient, but insisting on first time obedience, I’m not sure about that. I’m glad the Lord doesn’t require that of me!
With much love and many blessings your way and prayers for LOTS OF REST for you and your family!
Yes I, along with other moms I’m sure, would LOVE some practical, specific ideas for discipline for different aged children. Mine are 1 and 3, but ideas for all ages would be so incredibly helpful. Thank you for asking our questions!
I agree with an above post. I would love some insights into how to cope when my husband and I are on different pages. Throughout our marriage there have been times when my faith and relationship with God has grown significantly, and his has been stalled, leaving us very ‘unequally yoked’. Also, what is the right thing to do when you know strongly that God is calling your family in one direction and your husband isn’t interested in God’s direction at that time? (or as happened during one critical time in our lives, he knows what is the will of God, but says he doesn’t care and is going to do what he wants to do anyways!). How do I follow and obey God, but also respect and honor my husband during those times?
Thank you for all you do and your heart for families. I love to read your blogs when I need a little extra encouragement. May the Lord bless your ministry!
Hey Sally,
Loved your post on discipline, too. What encouragement! I would love to know more on discipline as what to do seems fuzzy some times.
Also, this is an area that really gets to me…meal time with small children. My situation is an extreme one, as I have a 3 year old little girl and 20 month old triplet boys. I want to have wonderful breakfasts, lunches, and dinners, but it seems they only eat about 3 different things (that honestly aren’t very healthy)! All 4 are so picky. There seems to be so much out there about eating healthy and organically…I know I can’t be the only one struggling with this!
Any advice for a mom who loves to cook/eat healthy/ try new foods, but has 4 children spitting things out, gagging, and throwing food?? Will we ever get to the place of a great family meal?! ha! (i know we will…right now seems like a very very very looooonnnngggg season of survival:-)) Would love some advice on how to lay some ground work for great family meal times – or maybe we are still in survival mode & ground work doesn’t need to be laid yet??.
Thanks for asking!
Yes! I agree! I also long for those great meal times. I have three children five and under and it seems like our mealtimes are often a struggle just to teach manners and keep things under control. I’m just starting to read your blog, so maybe you have addressed this elsewhere, but I long to disciple my kids the way you have. What did that look like in your home when your kids were very small?
My question is how often and for how long did you play with your children each day and did you ever encourage them to play on their own? My daughter loves pretend play and would play for hours with me if I would let her. I struggle with this first because I really don’t love pretend play and second because I’m currently a working mother, although soon to be a sahm, and don’t have a lot of time to play at all. Do you have any suggestions for how much time I should devote to playing with my daughter each day and how often I should encourage her to play on her own?
Life with teenagers! A discussion with you on that topic would be like a tall glass of cold water in the middle of the desert!
I don’t mean dealing with rebellious teenagers, I mean discussing the day to day struggles of how to parent during these years of needing to let go but yet still needing to ‘instruct’. It’s such a hard balance! I have two teenage boys, that are good boys and love the Lord, that we’ve homeschooled from the very beginning. It’s hard for me as their mom to know how to best minister to them, to know what to do with them in the arena of home-school, and how to encourage/instruct/disciple during this season of their lives.
Surely there are other mothers out there that struggle with the same thing but I find that the more I try to talk to women about it the less encouraged I am by their responses. Either they’ve reached this season and don’t feel like discussing because their ‘job’ is almost ‘done, or they have rebellious, hard-hearted children, and just can’t relate to what I’m talking about.
I’d LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, to hear your advice/encouragement on this at some point in the future if God should happen to direct you to it.
Thank you so very much for your wonderful blog. It is such a HUGE blessing!
I’m with you on this question. I feel surrounded by teens. They are wonderful and challenging and I’d love to read more on the subject. Thank you, Sally, for asking us what we’d like to hear about.
I didn’t read the other comments before I wrote mine. But this IS what I am asking, too. We just on the brink of having a home full of teenagers…(I have a 12, 11 & 9 year old & a five year old). The daily ins & outs — instruction, letting go, preparation for their life on their own! I am with you! I am not finding many resources that I find helpful.
I am with Christy,
I would like some encouragement in the area of marriage.
First, thank you so much for your encouragement. I think I need a weekly reminder of God’s grace in my parenting relationships; it’s so easy to fear “getting it wrong!” One of the things I appreciate so much about your blog is the consistency of your message. You share a variety of topics and experiences, but your essential message is an unbroken, golden road guding me forward…
Second, it seems like many of us would like specific, practical suggestions for discipline. I know I benfefit tremendously from personal anecdotes. Perhaps you can sprinkle some among your posts every now and then in a sort of “practical dispicline” series, examples from your own family that describe a particular situation including the kid’s age, the setting, factors contributing to their behavior and your own frame of mind and of course how you dealt with it.
Finally, please encourage your daughter to update her blog more regularly–I’m a fan!
Blessings,
Kristin
PS: Enjoy Biltmore! Our family visited it last summer and it was such a treat.
I am getting ready to head into the teenage years. My oldest is 12 1/2. How would you say your parenting changed in the different seasons — from toddler/preschooler — to school-age –to teenage years?. You have given great advice about studying each of your own children and I have taken that wisdom to heart. Were there some principles that you applied during this season? Did you ever wonder if you had sheltered your children too much? We have kept our children from much media & technology. But…as we head into this last stage of release, I sense the need to prepare them for the world they will be living in which holds media, technology, and the onslaught on many things. We have cultivated a love of learning and of service. We are in a church that stretches us in our boundaries as it reaches people we wouldn’t have a reason to come in contact with. So I do sense the Lord even preparing us through where He has called us to worship & fellowship in our local community. As a parent, what were the things you were really glad that you did? Or advice that you followed? What is something you would change if you could? Have you dealt with having a favorite child? Or children? Have you ever felt like the children could sense that & dealt with any sibling rivalry because of it?
Whew! That may have been more than you were asking for. But maybe not. Thanks for asking. Have a wonderful day.
Thanks for asking!
One thing that is particularly hard right now is to see perhaps some of the fruit of too much harsh disicpline I gave to my son and now that he is older I wonder how can that be undone or a closer relationship restored, it seems I’ve had my chance and messed it up.
Oh, how I’d love to be a mom of just toddlers again, but I can’t start again, that is what is particularly frustrating right now, as I agree with your articles, but sadly read the ‘wrong’ articles as a young mom, but now I can’t turn back time and re-do those years. It seems great for those dear ladies who’ve only got babies to get such good advice from yourself and I do hope they heed it (and I’m a little envious at the clean slate they’ve got!), but for those of us who have older children, it can seem a little hopeless.
Susan
I would definitely appreciate suggestions and specific ideas for discipling children. I have two young daughters, one is 3 1/2 and one is 1 1/2 years old. My oldest is a strong willed child or how you, Sally, call it, an out of the box child and I find myself struggeling with discipling her the right way. I am working on showing her more grace and patience but I am not sure how to handle defiance. I don’t want to break her spirit and spanking never feels right to me. How did you handle defiance with Nathan?
Another area I would appreciate some advice is how do I as a wife bring my husband to accept the Lord as his Savior without nagging and getting on his nerves about it? My husband believes in God but he hasn’t been saved yet, which seems to turn into an area of struggle for me lately.
Sally,
I’m praying you have a beautiful, restful time with Sarah, enjoying God’s beauty. Be filled with peace, joy and thankfulness. You are such an encouragement to me. Thank you.
Thanks for asking for our input, Sally! What a blessing your wisdom is to mothers! I am seeking guidance on how to tame my tongue and my temper. I know, intellectually, how to discipline effectively and lead my children’s hearts to the Lord, but I struggle with understanding how much effort and time it really takes. I do not want to yell at all, but I have yet to find ways to prevent my outbursts. Your ideas are sure to be beautiful! Thank you!
I would love some practical ideas on discipline for young children. I have a strong-willed 2-year old son with a baby girl due in 7 weeks. We are struggling with 1) coming when called/staying close in public, 2) pushing other kids, 3) protesting/stalling during transitions–clothing/diaper changes, getting in/out of car, etc. and 4) expressing anger (throwing toys, pulling mommy’s hair, etc). I think so many books are not specific enough with YOUNG toddler behavior. Help!
I also am somewhat struggling with spanking and when to use it. My husband grew up being spanked ( in a Godly way) but it is harder for me and I struggle to feel at peace with it. What do you do when spouses have different views on this subject? I want to honor my husband’s leadership of our home.
Thanks!
I relate to Christy and Valeska about our husband’s participation in our efforts. It is not easy when it seems we are not exactly at the same pace. I had resort myself into praying in my heart and mind at all times to have the right approach with him.
I am in constant prayer about his interaction with the kids and that I had the right words when highlighting “Love, please…I think that video, game or movie is too violent, it is not appropriate… careful with your language in front of the kids”, and so on. I think it works wonders.
And, I had to admit that God had used him to show the right path to follow in so many circumstances and ways. One of the best examples had been the call to home-school our children from the very beginning. That came totally from my husband.
What I did not know, was that I had to do the same in my interaction with the children. I am not the same person I used to be when my almost now five years old was born.
He had show to be a very mature, intelligent and sweet guy since being a baby, but then there was something like a contradiction on his behavior, a resistance started to emerge. Something was not working, it was me. I was the one who was failing on him.
Because he was getting “older” I stopped gestures of affection afraid of being too soft with him. In the other hand I was assuming that he was “too young” to understand the Word or to pray with him. It was so wrong, totally non-sense.
I was getting to that point because I was being influenced by many distractions in my mind and my heart. I was getting in trouble and I was pulling the whole family because of the lack of prayer and lack of a goal for us as a family with God as our center.
My son was craving for a gentle approach, the Word of the Lord, tons and tons of hugs and kisses. I came to understand I had to show him that I am here to serve him, to listen to him, and that he can trust mama no matter what the situation.
That I learned from you Sally, and I am forever thankful.
I would love some of your favorite family traditions discussed.
May I add, I am very interested in the book Heartfelt Discipline that sortacrunchy mentioned. But I noticed Amazon has if for $167.38 Ouch!
I wonder if you going to have it available for the Kindle too!
I love the Kindle option, althought I have Seasons, Mission and Our 24 Ways on paperback.
This is the exact kind of post I referred to last week on growing4. Thanks for doing it here too! So helpful!
Do you think homeschooling is the only good way to educate? The best for all moms? So many seem guilted into it. And there are those who want to but can’t due to spousal support or work.
Biblically, Titus 2 seems to be older women (no children still at home) giving extra hands and wisdom to younger, but not necessarily teaching scripture. That’s certainly not what most womens ministries encourage. Your thoughts on investments outside your home when you still have children in your home?
Sally I am thrilled that you are beginning to speak out about some of the legalism that is being touted as Christian discipleship. I would love it if you would address the whole issue of women. Are we simply created to serve men? Is our husband in authority over us….it seems to me that is just part of the curse! Some of Pauls writings really cause me to struggle and it is only the person of Christ as he is portrayed in scripture that keeps me from falling away. Groups like Vision Forum seem to be selling ideas that to me seem unbiblical yet because of their clever marketing and the wrapping of supposed godliness seem to be infiltrating the Christian world to a worrisome degree. I attended the Dallas Mom Heart conference and you were a breath of fresh air!!! I would love it if you would write about some of these things.
As some other ladies commented, I would like to hear your opinions on spanking. I have a 2 year old who is very defiant with me. I loved your article on first time obedience and have seen how sometimes when I am gentle, firm and patient with him he will say he is sorry and I see his heart soften. However, many times I try that approach and he is still emphatically shouting “NO” and throwing food or objects. I often spank at this point, but don’t always see that softening of the heart. I do wonder if I just need to be diligent and it will sink in. He is very well behaved in his class at church and while I work part time and is reported to obey immediately and accept discipline well. He also displays compassion and helpfulness towards others, but I do not see these things at home. Why does he give me such a hard time??
Ooooo, I want to hear about this too. I agree spanking works but should I use it less as it seems to harden her heart not soften it.
Sally,
My friend and I have talked with each other many times about our desire for someone (preferably you if possible) to talk about what to do practically if the wife has a heart’s desire to love her children, to show them grace, to discipline them gently, and to treat them as real people with real feelings that God has created for His glory, but the husband is harsh and expects the children to act like “little adults” and obey the first time no matter what?
There is no grace in our homes when daddy is home. Also, our husbands feel as though we are the ones that are wrong. My husband says that I “let the kids run wild” if I allow them to make noise in the house or play with their cars on the wooden floor, or laugh and wrestle with each other…dinner time is a solemn event of “no talking or joking, just eat your food” and many rules. I do not look forward to family dinner or devotions at all!
Although it is refreshing and encouraging to hear you speak every month, I am getting depressed with my situation as I try so hard to have “Sally moments” as my friend and I call them only to have our joy shattered when daddy comes home. Though I keep thinking that is is better to have it shattered than to never have it at all
But honestly, what DO you do when your husband doesn’t agree on what is the Biblical way to raise your children and is so harsh with everyone?
Thank you so much for the constant encouragement. I love your family traditions, as a first generation christian I have to forge ahead sometimes groping through cloudy patches (God is always a very present help in time of need through those things!!) and your books have been a God-sent in practical application and encouragement. What do you think is the most important part of parenting / leading / loving that leads little ones truly to the reality of Christ?
I LOVED your post about discipline….best thing I’ve read about the topic in a long time! My question is this: I have three children, ages 4-9, and in principle I totally understand and desire to go by the idea that the “heart issue” is what needs to be dealt with in discipline. My problem is practically knowing how this would be carried out, for example in a situation of disobedience that is clearly rebellion. What do you do???? I don’t ever want to just make my kids ACT a certain way, but that is definitely what comes most naturally to me.
As a mother of older children who constantly worries over the ways I feel I failed them, this was an encouraging post.
My questions center around guiding teens into adult-hood.
I would love to hear your thoughts on parenting boys. Did you find you neded a different approach? Did you discover any “keys” to reaching their hearts that were different to girls? (apart from chocolate chip cookies!). One of my sons is a bit if a mystery to me as he doesn’t express his heart with words and I’m not convinced that I am “reaching” his heart , if that makes sense. I would so appreciate your thoughts.
Thank you so much for giving your time to other Mamas around the world.
Other than the “what if you and DH are on different pages” question many people have asked, I would love to know more about how you balance ministry and motherhood (and especially, how you did it when you were overseas, and when you had babies/toddlers). I’m reading Mission of Motherhood and it’s helping me see that raising my daughter IS a ministry, but I’ve been in full or part-time ministry for 7 years and this is my first year as a Mama; I just have a hard time knowing when it’s okay to “just” stay at home being Mama and when God’s greatest desire is for to be out and about, spreading His name and living His love in front of others… does that make sense?
Your articles are such an inspiration to me! I can think of 2 topics that are different than the ones the ladies have already suggested.
Thank you.
1. How did homeschooling look in your home on a daily basis when your children were say between the ages of 9 and 15? I mean a “typical” day/week/year plan.
2. I have three children who have already graduated high school, a 15 yo, 12 yo, 9 yo, 4 yo and 2 yo. I am 44 and I find something within me is wanting to switch over into a quiet, thoughtful, introverted mode (mid-life?). I am having such a very hard time making myself plan and do fun homeschooling with my little ones. We just do it to get done. This is not how I want their education to be. I want them to have joy and delight in their learning, passion and creativity – but I just can’t muster any of that up! I know you weren’t exactly in this situation, but I know you would have good advice anyway
Sally,
Thank you for providing us the opportunity to ask you questions! I so appreciate your desire to be helpful and generous with your wisdom and experience. Like a lot of the women who’ve already posted, I would really like guidance in specific and practical ways (“How do I respond when x happens?” “What do I do in situation y?” “How much z do I need to do?” etc.). But I also recognize in myself a temptation toward legalism when asking such questions. I want a list of do’s and dont’s that I can fulfill and know I’m not messing things up! But as you’ve mentioned elsewhere, that’s not the attitude God wants us to have. Even so, that seems to be my “mental default”, the direction my thoughts tend towards so often. How do I change that? Practical advice would be helpful, I think, but I guess I also need direction with principles and heart motivation. Perhaps something along the lines of your Family Ways, coupled with examples and discussion on how to apply them in day-to-day living?
Thank you again for wanting to hear from us!
I want to reiterate the husband thing. I can’t echo enough the words I have seen here. Peronally I feel like I can be a great wife (by the grace fo God of course) or a great Mom, but I find it mission impossible to do both. It is hard for two people to be on the same page about things, and raising kids is the hardest work I have ever done and its ten times harder when your spouse is not helping, is making things harder by not supporting, or is not on the same page as you are. PLEASE help us learn how to co-parent, I guess that is what it comes down to.
I’m with the others…practical advise on how to teach young children to obey, listen to parents, treat others kindly, be grateful, etc. I have 3 out-of-the-box children whom I adore. My oldest is strong-willed and free-spirited and I love her passion and love of life. I wouldn’t break her will or her heart for anything. So how do I direct that strong-spirit toward good things? What do I do when we clash? When I need her to obey and she won’t? I’m done with the legalistic methods that say to spank the evil out of your kid, break their spirits, and prove you are their ultimate authority. I want friends, not blind followers who obey because I’ll whack ‘em if they don’t.
I’m late to the game and haven’t read through the comments to see if this was addressed. I would love your advice on how to start the homeschool journey. Where do I begin? What age is a good age to start formal learning? What about the different styles of homeschooling (Charlotte Mason, classical, etc.)? What practical advice do you have for beginners about daily schedule and routines? You get my drift!
Blessings!
We just started homeschooling this year! I read “Educating the Whole-Hearted Child” by the Clarksons. IT was very helpful! All of Sally’s books are AMAZING!!!
Oh my goodness, I just have to say that you ladies all have wonderful questions and I can’t wait for Sally’s wisdom on all these topics. What a blessing to have the Internet and blogs.
My almost three-year-old daughter hardly ever sleeps during nap time anymore. I still put her in her room and tell her to sleep, but I hear her sneakily playing instead. I don’t want to come in and out of there disciplining and instructing the whole time – during what is supposed to be a break for both of us. But I also don’t want to let her “get away with” disobedience “in secret”. I don’t want giving in to the temptation to sin (disobey) to grow in her heart during these times when she knows she is disobeying and I stay out of there and therefore “let” it happen. I don’t want to move completely away from the goal of nap time and into rest time instead where she *never* sleeps though either. So I need a new solution – where my biggest goal is for her to have time in her room and be quiet. A true quiet break for her, me, & our baby also. Do you have any ideas? Thanks!
I’m a young mama with 3 year old and 8 mo old. Right now the two popular “camps” on parenting are soooo opposite. Attachment parenting (hippieish) or Babywise (sometimes seen as conservative 1950′s Xian). I find myself going back and forth feeling double minded. My “instincts” say “swoop them up and snuggle them, empathize and love, gracious and hopeful and gentle”. But I see sin nature in them (which I HATE that they have that….why do we all? I want heaven and my beautiful girls running in fields of flowers with their pigtails bouncing).. and I want to/need to be faithful to train them. When I look at the NT and God’s grace I can see the more unconditional love way (although he was hard on the Pharisees) and when I look at Prov’s I see hard core discipline. Am I to treat them like Xian’s (although they are too young to have chosen that way or not) or as non-Xians? Love them and hope they see Jesus salvation or hold them to adult Xian standards….
So I feel torn..are my “instincts” to protect and snuggle and give benefit of the doubt – my natural man peeking out and I need to discipline myself and allow them to be in God’s hands and allow them to feel the separateness of me and them? Sometimes I feel almost “co-dependent” to too absorbed with them, but I hate the feeling of being apart or against them, viewing them as a problem to be fixed to a sinner to be corrected. Ugh. I’d love to hear encouragement and truth (not what my itching ears want to hear) real life giving HOPEFUL truth.
Sally – Could you discuss how to deal with young teens as they go through changes when hormones rage and moods swing. This is a delicate area in our home. Our 3rd teen seems to be struggling in areas the others sailed through. We have a wonderful relationship and he is a sweet loving boy, but is acting all weird about being with me in front of his friends. He will helpful and loving one day then a bear to everyone the next. He doesn’t seem concerned by this. Also, I know we have to begin to let him stretch his wings and make some decisions on his own. This has led to his desire to listen to secular music from the past – old rock n roll. With so much great Christian music available I just don’t understand his desire. It is ungodly and I want to “control” it. Yet, in todays world with so much technology that is difficult. Should he be disciplined when he chooses to listen to music that is not allowed in our home? What to do when his heart is not where it should be.
I, too, am really, really interested in an example of what a day in the life of your homeschooling looked like. Thank you so much. Sunshine
Sally,
So glad i found your blog! And have “reconnected” with you i had the 24 family ways …way back in the early 90′s when i had a houseful of 6 children…but my life took a downward spiral and many things that were precious were lost… My question is how do i try to instruct/encourage my (only 2 remaining in the home children ) older teens (17 & 15) i had your book Mission of Motherhood years and years ago but have only today finished it. I lost sight of my mission … had a divorce and lots of changes/hurts to deal with … some things were let go that i now would like to reclaim …. and i fear are lost/broken beyond repair …but i don’t know how…. since so many crucial patterns/habits were not established when they were younger.
i so appreciate your ministry, your blog and your books…. when is the new whole-hearted child gonna be out? Thank you for sharing your life and your heart with us! God is using you to encourage & instruct many!!