Becoming A Wise Woman With Wise Words

“Gentle words are a tree of life;

a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”

“Mama, do you still love me when I make such stupid mistakes?” My sweet one, many years ago,  was curled up on the couch in an almost fetal position, regretting something she has done and condemning herself over and over again for not refraining from the foolish behavior.

“I love you if you had made 10,000 mistakes. I love you because you are mine. I love you even for the mistakes you will make the rest of your life. You are so precious to me, I can hardly refrain from kissing your sweet head a million times right now.”

A tiny smile curled her lips. I stroked her hair and told her that God’s love became more precious to me each day, because the older I got, the more I sinned, even when I wish I could be good, and the more it made me love Him for His gracious love.

A wise mama give words of life–practices planting seeds of love through the words she aims at the hearts of her children.

Our mother’s mothers said it to them, our mothers told us, and we tell our children:

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
While we have heard and said this many times, it is not only true, but biblical.

“Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”
-Proverbs 13:3

Excusing our offensive, unsolicited opinions with comments like “no offense” is still offensive, friends. Our culture has made it quite easy and comfortable for us to hide behind computer screens, iPhones, and iPads, offering out our every thought on blogs and social media with no immediate consequences and no tear-filled eyes staring back at us. What a different world we would live in if instead of viewing every thought that runs through our minds as something we are entitled to share, we took every thought captive out of obedience to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Are your words building the kingdom of God, being used as a tool and source of encouragement, and making someone’s day? Or are your words causing pain, destruction, and breaking someone’s day? Often times, people say “the truth hurts.” As women in today’s culture, we do have the power and influence to hurt others with our words. However, wise, godly women use their words to bless, to teach truth, to instruct, to encourage, to love, to support, and to nourish the broken.

An amazing tool that we have with the tongue is to speak truth that doesn’t hurt. Truth that brings light, joy, and inspiration to those around us. In order for us to be able to teach our children the importance of the impact of our words, we must walk it out ourselves. One of the ways that we allow our frustrations, disappointments, and insecurities to manifest is through negative, cutting words. Through our gossip and breaking others down, we build this unhealthy habit that becomes a cycle. When we make someone else feel small, it makes us feel big for a moment. We live in a generation where gossip, rumors, and lie-filled tabloids are considered normal. Even worse-gossiping & cutting others down has turned into a “bonding experience” for many women. Proverbs 15:2 tells us: “The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness.”

We must teach our children that gossip is unacceptable, but before they will accept this value, you must ask yourself:How are you speaking to your children? What words are used in your home? It starts with you.

Proverbs 31 says, “When she speaks, she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.”

I encourage you to have Christlike, blessed conversation this week in your home, and outside your home. Remember that when you speak from a kind, gentle heart, your message is far more likely to be well received and accepted than when you speak out of anger and coldness.

Feel free to share the memory verse below:


To take your study further today, complete the application below in your journal.
How do you speak to your children? With a gentle voice?
Do you look them in the eye and honor them with your attention?
Do you seek to give life when you speak your words?
Do you seek to pass on the beauty and love of God with the ways you speak to your husband, children, friends?

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  1. Jen says

    I will take your advice and say something nice: You did a great job at the Irvine Momheart conference, and I am still thinking over your inspirational words. I have an improved path for my feet to walk on in my daily life with my children. And I hope that you have a chance to rest before the Texas conference, what a lot of energy it must take to host them!

  2. Candice Cm says

    Excellent words to keep in mind as I begin a temporary job tomorrow working alongside five other women. Thank you for the kindly reminder to take every thought captive and to speak words of life or keep my mouth shut.Grace and peace to you.I enjoy your posts.

  3. says

    Ahhh, Ms.Sally, I just finished my time of prayer on this very topic as I had to repent for some “dark” sins in my heart that came out through words to my family last night. I am praying His Light, which the darkness cannot overcome, will take over every crevice in me! These words were just confirmation that our Father has been with me, loving me, and ministering to me over this issue. “Great is love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called sons and daughters of God!”

  4. Phyllis Given says

    I would love to order 5 of Rachel’s book, Identity Girls for young ladies in our church. I don’t have a PayPal account and looked on AMazon for it but still nothing but kindle edition. Is there another way that I might purchase this book. Thanks, and I am about your age with grown children and truly enjoy your blog.


  5. says

    The power of life and death is in the tongue.

    Thank you Miss Sally for refreshing my memory with this wonderful post. This is the second post I have read today taking about the power of the tongue. So I do believe God is speaking to me and I need to listen.

    Peace to you.

  6. Michelle Clinton says

    I think what spoke most to my heart in this post was the part about knowing how much God has forgiven you and loving Him more because of it. I forget how much I’m forgiven. Maybe I have trouble believing deep in my heart that I am forgiven. In rare moments when I feel that deep cleansing forgiveness from my Father, I want to lavish others with His grace.

    Thank you for this reminder and model for gentleness with our sweet ones.

  7. says

    The tongue has been one of my downfalls most of my life. I struggle with saying too much, not keeping boundaries that I should and feeling like a mess in the end about it all.

    I pray God will cleanse me of this issue, as it seems to always rear its ugly head with me.

    I pray my heart will be centered and right with God, able to walk un-distracted from things in my life.

    I have already deleted my Facebook account and I am so glad I did! That was a major time sucker and it didn’t do me any good on me keeping my tongue.

    Sigh… I’ll look forward to tomorrow morning, as God’s mercy will be new :)

  8. Karen MacKenzie says

    Thank you as usual Sally for your encouraging and uplifting words. I am so thankful for all that you
    write. It has been such an encouragement and also convicting as I strive to be a wise woman and
    enjoy my life at home with my children!

  9. Dena Vieira says

    This post was pure gold. Absolutely inspired. Yes. I’m gushing. Thank you so much for your wise words. I am going to WILL myself to speak kind words to my children today to build them up. What a happy house yours must be.

  10. Betsy says

    I appreciated this, Sally. Recently, before a conversation where I was tempted speak hurtful words, God told me expressly: “Do not unload all your junk on your friend.” Taking the time to think and pray before the conversation saved me from saying things I would have regretted. Also, while studying James, I stumbled on James 5:9 and am surprised at how little this commandment is obeyed by believers: “Do not speak against another believer.” Thoughts?

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