Will I Ever Change?

The sheets feel so soft and the blanket curled up to my neck
keeps me burrowed even after I hear my little ones wake. Their footsteps on the
wood floor make their way to the family room; they’re going to watch cartoons.
I don’t’ want them to start the day watching TV, but did I mention how warm I
was under my ball of blankets? 7:30, I should get up and make breakfast. Instead
I tell the kids to pop in some waffles and eat them plain downstairs while
they’re watching TV. I’m tired, and I don’t want to do the work to meet my
ideals today. Tomorrow I’ll try again.

Tomorrow, or maybe next week, I’ll plan on getting it
together.

I’ll get up earlier, plan healthy snacks, and play dates,
and time for myself to read. I’ll have a cleaning schedule, wine dinners with
friends, and folded smell-good clothes put away fresh from the wash. I will
teach my children well, being consistent in patience and training. I’ll love my
husband and be really good to him. I’ll do better, soon. I’ll be the woman I
really want to be.

But the me in me
carries on. Bleeding out and becoming someone new isn’t an option. Lives roll
over like waves, and I’m rolling, rolling, rolling. I will always have my DNA,
my weaknesses, by strengths, my bents. I am a zebra, and these are my stripes.

Part of the me today is the me of yesterday.

And yet…

There is hope. There is always hope because the me in me is
covered by Him. He’s literally, got
me covered. His beauty under my fallen skin, it’s stretching through me and
changing me and I will be unselfish with His help, with His strength, with Holy
Spirit in me power.

With Holy Spirit power I get up before my babies and I roll
out dough and cut cookies and I sprinkle color into icing. Christmas music
plays, plates are laid on the table, and little ones awake to something better
than T.V.

There He is, sneaking up on me, in me.

I’m still a zebra, but today I’m wearing His stripes.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

1 Corinthians 5:17

By Sarah Mae, SarahMae.com

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